Abandoning teenaged kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend got divorced 2 years ago her kids are teenagers. All have chosen to live with their father because he lets them drink alcohol and has no rules. She hasn’t seen her children in over a year. I wouldn’t blame her 1 bit for leaving. Her kids abandoned her.

Yes. As the OP described her, I don't see a selfish woman who abandoned her children. I see a heartbroken mother trying to get over her pain by starting an entirely new life.

+1

DH may be a manipulative A-hole (cap.) and this woman is just trying to get through what he did to her, on day at a time. You sur are a shitstirrer, OP. May this come back and bite you, ten fold. You truly do NOT know someone until you live with them.

OP here. Not a sh*t stirrer at all. I just happened to meet a woman from the DC area who told me almost right away and very matter of factly that her two kids in high school wanted to live with their father so she agreed and packed up and moved to Central America with no definite plan when to see her kids again. She didn't have a bad word to say about the ex so I find it pretty interesting that so many posters are so quick to pin her decision on him. She didn't get divorced yesterday -- she gave up the kids yesterday. And she's not exactly hiding this her situation or is in witness protection -- she told me, a perfect stranger, what she's doing here (she's renting a very nice apartment), where she's from in the DC area, even where her kids go to high school -- so I'm not "outing" her either.

I remain convinced that posters are giving her a pass because she's a woman. [b]

No, but it may seem that way to you because we're so put off by your bizzare behavior. Who spends their vacation running to an anonymous forum to gossip about a stranger like this??

A miserable old hag, that's who.

OP, what makes you think you know the entire story, at all? Maybe she realized she already said too much to the wrong person, and is withholding further details deliberately. Friendly people aren't stupid, but you are from the D.C. area, so you think they are. She is smart enough not to tell you the whole story, and for good reason, as you have proved.

You don't get to tell her story, because you are not her, and you have not been through what she has been through. Do you think she enjoys having given up the children she birthed? I know men who look perfect on the outside like what D.C. area women would consider "a good catch" - but you know what? They are miserable, abusive narcissists with mommy issues behind closed doors, and they refuse to get help - probably much like you.

You need to grow up and shut your big mouth. You sound like you are getting some kind of sick joy out of this, you sound seriously sick in the head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A million dads do this all of the time. Nobody posts about that. Double standards.

Actually I know of two families where the mom did this when the kids were elementary aged. In one case there are three kids with dad and mom moved to another state, and the other the mom moved to another state and let the elementary aged kids choose which parent they wanted to stay with. The son chose to go with mom and the daughter chose to stay with dad. The kids rarely get to see the parent they didn't choose to live with.

The dad probably did a hell of a job brainwashing those poor kids against their own mother. If you have ever worked as/for a divorce lawyer, you see all kinds of issues. No one knows the entire story, just one side. Always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I'm on vacation in a beach town in Central America and one of the bartenders tells me there's a new local in town who's from Maryland and introduces me. We politely chat. The woman soon tells me tells me she's from Bethesda, is divorced, and has a 14 and 16 year old. She then says that she had custody but that her kids recently insisted on moving in with their father. She said she thought for sure it would "blow over," but when it didn't she simply packed up a few months ago and moved to Central America to "start a new life."

How f'd up is that?

I don’t get it. Why is it f-ed up?

It's screwed up because she is the mother of minor children and has opted to move to another country where she will have no parental responsibility whatsoever. If something happens and her kids need help she will not be there for them. She has basically abdicated her responsibility as a parent and has run off to do her own thing.

When you are the parent of a minor child you simply do not have the luxury of running off to another country to do your own thing. Part of being a grown up means being responsible for the children that you brought into this world. Sending them off to live with dad while you leave the country and live the good life is irresponsible. It just is. And, yes, I do judge people who abdicate their responsibility to their minor children.

But kids with their dad right? Dad here... I must be missing something. She wants to live her life and kids are with their dad. Appears everyone involved is okay with the arrangement. Exactly what is the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend got divorced 2 years ago her kids are teenagers. All have chosen to live with their father because he lets them drink alcohol and has no rules. She hasn’t seen her children in over a year. I wouldn’t blame her 1 bit for leaving. Her kids abandoned her.

Yes. As the OP described her, I don't see a selfish woman who abandoned her children. I see a heartbroken mother trying to get over her pain by starting an entirely new life.

+1

DH may be a manipulative A-hole (cap.) and this woman is just trying to get through what he did to her, on day at a time. You sur are a shitstirrer, OP. May this come back and bite you, ten fold. You truly do NOT know someone until you live with them.

OP here. Not a sh*t stirrer at all. I just happened to meet a woman from the DC area who told me almost right away and very matter of factly that her two kids in high school wanted to live with their father so she agreed and packed up and moved to Central America with no definite plan when to see her kids again. She didn't have a bad word to say about the ex so I find it pretty interesting that so many posters are so quick to pin her decision on him. She didn't get divorced yesterday -- she gave up the kids yesterday. And she's not exactly hiding this her situation or is in witness protection -- she told me, a perfect stranger, what she's doing here (she's renting a very nice apartment), where she's from in the DC area, even where her kids go to high school -- so I'm not "outing" her either.

