Will I be shunned for not giving out party favors?

[Anonymous]

For DD's 2nd bday, I was thinking of a "no gift" policy, but my sister told me about her experiences with that where, like a PP, people felt awkward. She said some people ignored the policy and others felt awkward about not having gifts. So we went with presents. There were only 5 other kids there, and I don't think a single present DD received cost over $10, and they were all perfect. The great thing about them was that they were things I'd never think to get. For example, DD got a friend's favorite book (which I'd never had picked but DD really likes) and a small doll (ditto). She also got play doh and coloring books. All small, age appropriate, not cluttering the house, etc. So in the end there was no reason to worry, and DD LOVED opening the presents - and it's her bday, right? So she should love her party.

For favors, we did temporary tattoos and coloring books. The kids were happy to take something with them, and it wasn't anything that would choke them, poison them (although undoubtedly someone will say it's terrible to use the fake tattoos), or clutter someone else's house.

09:42 is right - it's for the kids, get over yourselves. They have lots and lots of time to be responsible and prim and proper when they get older.

[Anonymous]

Get over it, indeed. The kids will live without one more thing of bubbles, stickers, tattoos, dollar store tchotch in the house. If these things are so important your child is deprived without them, buy them yourself.

[Anonymous]

For DD's 2nd bday, I was thinking of a "no gift" policy, but my sister told me about her experiences with that where, like a PP, people felt awkward. She said some people ignored the policy and others felt awkward about not having gifts. So we went with presents.

There are a million threads about this already, but we have "no gifts" parties and I don't feel bad about it at all. Here's how to avoid awkwardness: as a guest, if the invitation says no presents, don't bring a present. Bring a card if you feel like you don't want to come empty-handed. As the party host, if someone does bring a gift, set it aside (quickly and discreetly, out of view) and open it after the party is over. A very small child certainly doesn't need presents to enjoy her own party.

Of course, I never mind bringing a gift to someone else's party, but I always feel better having "no gifts" parties of our own. That's just how we do it and if anyone resents that, that is their problem. I have a very hard time understanding why.

[Anonymous]

This thread is so entertaining!

So my DD went to a birthday party (for a 4 year old) and no favors were given out. She asked where her favor was, I told her there weren't any, and she pouted for about a second, until she saw a shiny bead in the parking lot by the car. She was so thrilled at the bead that any thoughts of "being deprived" by not getting a goody bag were immediately gone.

My point? Well, kids like trinkets. So they like goody bags and favors and whatnot. And if you don't give them out, kids of a certain age will notice, and then they will get distracted and get over it.

As a parent of the birthday kid, you will never please everybody. Have the party you want, with the favors you want or don't want, and stop whining.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow, this is really a hot topic! Thanks for all the replies. I like the idea of balloons, I think I'll go with that, and maybe a cookie.

I should have mentioned that although the birthday girl is only 2, there will be older kids there (ages 3-9). When she turned 1, we had a pizza party (mostly for our friends, but many brought children). At the end, some of the older kids actually came up to me and asked for their gift bag. I was so appalled that I vowed I would never encourage that kind of behavior.

So I guess I'll just give the balloons a shot and see what happens!

[Anonymous]

I never liked balloons for small children. They can be a choking http://pediatrics.about.com/od/safety/a/1206_balloons.htm

[Anonymous]

sorry a choking hazzard

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine to give the goodie bag or not. I think the problem comes when it becomes a "must" -- i.e., our kids learn to expect them and we as moms worry about how we will be thought of if we don't do it.

It is a relief to know that I would be not be judged for not having one. With limited time, I'd rather put it into planning fun activities for the kids to do and good food. My kids do love getting them but as of yet they still seem happily shocked to get a present at someone else's party. Sounds like that will quickly change.

[Anonymous]

I'm a big fan of edible goodie bags. One year I had a bakery make big cookies with each child's name written on it. All the moms thanked me for not doing goody bags full of crap, and the kids LOVED them!

[Anonymous]

i would not shun you at all - i'd ask you to join me for drinks after the kids are in bed. you sound sensible and relaxed to me -- disregard the self-entitled parent sof the "my kid has to be a kid and have open a present on someone else's birthday to have fun at your party because i can't manage to teach him manners". and for those that say that a 2-year old is too young to be taught -- two response. 1) find her a shiny bead like the PP or 2) don't go to birthday parties for 2 year olds where the bday parents are going to make a spectacle of gift opening. GROW UP PEOPLE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a big fan of edible goodie bags. One year I had a bakery make big cookies with each child's name written on it. All the moms thanked me for not doing goody bags full of crap, and the kids LOVED them!

I'm generally anti-goody bag, but this is a nice idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Naive new mom here...I find it scary to think I might be shunned for not giving out stupid gift bags or that kids might demand them. When DC gets older and we have birthday parties, it's going to be simple, inexpensive, and fun. And if it's not good enough for any parent or kid, then that's their problem.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

I did a no-gifts party when my son was 4, and didn't give out loot bags.
When he turned 5 this year, I gave up on my ideals. It was a small party, he got a few gifts, some of the kids actually asked about loot bags. I put together some loot bags with things I thought might really be useful and not just plastic junk.

[Anonymous]

I grew up receiving and giving party favors at birthday celebrations. I think there always an expection of "Yay! I get a goody bag" (even if it was junky). I still knew what the party was about and I knew I was there to help celebrate a friend's birthday. I always thought party favors were part of the whole party experience. For my son's parties, I'll put up theme decorations, have a nice cake, maybe hire entertainers, and hand out party favors. Without some of those things, it just becomes another play date at the park or pool.

For those of you who hold "no gift" parties, if you get an invitation to a party that requests "no gifts," do you follow their advice? Some people just enjoy giving and/or receiving. It doesn't mean the person is being rude or spoiled.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who hold "no gift" parties, if you get an invitation to a party that requests "no gifts," do you follow their advice?

Of course I do. And it's not "advice," it's a request from the party host, who has the right to throw whatever kind of party he or she likes.