tell me your worst uncomfortable/unfair IL visit stories!

[Anonymous]

These stories are all such fascinating examples of people being unable to think things through to a conclusion.

[Anonymous]

I'm a previous poster on this thread, I have new info. to add. I'm headed off to Canada on vacation shortly. My in-laws will be on vacation in an American city that is two hours away during some days that overlap with my trip. They have invited DH and me for dinner. They expected us to make a four-hour round trip and a border crossing during our long weekend away. When my husband was in their hometown last month, they rage canceled dinner plans because no one could agree on a time and place to meet. Fortunately for me, we won't have a rental car, and they don't possess passports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs are nice and we get along, but they are hoverers/pouncers. They are literally on top of us all the time during visits, to the point where I've accidentally stepped on my MIL's foot when I was emptying the dishwasher and she was right.there.

The last time we went to the beach with them, I was low-key complaining about it to my husband, who was like, "Eh, they're not THAT ba--AUGH!"

He stopped becasue we were driving at night, approaching the beach house, making the turn into the driveway, and his parents were standing there in pitch-black, their eyes and glasses reflecting in the light. It was like a freaking horror movie. We started dying laughing and my husband was like, "Yeah...they're weird."

Did it ever occur to you that they were just waiting to greet you and make you feel welcome? My family does this all the time. It is considered good manners. Apparently, you need some lessons in how to make guests feel welcome!

This wouldn’t occur to any sane person. This is some children of the corn ass shit. Standing in the dark with only the light reflecting on their glasses? They are lucky they didn’t get mowed down when their visitors pulled into the driveway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My issue is that my inlaws won't tell us when they're leaving or coming. Petty and minor I'm sure. Inlaws tell us "we're coming the weekend of the 16th!" and then no more information is forthcoming. I make sure to have an extra special dinner on Friday just in case they decide to come. I also cancel my weekend plans with friends. Nope. Not that night. DH calls them and they say they're coming on Saturday. We sit around all day. I make an extra special dinner because "they're coming for dinner." I have a 2 and a 4 year old who go to sleep at 7, so we eat at 6ish. Inlaws FINALLY show up at 10pm and want dinner. I think they expected us to wait and eat with them. The next day we do a morning activity and then I come home and put the kids down for their nap at noon so I can get started on a nice lunch. NOPE Inlaws are standing in my entry with their luggage saying goodbye. My oldest was extremely upset that his grandparents left while he napped and cried about how he didn't get to say goodbye. WTF I couldn't believe they spent like 4 hours with my kids.

Take 2: Inlaws are coming for my son's 4th birthday party.They wanted to make sure they weren't early, so they didn't get in Friday night. We had our family celebration with my family and his family Friday night with cake and gifts and Saturday was the friend's party. Saturday morning they call us when they're leaving, except they're 4 hours away and the party was starting in 2 hours. They missed the entire birthday party. And then they left that night without staying, even though I washed the guest room sheets and cleaned the guest bath.

I feel so damn disrespected every single time they blow us off. Their visits are like a hit and run. I clean and cook and plan fun activities with the kids and they don't show. I told DH if he ever lets them walk all over me again I was going to leave him. The last time during the birthday party I know DH tried to get times/dates out of them.

You're a doormat and a martyr; of course you're not respected.

Know what would happen if someone showed up unexpectedly on my doorstep? "Hello, here are directions to the Hampton Inn." Literally no one crosses my threshold overnight without a firm, communicated, set-in-stone plan. You let this slide again and again, and they keep doing the same thing because you wrote a permission slip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is less a visit more of an event but def involves an IL. SIL and I get along relatively okay now, but was definitely rocky leading up to our wedding as well as a few years following it. She has a hard time not being the center of attention. She is fairly charismatic, so that's understandable, but not so charismatic that folks only want to hear her voice.

