Abandoning teenaged kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend got divorced 2 years ago her kids are teenagers. All have chosen to live with their father because he lets them drink alcohol and has no rules. She hasn’t seen her children in over a year. I wouldn’t blame her 1 bit for leaving. Her kids abandoned her.

Yes. As the OP described her, I don't see a selfish woman who abandoned her children. I see a heartbroken mother trying to get over her pain by starting an entirely new life.

+1

DH may be a manipulative A-hole (cap.) and this woman is just trying to get through what he did to her, on day at a time. You sur are a shitstirrer, OP. May this come back and bite you, ten fold. You truly do NOT know someone until you live with them.

OP here. Not a sh*t stirrer at all. I just happened to meet a woman from the DC area who told me almost right away and very matter of factly that her two kids in high school wanted to live with their father so she agreed and packed up and moved to Central America with no definite plan when to see her kids again. She didn't have a bad word to say about the ex so I find it pretty interesting that so many posters are so quick to pin her decision on him. She didn't get divorced yesterday -- she gave up the kids yesterday. And she's not exactly hiding this her situation or is in witness protection -- she told me, a perfect stranger, what she's doing here (she's renting a very nice apartment), where she's from in the DC area, even where her kids go to high school -- so I'm not "outing" her either.

I remain convinced that posters are giving her a pass because she's a woman. [b]

No, but it may seem that way to you because we're so put off by your bizzare behavior. Who spends their vacation running to an anonymous forum to gossip about a stranger like this??

A miserable old hag, that's who.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:How is that abandonment? The kids are in their father's custody. Kids that age are able to choose which parent to live with. Is she supposed to keep her home as a shrine to them? What is the problem with her traveling? What is YOUR problem?

NP. Of course it’s abandonment. The woman moved away from her kids “to start a new life.” Now maybe she flies back and sees them regularly, but it doesn’t sound like it. It sounds like she’s upset they chose to live with her ex and she got tired of all the emotional baggage so she ran away. I don’t blame her for wanting a good life but she did move far away from her kids. Sad.

My ex moved halfway across the country and hasn’t seen our DD in four years. I doubt any court would charge him with abandonment.

Not legal abandonment. Emotional abandonment.

Exactly. I never said she legally abandoned them and that's not at all what I meant. And a question to the poster who moved halfway across the country and hasn't seen your DD in four years: what grade do you give him as a parent as a result?

I don’t give him any grade because he isn’t a parent. If the courts said he didn’t have to pay child support, he wouldn’t. He is a talker, not a doer..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend got divorced 2 years ago her kids are teenagers. All have chosen to live with their father because he lets them drink alcohol and has no rules. She hasn’t seen her children in over a year. I wouldn’t blame her 1 bit for leaving. Her kids abandoned her.

OP here again. Considering that I've seen her at the same bar every night having the time of her life I find it hard to believe she was cracking the whip at home and drove the kids into the arms of a lawless father . . .

Or maybe she is at the same bar every day because she is sad and lonely and regrets her decision. She gets drunk and then cries in her nice apartment that she just rented while looking at pics of her kids who hate her. Who know? Is it the choice I would make? Absolutely not. Do I judge her? Not enough info. Is this sad? Yes

Well, unless she's a better actor than Meryl this isn't happening. Again, when I asked how she was adjusting she said her only problem is that it's too much fun . . .

[Anonymous]

You ladies are truly incredible. Not a single one of you would do what this woman did, and if it were your sister-in-law -- or your mother-in-law! -- you'd be calling in the cavalry!

Parenting Rule No. 1: Once you have kids, you raise them. In good times and bad. Then, when they're adults, you move to Central America. You don't walk out of the movie at intermission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is that abandonment? The kids are in their father's custody. Kids that age are able to choose which parent to live with. Is she supposed to keep her home as a shrine to them? What is the problem with her traveling? What is YOUR problem?

NP. Of course it’s abandonment. The woman moved away from her kids “to start a new life.” Now maybe she flies back and sees them regularly, but it doesn’t sound like it. It sounds like she’s upset they chose to live with her ex and she got tired of all the emotional baggage so she ran away. I don’t blame her for wanting a good life but she did move far away from her kids. Sad.

