Question for parents who let kids use electronics with sound in public places without headphones

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because I can and you get to deal with it.

Seriously. Op you are fragile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen this. I go to restaurants, airports, and hotels, and I use public transportation. And from the responses on this thread, it seems like very few people do this, and the few that do use it only rarely, try to be as unobtrusive as possible, use it for short periods of time, and would stop if asked.

I see this all the time. Restaurants, airports, doctor's offices, it doesn't matter. Kids are constantly on devices with the volume on. No, I don't want to listen to your kid's very loud and stupid game or show, and I would never let me children do that. I have a pair of earphones in my purse at all times, although I'm not one to give my kid a phone. Play a game, talk to them. I have five-year-old twins and they have never used a device other than at home or on an airplane, both with headphones. It's not hard!

I must just be oblivious to it.
How, with five year old twins to manage in an airport or restaurant are you spending so much of your focus on other kids? My kids are constantly asking questions or wanting to look at something or talk or play a game. I usually feel like I can hardly look at the menu, let alone check out what other children are doing.

I notice it more when I'm not with my kids but they're also not all-consuming so I do hear what's going on around me. I can both play Uno and hear the conversation at the table next to me at the same time. Honestly, I wish I couldn't. I hate that I can hear everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not just your planet op. Get over it.

By why does that same sentiment not apply to the people who are thoughtless? It's not their planet either - so why don't they feel any sort of obligation to keep others in mind? They don't, because they're rude and entitled. I agree that OP needs to get over it only because people like that will never change, and while it drives me crazy, I choose to remove myself from the situation (if possible) or actively try to ignore it rather than allow some asshole to ruin my day.

Because people are going to make a little noise and things aren’t always going to be perfect and convenient for you.

I was the OP and by no means does the noise ruin my day. I don't need to be told to "get over it." I asked a question because I was genuinely curious about why people allow this. I got some answers, so thanks.

Obviously, there is no rule of silence in public. Conversations are to be expected. I am very noise sensitive, so if I find myself annoyed by a loud conversation or a screaming child, that is my problem to deal with. I would never ask someone to quiet down, nor would I ask a parent to stop their kids from using volume without headphones, simply because my version of civility involves not making people feel bad about trivial matters. At the same time, I would not use a device without headphones, nor would I let my kids do so. Manners are about considering the needs of others and avoiding making others feel uncomfortable. I also think there is a huge difference between interacting with other people and entertaining oneself. There is no absolute right for each of us to entertain ourselves or our kids in public however we see fit, whether that involves sound at a high volume or unruly behavior.

Uh actually I have a complete “right” to entertain my child like this! What are you going to do op, arrest me in a doctor’s waiting room? If you asked me to turn it off I’d literally tell you to shut up. If you are sooooo noise sensitive bring your own noise canceling head phones!

I said that I would never ask you to stop so . . . .

But is interesting to hear that you think you have a "right" to entertain your child by letting them listen to music or a video at high volume. That answers my question - you think it is fine.

Yup I absolutely do. Can we agree we are not talking a HIGH volume like blaring? But a volume such that you could hear some noise if you are sitting next to me or behind me? Then yes, I think it’s totally fine to do that.

Well, my post said HIGH volume and you said that is your absolute right, so we are taking about a high volume.

God op get a life seriously.

I'm a NP, but ugh, people like you are ridiculous. You can't defend yourself, can't admit a mistake or correct hyperbole, so you resort to "OMG, you're insufferable." Dull and defensive.

OP: I disagree with XYZ.

You: I have the complete right to do that!

OP: So you think you have the right to do XYZ. Okay, then.

You: We're obviously not talking about XYZ. Just Z.

OP: Okay, well I said XYZ and you said you had "the complete right to do that."

You: like whatever omg ur a loser like obviously u have 2 much time on ur hands unlike me who is also d*cking around on this site whatever loser omg

OP, you're fine. You're obviously both annoyed and unwilling to confront those causing the annoyance, because you know you live in a society that isn't always going to cater to you. Unlike some people. I guess now you see who lets their child do these things, and why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen this. I go to restaurants, airports, and hotels, and I use public transportation. And from the responses on this thread, it seems like very few people do this, and the few that do use it only rarely, try to be as unobtrusive as possible, use it for short periods of time, and would stop if asked.

I see this all the time. Restaurants, airports, doctor's offices, it doesn't matter. Kids are constantly on devices with the volume on. No, I don't want to listen to your kid's very loud and stupid game or show, and I would never let me children do that. I have a pair of earphones in my purse at all times, although I'm not one to give my kid a phone. Play a game, talk to them. I have five-year-old twins and they have never used a device other than at home or on an airplane, both with headphones. It's not hard!

