tell me your worst uncomfortable/unfair IL visit stories!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't blame my in-laws.

When my first baby was born, I put out the word that DH and I didn't want visitors for the first two weeks. We wanted to meet her, to bond a little, get going on nursing, let me rest and recover a little, just figure out who we were as a family of three. My in-laws said okay and booked tickets for three weeks after the baby was born.

Told my dad and his wife. My father was ... he thought it was ridiculous. So they showed up the day after I got home. My father, a NYC Italian, went into the kitchen and started cooking gravy. We lived in a 3rd floor walk-up, and he hauled boxes of diapers upstairs, threw out garbage and recycling, walked the dog, etc. His wife, apparently was confused about whose baby it was, because she tried to dictate every little thing we should do.

Her: the baby is napping, so you should be napping!
Me: it'll only be for 20 minutes, I want to spend time with the dog
Her: but the BABY is NAPPING
:: baby wakes up from the yelling, starts crying::
Me: not anymore

She tried to tell me it was important to give the baby formula. So SHE could give the baby formula. No, it's important for us to establish nursing. But she wants to feed her.. Well, sorry but that's not going to happen now. But how will she bond with the baby? My goal is for ME to bond with the baby, because she's MY baby. This is why I said I didn't want you to come for the first couple weeks.

Later that day when I was in the baby's room nursing, not only did she COME IN to a closed door, but literally tried to take the baby OUT OF MY ARMS WHILE SHE WAS EATING. DH was livid. He said to my dad, "I respect women, and I respect you, so with all due respect sir, control your wife!"

Was this in 1904?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL sports a speedo on lake/beach/pool vacations. It’s....tight. And he won’t change for meals because he’s “just going right back in.”

Ugh, not my inlaws but you just unleashed a gross memory... we stayed with a few other friends/couples in a cabin in Tahoe for week and I wouldn't have guessed I'd have to deal with this on a ski trip but the place had a hot tub... this one guy- I just would not have guessed he wore a speedo. He appeared to be "all balls" or maybe it was a massive bush. So DH and I were still chortling about that when we went to change into our suits and when we came back out, one of the other husbands was also in a speedo and he was all 'big hot dog'. They are all proceeding to have a conversation, casually in the suits while we grabbed drinks. None of the other wives/husbands appeared to notice so I quickly said 'oops can you retie this' (bikini top) and we went back up to our room and DIED LAUGHING like idiots holding pillows over our faces for seriously 20 minutes before we could calm down. Tears were streaming. These guys are still good friends of ours but ever after that we refer to them as good ol' 'Dick N Ballz' and one day I'm sure we will slip up and say it in front of them.

Annoying: Stepmother dropping rank farts, waving them around, calling attention to it and blaming my children. I was getting really annoyed at that and was about to snap. Either go away and sh!t yourself or stop blaming that hot diarrhea scent on my kids who hadn't made any smells that rank at that age (toddlers). Now that the honeymoon has worn off I was finally able to vent about it to my dad in private and he reports that she is a bad one for that- always announcing her farts by blaming others. Get a new MO, lady.

Embarrassing: repeatedly blocking my inlaws toilet with no plunger in sight. MIL was cool about it and blamed a tree root that was intruding on the pipe but it really was my #2s.

???: family member with apparent health issue sharting in the bed and not telling me/washing the sheets. Glad I had plastic sheets under but DAMN.

Uncomfortable: My dad, post Me-too still telling the same off colour jokes that could now possibly be 'triggering' as they say. We hosted a party with government VIPs and he could. Not. Stop. I warned him prior to the event to watch what he said as it could impact our status/position/professional relationships and I then had to repeatedly cringe through him telling every guest, "My daughter told me not to talk, so I can't say a whole lot.... people would burst out laughing... (then sure enough, within 5 minutes, WHABAM, insert dirty joke)". My dad seriously is not a creeper, not a toucher/ogler and is a genuine guy and everyone loved him and kept getting him drinks/enjoying him but I was just ugggghhhhhhhh. I always thought he was hilarious growing up (still do) but now I get how when she was alive, my mother would 'tell him' how to act normal/be PC and he would keep making jokes and keeping the party going. I always thought that not toeing the line made him even funnier but now as a wife I get it. Literally I went to apologize to DH and he was like "the Governor LOVES your F**king Dad!!" FML.

[Anonymous]

My DH’s SIL just gave birth recently and after about a week we received an emergency text saying they needed us to come out immediately (~6h drive, Friday).

There was no emergency. She just thrust the baby into my arms as soon as we arrives and disappeared into the bedroom to sleep. They needed a babysitter for their newborn, apparently, so the husband who was on paternity leave for two weeks could play xbox.

