Why are older women so strange?

[Anonymous]

Wow. I am so glad my family - men and women, old and young - do not fit into your picture, PP.

Good to see that this current thread of women bashing other women is getting to a healthy five pages. Keep it up, ladies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They did most of the childcare so they’re sleep deprived and haven’t been able to articulate a coherent thoughts without interruption in decades. It has consequences.

Also they never gave themselves permission to pursue what they wanted, instead sacrificing, being martyrs, trying to control/manipulate others, and put down others who were able to pursue what makes them happy.

This describes my mother (mid 60s) to a tee. And it’s only getting worse, or maybe we’re just recognizing it more, as we age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The older neighbor critic thing only happened to me once when I lived in Fredericksburg. A neighbor so sweetly told me that garden tour week was coming up and people generally tried to fix up their houses for that - as she looked at the peeling paint on my house! It took me awhile to realize that she was complaining about the condition of my house. She was a nice older daughter of Old Virginia!

Ha. I can see a nice older daughter of Old Virginia saying saying something in a tactful way like that. Conveying a concern with grace, tact and manners instead of gossipy intrusiveness (public shaming) is becoming a lost art.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read this whole thread but I find the title offensive. Why are all 20 somethings strange? Why are all (insert color/ people) so strange? Can we not stereotype?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read this whole thread but I find the title offensive. Why are all 20 somethings strange? Why are all (insert color/ people) so strange? Can we not stereotype?

Thank you.
-- A non-strange (IMHO) 58-year-old

[Anonymous]

There’s old and then there’s OLD. Older women under 65 still have lots of options and keep busy. In my neighborhood we have some 70+. They tend to be the meddlers and grumpy. I guess it’s not too comfortable being 70+ years old. And they tend to be stuck in a routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read this whole thread but I find the title offensive. Why are all 20 somethings strange? Why are all (insert color/ people) so strange? Can we not stereotype?

Thank you.
-- A non-strange (IMHO) 58-year-old

And thanks from this 63-year-old!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that since society values women more for looks than brains, then these women got plenty of attention in their 20s, and saw it dwindle over time. Now they manufacture drama to get attention.

Meanwhile older men seem to do the opposite -- check out and avoid drama as much as possible.. Oblivious to it all.

Of course, these are sweeping generalizations..

Uh yeah. Not all of us got lots of attention for looks in our 20s.

Hence "sweeping generaliations" but I'm sure a lot higher % of women in their 20s get attention for their looks than women in their 60s!

There are some older women who never really got attention, so I have to think that their attitude is much worse - they aren't exactly the smiley, happy, fun types - but then again, they probably never were. DP here. I also think that some older women feel entitled to boss younger women around, which will never fly, in most cases. Maybe the older women were told what to do when they were younger, but times have changed.

This. More sweeping generalizations, but the generation of women who are now 65+ were frequently expected to manage the domestic chores, even if they worked, and they largely didn't have the same types of serious careers as their husbands. They were responsible for managing relationships with their MILs, not the sons. They largely kowtowed to their MILs and they were marginalized. They didn't have equal partnerships with their spouses and the husbands opinions carried more weight because they were bringing home the larger share of income. Now these MILs feel it's their "turn" but today's DIL's aren't having it.

Women's intellect and careers weren't valued like they are today. I see many women of this generation who never honed their critical thinking skills because they never had to. They were relegated to mundane domestic stuff so they became very petty and manipulative. Being direct wouldn't get them an equal partnership so they connive and scheme to get what they want. Then their husbands respect them even less because they're so petty. Again, not all women of this generation are like this, but a lot are. My friends and I discussed this a while back, and there's definitely a difference between the women who are now 65-85 and their daughters who are now late 30's-early 60's.

They're also frequently jealous that their DILs have careers and get an equal say as their husbands and their husbands are expected to pull a greater load with the domestic chores (although still not equal in most cases). Then the MILs take offense that the DILs don't have it as hard as they did when it comes to shouldering the entire domestic burden.

This is one of the reasons why I wouldn't stop working unless I became very rich. Many of the SAHMs today have the same issues with a lack of respect and being valued, they're expected to shoulder the entire domestic/children burden, and they don't have an equal say. I think we've come a long way and more SAHMs get this equality than they did 50 years ago, but we still have a ways to go. From anecdotal evidence, the SAHMs who tend to get more respect are those who had serious careers then gave them up to stay at home with kids. Those who didn't have these lucrative careers don't seem to garner the same respect. Maybe the husbands chose these women specifically because they were looking for a SAHM and knew there was no serious career to get in the way. But whatever the reason, we haven't gotten as far as we need to go.

