WWYD - neighbor doesn't like fingernail painting

[Anonymous]

GEEZ after reading the previous thread. OP are you having an affair with this guy or something? You’re wasaaay too into his business and life. It’s NOT YOUR SON.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GEEZ after reading the previous thread. OP are you having an affair with this guy or something? You’re wasaaay too into his business and life. It’s NOT YOUR SON.

No hahaha. He's an oversharer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:are you paying your nanny extra to watch this other kid?

This is what I wonder about too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:are you paying your nanny extra to watch this other kid?

This is what I wonder about too.

No. She is completely empowered by me to ask the kid to leave whenever she wants to no questions asked no push back. He and the 4 yr old play together a lot and she says it honestly makes the day easier sometimes to have a playmate that isn't just 2 y/o DS around.

Nanny is paid well and has a very good schedule, we contribute to her healthcare, she has essentially no hard limits on leave requests and she is salaried instead of hourly. And she will be getting a raise when the new baby comes.

Also some of this is OBE I realized today because school starts soon and so in the next week or two neighbor kid will be gone during the days again.

Nanny is extremely happy with her job and pay and feels exactly as I do about the boy, inclined to be a safe and supportive adult in his life. She and I have talked a few times today about how we feel unsure about how to correctly proceed in this situation in a way that doesn't disrupt the children but sets boundaries with the dad. Like me, she mostly is annoyed by the Dad putting her in a weird position. The kid she does not mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold it - are there two nannies or only one?

I think nanny is an insufficient word to cover what their lady is. She is like, their household staff, she cooks, cleans dinner, watches the kid. She is not here legally, she worked for them when they lived abroad and they're bringing her over on tourist visas and sending her home to meet the requirements and trying to figure out how to bring her over permanently.

When she's not here his days get really scheduled actually.

When he is over at our house his nanny does not come over with him.

I’m still confused about the nanny situation. You work from home and have a nanny. Other dad has an overwhelmed some
times housekeeper who sends the kid over to your house? I’m assuming he is talking to your nanny about this and not his housekeeper? If so, you need to tell him to stop sending the kid over or contribute to the nanny’s payment.

[Anonymous]

There is an age gap between my oldest and yongest girls. I don't allow nail polish on my 6 year old so when my oldest gets her nails polished my youngest partcipates in the grooming part only. I soak her hands and feet, massage, cut and file her nails and rub a little olive oil on her nails for shine. She is satisfied. Maybe something similar will work with your neighbor. He can still partcipate and dad won't complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lived abroad? As a foreigner, with all sorts of international friends, I wonder why you think it matters. Are all foreigners backwards and conservative to you?

Plenty of people don't like nail polish on youngsters. Some don't like pink or girly things on their boys, but it doesn't mean they're homophobic.

Just don't polish his nails. Easy!

First sentence: TRUE
Second sentence: LIE

If you have a problem with your son wearing something you’d label “girly” then you are not only homophobic but sexist. Seriously. Because you know you’d never say your daughter can’t wear black or a sports shirt because it’s “boyish” because you don’t see anything wrong with things that are for boys but things for girls are inherently less than to you.

NP. I don’t mind my boy wearing pink or playing with hearts or whatever, but yeah I would draw the line at letting him pick out a pink tutu to wear at age 3. I am not a homophobe or a bigot, just a realist. And no, I don’t agree with parents who encourage their male kids to identify as girls because they think they are girls at the age of two, nor do I want to be branded as one of these parents when I let my kid wear a pink tutu.

Okayyyy, then the word you’re looking for is transphobic. Still not okay.

[Anonymous]

Dad needs to be the one to say no. He needs to parent his kid at a minimum. If nail painting comes up I would say “Your dad says you’re not allowed to paint nails.” When the kids ask why, you can say “I have no idea, you’ll have to ask your dad.”

As for screens, if the dad tries to sort of suggest/ask that the kids do not watch tv you can say “My children watch their shows after dinner. Larlo is welcome to join.” He doesn’t get to dictate how you spend time at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the dad didn’t want his kid to have sugar would it be that difficult for you not to give it to him?

The dad doesn’t want polish on his kid. It’s not a huge request. You don’t let it happen and then remove it before sending him home, either.

The kid is at our house ALL the time. Like 8 hours a day when hes not in school or camp. It would legit hurt his feelings to start sending him home at times like this.

Why send him home? Tell the kid, your dad doesn't want you to do that. That seems simple enough.

[Anonymous]

I have 6 year old girls who love dress up and beg me to paint their nails. I do it only when it is a special occasion on their fingernails. A little more often on toe nails. Who needs more chemicals on their nails at this age.

OP,

1) Set boundaries with the Dad.
2) Respect the Dad's wishes regarding the nail painting
3) Learn to say no ( both to your kids as well as the neighbor's kid).

[Anonymous]

The dad is responsible for parenting his son. That means if he's not comfortable with something that OP is doing, he shouldn't send his son over there. Otoh, OP has no obligation to change anything that she's doing in her own house. Why should her kids get to miss out on something they enjoy because the neighbor doesn't like it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dad is responsible for parenting his son. That means if he's not comfortable with something that OP is doing, he shouldn't send his son over there. Otoh, OP has no obligation to change anything that she's doing in her own house. Different houses, different rules. Why should her kids get to miss out on something they enjoy because the neighbor doesn't like it?

Hit sent too quickly. I also meant to add. The dad sends his kid to the neighbor's house for 7-8 hours a day. So basically, he wants free baybsitting and he also wants to dictate the terms of childcare. What an entitled user.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Lived abroad? As a foreigner, with all sorts of international friends, I wonder why you think it matters. Are all foreigners backwards and conservative to you?

Plenty of people don't like nail polish on youngsters. Some don't like pink or girly things on their boys, but it doesn't mean they're homophobic.

Just don't polish his nails. Easy!

First sentence: TRUE
Second sentence: LIE

If you have a problem with your son wearing something you’d label “girly” then you are not only homophobic but sexist. Seriously. Because you know you’d never say your daughter can’t wear black or a sports shirt because it’s “boyish” because you don’t see anything wrong with things that are for boys but things for girls are inherently less than to you.

NP. I don’t mind my boy wearing pink or playing with hearts or whatever, but yeah I would draw the line at letting him pick out a pink tutu to wear at age 3. I am not a homophobe or a bigot, just a realist. And no, I don’t agree with parents who encourage their male kids to identify as girls because they think they are girls at the age of two, nor do I want to be branded as one of these parents when I let my kid wear a pink tutu.

Okayyyy, then the word you’re looking for is transphobic. Still not okay.

NP. Why are you trying to force a parent to make their child question their gender? That’s more your insecurity than theirs. I’m tired of it being a sin to have a different opinion on what you accept for your child. No, don’t paint my boys nails pink if he doesn’t want it. And if he does want it, respect his choice to have punk nails. The respect works BOTH WAYS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neighbour needs to explain to his son to just politely decline whenever nail painting is done at your house.

+1. Neighbor can keep his kid at home. You do you. It's your home.

[Anonymous]

OP, the father is out of line. It is very annoying that he outsources parenting to your family and nanny and then tries to give you all orders about what activities his son should/should not engage in. I’d definitely want to tell him that if he doesn’t want his son to engage in activities your kids engage in, he should not send his son over to your house (or should work it out with his son that son has to come home when whatever activity is taking place).

Sounds like you can’t tell this dad off because you feel it will hurt the kid. So you might have to just let the dad’s presumptuous attitude go. But I totally get why the dad’s behavior is irking you.