But the false pretext isn’t even the part that bothered us-when she resurfaced on Sunday she proceeded to repeatedly make insults about my weight (even though I’m 40lbs lighter than her pre-pregnancy weight) and tell me that I was a failure and should just cancel the applications I have in for some advanced programs. I have more advanced degrees and she’s always made snide comments but whatever...Still rude.

Then she said that she didn’t want us for the winter holidays after making a big deal out of it previous years but to still make sure to post gifts for all of them early since she was still planning on hosting MIL after she did her local family side’s events and their 3+bedroom apt obviously was no longer big enough.

Then BIL made a comment about how he hoped my (upper body changes, size-wise) went much better than his DW’s, as she and my DH are all sitting in the main room with us. I about fell off the couch.

Needless to say, we’ve opted out of seeing them for Thanksgiving and consider ourselves to be off the hook for any future winter holidays (and gifts, except as we’d like to the new baby).

-
I’ll throw in the time MIL made a longggggg corporate-atule speech at the rehearsal dinner that basically devolved into yelling/shaming me for not giving her grandchildren. My family was not amused, at all, and DH was so unhappy with her he refused all holidays for at least a year.

[Anonymous]

What emergency did she say there was? No chance I am driving 6 hours last minute without knowledge of the exact emergency. I would have gave the child back, left, and found a hotel. Don't let people walk all over you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL is beyond crazy about food. He grew up as one of a group of brothers so I think he basically has the mentality that there is never enough food and he needs to eat what is available immediately. Like if we are at a party and there is a small table of appetizers with napkins, small plates etc available to take a serving he will literally pull up a chair and start eating off the platters.

The worst morning of the year is always the Friday after Thanksgiving. We have my in-laws at our house and my mother-in-law is amazing. Everyone helps clean the kitchen, she always puts the leftovers in containers that are perfectly organized, etc. My father-in-law then treats those containers like his personal buffet. Last year I came down at seven in the morning and he was sitting on the couch eating onion-y stuffing with a fork out of a Tupperware container meant for serving later on.. He will also sit alone at the table with condiments and bread distributed around him and make a turkey sandwich while everyone else is sitting there 5 feet away. It’s beyond gross and weird.

HAHAHAHAHA...this reminded me of a friend (then pregnant) I have who went on a beach vacation with her IL's. They served seafood, which she loves. They asked how she liked it prepared, and she stated (clearly, but nicely - since they purposefully asked) "anything but this particular way" (something that involves keeping a few pieces separate and not smothering it with an ingredient she finds offensive, actually I do, too). So, the IL's proceeded to douse the seafood with the ingredient my friend hates (it makes her sick, literally, and she stated as much). The friend had no dinner, because this happened late. The next IL vacation, friend ate all of the small serving (enough for one person) of that particular food - which didn't have that ingredient ("crap" as she calls it) on it. So now, the IL's keep the hors d'oeuvres away from my friend, but the friend knows it, and sends me pics of the too small plate for 20 people. This happens about once per year, but still funny, because we know what to expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL is beyond crazy about food. He grew up as one of a group of brothers so I think he basically has the mentality that there is never enough food and he needs to eat what is available immediately. Like if we are at a party and there is a small table of appetizers with napkins, small plates etc available to take a serving he will literally pull up a chair and start eating off the platters.

The worst morning of the year is always the Friday after Thanksgiving. We have my in-laws at our house and my mother-in-law is amazing. Everyone helps clean the kitchen, she always puts the leftovers in containers that are perfectly organized, etc. My father-in-law then treats those containers like his personal buffet. Last year I came down at seven in the morning and he was sitting on the couch eating onion-y stuffing with a fork out of a Tupperware container meant for serving later on.. He will also sit alone at the table with condiments and bread distributed around him and make a turkey sandwich while everyone else is sitting there 5 feet away. It’s beyond gross and weird.

HAHAHAHAHA...this reminded me of a friend (then pregnant) I have who went on a beach vacation with her IL's. They served seafood, which she loves. They asked how she liked it prepared, and she stated (clearly, but nicely - since they purposefully asked) "anything but this particular way" (something that involves keeping a few pieces separate and not smothering it with an ingredient she finds offensive, actually I do, too). So, the IL's proceeded to douse the seafood with the ingredient my friend hates (it makes her sick, literally, and she stated as much). The friend had no dinner, because this happened late. The next IL vacation, friend ate all of the small serving (enough for one person) of that particular food - which didn't have that ingredient ("crap" as she calls it) on it. So now, the IL's keep the hors d'oeuvres away from my friend, but the friend knows it, and sends me pics of the too small plate for 20 people. This happens about once per year, but still funny, because we know what to expect.

Why can't she cook her own food on vacation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't blame my in-laws.