Yup. My mother, who always worked as a secretary in my dad's law practice, even though she had two master's degrees, is SO JEALOUS that I get to go on business trips! She always makes these snarky, underhanded remarks about how I'm traveling and she never got to do that. And my mother never actually got paid for her work so even though she worked all the time it was always "dad's money" and "him paying for the vacation" so she never got to have any input. Still doesn't. I can definitely see how she feels jealous of the fact that my husband deferred to my preferences when we bought a vacation house with OUR MONEY, etc. Also my dad never let her redecorate our house, so she's really jealous when she comes to our house and sees that we have a new couch or we painted the living room or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The older neighbor critic thing only happened to me once when I lived in Fredericksburg. A neighbor so sweetly told me that garden tour week was coming up and people generally tried to fix up their houses for that - as she looked at the peeling paint on my house! It took me awhile to realize that she was complaining about the condition of my house. She was a nice older daughter of Old Virginia!

Ha. I can see a nice older daughter of Old Virginia saying saying something in a tactful way like that. Conveying a concern with grace, tact and manners instead of gossipy intrusiveness (public shaming) is becoming a lost art.

You Southern women all think that we don't know you're being bitchy. Being bitchy with a smile on your face is still being bitchy. Nice daughters of Old Virginia are particularly good at being racist with a smile on their faces and classist, and thinking that we don't know that you're being racist and classist. Bless all your little hearts!!!

[Anonymous]

People who have happy relationships rarely post on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The older neighbor critic thing only happened to me once when I lived in Fredericksburg. A neighbor so sweetly told me that garden tour week was coming up and people generally tried to fix up their houses for that - as she looked at the peeling paint on my house! It took me awhile to realize that she was complaining about the condition of my house. She was a nice older daughter of Old Virginia!

Ha. I can see a nice older daughter of Old Virginia saying saying something in a tactful way like that. Conveying a concern with grace, tact and manners instead of gossipy intrusiveness (public shaming) is becoming a lost art.

+1. And also, you don't need to have a "concern" about someone else's house unless there is something truly dangerous, like structural damage, that they might not be aware of. Peeling paint is not your "concern," do you get it?

You Southern women all think that we don't know you're being bitchy. Being bitchy with a smile on your face is still being bitchy. Nice daughters of Old Virginia are particularly good at being racist with a smile on their faces and classist, and thinking that we don't know that you're being racist and classist. Bless all your little hearts!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define old, OP.

We're not talking "old," we're talking "older," as the thread title outlines.

For me, that's mid-fifties or so; women old enough to be meddling in adult offsprings' lives.

So - older than you?

I'm 39. But when I'm 50, I'm going to be viewed by many as "older." By the time I'm 65, people will see me as "old." Beyond 70, and I'm elderly. That's how it will be. I've always been a fan of looking reality in the eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define old, OP.

We're not talking "old," we're talking "older," as the thread title outlines.

For me, that's mid-fifties or so; women old enough to be meddling in adult offsprings' lives.

WTF? I'm 53, my "offspring" haven't gotten out of middle and high school yet. My parents were in their late 60s before I was an adult. Where did you grow up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The older neighbor critic thing only happened to me once when I lived in Fredericksburg. A neighbor so sweetly told me that garden tour week was coming up and people generally tried to fix up their houses for that - as she looked at the peeling paint on my house! It took me awhile to realize that she was complaining about the condition of my house. She was a nice older daughter of Old Virginia!

Ha. I can see a nice older daughter of Old Virginia saying saying something in a tactful way like that. Conveying a concern with grace, tact and manners instead of gossipy intrusiveness (public shaming) is becoming a lost art.

You Southern women all think that we don't know you're being bitchy. Being bitchy with a smile on your face is still being bitchy. Nice daughters of Old Virginia are particularly good at being racist with a smile on their faces and classist, and thinking that we don't know that you're being racist and classist. Bless all your little hearts!!!

Oh good grief. It's a whole lot nicer to tactfully approach your neighbor about an eyesore than it would be to get on Nextdoor and complain about the way "some people" are letting their homes go.

That is what I meant. I grew up in Northern Virginia and I met a lot of nice (and tactful/sweet) older ladies and men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The older neighbor critic thing only happened to me once when I lived in Fredericksburg. A neighbor so sweetly told me that garden tour week was coming up and people generally tried to fix up their houses for that - as she looked at the peeling paint on my house! It took me awhile to realize that she was complaining about the condition of my house. She was a nice older daughter of Old Virginia!

Ha. I can see a nice older daughter of Old Virginia saying saying something in a tactful way like that. Conveying a concern with grace, tact and manners instead of gossipy intrusiveness (public shaming) is becoming a lost art.

+1. And also, you don't need to have a "concern" about someone else's house unless there is something truly dangerous, like structural damage, that they might not be aware of. Peeling paint is not your "concern," do you get it?

You Southern women all think that we don't know you're being bitchy. Being bitchy with a smile on your face is still being bitchy. Nice daughters of Old Virginia are particularly good at being racist with a smile on their faces and classist, and thinking that we don't know that you're being racist and classist. Bless all your little hearts!!!

I'll bet that neighbor was trying to spare the pp the embarrassment of having her run down house picked apart by the sight seers. What she said sounded more like a heads up than anything else. It's not like she got on the horn to the HOA demanding that they send her a warning letter.