Will I be shunned for not giving out party favors?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up receiving and giving party favors at birthday celebrations. I think there always an expection of "Yay! I get a goody bag" (even if it was junky). I still knew what the party was about and I knew I was there to help celebrate a friend's birthday. I always thought party favors were part of the whole party experience. For my son's parties, I'll put up theme decorations, have a nice cake, maybe hire entertainers, and hand out party favors. Without some of those things, it just becomes another play date at the park or pool.

For those of you who hold "no gift" parties, if you get an invitation to a party that requests "no gifts," do you follow their advice? Some people just enjoy giving and/or receiving. It doesn't mean the person is being rude or spoiled.

I find this really sad. If you can't differentiate a special day from a regular day without the use of extensive decorations, paid (!) entertainers, and party favors, you're doing something wrong. All it takes is a cake (ugly will do just fine) and singing happy birthday.

[Anonymous]

I find this really sad. If you can't differentiate a special day from a regular day without the use of extensive decorations, paid (!) entertainers, and party favors, you're doing something wrong. All it takes is a cake (ugly will do just fine) and singing happy birthday.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big fan of edible goodie bags. One year I had a bakery make big cookies with each child's name written on it. All the moms thanked me for not doing goody bags full of crap, and the kids LOVED them!

Let me first say I I love the cookie idea and will probably do it at some point when DD is older and older children attend her Bday party (she is only 12 mo now). But, I also plan that someone will be upset/offended/angered by this gesture.

That said - probably not every parent will be happy with this idea. I once threw a party for my husband who was getting ready to deploy. In addition to a large buffet of food - I also had cake and ice cream. The party was mid-afternoon (2 pm) and included quite a few friends/family and their children (there were maybe 30 adults and less than 10 children). I had one mom come up to me and actually complain that we had cake and ice cream because she would have to deal with the sugar highs that night. Hello - it's a party. I was so shocked by her being upset (she really was upset) that I just stared at her and didn't reply.

I guess my point is you are rarely going to make everyone happy - so do what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I find this really sad. If you can't differentiate a special day from a regular day without the use of extensive decorations, paid (!) entertainers, and party favors, you're doing something wrong. All it takes is a cake (ugly will do just fine) and singing happy birthday.

I agree.

So what? I don't find it "sad" (sad? really?) pathetic, or whatever. To each his/her own. You don't like big parties, don't go. I don't see what the BFD is here. Some people like to go all out and commemorate the day; some don't. I'm about the mid-way point, myself. There are more important things to be exercised about.

And to the one PP, I used to never bring gifts to "no gifts" parties. However, one too many times, I was left being one of the only people who didn't bring gifts. While the gifts were on display and sometimes opened, I'm standing there feeling embarrassed. Now, yes, I do usually brings something small to those "no gifts" events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I find this really sad. If you can't differentiate a special day from a regular day without the use of extensive decorations, paid (!) entertainers, and party favors, you're doing something wrong. All it takes is a cake (ugly will do just fine) and singing happy birthday.

I agree.

So what? I don't find it "sad" (sad? really?) pathetic, or whatever. To each his/her own. You don't like big parties, don't go. I don't see what the BFD is here. Some people like to go all out and commemorate the day; some don't. I'm about the mid-way point, myself. There are more important things to be exercised about.

And to the one PP, I used to never bring gifts to "no gifts" parties. However, one too many times, I was left being one of the only people who didn't bring gifts. While the gifts were on display and sometimes opened, I'm standing there feeling embarrassed. Now, yes, I do usually brings something small to those "no gifts" events.

See bolded text. The PP to whom I was responding said something along the lines of "without those things, it's just another play date at the park". If you want to go all out, go all out - but if you're incapable of making a day special without a lot of props, that's just unfortunate. Or sad, or pathetic, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I find this really sad. If you can't differentiate a special day from a regular day without the use of extensive decorations, paid (!) entertainers, and party favors, you're doing something wrong. All it takes is a cake (ugly will do just fine) and singing happy birthday.

I agree.

Oh Please. By "special day" I meant "special occasion"... isn't that what a birthday is? My son is really young... these are some of the things I think I would like to do for him when he's old enough to understand. By nice cake, I meant, "Have a cake," and yes, it will be an ugly cake because I'm likely to make it myself. No, I'm not doing something wrong. I'm sorry that made you sad.

[Anonymous]

And to the one PP, I used to never bring gifts to "no gifts" parties. However, one too many times, I was left being one of the only people who didn't bring gifts. While the gifts were on display and sometimes opened, I'm standing there feeling embarrassed. Now, yes, I do usually brings something small to those "no gifts" events.

Anyone who has a "no gifts" party and then displays and open gifts in front of everyone is rude. They should be embarrassed, not you.

[Anonymous]

What about a book exchange- this covers the "no gifts" and "party favors" each kid brings a book, wrapped or whatever you want, and then how ever you give them out- draw numbers, hide them, everyone gets a new book, including the birthday boy/girl- and favors are done I love this idea, friend shared it with me!

[Anonymous]

The kids may be disappointed, but I don't think the kids will have less fun because there wasn't a favor, and certainly, the parents shouldn't mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about a book exchange- this covers the "no gifts" and "party favors" each kid brings a book, wrapped or whatever you want, and then how ever you give them out- draw numbers, hide them, everyone gets a new book, including the birthday boy/girl- and favors are done I love this idea, friend shared it with me!

Friends of mine have done book exchanges. Never seen one at a kid's party, but I've always enjoyed them.

[Anonymous]

I love books and I'm all for educational just like the rest of you, but does that really amke the birthday kid feel special? Everyone gets a book and the borthday kid gets no present, just a book like everyone else.

I get it that the party is not supposed to be about the gifts -- and it isn't to me. I think the whole experience is fun. But kids have preconceived notions of how these things are supposed to go by a certain age (about 4 or 5). I don't exactly know where they get them (school, friends, older siblings, etc., I guess). But trust me, my 5 year old understands that she is supposed ot be the birthday girl -- and it's a big deal to her. I don't think she's materialistic. She just wants to be special. She wants to have a cake and decorations. She ants party bags for her friends and really wants to help pick out the stuff and put them together. It's such a small thing that makes her really happy. I honestly don't think I'm overindulging her by letting her give out party bags. Trust me, I say no to her A LOT. It's not like I'm buying her crazy, extravagant presents. I'm letting her pick out a clittle candy and a few stickers or something to putin a little bag to give to her friends to say "thanks for enjoying my birthday with me." And it happens once a year for just a few years until she's too old (from about 4-8 or so -- we didn't do favors for younger parties)

I just don't see this as some moral dilemma. It's a lousy party bag but DCUM have to make it so the fate of the world rests on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And to the one PP, I used to never bring gifts to "no gifts" parties. However, one too many times, I was left being one of the only people who didn't bring gifts. While the gifts were on display and sometimes opened, I'm standing there feeling embarrassed. Now, yes, I do usually brings something small to those "no gifts" events.

Anyone who has a "no gifts" party and then displays and open gifts in front of everyone is rude. They should be embarrassed, not you.

I'm the first poster in this quote. I agree with you but it is what it is. And, I was embarrassed.