When my first baby was born, I put out the word that DH and I didn't want visitors for the first two weeks. We wanted to meet her, to bond a little, get going on nursing, let me rest and recover a little, just figure out who we were as a family of three. My in-laws said okay and booked tickets for three weeks after the baby was born.

Told my dad and his wife. My father was ... he thought it was ridiculous. So they showed up the day after I got home. My father, a NYC Italian, went into the kitchen and started cooking gravy. We lived in a 3rd floor walk-up, and he hauled boxes of diapers upstairs, threw out garbage and recycling, walked the dog, etc. His wife, apparently was confused about whose baby it was, because she tried to dictate every little thing we should do.

Her: the baby is napping, so you should be napping!
Me: it'll only be for 20 minutes, I want to spend time with the dog
Her: but the BABY is NAPPING
:: baby wakes up from the yelling, starts crying::
Me: not anymore

She tried to tell me it was important to give the baby formula. So SHE could give the baby formula. No, it's important for us to establish nursing. But she wants to feed her.. Well, sorry but that's not going to happen now. But how will she bond with the baby? My goal is for ME to bond with the baby, because she's MY baby. This is why I said I didn't want you to come for the first couple weeks.

Later that day when I was in the baby's room nursing, not only did she COME IN to a closed door, but literally tried to take the baby OUT OF MY ARMS WHILE SHE WAS EATING. DH was livid. He said to my dad, "I respect women, and I respect you, so with all due respect sir, control your wife!"

While your father’s wife was rude, you were a bit extra with your no visitors for two weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't blame my in-laws.

When my first baby was born, I put out the word that DH and I didn't want visitors for the first two weeks. We wanted to meet her, to bond a little, get going on nursing, let me rest and recover a little, just figure out who we were as a family of three. My in-laws said okay and booked tickets for three weeks after the baby was born.

Told my dad and his wife. My father was ... he thought it was ridiculous. So they showed up the day after I got home. My father, a NYC Italian, went into the kitchen and started cooking gravy. We lived in a 3rd floor walk-up, and he hauled boxes of diapers upstairs, threw out garbage and recycling, walked the dog, etc. His wife, apparently was confused about whose baby it was, because she tried to dictate every little thing we should do.

Her: the baby is napping, so you should be napping!
Me: it'll only be for 20 minutes, I want to spend time with the dog
Her: but the BABY is NAPPING
:: baby wakes up from the yelling, starts crying::
Me: not anymore

She tried to tell me it was important to give the baby formula. So SHE could give the baby formula. No, it's important for us to establish nursing. But she wants to feed her.. Well, sorry but that's not going to happen now. But how will she bond with the baby? My goal is for ME to bond with the baby, because she's MY baby. This is why I said I didn't want you to come for the first couple weeks.

Later that day when I was in the baby's room nursing, not only did she COME IN to a closed door, but literally tried to take the baby OUT OF MY ARMS WHILE SHE WAS EATING. DH was livid. He said to my dad, "I respect women, and I respect you, so with all due respect sir, control your wife!"

While your father’s wife was rude, you were a bit extra with your no visitors for two weeks.

Nope. She's perfectly within her rights to decide when they want visitors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL is beyond crazy about food. He grew up as one of a group of brothers so I think he basically has the mentality that there is never enough food and he needs to eat what is available immediately. Like if we are at a party and there is a small table of appetizers with napkins, small plates etc available to take a serving he will literally pull up a chair and start eating off the platters.

The worst morning of the year is always the Friday after Thanksgiving. We have my in-laws at our house and my mother-in-law is amazing. Everyone helps clean the kitchen, she always puts the leftovers in containers that are perfectly organized, etc. My father-in-law then treats those containers like his personal buffet. Last year I came down at seven in the morning and he was sitting on the couch eating onion-y stuffing with a fork out of a Tupperware container meant for serving later on.. He will also sit alone at the table with condiments and bread distributed around him and make a turkey sandwich while everyone else is sitting there 5 feet away. It’s beyond gross and weird.

HAHAHAHAHA...this reminded me of a friend (then pregnant) I have who went on a beach vacation with her IL's. They served seafood, which she loves. They asked how she liked it prepared, and she stated (clearly, but nicely - since they purposefully asked) "anything but this particular way" (something that involves keeping a few pieces separate and not smothering it with an ingredient she finds offensive, actually I do, too). So, the IL's proceeded to douse the seafood with the ingredient my friend hates (it makes her sick, literally, and she stated as much). The friend had no dinner, because this happened late. The next IL vacation, friend ate all of the small serving (enough for one person) of that particular food - which didn't have that ingredient ("crap" as she calls it) on it. So now, the IL's keep the hors d'oeuvres away from my friend, but the friend knows it, and sends me pics of the too small plate for 20 people. This happens about once per year, but still funny, because we know what to expect.

