Anyone have a Kid who didn't date at all in highschool?

[Anonymous]

DD, 17, HS senior, does not date. She has shown no interest in dating right now.

FWIW, I (Father) did not date until college, and not seriously until I was in my 30's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a senior and she has never had a boyfriend or dated in anyway at all. This would have been pretty unusual in my day. Is this fairly common now, or still somewhat outside the norm?

Consider yourself lucky.

Except this isn't by choice. On a personal level, I'm happy about her not dating, but it makes me sad that it makes her feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who didn’t date through high school and most of college because of self confidence and major anxiety issues, please do not say anything to your child about this. My mom always asked why I wasn’t dating, and it made me think that something was wrong with me. It’s still something that I deal with today.

Believe me, I haven't said anything to her about it. She is the one who complains about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a senior and she has never had a boyfriend or dated in anyway at all. This would have been pretty unusual in my day. Is this fairly common now, or still somewhat outside the norm?

Consider yourself lucky.

Except this isn't by choice. On a personal level, I'm happy about her not dating, but it makes me sad that it makes her feel bad.

Not to be indelicate, but is your daughter overweight? Is she attractive?

[Anonymous]

I never dated in high school, but traveled in a pack of girl and guy friends. Many of us are still friends 30 years later. My niece and nephews didn't date in high school either. Not dating doesn't mean not having a social life.

[Anonymous]

I never dated in high school (graduated in 88). My parents wouldnt have allowed it. But I did have my first kiss in 8th grade.

[Anonymous]

I have four nieces and nephews who are teens.
One is just starting college this year - never been in a relationship. He really liked a girl for a while but it didn't turn into anything.
Two who are in 10th and 12th grade - never dated at all
one who also just graduated high school. She had a boyfriend for a year in 8th grade, then did date a guy for a few weeks in 11th grade.

[Anonymous]

I hope my kids don't date in high school or at the earliest 12th grade. Too much drama. I hear stories of my DC's friends dating and breaking up, then being upset, then some other friend starts dating the ex....OP, if your DD is sad, figure out ways to keep her engaged and doing other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a senior and she has never had a boyfriend or dated in anyway at all. This would have been pretty unusual in my day. Is this fairly common now, or still somewhat outside the norm?

Consider yourself lucky.

Except this isn't by choice. On a personal level, I'm happy about her not dating, but it makes me sad that it makes her feel bad.

Not to be indelicate, but is your daughter overweight? Is she attractive?

I don't mind answering this, because I'm sure other people are wondering, but no she is not overweight and yes, she is attractive, although attractive in the way that most 17 year olds who aren't overweight are.

[Anonymous]

OP here. What seems to bother my daughter the most, and what I don't know how to comfort her with, is that no guys "like" her. She claims the last time she has heard about a guy liking her is in 7th grade. She is very social, has lots of friends, both male and female, is reasonably attractive, but for some reason boys don't seem to be interested in her. Quite frankly she is upset that boys don't seem to be attracted her. I have to admit, this one does confound me. I've told her that there probably are boys who are interested, but she just doesn't know it, and I have assured her that at some point she will meet someone, but the thing is, her other friends have boys who are interested in them, she hear's guys talking about so and so being pretty, etc, and no one is saying these things about her. Her self esteem is really taking a hit from it, and while I want to tell her it's not important, she feels that it is.

[Anonymous]

So can anyone offer some advice on what to say to my daughter, when she complains that “no boys like her”?

[Anonymous]

I was in this situation. My mom would frequently “accuse” me of being gay, as if it were a bad thing, because in her mind it was the only possible explanation for why a girl wouldn’t be on the receiving end of male attention. I wasn’t gay, just unpopular. I found out later that my sister spread a rumor that I was a lesbian during my freshman year to get back at me for some little thing I must have done, so for the duration of h.s. I was ignored by boys. This was obviously a very long time ago, and both my mother and sister now have diagnosed mental health issues which explains a lot but doesn’t forgive their behavior.

Anyway, I say this to tell both you to get out of DD’s business if you’re trying to find reasons for why she isn’t dating. It is what it is, and anything beyond that implies that she isn’t complete if she’s not receiving male attention. Give her attention for other things and let this rest. If she comes to you for advice, treat it really casually and move on. Seriously, don’t engage and don’t think about it.

I promise she’s thinking about it plenty on her own, but the feeling of letting others down by not hitting the perfect mix of perceived beauty/coolness/popularity in h.s. is bad enough without knowing that the adults around you are wondering what’s wrong with you. It’s not totally unlike being an adult and dealing with fertility issues and having people constantly ask when you’re going to have a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So can anyone offer some advice on what to say to my daughter, when she complains that “no boys like her”?

Has she built friendships with any of these boys? I would recommend doing that first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son, a healthy well-adjusted college sophomore, did not date in high school.

He had friends and they traveled in a pack. Guys and girls.

I traveled in a pack too. Never dated per se but had a date for dances etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So can anyone offer some advice on what to say to my daughter, when she complains that “no boys like her”?

You tell her that most kids don't date at this age. When the boys grow up a bit more, they'll start to let her know they like her. Tell her that her time will come, and in the mean time, be friendly and patient, and never make the mistake of believing that sexual activity is the path to a boyfriend (it's the other way around).