I must just be oblivious to it.
How, with five year old twins to manage in an airport or restaurant are you spending so much of your focus on other kids? My kids are constantly asking questions or wanting to look at something or talk or play a game. I usually feel like I can hardly look at the menu, let alone check out what other children are doing.

I notice it more when I'm not with my kids but they're also not all-consuming so I do hear what's going on around me. I can both play Uno and hear the conversation at the table next to me at the same time. Honestly, I wish I couldn't. I hate that I can hear everything.

I have ADHD and sympathize! At least with me, I know it's because my brain can't filter out extraneous sensory (and especially verbal) information. It's really challenging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I let my kids use my phone without headphones. I try to remember for things like a flight, but if I forget, I can promise that you would rather hear Frozen at a low volume than listen to my kids 801930842 questions and signing the songs from Frozen.

I would much rather listen to your children ask their questions and sing their songs than a device playing whatever. You might prefer they watch Frozen rather than interact with each other, you, and the world, but don't pretend you're doing it for our benefit.

+1

I find overhearing someone else's movie or music or video game is almost always more disruptive than hearing people talk or sing themselves. It's like loud cellphone conversations -- yes, people who talk really loud in confined spaces are annoying, but it's worse when it's on a cell phone. I'm not sure I can articulate why, it just is.

I also find this fascinating and wonder if there's been research on the topic. I'd never have my phone's volume on in public (barring an emergency, I guess), and I do generally find it rude, but I am open to the idea that I "shouldn't" and all of these things (in-person conversation vs a video at the same volume) are the same. But if I had to put money on it, I'd bet there's a real reason, possibly besides just cultural norms or expectations, that our brain processes these things differently. I just said in another comment that I have ADHD and thus, attentional and sensory issues, so I find these kinds of things fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I let my kids use my phone without headphones. I try to remember for things like a flight, but if I forget, I can promise that you would rather hear Frozen at a low volume than listen to my kids 801930842 questions and signing the songs from Frozen.

I would much rather listen to your children ask their questions and sing their songs than a device playing whatever. You might prefer they watch Frozen rather than interact with each other, you, and the world, but don't pretend you're doing it for our benefit.

+1

I find overhearing someone else's movie or music or video game is almost always more disruptive than hearing people talk or sing themselves. It's like loud cellphone conversations -- yes, people who talk really loud in confined spaces are annoying, but it's worse when it's on a cell phone. I'm not sure I can articulate why, it just is.

I also find this fascinating and wonder if there's been research on the topic. I'd never have my phone's volume on in public (barring an emergency, I guess), and I do generally find it rude, but I am open to the idea that I "shouldn't" and all of these things (in-person conversation vs a video at the same volume) are the same. But if I had to put money on it, I'd bet there's a real reason, possibly besides just cultural norms or expectations, that our brain processes these things differently. I just said in another comment that I have ADHD and thus, attentional and sensory issues, so I find these kinds of things fascinating.

Oooh, okay, this is interesting!

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/hearing-just-one-half-of-a-conversation-is-really-really-annoying-2657804/

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/09/100921101344.htm

Another PP mentioned how hearing one-sided cell conversations is more annoying than hearing both sides of a conversation, but here's an interesting tidbit:

"Emberson thinks this is because our brains more or less ignore predictable things, while paying more attention to things that are unpredictable. When both sides of the conversation are audible, it flows predictably, but a cell phone conversation is quite unpredictable."

So my hypothesis re: videos would be that when we only hear them, we are missing a lot of intended visual information, making the auditory output particularly disjointed and unpredictable to bystanders (relative to a conversation-- and if it's happening in person, you can even pick up on body language, anticipating when the other person is about to speak, etc.-- even if you're not staring at them).

As someone who works in film, I can say that film/video has rapidly increased "visual literacy"-- which is why cuts can now be faster, predominantly visual montages used instead of verbal exposition, etc. As compared to movies from, say, the 1970s, and even moreso the 1940s or early talkies. So we now have film/video media that is much less easily understood without the visuals than past film/video output from even 20-30 years ago or whatever.

I mean, that's my hypothesis anyway-- that overhearing videos without visual input can be confusing and distressing for our brains, because it feels really random and unpredictable. And I would think this goes triple for kids' videos and games, which are even more visual and less dialogue-driven than a lot of other media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never seen this. I go to restaurants, airports, and hotels, and I use public transportation. And from the responses on this thread, it seems like very few people do this, and the few that do use it only rarely, try to be as unobtrusive as possible, use it for short periods of time, and would stop if asked.

I see this all the time. Restaurants, airports, doctor's offices, it doesn't matter. Kids are constantly on devices with the volume on. No, I don't want to listen to your kid's very loud and stupid game or show, and I would never let me children do that. I have a pair of earphones in my purse at all times, although I'm not one to give my kid a phone. Play a game, talk to them. I have five-year-old twins and they have never used a device other than at home or on an airplane, both with headphones. It's not hard!

