Will I be shunned for not giving out party favors?

[Anonymous]

Target also always has books and crayons in the $1 bins. I personally hate the junk at parties, weddings, showers. etc. but am always happy to get a book.

[Anonymous]

For my DD's 1st b-day I dipped rice krispy treats halfway in choc. and wrapped them. I like the food favors vs. junk. For her 3rd b-day party this weekend (at a movie theatre) I put a mini-microwave popcorn bag and some hershey kisses in each bag. Again not toy junk, but edible. I"m either way, don't care if a party has favors or not, not offended if the latter, but I like saying "thank you" with my favors and stick to food.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who don't want gifts, a friend of mine did something recently that I thought was really cool. In lieu of gifts, she collected food for a local food bank and posted a link to the food bank's site with a list of current food needs. I was happy to spend the money I would have spent on a gift on canned goods and boxes of pasta instead of a gift he might not need or already have. She said she will be dropping off an SUV full of food tomorrow! Alternatives to the food bank could be donations to a local women's shelter - unopened shampoos, conditioners, lotions, soap, toothbrushes, etc.

[Anonymous]

I love putting together the goody bags, but if you don't one option is a craft or activity- then the kid takes that home as their favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who don't want gifts, a friend of mine did something recently that I thought was really cool. In lieu of gifts, she collected food for a local food bank and posted a link to the food bank's site with a list of current food needs. I was happy to spend the money I would have spent on a gift on canned goods and boxes of pasta instead of a gift he might not need or already have. She said she will be dropping off an SUV full of food tomorrow! Alternatives to the food bank could be donations to a local women's shelter - unopened shampoos, conditioners, lotions, soap, toothbrushes, etc.

This is what we're doing too. I especially like building it in as a tradition since our child's Birthday is close to Christmas. I definitely DON'T want her Birthday to be a part of the Holiday season, but I love the idea of reinforcing some of the values of charity and thoughtfulness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I was always anti-favor, until my children started going to birthday parties, and at age 2 or 3 had a hard time when the birthday child opened presents. They got jealous, I geuss-- and yes I know they need to learn that the world isn't all about them, but... it really did help that they got a little bag full of trinkets on the way home.

That's an excellent reason not to give party favors, in my opinion. "It's not your birthday, it's Danny's birthday, that's why Danny is getting presents today," is a vital lesson. Isn't cake and ice cream a treat enough for the partygoers?

Eh. If the kids involved are 2 or 3, I think it's a little early to expect them to handle this lesson with good grace. Especially if the party you are at involves sitting and watching the birthday child unwrap many presents.

Why make life tough? Of COURSE kids get jealous. And no, ice cream and cake, while deicious, are not the same thing as getting a little goodie bag to take home (and share with your diblings who weren't invited.)

Either don't unwrap presents at the party (which I fully support!) of if you do, have a little bag with a few pieces of candy and maybe some stickers for the kids on the way out the door. A little something is not going to spoil a toddler or preschooler. It doesn't have to be plastic crap. It's a thoughtful guesture.

[Anonymous]

Parents, get over yourselves. It's not about you and what you want. It's for the kids.

You're right. From now on, whatever my kids want, they get! That's what it's all about - what the KIDS want.

I can't believe I've been making this all about ME and MY RULES for so long. Thanks for showing me the light!

[Anonymous]

I'm with you OP. I hate favors also. I'd say don't give them if you don't want to. If people get mad, it's totally their issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Parents, get over yourselves. It's not about you and what you want. It's for the kids.

You're right. From now on, whatever my kids want, they get! That's what it's all about - what the KIDS want.

I can't believe I've been making this all about ME and MY RULES for so long. Thanks for showing me the light!

I wasn't going to say it quite like this, but yes. Just because it's my child's party doesn't mean by rules or preferences go out the window. I'm the adult. I'll incorporate as much of DS's wants as is reasonable, but at the end of the day, it's my call. Heh, it was only about the kids, we'd probably serve nothing but big bowls of frosting, and the goody bags would contain bubblegum, ponies, and new bikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who don't want gifts, a friend of mine did something recently that I thought was really cool. In lieu of gifts, she collected food for a local food bank and posted a link to the food bank's site with a list of current food needs. I was happy to spend the money I would have spent on a gift on canned goods and boxes of pasta instead of a gift he might not need or already have. She said she will be dropping off an SUV full of food tomorrow! Alternatives to the food bank could be donations to a local women's shelter - unopened shampoos, conditioners, lotions, soap, toothbrushes, etc.

