DIL won't let me do anything for her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about your son?

He's busy breastfeeding the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anybody notice MIL’s on here only complain about DIL’s.
It’s never MIL’s complaining about SIL’s. Why is that?

My mom doesn't particularly love my husband and I'm sure if they were a MIL/DIL they would go at it. As my mom's daughter I shut them both down (DH and my mom). We don't talk politics at all. I steer the conversation to interesting things I know we all like. I make sure the food is stuff that we all like (DH likes spicy food and my parents don't eat vegetables which upsets DH). When my parents try to over spoil my kids and I know it upsets DH, I stop them. When they try to contradict DH's parenting in front of our kids, nope. I flat out told them that we're the parents and make the rules. I do plenty with my parents and kids without DH to give him a break. I shut my mom down when she gets too invasive (she loves to buy clothes for guys and that quickly devolved into her buying DH underwear and PJs). I brag about his accomplishments when I know my parents will be proud of them. Women do all of this naturally with their family of origin and the result is that everyone enjoys being together. DH and I love to travel with my parents and see them often. DH texts them and calls them on his own. Nothing is disagreeable under the surface because I talk about it.

This is probably the complete opposite of what DH does with his family. He never tells them anything. In fact, as of last year they thought I was in a secretarial role at work. I have 15 years experience, a masters degree and am a manager who makes more money than DH... I mean sometimes it's so far from the truth it's laughable. Any time anything goes wrong, DH tells me to deal with it. Or we just stop visiting his parents and never discuss why with them. He's never seen his parents without me in over a decade and would never bring the kids without me (he's a hands on dad too, so it's not his own incompetence). I regularly fly across the country by myself with the kids to see family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I visit my son/DIL, I try to help, and DIL won't let me do anything for her. She declines help with laundry, cooking, cleaning, everything. Whenever I offer to help, she just urges me to play with the kids, or go relax. She's always polite about it, but I feel shut out. I've seen her family visit, and it seems more like they're family; I'm a guest.

I've even offered to pour her coffee. She'll say "no" then go get herself a cup a moment later.

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. About to visit for Christmas and looking for some advice.

She’s an idiot!! My family was too far away to help and my husband’s family refused (His mother, until she died, was a Godsend and I welcomed her wholeheartedly). I would give anything to have my MIL back as she was such a ray of sunshine in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I deeply dislike it when my MIL tries to act like "hostess" in my home. Is this you, OP?

My MIL will say, "Oh Laura, there's coffee ready." As if I didn't buy the coffee and set up the coffee station the night before. As if you did more than hit "start" and begin enjoying the pot yourself while I was upstairs getting two small kids ready for the day.

And no, I don't want you to pour me some and act like you are the hostess. You are not. I set up a full breakfast the night before, with notes about "help yourself," etc. I may not have put those hard boiled eggs and fruit and toast on your plate, but I provided everything and had it all set up for you.

Who the heck cares about this stuff. Life is much too short to worry about your MIL usurping your “hostess” duties. Geez. Get a life!