I remain convinced that posters are giving her a pass because she's a woman.

No, but it may seem that way to you because we're so put off by your bizzare behavior. Who spends their vacation running to an anonymous forum to gossip about a stranger like this??

A miserable old hag, that's who.

OP, what makes you think you know the entire story, at all? [b]Maybe she realized she already said too much to the wrong person, and is withholding further details deliberately. Friendly people aren't stupid, but you are from the D.C. area, so you think they are. She is smart enough not to tell you the whole story, and for good reason, as you have proved.

You don't get to tell her story, because you are not her, and you have not been through what she has been through. Do you think she enjoys having given up the children she birthed? I know men who look perfect on the outside like what D.C. area women would consider "a good catch" - but you know what? They are miserable, abusive narcissists with mommy issues behind closed doors, and they refuse to get help - probably much like you.

You need to grow up and shut your big mouth. You sound like you are getting some kind of sick joy out of this, you sound seriously sick in the head.

I hate to break it to you, but you've gotten the dynamic completely wrong. I had no interest in talking with her at all, even before knowing her story, and only engaged with her because the bartender (who I know from previous visits) insisted on introducing her to me from across the because he knew I was from the same area in the states. I politely engaged ("oh yea, what a coincidence?" "how's your Spanish?" "how did you end up moving here of all places?") at which point she quite freely and happily told me her story. She was so glib about it that it left me a little speechless, and at that point I really didn't want to know more -- I deliberately turned my attention back to the friendly bartender and that was that. Whatever minimal interest I had in engaging with her went right out the door.

Yes, it's true that there also are men here who have done similar things. I've met them. But I honestly haven't met any who've told me what she did right after meeting and who weren't at least a little sheepish about it.

[Anonymous]

OP / PP here. To be clear, I would have cut off the conversation at the very same point if the woman were a man. Or if a North American woman or man was obviously with a local sex worker. I have no time for any of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP / PP here. To be clear, I would have cut off the conversation at the very same point if the woman were a man. Or if a North American woman or man was obviously with a local sex worker. I have no time for any of it.

Right because you are too busy doing the same thing. Where were your kids OP? At the bar with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I'm on vacation in a beach town in Central America and one of the bartenders tells me there's a new local in town who's from Maryland and introduces me. We politely chat. The woman soon tells me tells me she's from Bethesda, is divorced, and has a 14 and 16 year old. She then says that she had custody but that her kids recently insisted on moving in with their father. She said she thought for sure it would "blow over," but when it didn't she simply packed up a few months ago and moved to Central America to "start a new life."

How f'd up is that?

I don’t get it. Why is it f-ed up?

It's screwed up because she is the mother of minor children and has opted to move to another country where she will have no parental responsibility whatsoever. If something happens and her kids need help she will not be there for them. She has basically abdicated her responsibility as a parent and has run off to do her own thing.

When you are the parent of a minor child you simply do not have the luxury of running off to another country to do your own thing. Part of being a grown up means being responsible for the children that you brought into this world. Sending them off to live with dad while you leave the country and live the good life is irresponsible. It just is. And, yes, I do judge people who abdicate their responsibility to their minor children.

But kids with their dad right? Dad here... I must be missing something. She wants to live her life and kids are with their dad. Appears everyone involved is okay with the arrangement. Exactly what is the issue?

She is their mother. Unless she has been banned from seeing her kids for some reason, she should be in their lives. Their well being is her responsibility, too.

You can't just dump them off on the other parent and take off. What if something happens to their father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP / PP here. To be clear, I would have cut off the conversation at the very same point if the woman were a man. Or if a North American woman or man was obviously with a local sex worker. I have no time for any of it.

Right because you are too busy doing the same thing. Where were your kids OP? At the bar with you?

Op was on *vacation* she wasn't running away from her minor children and relocating to Central America. She was at a bar while she was on vacation - no need to explain a damn thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend got divorced 2 years ago her kids are teenagers. All have chosen to live with their father because he lets them drink alcohol and has no rules. She hasn’t seen her children in over a year. I wouldn’t blame her 1 bit for leaving. Her kids abandoned her.

Yes. As the OP described her, I don't see a selfish woman who abandoned her children. I see a heartbroken mother trying to get over her pain by starting an entirely new life.

+1

DH may be a manipulative A-hole (cap.) and this woman is just trying to get through what he did to her, on day at a time. You sur are a shitstirrer, OP. May this come back and bite you, ten fold. You truly do NOT know someone until you live with them.

