tell me your worst uncomfortable/unfair IL visit stories!

[Anonymous]

^ my in-laws don’t have central air or heat so we like to leave the door open. But then their dog goes through all our stuff. It drives me insane to have to shut the door and then come home to a freezing bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Over Christmas my MIL was angry with me for bringing my nanny with my newborn (I had not anticipated that my MIL would get so jealous of my 60 yo nanny, but my FIL -in a not creepy way- told her she was so spry to look after a 6 month old in front of everyone, and that set my MIL off). Anyways, she didn’t know I was in the room and her daughter was saying isn’t her new nephew (my DS) the cutest baby with his tan skin (he’s biracial), and she viciously snarled “he’s NOT the cutest of my grandchildren”.

Of course since it was my first child I was devastated, but I stoped caring a long time ago!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over Christmas my MIL was angry with me for bringing my nanny with my newborn (I had not anticipated that my MIL would get so jealous of my 60 yo nanny, but my FIL -in a not creepy way- told her she was so spry to look after a 6 month old in front of everyone, and that set my MIL off). Anyways, she didn’t know I was in the room and her daughter was saying isn’t her new nephew (my DS) the cutest baby with his tan skin (he’s biracial), and she viciously snarled “he’s NOT the cutest of my grandchildren”.

Of course since it was my first child I was devastated, but I stoped caring a long time ago!

So you brought an uninvited guest to your mil's home. You are rude. Yes, her comment was awful but so was your behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BIL came to visit. He left open his profile page on smalld$ck magazine. The page had his fantasies. I won’t repeat them. I’ve never told my wife to protect her but I want to vomit every time I see the guy.

DISH IT! Tell us details! You are nice for not telling him to remember to log off and close the browser.

He wrote that he joined the site because he was tired of being bombarded with large member propaganda, that he had amazing staying power, liked to do things that I didn’t know were a thing. Worst part is he said his “turn on” is father son fantasies.

As a result I cannot help but look a FIL a little funny, and I never let him alone my son but otherwise I’ve kept my lips sealed.

But if you didn’t tell your DW, how does she know not to leave her kids alone w him or her dad? I’d have told her rather than risk anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A rehearsal dinner scrapbook? Dafuq?

Between that and no paragraph breaks, done with you. Team SIL.

The book was not my idea - was team SIL - but i made no plans for photos at rehearsal dinner as she promised to take care of it.

Whatever on the slang and #teamSIL. Guessing you treat your ILs accordingly. I know my MIL was not happy about what happened. She still grimaces when SIL does stuff, but she keeps her peace. Regardless, I work to have a good relationship as it is important to DH, my ILs want harmony, and I want my DCs to grow up to be kind towards their ILs and not teach each other's SIL/BIL similarly.

I see you have the good sense not to defend your lack of paragraph breaks in your lengthy post. Maybe there's hope for you after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My issue is that my inlaws won't tell us when they're leaving or coming. Petty and minor I'm sure. Inlaws tell us "we're coming the weekend of the 16th!" and then no more information is forthcoming. I make sure to have an extra special dinner on Friday just in case they decide to come. I also cancel my weekend plans with friends. Nope. Not that night. DH calls them and they say they're coming on Saturday. We sit around all day. I make an extra special dinner because "they're coming for dinner." I have a 2 and a 4 year old who go to sleep at 7, so we eat at 6ish. Inlaws FINALLY show up at 10pm and want dinner. I think they expected us to wait and eat with them. The next day we do a morning activity and then I come home and put the kids down for their nap at noon so I can get started on a nice lunch. NOPE Inlaws are standing in my entry with their luggage saying goodbye. My oldest was extremely upset that his grandparents left while he napped and cried about how he didn't get to say goodbye. WTF I couldn't believe they spent like 4 hours with my kids.

Take 2: Inlaws are coming for my son's 4th birthday party.They wanted to make sure they weren't early, so they didn't get in Friday night. We had our family celebration with my family and his family Friday night with cake and gifts and Saturday was the friend's party. Saturday morning they call us when they're leaving, except they're 4 hours away and the party was starting in 2 hours. They missed the entire birthday party. And then they left that night without staying, even though I washed the guest room sheets and cleaned the guest bath.

I feel so damn disrespected every single time they blow us off. Their visits are like a hit and run. I clean and cook and plan fun activities with the kids and they don't show. I told DH if he ever lets them walk all over me again I was going to leave him. The last time during the birthday party I know DH tried to get times/dates out of them.

What drives this pathology? My SIL does this - she will drive down and literally left AS my two year old daughters birthday party started- like walked out the door with her kids- and of course I found our later her excuse for leaving was faux. So effed up. I think it’s a weird control freak thing. Curious what other think? Or is it a lack of manners?