I must just be oblivious to it.
How, with five year old twins to manage in an airport or restaurant are you spending so much of your focus on other kids? My kids are constantly asking questions or wanting to look at something or talk or play a game. I usually feel like I can hardly look at the menu, let alone check out what other children are doing.

I notice it more when I'm not with my kids but they're also not all-consuming so I do hear what's going on around me. I can both play Uno and hear the conversation at the table next to me at the same time. Honestly, I wish I couldn't. I hate that I can hear everything.

I can do both too, but only if I am trying and more or less ignoring the conversation at my own table. I mean, kids don’t play UNO silently. And typically my husband is also there talking.
How often is it really, that you are out at a restaurant with your family, and you feel that your meal was significantly disrupted by a child watching a movie? I get that it happens if you are alone. But most of the people responding here claim to be parents.

[Anonymous]

I let my kids play ipad before the food arrives, then we convert to eating and family conversation. My rule is that the ipad can't be louder than the voices we can here at the next table (meaning, the ipad sound must be quieter to the other table than their voices are to us). Seriously, so many restaurants in DC are so freakin loud. 40 year old Karens who never got married HAW HAW HAWING as loud as they can to attract attention. Frat bruhs bruhing with their 8 bruhs in the bar 8 feet away from the dining tables. A child on an ipad is not the biggest disruption in DC dining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let my kids play ipad before the food arrives, then we convert to eating and family conversation. My rule is that the ipad can't be louder than the voices we can here at the next table (meaning, the ipad sound must be quieter to the other table than their voices are to us). Seriously, so many restaurants in DC are so freakin loud. 40 year old Karens who never got married HAW HAW HAWING as loud as they can to attract attention. Frat bruhs bruhing with their 8 bruhs in the bar 8 feet away from the dining tables. A child on an ipad is not the biggest disruption in DC dining.

A child on an iPad doesn't need to have the sound on.

[Anonymous]

Because people are rude and they teach their kids to be rude. Obviously, this is not limited to kids or people with kids but keeping the kids busy so their parents don’t have to is a common excuse parents give for rudeness. But some people will always be inconsiderate and self-centered and there isn’t much other people can do about it. It’s the price of living in society. Like people who litter or drive aggressively. Same people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let my kids play ipad before the food arrives, then we convert to eating and family conversation. My rule is that the ipad can't be louder than the voices we can here at the next table (meaning, the ipad sound must be quieter to the other table than their voices are to us). Seriously, so many restaurants in DC are so freakin loud. 40 year old Karens who never got married HAW HAW HAWING as loud as they can to attract attention. Frat bruhs bruhing with their 8 bruhs in the bar 8 feet away from the dining tables. A child on an ipad is not the biggest disruption in DC dining.

Your point is taken IMO, but:

1) A child not being the biggest distraction doesn't mean they're not a distraction and

2) If you let your kids play iPad, then it sounds like you planned to bring it, in which case, bringing headphones seems like a reasonable ask, and good etiquette to model for your kids. I won't get into the etiquette of bringing an iPad in the first place, and I do understand some kids have sensory issues that preclude headphones, but just saying.

This does bring up another question, though-- assuming typically-developing kids, if you (general you) allow devices without headphones in public, when do you stop allowing it? Presumably you're not generally okay with teens and adults using them without headphones?

I feel a lot of people are saying their kids are too little to use headphones or whatever, but when does it end, in your experience? Or is this all such relatively new technology that this generation will simply continue not to use headphones into adulthood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I let my kids play ipad before the food arrives, then we convert to eating and family conversation. My rule is that the ipad can't be louder than the voices we can here at the next table (meaning, the ipad sound must be quieter to the other table than their voices are to us). Seriously, so many restaurants in DC are so freakin loud. 40 year old Karens who never got married HAW HAW HAWING as loud as they can to attract attention. Frat bruhs bruhing with their 8 bruhs in the bar 8 feet away from the dining tables. A child on an ipad is not the biggest disruption in DC dining.

Your point is taken IMO, but:

1) A child not being the biggest distraction doesn't mean they're not a distraction and

2) If you let your kids play iPad, then it sounds like you planned to bring it, in which case, bringing headphones seems like a reasonable ask, and good etiquette to model for your kids. I won't get into the etiquette of bringing an iPad in the first place, and I do understand some kids have sensory issues that preclude headphones, but just saying.

This does bring up another question, though-- assuming typically-developing kids, if you (general you) allow devices without headphones in public, when do you stop allowing it? Presumably you're not generally okay with teens and adults using them without headphones?

I feel a lot of people are saying their kids are too little to use headphones or whatever, but when does it end, in your experience? Or is this all such relatively new technology that this generation will simply continue not to use headphones into adulthood?