I know this may sound weird, but I find this rude. The intent is wonderful of course. But You are not suppose to ask for gifts. Therefore, you can't ask for people to spend money on something else. I find it strange when I am invited somewhere and then told, hey we don't want gifts, but please we insist you open up your wallets and spend it on something.

As far as no favors. I think no favors and no gifts should go hand-in-hand. I know others disagree. But I think it's strange to have the giving be one-sided. And its a 2-year old party. Unless there are lots of older kids, their is probably no expectation of favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who don't want gifts, a friend of mine did something recently that I thought was really cool. In lieu of gifts, she collected food for a local food bank and posted a link to the food bank's site with a list of current food needs. I was happy to spend the money I would have spent on a gift on canned goods and boxes of pasta instead of a gift he might not need or already have. She said she will be dropping off an SUV full of food tomorrow! Alternatives to the food bank could be donations to a local women's shelter - unopened shampoos, conditioners, lotions, soap, toothbrushes, etc.

I know this may sound weird, but I find this rude. The intent is wonderful of course. But You are not suppose to ask for gifts. Therefore, you can't ask for people to spend money on something else. I find it strange when I am invited somewhere and then told, hey we don't want gifts, but please we insist you open up your wallets and spend it on something.

As far as no favors. I think no favors and no gifts should go hand-in-hand. I know others disagree. But I think it's strange to have the giving be one-sided. And its a 2-year old party. Unless there are lots of older kids, their is probably no expectation of favors.

Only on DCUM could I find someone saying donations are rude. PPer I think you're looking way to far into it. I would think you're a LOT more rude to show up to a party without a gift for an invite that didn't say otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Naive new mom here...I find it scary to think I might be shunned for not giving out stupid gift bags or that kids might demand them. When DC gets older and we have birthday parties, it's going to be simple, inexpensive, and fun. And if it's not good enough for any parent or kid, then that's their problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love putting together the goody bags, but if you don't one option is a craft or activity- then the kid takes that home as their favor.

That is a great idea. Will have to remember that when DD gets older (she's 1 now)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents, get over yourselves. It's not about you and what you want. It's for the kids.

Children learn what we teach them. I don't want my daughter to learn that junk is desireable, or that she must be rewarded for her attendance at these things.

I have an aunt who had your attitude. All about the kid, if it only costs a dollar or two what's the harm in buying her whatever she asks for, etc. Now that poor child is 16 years old, and is incapable of making decisions about purchases. If she gets a whim, it must be fulfilled. She spends all her allowance and all the extra cash she cadges from her non-custodial parent on junk. And I'm talking plastic jewelry, Harry Potter branded kiddie perfume, dollar-store makeup, multiple skins for her iphone, and so on. I fear for the day that child gets her first credit card, because she has ZERO concept of self-denial, and she will be up to her eyeballs in debt in no time. THAT is what this atmosphere of constant need-creation-for-gratification leads to.

I get that it's nice for kids to be happy with a favor. But if there were no favors, kids would find other things to be happy about. One-upping parents have created this problem (and yes, it's a problem) and I applaud those who refuse to participate. You, overly-indulgent parent, are doing your and your neighbors' children a disservice. They're not going to pull responsible behavior out of the aether, you know. It has to be modeled and taught.

[Anonymous]

You parents who think we're all depriving the children of the joy of childhood, you realize that what you are saying is that your child deserves something just because she likes it and it makes her happy, and it's perfectly fine to expect a present at someone else's party. No, thank you. If my child throws a tantrum because she didn't get a gift bag at Susie's party, well, she'll get over it. And she will learn quickly -- I hope -- that the present for the partygoer is to be invited to the party, get to play all the fun games, and eat cake. I'd rather her have five minutes of mild disappointment on the way out the door than a lifetime of confusing "want" and "need" and "nice" and "necessary."