Is your house dirty/pet dander everywhere? I've left an event very early before because my eyes were closing up and throat was itching from pet smells and hair, and I'm not even allergic to any animals. I would never actually leave as something was starting, or I'd find a way to excuse myself without being rude, but...there are some houses that are so dirty and pet-y that I honestly, physically CAN'T stay very long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over Christmas my MIL was angry with me for bringing my nanny with my newborn (I had not anticipated that my MIL would get so jealous of my 60 yo nanny, but my FIL -in a not creepy way- told her she was so spry to look after a 6 month old in front of everyone, and that set my MIL off). Anyways, she didn’t know I was in the room and her daughter was saying isn’t her new nephew (my DS) the cutest baby with his tan skin (he’s biracial), and she viciously snarled “he’s NOT the cutest of my grandchildren”.

Of course since it was my first child I was devastated, but I stoped caring a long time ago!

So you brought an uninvited guest to your mil's home. You are rude. Yes, her comment was awful but so was your behavior.

+1. Your MIL's comments about your baby's looks are horrible and inexcusable. However, you bringing an uninvited, unexpected guest to your host's house over Christmas is absolutely insane! What were you thinking?

Anyone bringing an univited, unexpected guest to my home for a day visit would be welcomed in, but I'd be talking to them about that later. Anyone trying to pull this for an overnight guest would be handed directions to the nearest Hampton Inn; no one stays overnight in my home without my invitation or having cleared it with me first.

[Anonymous]

My bil/ sil came to visit after we had our second child. We also had a two year old at the time. Apparently, he (BIL) brought a gun and left it in the guest room bed on top of the pillow. Luckily, my husband saw it before my two year old did...We don’t see them much anymore. Oh and after this occurrence , my MIL said, well you don’t really know if it was loaded or not?. They are all crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't blame my in-laws.

When my first baby was born, I put out the word that DH and I didn't want visitors for the first two weeks. We wanted to meet her, to bond a little, get going on nursing, let me rest and recover a little, just figure out who we were as a family of three. My in-laws said okay and booked tickets for three weeks after the baby was born.

Told my dad and his wife. My father was ... he thought it was ridiculous. So they showed up the day after I got home. My father, a NYC Italian, went into the kitchen and started cooking gravy. We lived in a 3rd floor walk-up, and he hauled boxes of diapers upstairs, threw out garbage and recycling, walked the dog, etc. His wife, apparently was confused about whose baby it was, because she tried to dictate every little thing we should do.

Her: the baby is napping, so you should be napping!
Me: it'll only be for 20 minutes, I want to spend time with the dog
Her: but the BABY is NAPPING
:: baby wakes up from the yelling, starts crying::
Me: not anymore

She tried to tell me it was important to give the baby formula. So SHE could give the baby formula. No, it's important for us to establish nursing. But she wants to feed her.. Well, sorry but that's not going to happen now. But how will she bond with the baby? My goal is for ME to bond with the baby, because she's MY baby. This is why I said I didn't want you to come for the first couple weeks.

Later that day when I was in the baby's room nursing, not only did she COME IN to a closed door, but literally tried to take the baby OUT OF MY ARMS WHILE SHE WAS EATING. DH was livid. He said to my dad, "I respect women, and I respect you, so with all due respect sir, control your wife!"

While your father’s wife was rude, you were a bit extra with your no visitors for two weeks.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't blame my in-laws.

When my first baby was born, I put out the word that DH and I didn't want visitors for the first two weeks. We wanted to meet her, to bond a little, get going on nursing, let me rest and recover a little, just figure out who we were as a family of three. My in-laws said okay and booked tickets for three weeks after the baby was born.

Told my dad and his wife. My father was ... he thought it was ridiculous. So they showed up the day after I got home. My father, a NYC Italian, went into the kitchen and started cooking gravy. We lived in a 3rd floor walk-up, and he hauled boxes of diapers upstairs, threw out garbage and recycling, walked the dog, etc. His wife, apparently was confused about whose baby it was, because she tried to dictate every little thing we should do.

Her: the baby is napping, so you should be napping!
Me: it'll only be for 20 minutes, I want to spend time with the dog
Her: but the BABY is NAPPING
:: baby wakes up from the yelling, starts crying::
Me: not anymore

She tried to tell me it was important to give the baby formula. So SHE could give the baby formula. No, it's important for us to establish nursing. But she wants to feed her.. Well, sorry but that's not going to happen now. But how will she bond with the baby? My goal is for ME to bond with the baby, because she's MY baby. This is why I said I didn't want you to come for the first couple weeks.

Later that day when I was in the baby's room nursing, not only did she COME IN to a closed door, but literally tried to take the baby OUT OF MY ARMS WHILE SHE WAS EATING. DH was livid. He said to my dad, "I respect women, and I respect you, so with all due respect sir, control your wife!"

While your father’s wife was rude, you were a bit extra with your no visitors for two weeks.

I agree.

