Anyone have a Kid who didn't date at all in highschool?
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Anonymous
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I have three sons and one daughter:
Son #1: good student, high GPA & SAT, very popular and a recruited athlete. He started dating and sex in junior year in high school. By the time he graduated school, his grade was terrible and ended up at community college and graduated from GMU. His life is ok but it could have been much better had he not done dating and sex in high school Son #2: good student, high GPA & SAT, very popular and a recruited athlete. He never dated or kissed in high school when he saw what happened to his older brother. He had lot female friends in high school but not dating any of them. He went to an Ivy school and started dating after his junior year after he stopped playing sport. He is engaged to a medical student. Life is great for both of them. Son #3: currently a HS junior and a much better athlete than his brothers. Peers pressure and attraction from girls will make it hard for him to resist but I hope he will listen to his older brothers and not venture into dating or sex until he goes to college Daughter #1: Start dating after her freshman year and it is nothing but drama. Nothing good about it. Consider yourself lucky if your kids are not dating in high school. |
Anonymous
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Very relevant article that just came out (Research on dating in high school)
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/josh.12818 Prior research identified 4 distinct dating trajectories from 6th to 12th grade: Low, Increasing, High Middle School, and Frequent. The purpose of this study was to examine whether 10th graders in the Low dating group differed on emotional, interpersonal, and adaptive skills from youth in the other trajectories. METHODS The sample consisted of 594 10th graders. We compared the 4 dating groups using teacher ratings (social skills, leadership, depression) and student self?reports (positive relationships with friends, at home, and at school; depression, suicidal ideation). To compare scores by dating trajectory, we used chi?square test and analysis of variance. RESULTS Students in the Low dating group had significantly higher teacher ratings of social skills and leadership, and lower ratings of depression compared to the other groups. Self?reports of positive relationships did not differ by dating groups. Self?reported depression was significantly lower in the Low dating group, but suicidal ideations did not differ. CONCLUSION Adolescents who were not in a romantic relationship had good social skills and low depression, and fared better or equal to peers who dated. These results refute the notion that non?daters are maladjusted. Health promotion interventions in schools should include non?dating as one option of healthy development. |
Anonymous
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I was that kid. I prioritized time with my best friends and was also kind of intimidated by boys and the thought of sex. Many of my girlfriends in high school who dated and were sexually active got their hearts broken because high school boys can be the worst. One friend even got pregnant (had an abortion). I was terrified of this happening to me.
I started dating and had my first boyfriend in college. Had sex for the first time when in a committed relationship, at 20. I'm married with kids. I don't feel like I missed out. |
Anonymous
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OP its possible that the boys don't 'like' her because she is not trying to attract that kind of attention (she's not acting interested)?
Nobody wants to be rejected and boys will go for the sure thing, the girls exhibiting lots of flirty behavior or seeking any male attention. My daughter has a no nonsense focus on school sense about her, and though she is a little younger she doesn't have or attract many crushes. She doesn't get why other people date and be bf/gf because in her words 'she's not looking to get married anytime soon anyway.' So I would focus on building her worth and view of self so that it is very secure without needing the being liked attention. If it is a lack of feminine expression then she can learn some subtle flirting behaviors if that helps her comfort level. |
Anonymous
I think this is it, she doesn't flirt because she doesn't know how, and she doesn't have enough self confidence to do it, because she doesn't think boys find her attractive since she hasn't heard of anyone liking her since 7th grade. And she has actually told me these things, I'm not just making assumptions. |
Anonymous
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I had a boyfriend freshman year, but no other dating until college. In my high school, it seemed like the people who were dating a lot or in relationships spent a lot of energy on the drama. In some ways it was a bummer not going to prom, etc., but then I also just focused on friends, studies, and fun activities and didn't have all the relationship drama that seemed so common.
College was much better for me. Felt like I met guys I really clicked with. Just a way better time of life in general. I wouldn't worry at all if my kid wasn't dating in high school, as long as he/she seemed happy. It really isn't all that. |
Anonymous
Ditto |
Anonymous
| Yep. We never dated. Raised Muslim and all. |
Anonymous
| 2 kids, boy and girl, both well liked and great students. Both did not date until college. |
Anonymous
Ditto. But I will say that even though I lamented that no boys ever liked me, I think in hindsight there were one or two boys that may have fancied me but went for the easier girls instead. I found out later. This carried out through college and post-college, when a guy friend would confess years later that he liked me but didn't think I was interested. Little did they know how desperate I was lol! |
Anonymous
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How are people defining "dating" here?! There's talk of kissing and making out and even hook up sex yet this doesn't count as dating? And in this century who thinks that dating as a teen has anything to do with choosing someone to marry??? You have normal biological urges to be close, emotionally and physically, with others at that age. It's all new and exciting and absolutely a healthy developmental stage during the high school/teen years.
I worry about kids not dating in high school while there are parameters and parents are close by to give guidance as kids learn to navigate relationship issues. When you're off at college, you have no safety rails to get yourself out of sticky situations, especially when it comes to physical intimacy. It can go from zero to 60 the first time you meet someone because you don't have a curfew or a parent on her way to pick you up from the party. Figuring out how to engage romantically takes some practice and there are lots of mistakes to make along the way before you're out on your own. Taking baby steps is better than being thrown into the deep end. And beyond the sex part, kids need guidance on how they deserve to be treated in a romantic relationship. I spent last weekend driving around my child and some school friends. One of the boys is trying to break up with a very manipulative girl who is now basically stalking him. I'm glad that he's not figuring this out on his own without adults and his parents around to help him through it. When he is off at college he'll have this experience under his belt and hopefully will be equipped to handle these situations. And FWIW, I went to college at one of the most selective colleges in the country and did well there. Went on to get a grad degree from another top school. I had boyfriends throughout high school and throughout college, as did most of my super smart and popular classmates. Those who didn't have actual public relationships in college were mostly having "on the down low" hook up sex sorts of experiences that I don't think are very healthy. |
Anonymous
| most of my kids classmates in mahnet ptograms. they rather catch up on sleep. |
Anonymous
Same. |