So SIL threw a fit that we would not have her just 2 y.o. daughter as the flower girl @ our wedding. Since the daughter would probably need to have an adult guiding her, I told DH I just lacked confidence that SIL would know when/how to step back for our day, especially as she was also pregnant and could not have any conversation without talking about her pregnancy. He agreed - probably relieved - as it is not as if he is unaware of her traits. The day before the wedding, she insisted on joining us for the onsite meeting then told me that she and her brother could take care of it and that I should figure out how to spruce up the restrooms in the inn. Later that night she was responsible for the scrap books at the rehearsal dinner, but pawned that off on one of DH's friends and her husband - someone they both knew - because she wanted to enjoy herself at the dinner (no surprise, but there are no scrap books from the dinner b/c who is going to do that job when asked at 11th hour). Immediately preceding the ceremony, she made a slight scene involving her daughter and it was all I could do to just stand there and smile. At the end of the evening, when saying good bye to our guests, she came over and admonished me for not sufficiently thanking the couple responsible for the scrap books as if I had even had a conversation with them about it - I had only found out after the dinner. The following morning, she kept insisting that she be allowed into the restroom ahead of other guests as she was, after all, pregnant (five months, but one would have thought she was due the next day). And after we departed on our honeymoon, she repacked the box with my wedding dress, placing it on the bottom after finding it on the top, then set many heavy objects on it and damaging the fabric. Her behavior was bad enough that when we returned from our honeymoon that both of my parents - never ones to comment on such stuff, my siblings, and a few close friends asked WTH was up with her. I hadn't said anything, she was just so rude towards my family and my friends picked up on her M.O. Was bad for a few more years, then I think she just either grew tired of that drama or just grew up a bit. I really hope my children never end up behaving that way towards a new family member.

What is a rehearsal dinner scrap book? Do you do this during the dinner? Is it taking snapshots? I wouldn't want to do this either.

[Anonymous]

My BIL came to visit. He left open his profile page on smalld$ck magazine. The page had his fantasies. I won’t repeat them. I’ve never told my wife to protect her but I want to vomit every time I see the guy.

[Anonymous]

A rehearsal dinner scrapbook? Dafuq?

Between that and no paragraph breaks, done with you. Team SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL came to visit. He left open his profile page on smalld$ck magazine. The page had his fantasies. I won’t repeat them. I’ve never told my wife to protect her but I want to vomit every time I see the guy.

DISH IT! Tell us details! You are nice for not telling him to remember to log off and close the browser.

[Anonymous]

Posted this before, but worth repeating. My in-laws are divorced. SIL basically refuses to accept that and wants to pretend it's all just one happy family.

FIL was staying with us for Christmas. SIL and her family comes over around lunch......with MIL in tow. DH flipping out on SIL and MIL; MIL demanding FIL "get over it"; SIL crying about just wanting everyone together for Christmas....fun times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BIL came to visit. He left open his profile page on smalld$ck magazine. The page had his fantasies. I won’t repeat them. I’ve never told my wife to protect her but I want to vomit every time I see the guy.

DISH IT! Tell us details! You are nice for not telling him to remember to log off and close the browser.

He wrote that he joined the site because he was tired of being bombarded with large member propaganda, that he had amazing staying power, liked to do things that I didn’t know were a thing. Worst part is he said his “turn on” is father son fantasies.

As a result I cannot help but look a FIL a little funny, and I never let him alone my son but otherwise I’ve kept my lips sealed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is less a visit more of an event but def involves an IL. SIL and I get along relatively okay now, but was definitely rocky leading up to our wedding as well as a few years following it. She has a hard time not being the center of attention. She is fairly charismatic, so that's understandable, but not so charismatic that folks only want to hear her voice.

So SIL threw a fit that we would not have her just 2 y.o. daughter as the flower girl @ our wedding. Since the daughter would probably need to have an adult guiding her, I told DH I just lacked confidence that SIL would know when/how to step back for our day, especially as she was also pregnant and could not have any conversation without talking about her pregnancy. He agreed - probably relieved - as it is not as if he is unaware of her traits. The day before the wedding, she insisted on joining us for the onsite meeting then told me that she and her brother could take care of it and that I should figure out how to spruce up the restrooms in the inn. Later that night she was responsible for the scrap books at the rehearsal dinner, but pawned that off on one of DH's friends and her husband - someone they both knew - because she wanted to enjoy herself at the dinner (no surprise, but there are no scrap books from the dinner b/c who is going to do that job when asked at 11th hour). Immediately preceding the ceremony, she made a slight scene involving her daughter and it was all I could do to just stand there and smile. At the end of the evening, when saying good bye to our guests, she came over and admonished me for not sufficiently thanking the couple responsible for the scrap books as if I had even had a conversation with them about it - I had only found out after the dinner. The following morning, she kept insisting that she be allowed into the restroom ahead of other guests as she was, after all, pregnant (five months, but one would have thought she was due the next day). And after we departed on our honeymoon, she repacked the box with my wedding dress, placing it on the bottom after finding it on the top, then set many heavy objects on it and damaging the fabric. Her behavior was bad enough that when we returned from our honeymoon that both of my parents - never ones to comment on such stuff, my siblings, and a few close friends asked WTH was up with her. I hadn't said anything, she was just so rude towards my family and my friends picked up on her M.O. Was bad for a few more years, then I think she just either grew tired of that drama or just grew up a bit. I really hope my children never end up behaving that way towards a new family member.