My ex moved halfway across the country and hasn’t seen our DD in four years. I doubt any court would charge him with abandonment.

Not legal abandonment. Emotional abandonment.

Exactly. I never said she legally abandoned them and that's not at all what I meant. And a question to the poster who moved halfway across the country and hasn't seen your DD in four years: what grade do you give him as a parent as a result?

I don’t give him any grade because he isn’t a parent. If the courts said he didn’t have to pay child support, he wouldn’t. He is a talker, not a doer..

Exactly. So the woman here isn't a parent either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I'm on vacation in a beach town in Central America and one of the bartenders tells me there's a new local in town who's from Maryland and introduces me. We politely chat. The woman soon tells me tells me she's from Bethesda, is divorced, and has a 14 and 16 year old. She then says that she had custody but that her kids recently insisted on moving in with their father. She said she thought for sure it would "blow over," but when it didn't she simply packed up a few months ago and moved to Central America to "start a new life."

How f'd up is that?

I don’t get it. Why is it f-ed up?

It's screwed up because she is the mother of minor children and has opted to move to another country where she will have no parental responsibility whatsoever. If something happens and her kids need help she will not be there for them. She has basically abdicated her responsibility as a parent and has run off to do her own thing.

When you are the parent of a minor child you simply do not have the luxury of running off to another country to do your own thing. Part of being a grown up means being responsible for the children that you brought into this world. Sending them off to live with dad while you leave the country and live the good life is irresponsible. It just is. And, yes, I do judge people who abdicate their responsibility to their minor children.

[Anonymous]

A million dads do this all of the time. Nobody posts about that. Double standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You ladies are truly incredible. Not a single one of you would do what this woman did, and if it were your sister-in-law -- or your mother-in-law! -- you'd be calling in the cavalry!

Parenting Rule No. 1: Once you have kids, you raise them. In good times and bad. Then, when they're adults, you move to Central America. You don't walk out of the movie at intermission.

Exactly.! My teen calls me awful things all day ( and is also remorseful, teary, huggy within a few hours). Doesn’t mean I walk out on her, to let her dad raise her. I know her brain is still developing and impulse control is not her forte at the moment. You give birth to a child, you raise them to the best of your ability. They benefit from both parents being in their lives, whether they are perfect or not.

[Anonymous]

Here’s another rule: the Golden Rule. OP has violated that and most other rules of being a human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A million dads do this all of the time. Nobody posts about that. Double standards.

Maybe. But if somebody did post this about a dad I doubt DCUM would unite in his defense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A million dads do this all of the time. Nobody posts about that. Double standards.

Maybe. But if somebody did post this about a dad I doubt DCUM would unite in his defense.

Nobody would post it because it happens all of the time. The minute a mom does it, she is the devil. Why? Is it because she gave birth to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A million dads do this all of the time. Nobody posts about that. Double standards.

Maybe. But if somebody did post this about a dad I doubt DCUM would unite in his defense.

Nobody would post it because it happens all of the time. The minute a mom does it, she is the devil. Why? Is it because she gave birth to them?

People do post about it. You're copping out.

[Anonymous]

I have been to Costa Ric and Mexico several times each. I have always run into run-away dads who moved to the beach to "start a new life." No one is outraged, and no one is starting a new thread about it? Nope, because it is common with dads to run away from their kids.

So sexist to be outraged when the mom does it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A million dads do this all of the time. Nobody posts about that. Double standards.

Actually I know of two families where the mom did this when the kids were elementary aged. In one case there are three kids with dad and mom moved to another state, and the other the mom moved to another state and let the elementary aged kids choose which parent they wanted to stay with. The son chose to go with mom and the daughter chose to stay with dad. The kids rarely get to see the parent they didn't choose to live with.

[Anonymous]

Remember Elizabeth Gilbert? Eat Pray Love? Her so-called "dream guy" in Bali she married? He had run away to Bali without his kids -- then hooked up with 20-years-younger Gilbert. Dreamy guy? Nahh, they were both f'ed up.

She left him for a woman last coupla years.