OP here. Not a sh*t stirrer at all. I just happened to meet a woman from the DC area who told me almost right away and very matter of factly that her two kids in high school wanted to live with their father so she agreed and packed up and moved to Central America with no definite plan when to see her kids again. She didn't have a bad word to say about the ex so I find it pretty interesting that so many posters are so quick to pin her decision on him. She didn't get divorced yesterday -- she gave up the kids yesterday. And she's not exactly hiding this her situation or is in witness protection -- she told me, a perfect stranger, what she's doing here (she's renting a very nice apartment), where she's from in the DC area, even where her kids go to high school -- so I'm not "outing" her either.

I remain convinced that posters are giving her a pass because she's a woman. [b]

No, but it may seem that way to you because we're so put off by your bizzare behavior. Who spends their vacation running to an anonymous forum to gossip about a stranger like this??

A miserable old hag, that's who.

OP, what makes you think you know the entire story, at all? Maybe she realized she already said too much to the wrong person, and is withholding further details deliberately. Friendly people aren't stupid, but you are from the D.C. area, so you think they are. She is smart enough not to tell you the whole story, and for good reason, as you have proved.

You don't get to tell her story, because you are not her, and you have not been through what she has been through. Do you think she enjoys having given up the children she birthed? I know men who look perfect on the outside like what D.C. area women would consider "a good catch" - but you know what? They are miserable, abusive narcissists with mommy issues behind closed doors, and they refuse to get help - probably much like you.

You need to grow up and shut your big mouth. You sound like you are getting some kind of sick joy out of this, you sound seriously sick in the head.

Maybe the woman was drunk and said too much. And that is somehow Op's fault? Maybe don't unload your life story on someone that you do not know and then expect them to keep your ramblings top secret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend got divorced 2 years ago her kids are teenagers. All have chosen to live with their father because he lets them drink alcohol and has no rules. She hasn’t seen her children in over a year. I wouldn’t blame her 1 bit for leaving. Her kids abandoned her.

Yes. As the OP described her, I don't see a selfish woman who abandoned her children. I see a heartbroken mother trying to get over her pain by starting an entirely new life.

+1

DH may be a manipulative A-hole (cap.) and this woman is just trying to get through what he did to her, on day at a time. You sur are a shitstirrer, OP. May this come back and bite you, ten fold. You truly do NOT know someone until you live with them.

OP here. Not a sh*t stirrer at all. I just happened to meet a woman from the DC area who told me almost right away and very matter of factly that her two kids in high school wanted to live with their father so she agreed and packed up and moved to Central America with no definite plan when to see her kids again. She didn't have a bad word to say about the ex so I find it pretty interesting that so many posters are so quick to pin her decision on him. She didn't get divorced yesterday -- she gave up the kids yesterday. And she's not exactly hiding this her situation or is in witness protection -- she told me, a perfect stranger, what she's doing here (she's renting a very nice apartment), where she's from in the DC area, even where her kids go to high school -- so I'm not "outing" her either.

I remain convinced that posters are giving her a pass because she's a woman. [b]

No, but it may seem that way to you because we're so put off by your bizzare behavior. Who spends their vacation running to an anonymous forum to gossip about a stranger like this??

Yes, this. The stranger OP is gossiping about may be completely evil, a victim, something in between, or something else entirely. No matter the situation, it’s beyond bizarre and judgmental for OP to take to DCUM to trash this woman, and I’d feel exactly the same if the OP were gossiping about a man she’d just encountered. The only thing that we can all safely assume is that OP is a complete loser.

[Anonymous]

eh, that woman clearly is fine with her own actions to the point where she's blabbing about her life choices to anyone who will listen. This is a woman who ran off to Central America and left her teenage kids behind. I doubt that she GAF what Op or anyone else thinks about. She's the honey badger of mothers.

[Anonymous]

Listen. A friend of mine went through the ringer with her ex, who was emotionally manipulating their child for YEARS. Her kid is 16, and after years of providing a loving, stable-as-possible home, getting the whole family therapy, and jumping though a billion hoops with this abusive f***er, she finally gave her ex custody when her kid expressed wanting to die if they didn't get to go live with their dad.

She loves that child with all her heart and is just done.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think the woman just fed OP a story because she looked like a judgmental b who needed something to gossip about.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was a totally different type thread. Tonight when we went out to dinner and my teen yelled at me at the table so lost her phone. While checking her phone I saw she was posting complaining snaps in Snapchat about me—mmmm longggg trio to South America sounds good. Also noticed many kids post bad things about their parents. No boundaries on these kids. One girl was complaining that her mom drinks too much and since I know the mom and she is not a big drinker, I have come to the conclusion that kids are brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was a totally different type thread. Tonight when we went out to dinner and my teen yelled at me at the table so lost her phone. While checking her phone I saw she was posting complaining snaps in Snapchat about me—mmmm longggg trio to South America sounds good. Also noticed many kids post bad things about their parents. No boundaries on these kids. One girl was complaining that her mom drinks too much and since I know the mom and she is not a big drinker, I have come to the conclusion that kids are brats.

ha ha so true. A thread with this title would be very different on the teens and tweens board!