What is a rehearsal dinner scrap book? Do you do this during the dinner? Is it taking snapshots? I wouldn't want to do this either.

SIL said their gift would be for her to take folks' pics and have them sign a book with good wishes to us. This was not my idea, but I also did not make plans for anyone to take photos at the rehearsal dinner since she and her DH were supposed to do this. The dinner was a very low-key event - buffet dinner, no assigned seats, common activity in order for guests to meet each other. The one-eighth finished book was one of the items jammed in box on top of my dress. She was indignant that I hadn't packed it. My oversight was not a slight, I just had no idea where it was because it was their gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A rehearsal dinner scrapbook? Dafuq?

Between that and no paragraph breaks, done with you. Team SIL.

The book was not my idea - was team SIL - but i made no plans for photos at rehearsal dinner as she promised to take care of it.

Whatever on the slang and #teamSIL. Guessing you treat your ILs accordingly. I know my MIL was not happy about what happened. She still grimaces when SIL does stuff, but she keeps her peace. Regardless, I work to have a good relationship as it is important to DH, my ILs want harmony, and I want my DCs to grow up to be kind towards their ILs and not teach each other's SIL/BIL similarly.

[Anonymous]

First time I visited my IL’s their damn cat pissed all over my clothes in my suitcase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My issue is that my inlaws won't tell us when they're leaving or coming. Petty and minor I'm sure. Inlaws tell us "we're coming the weekend of the 16th!" and then no more information is forthcoming. I make sure to have an extra special dinner on Friday just in case they decide to come. I also cancel my weekend plans with friends. Nope. Not that night. DH calls them and they say they're coming on Saturday. We sit around all day. I make an extra special dinner because "they're coming for dinner." I have a 2 and a 4 year old who go to sleep at 7, so we eat at 6ish. Inlaws FINALLY show up at 10pm and want dinner. I think they expected us to wait and eat with them. The next day we do a morning activity and then I come home and put the kids down for their nap at noon so I can get started on a nice lunch. NOPE Inlaws are standing in my entry with their luggage saying goodbye. My oldest was extremely upset that his grandparents left while he napped and cried about how he didn't get to say goodbye. WTF I couldn't believe they spent like 4 hours with my kids.

Take 2: Inlaws are coming for my son's 4th birthday party.They wanted to make sure they weren't early, so they didn't get in Friday night. We had our family celebration with my family and his family Friday night with cake and gifts and Saturday was the friend's party. Saturday morning they call us when they're leaving, except they're 4 hours away and the party was starting in 2 hours. They missed the entire birthday party. And then they left that night without staying, even though I washed the guest room sheets and cleaned the guest bath.

I feel so damn disrespected every single time they blow us off. Their visits are like a hit and run. I clean and cook and plan fun activities with the kids and they don't show. I told DH if he ever lets them walk all over me again I was going to leave him. The last time during the birthday party I know DH tried to get times/dates out of them.

What drives this pathology? My SIL does this - she will drive down and literally left AS my two year old daughters birthday party started- like walked out the door with her kids- and of course I found our later her excuse for leaving was faux. So effed up. I think it’s a weird control freak thing. Curious what other think? Or is it a lack of manners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First time I visited my IL’s their damn cat pissed all over my clothes in my suitcase.

OMG, my BIL and SIL have a cat that pees on guests’ stuff too. You can’t leave the guest room door open for a second. We didn’t know this, and the bedding got soaked by the cat. Didn’t find out until climbing into it, well after everyone else was asleep. Had to wake up our hosts and ask for clean sheets and blankets. Then we slept without a comforter in a house where they kept the thermostat at 60°. For this and a few other reasons, we stay in a hotel now. Thank goodness for loyalty points.