Is the ingredient Old Bay seasoning?

I love seafood, but that makes me gag every time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aunt and uncle own a duplex and live in one of the two bedroom units. They converted their second bedroom to an airBNB. It is clean but they are really odd about it. My aunt has all these teddy bears around the room and a little dedicated side patio for it with tons of ceramic chickens and kittens. When guests come, she inquiries if they are celebrating anything and if they are then she fills their room with balloons, bears holding hearts, chickens singing happy birthdays. I can only imagine what the guests think but it is in a popular location and she prices lower. Their own living space now is like walking into a stuffed closet. My aunt runs around to garage sales collected free crap all the time. Their now 1 bedroom unit is packed to the point its hard to sit down.

We had dinner with them about a week before our anniversary. She kept insisting that we stay in her airBNB for our anniversary and have the kids stay with her. She was all giggling and excited that she would make up tons of balloons and lovey bears for us. We declined because frankly this is the weirdest thing I could imagine doing on my anniversary. She drove DH nuts the rest of the week insisting that he needs to show more romance and bring me to their romantic airBNB.

Do you think there's a camera in that room?

[Anonymous]

FIL and his long term girl friend came to visit. They enjoyed taking showers together in our downstairs bathroom that was next to the kitchen while we were all awake and on the same floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FIL and his long term girl friend came to visit. They enjoyed taking showers together in our downstairs bathroom that was next to the kitchen while we were all awake and on the same floor.

I’d just leave and get as far away as possible. DH was shaken up and horrified the entire time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many from this ridiculous family that it's hard to know which story to choose first. Let's see, there was the NYE where we were "invited" (as if we had a choice) to spend the night at MILs place because she'd wanted all the family together for the night. Nevermind that (now ex thankfully) husband and I had plans at the time, he immediately broke those and agreed. So we pack up for the night and head the 15 minutes across town to spend the holiday night with MIL. We go in and are all taken around to room/sleeping assignments. Every other couple has a room with a bed a or at least an air mattress set up because they all have some sort of qualifier, like they're in from out of town, they have A CHILD, etc etc. We're then shown to FILs office where she quickly says she's sure we'll be fine sleeping in a couple of chairs in there and she'll try to remember to bring us some blankets. My DH immediately, without asking says that yes of course that is fine. So we all head in to the main part in of the house for the family time MIL has been insisting on. She very quickly downs a single glass of wine then says she's sleepy and will be turning in for the night, at a bit before 8pm. Which is fine but why did all these people need to come cram in and spend the night...? Oh I do not miss a thing about that family.

That is crazy
I would have just gotten up and gone home.

[Anonymous]

OP, how were the rooms allocated?
I love analysis of room grandeur and pecking order of guests. From the sister hog who grabs the best room to the precious couple with the baby who needs it but blocks off the balcony and insists on quiet in the kitchen next door. To the single person on the couch every trip.

Any new build beach houses need to have all identical en suites. Haven't they figured this out yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH’s SIL just gave birth recently and after about a week we received an emergency text saying they needed us to come out immediately (~6h drive, Friday).

There was no emergency. She just thrust the baby into my arms as soon as we arrives and disappeared into the bedroom to sleep. They needed a babysitter for their newborn, apparently, so the husband who was on paternity leave for two weeks could play xbox.

But the false pretext isn’t even the part that bothered us-when she resurfaced on Sunday she proceeded to repeatedly make insults about my weight (even though I’m 40lbs lighter than her pre-pregnancy weight) and tell me that I was a failure and should just cancel the applications I have in for some advanced programs. I have more advanced degrees and she’s always made snide comments but whatever...Still rude.

Then she said that she didn’t want us for the winter holidays after making a big deal out of it previous years but to still make sure to post gifts for all of them early since she was still planning on hosting MIL after she did her local family side’s events and their 3+bedroom apt obviously was no longer big enough.

Then BIL made a comment about how he hoped my (upper body changes, size-wise) went much better than his DW’s, as she and my DH are all sitting in the main room with us. I about fell off the couch.

Needless to say, we’ve opted out of seeing them for Thanksgiving and consider ourselves to be off the hook for any future winter holidays (and gifts, except as we’d like to the new baby).

-
I’ll throw in the time MIL made a longggggg corporate-atule speech at the rehearsal dinner that basically devolved into yelling/shaming me for not giving her grandchildren. My family was not amused, at all, and DH was so unhappy with her he refused all holidays for at least a year.

Wow. Your SIL sounds awful, but she also sounds like she's struggling mightily with a really bad DH and possibly other things.