Disagree. We did that with both our children and it was great. Who are you to judge someone else’s preparedness for guests?

[Anonymous]

My in-laws came to visit (they live overseas) and meet our kid for the first time when he was a few months old. At that time my husband was taking care of him during the day, and I was working full time, pumping, breastfeeding at night, doing all the housework after work, because during the day my husband was literally only taking care of the baby; apparently he can only do one thing at a time. The in-laws arrived, and immediately started waiting hand and foot in their son, while I am continuing doing what I’ve been doing, only now I am cleaning up after 2 more people who are extreme slobs, and the baby suddenly decides to confuse day and night, and I barely get any sleep. Yes, I yelled a few times at my husband to get up and do something. On their last day, after I leave for work, they sit down my husband and tell him how sad it makes them to find him in such an unfortunate situation when his wife is not taking any care of him, and how they are willing and ready to provide any kind of support should he decide to leave me, and of course they will be providing all the emotional support for him to reign me in. And they did, for another year or so. I think the only reason we did not get divorced then is that I simply did not have energy to take care of it.

[Anonymous]

^ waiting hand and foot on their son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws came to visit (they live overseas) and meet our kid for the first time when he was a few months old. At that time my husband was taking care of him during the day, and I was working full time, pumping, breastfeeding at night, doing all the housework after work, because during the day my husband was literally only taking care of the baby; apparently he can only do one thing at a time. The in-laws arrived, and immediately started waiting hand and foot in their son, while I am continuing doing what I’ve been doing, only now I am cleaning up after 2 more people who are extreme slobs, and the baby suddenly decides to confuse day and night, and I barely get any sleep. Yes, I yelled a few times at my husband to get up and do something. On their last day, after I leave for work, they sit down my husband and tell him how sad it makes them to find him in such an unfortunate situation when his wife is not taking any care of him, and how they are willing and ready to provide any kind of support should he decide to leave me, and of course they will be providing all the emotional support for him to reign me in. And they did, for another year or so. I think the only reason we did not get divorced then is that I simply did not have energy to take care of it.

Where are your parents? This exact scenario happened except it was my parents, and my mom who is quiet as a church mouse snapped when she saw me serving my home husband breakfast and basically raked him over the coals. Three kids later and he is the best house husband ever, coach, driver, handyman, hair stylist. And still scared of my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws came to visit (they live overseas) and meet our kid for the first time when he was a few months old. At that time my husband was taking care of him during the day, and I was working full time, pumping, breastfeeding at night, doing all the housework after work, because during the day my husband was literally only taking care of the baby; apparently he can only do one thing at a time. The in-laws arrived, and immediately started waiting hand and foot in their son, while I am continuing doing what I’ve been doing, only now I am cleaning up after 2 more people who are extreme slobs, and the baby suddenly decides to confuse day and night, and I barely get any sleep. Yes, I yelled a few times at my husband to get up and do something. On their last day, after I leave for work, they sit down my husband and tell him how sad it makes them to find him in such an unfortunate situation when his wife is not taking any care of him, and how they are willing and ready to provide any kind of support should he decide to leave me, and of course they will be providing all the emotional support for him to reign me in. And they did, for another year or so. I think the only reason we did not get divorced then is that I simply did not have energy to take care of it.

Where are your parents? This exact scenario happened except it was my parents, and my mom who is quiet as a church mouse snapped when she saw me serving my home husband breakfast and basically raked him over the coals. Three kids later and he is the best house husband ever, coach, driver, handyman, hair stylist. And still scared of my mom.

PP. My parents are here, and my mom is actually the type not to mess up with (and we are close). However, I do not appreciate my in-laws intrusion into my family, so I did my part with my parents. At the end my husband did improve, and he also decided that he is not cut out to be a stay at home parent, so went back to work. Unfortunately, my relationship with my in-laws was damaged irreparably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL came for what was supposed to be one nigby, stayed for more than a month, and left us bedbugs. Oh, and bought my 6 year old racist memorabilia for his birthday. Good times!

Can't leave us hanging. What did he bring your kid?

Kid loves history. Saved up his allowance to buy a Union soldier uniform at a National Park gift shop. Solely to antagonize me (because he enjoys pushing my buttons), FIL bought a bunch of Confederate things: the opposing uniform, decorations, belt buckle, drum with Confederate flags all over it. FIL expected a battle, but kid solved it by saying, disappointed, “Oh, Grandpa, thank you for the gifts, but these are for the side that wanted slavery, so they’re not fun to pretend with.”

The bedbugs were harder. It’s just the purposeful trying to get my goat like that that is tiresome. I’m expecting him to buy kid a Trump shirt or MAGA hat next. (He’s not really a Trump supporter; just has no life or friends and annoying people is his sad entertainment. He’s previously brandished the n-word just to get me to follow through on my statement that I would of tell him to leave if he says that in my home.

Um, your kid is AMAZING!