S/O The obsession with class/tackiness/social standing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP of the “subtle but insidious” post. It’s been common in my life for the families of friends and significant others to use “what do your parents do?” as an introductory conversation opener. Well, my dad worked in banking - as a retail branch manager, among other things. I think they expected something more prestigious, like investment banking. My mom didn’t attend college and worked secretarial jobs. I went to a state school. For the parents of a high school boyfriend, I was considered lesser-than because of said jobs as well as living in a 1950’s ranch and not the more stately homes (but not mansions, just larger with more curb appeal) on the other side of town. My parents are hardworking and frugal and put a lot of resources into allowing me to try different activities.

The UMC parents of my friends were obsessed with talking about where so-and-so went to college and career paths.

Are you sure about this? If so, those people were being rude and classless. Rejecting someone because they don't come from money does not automatically place you in a higher socioeconomic class than them. It's just rude.

[Anonymous]

Shut up and worry about the tornado heading our way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP of the “subtle but insidious” post. It’s been common in my life for the families of friends and significant others to use “what do your parents do?” as an introductory conversation opener. Well, my dad worked in banking - as a retail branch manager, among other things. I think they expected something more prestigious, like investment banking. My mom didn’t attend college and worked secretarial jobs. I went to a state school. For the parents of a high school boyfriend, I was considered lesser-than because of said jobs as well as living in a 1950’s ranch and not the more stately homes (but not mansions, just larger with more curb appeal) on the other side of town. My parents are hardworking and frugal and put a lot of resources into allowing me to try different activities.

The UMC parents of my friends were obsessed with talking about where so-and-so went to college and career paths.

Are you sure about this? If so, those people were being rude and classless. Rejecting someone because they don't come from money does not automatically place you in a higher socioeconomic class than them. It's just rude.

Yes, they were rude. The mother of the hs boyfriend has a STEM PhD and really aspired to be “in” with old money acquaintances. It didn’t fit her worldview, as a mother with high aspirations for her intelligent son, that I, the daughter of a secretary, could be his equal in grades and achievements. I’m not exaggerating when conversation stopped on more than one occasion, with families of both friends and boyfriends, when I responded to questions about my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m interested in class in my own life and the way it’s come up in subtle but insidious ways. Not obsessing over which vacations and kitchens and manicures make you seem upper class or upper middle class. I spent the first 18 years of my life feeling very privileged - ballet, sports, dressing like my peers, money to go to the movies and the prom. My dad wore a suit to work and our house was clean and comfortable and no one drank too much or cursed or smoked. I knew we weren’t rich by any means, but my world was small and I had classmates and extended family who had none of these things. It wasn’t until college and professional life made me realize that no, I am not like the people in the UMC world I entered as an adult. It’s never been that overt, like wearing fatigues to a job interview, but I have been judged negatively by the parents of more than one boyfriend, and my approach to working world norms was more blue collar flavored.

Very interesting... what do you think parents of boyfriends judged you over? What could have been missing in your upbringing? It sounds very similar to a nice UMC upbringing to me.

Not this poster, but I had a similar experience. IN my case, I didn't know all of the personal grooming stuff that wealthy people seem to know. Had never had a manicure, had never had my eyebrows waxed. Now that I"m older, I"m finding that I don't know all the secrets that wealthy people know about things like Botox and fillers and chemical peels. Didn't know that making a big deal about furnishing your kids' dorm room was a thing.
There are so many things that I used to do that I didn't know were "trashy" until I started reading this forum, like serving pasta salad. Didn't know that pizza was considered junk food, or a pre-cooked chicken from Sam's Club. Who knew? I really messed up. I used to serve Oreo's on playdates and couldn't figure out why the desperate housewives of Vienna, VA blackballed me. Didn't know you were supposed to serve beer from a glass and not a bottle. PUt bumper stickers on my car. Had no idea that highlights in your hair were considered trashy. Failed miserably in hiring a decorator for our house. Unless you grow up UMC, I don't think you know these things.

Aww PP, I can relate. I feel you.

[Anonymous]

It's white people-y. As the OP said, you have money, comfort, security and still are angsty about this BS.

[Anonymous]

EVERY single woman in Vienna Va either dyes their hair blonde or highlights it. unless your Asian. I stood in back of graduation from ES with ALL parents there and yep lotta dying going on.

[Anonymous]

People are obsessed with class because they realize we are collectively slipping.

People who grew up solidly UMC or upper class thanks to their parents are struggling. Housing and childcare are far more expensive today. Couple that with student loans, and the struggle is real. So while this current generation of well educated young parents can't afford luxury cars and luxury trips, they cling to their upper class status based on their childhood which was filled with sailing camp, trips to Paris, etc.

Honestly, this is what the Dems should focus on

[Anonymous]

^^ agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's white people-y. As the OP said, you have money, comfort, security and still are angsty about this BS.

Black people do status based on the share of your skin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are obsessed with class because they realize we are collectively slipping.

People who grew up solidly UMC or upper class thanks to their parents are struggling. Housing and childcare are far more expensive today. Couple that with student loans, and the struggle is real. So while this current generation of well educated young parents can't afford luxury cars and luxury trips, they cling to their upper class status based on their childhood which was filled with sailing camp, trips to Paris, etc.

Honestly, this is what the Dems should focus on

Good observation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's white people-y. As the OP said, you have money, comfort, security and still are angsty about this BS.

Lol! Says someone who only thinks the world is black and white. I'm Asian and white people have NOTHING on Asian class obsession.

Get out more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:EVERY single woman in Vienna Va either dyes their hair blonde or highlights it. unless your Asian. I stood in back of graduation from ES with ALL parents there and yep lotta dying going on.

Uh what? I’m a Vienna mom and that’s not the case at our school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP of the “subtle but insidious” post. It’s been common in my life for the families of friends and significant others to use “what do your parents do?” as an introductory conversation opener. Well, my dad worked in banking - as a retail branch manager, among other things. I think they expected something more prestigious, like investment banking. My mom didn’t attend college and worked secretarial jobs. I went to a state school. For the parents of a high school boyfriend, I was considered lesser-than because of said jobs as well as living in a 1950’s ranch and not the more stately homes (but not mansions, just larger with more curb appeal) on the other side of town. My parents are hardworking and frugal and put a lot of resources into allowing me to try different activities.

The UMC parents of my friends were obsessed with talking about where so-and-so went to college and career paths.

That's a really rude question.

[Anonymous]

Because it’s an anonymous post. So people feel free to post about things you shouldn’t talk about. To reference Fusell the middle class thinks it’s insulting to talked about class. I’m the nail polish poster who grew up MC and now I’m UMC/borderline UC. I think about this a lot. I worry what’s enough. I’m also not white. I prefer a good person over money of course in my circle of friends but would have a hard time identifying with a LMC person when talking about my kids/lifestyle. It’s normal to gravitate to like minded people.

[Anonymous]

Echoing what previous posters have said-people are scared/insecure about losing their footing in the social class strata. I also think social media has exacerbated the phenomenon of folks constantly comparing their lives to others. DCUM will make even the well off but insecure UMCers feel inadequate