Anyone have a Kid who didn't date at all in highschool?

[Anonymous]

"Consider yourself lucky?" People are so weird. What is wrong with kids dating as teens? It's biological. It's also normal and parents shouldn't be so scared. Equip your children to navigate this world, which includes romantic relationships.

[Anonymous]

My much younger brother didn’t, and still doesn’t, really. He’s cute and sweet - I think he might be closeted. Our very Catholic, very Latino parents would be devastated (he’s their only son). So....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in this situation. My mom would frequently “accuse” me of being gay, as if it were a bad thing, because in her mind it was the only possible explanation for why a girl wouldn’t be on the receiving end of male attention. I wasn’t gay, just unpopular. I found out later that my sister spread a rumor that I was a lesbian during my freshman year to get back at me for some little thing I must have done, so for the duration of h.s. I was ignored by boys. This was obviously a very long time ago, and both my mother and sister now have diagnosed mental health issues which explains a lot but doesn’t forgive their behavior.

Anyway, I say this to tell both you to get out of DD’s business if you’re trying to find reasons for why she isn’t dating. It is what it is, and anything beyond that implies that she isn’t complete if she’s not receiving male attention. Give her attention for other things and let this rest. If she comes to you for advice, treat it really casually and move on. Seriously, don’t engage and don’t think about it.

I promise she’s thinking about it plenty on her own, but the feeling of letting others down by not hitting the perfect mix of perceived beauty/coolness/popularity in h.s. is bad enough without knowing that the adults around you are wondering what’s wrong with you. It’s not totally unlike being an adult and dealing with fertility issues and having people constantly ask when you’re going to have a baby.

Get out of her business? She bring this up to me all the time. Why in the world are you telling me to let it rest? She's the one who needs to let it rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So can anyone offer some advice on what to say to my daughter, when she complains that “no boys like her”?

You tell her that most kids don't date at this age. When the boys grow up a bit more, they'll start to let her know they like her. Tell her that her time will come, and in the mean time, be friendly and patient, and never make the mistake of believing that sexual activity is the path to a boyfriend (it's the other way around).

I've told her this. But she claims that all of her friends have boys who like them, and no boys are interested in her. I think that's what really bothers her more than the actual lack of a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My much younger brother didn’t, and still doesn’t, really. He’s cute and sweet - I think he might be closeted. Our very Catholic, very Latino parents would be devastated (he’s their only son). So....

How do you know that he's just not really shy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So can anyone offer some advice on what to say to my daughter, when she complains that “no boys like her”?

Kids can kind of get pigeon holed into certain roles within their group or school. Encourage her to try different activities where she will meet new people, outside of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So can anyone offer some advice on what to say to my daughter, when she complains that “no boys like her”?

Kids can kind of get pigeon holed into certain roles within their group or school. Encourage her to try different activities where she will meet new people, outside of school.

She already does lots of activities outside of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Consider yourself lucky?" People are so weird. What is wrong with kids dating as teens? It's biological. It's also normal and parents shouldn't be so scared. Equip your children to navigate this world, which includes romantic relationships.

+1

How many people here would "consider themselves lucky" if members of the opposite sex (or same sex if so inclined) didn't find them attractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure it was all that weird back in the day either - pretty much my whole extended friend group more or less never dated in HS, a little flirtation here and there, attending a dance with a friend, that kind of thing, but no real dating or hooking up - I’m talking about 30 people off the top of my head. We were the really academic group, lots of activities, somewhat but not terribly nerdy.

+1- Same here. Large very social group of kids in high school and not many "dated". There were some makeout sessions here and there but that was about it. My teen DS had a couple of girlfriends in highschool and my teen DD dated both a boy and a girl... so they don't take after me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents did. Nobody ever asked me out. And I certainly wasn't going to ask anyone out.

This. I was friend zoned very hard 94-98

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So can anyone offer some advice on what to say to my daughter, when she complains that “no boys like her”?

Kids can kind of get pigeon holed into certain roles within their group or school. Encourage her to try different activities where she will meet new people, outside of school.

This. My self esteem was LOW bc I felt completely unattractive bc I didn't date in HS. No one saw me that way because no one else saw me that way. Had plenty of friends of both genders who sort of fell into that role too. I ran around freshman year like crazy for any dude who hinted he thought I was cute bc I thought they would come to their senses fast enough and/or assumed no one would like me sober. It was years before I realized that a HS dynamic means nothing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My much younger brother didn’t, and still doesn’t, really. He’s cute and sweet - I think he might be closeted. Our very Catholic, very Latino parents would be devastated (he’s their only son). So....

How do you know that he's just not really shy?

Presumably she would know because she had spent enough time with her brother to know if he was shy. Since she didn’t mention shyness, he’s likely not facing a huge barrier of shyness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So can anyone offer some advice on what to say to my daughter, when she complains that “no boys like her”?

You tell her that most kids don't date at this age. When the boys grow up a bit more, they'll start to let her know they like her. Tell her that her time will come, and in the mean time, be friendly and patient, and never make the mistake of believing that sexual activity is the path to a boyfriend (it's the other way around).

Yes this! I went to nerd high school where almost no one dated and everyone was socially awkward. Most turned out fine and are married with kids. I don’t think it’s a bad thing

[Anonymous]

My DD didn't date until freshman year of college. DS is a junior in HS and also hasn't dated. Pretty common among their friends, as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So can anyone offer some advice on what to say to my daughter, when she complains that “no boys like her”?

You tell her that most kids don't date at this age. When the boys grow up a bit more, they'll start to let her know they like her. Tell her that her time will come, and in the mean time, be friendly and patient, and never make the mistake of believing that sexual activity is the path to a boyfriend (it's the other way around).

Yes this! I went to nerd high school where almost no one dated and everyone was socially awkward. Most turned out fine and are married with kids. I don’t think it’s a bad thing

It doesn't sound as if this is the situation at her daughter's high school.