My feeling is that it's weirder to have headphones on at a table. You're disconnected from the environment around you. As a parent, I can still talk to my child while they're on their ipad. So, I only see headphones worsening the problem. If the iPad is less loud than the next table then I don't see how it's contributing to a negative sound environment in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I let my kids play ipad before the food arrives, then we convert to eating and family conversation. My rule is that the ipad can't be louder than the voices we can here at the next table (meaning, the ipad sound must be quieter to the other table than their voices are to us). Seriously, so many restaurants in DC are so freakin loud. 40 year old Karens who never got married HAW HAW HAWING as loud as they can to attract attention. Frat bruhs bruhing with their 8 bruhs in the bar 8 feet away from the dining tables. A child on an ipad is not the biggest disruption in DC dining.

Your point is taken IMO, but:

1) A child not being the biggest distraction doesn't mean they're not a distraction and

2) If you let your kids play iPad, then it sounds like you planned to bring it, in which case, bringing headphones seems like a reasonable ask, and good etiquette to model for your kids. I won't get into the etiquette of bringing an iPad in the first place, and I do understand some kids have sensory issues that preclude headphones, but just saying.

This does bring up another question, though-- assuming typically-developing kids, if you (general you) allow devices without headphones in public, when do you stop allowing it? Presumably you're not generally okay with teens and adults using them without headphones?

I feel a lot of people are saying their kids are too little to use headphones or whatever, but when does it end, in your experience? Or is this all such relatively new technology that this generation will simply continue not to use headphones into adulthood?

My feeling is that it's weirder to have headphones on at a table. You're disconnected from the environment around you. As a parent, I can still talk to my child while they're on their ipad. So, I only see headphones worsening the problem. If the iPad is less loud than the next table then I don't see how it's contributing to a negative sound environment in any way.

That's... an interesting perspective, and I mean that sincerely. I may just be coming at this from the POV that bringing your TV into a public place (public TVs notwithstanding!) is already "weird" and arguably impolite to your fellow diners. Talking to your child while they're on an iPad in a restaurant... IDK. I'm not being judgy here, it's just... I don't find that less weird or less rude than headphones. Kind of like... you are already intending to occupy their attention with an electronic device so it seems a bit artificial to avoid the visual confirmation of that fact. I mean, even if you don't think the sound is distracting, you're saying you'd rather other people be subjected to the sound than have to see your kid wearing headphones (and you have to get your child's attention in a non-verbal way, I guess).

In order to... what? Like, why is it "weird" for a kid to have headphones on in a restaurant? Because it calls attention to the fact that you are giving them a device? Which you are? I feel like that ship has sailed, though I'm willing to hear your perspective, if that's not why it seems "weird" to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I let my kids play ipad before the food arrives, then we convert to eating and family conversation. My rule is that the ipad can't be louder than the voices we can here at the next table (meaning, the ipad sound must be quieter to the other table than their voices are to us). Seriously, so many restaurants in DC are so freakin loud. 40 year old Karens who never got married HAW HAW HAWING as loud as they can to attract attention. Frat bruhs bruhing with their 8 bruhs in the bar 8 feet away from the dining tables. A child on an ipad is not the biggest disruption in DC dining.

Your point is taken IMO, but:

1) A child not being the biggest distraction doesn't mean they're not a distraction and

2) If you let your kids play iPad, then it sounds like you planned to bring it, in which case, bringing headphones seems like a reasonable ask, and good etiquette to model for your kids. I won't get into the etiquette of bringing an iPad in the first place, and I do understand some kids have sensory issues that preclude headphones, but just saying.

This does bring up another question, though-- assuming typically-developing kids, if you (general you) allow devices without headphones in public, when do you stop allowing it? Presumably you're not generally okay with teens and adults using them without headphones?

I feel a lot of people are saying their kids are too little to use headphones or whatever, but when does it end, in your experience? Or is this all such relatively new technology that this generation will simply continue not to use headphones into adulthood?

My feeling is that it's weirder to have headphones on at a table. You're disconnected from the environment around you. As a parent, I can still talk to my child while they're on their ipad. So, I only see headphones worsening the problem. If the iPad is less loud than the next table then I don't see how it's contributing to a negative sound environment in any way.

Sorry, I see you said or implied that it's weird because it disconnects them from the environment around them. But it already kind of does? And isn't that the point, for people who give their kids devices in public places? To disconnect them from the feeling of having to wait? Or disconnect them from the parents "adult conversation?" Maybe it's a matter of degrees, but...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because they're thoughtless assholes.

+1

we were at a school concert and a kid behind (sitting with a friend, no parents in sight) was on his device with the volume on. It was hard enough to hear the elementary kids perform in the gym. I had no problem turning around and telling him to turn it of.

parents raising rude kids.