Christmas Tree in Jewish Home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a jewish man. I am not religious. But, I have lived all my life as a minority and have been ostracized as a child for my religious (lived in the Deep South for a while).

I will not have a Christmas Tree in my house; my house is my oasis from living in a christian society.

With that said, it is completely unfair to require her to not have the symbols in her house.

My solution to that was to only date like minded jews.

It seems to me that if this is a deal breaker, then the relationship needs to end.

You mean, or not have begun in the first place? To me it sounds like OP wants it both ways. Christmas cake on the side and "his Jewish house." A bit narcissistic.

If you're going to get involved with someone and certain things are dealbreakers, then vet accordingly. You can't get very serious with someone and then expect them to disown their family, heritage, and the way they are currently bringing up their child. That's unfair and ridiculous. Imagine if it was the other way around, Christian man and the woman was Jewish and expected to not bring a menorah in his Christian house. I mean . . . I don't think anyone here would say go for it. Does the minority status make this case so different? Certainly he can't be accused of anti-Christian-ism, but on the other hand it's not logical to grasp on to your chosen people status with one hand and assimilate with the other. Doesn't work like that.

[Anonymous]

You would think religious minorities would be more tolerant of diversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The tree alone is fine because it's secular. Absolutely do not allow candy canes, though, since J is for Jesus.

That "J is for Jesus" thing isn't true.

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/raising-cane/

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/we-dont-know-the-origins-of-the-candy-cane-but-they-almost-certainly-were-not-christian-157380385/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You would think religious minorities would be more tolerant of diversity.

Why would you think that? Ghandi was racist ffs. Religion never equates to tolerance. Some religions might be more diverse and inclusive - but religion itself doesn't mean people can't be asshats with no tolerance for others.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am not religious.

If I married an Indian man, or an Asian man, or a Native American, or etc. etc., although I am not any of those things, I would not object to my mate having items of cultural significance to him in our home. You need to let this secular symbol be no big deal to you. Maybe work with her to agree "it doesn't go up until December 15 and comes down immediately on the 26th" so you don't have to tolerate it for too long. Maybe discuss no baby Jesus ornaments, but stars and angels are OK. Whatever you need to get to a place where you can be OK with it. You need to compromise. Having an evergreen tree in your house for two weeks a year should not be a deal breaker if you love someone.

If she were adamant about you not having a menorah in the house I'd tell her the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The tree alone is fine because it's secular. Absolutely do not allow candy canes, though, since J is for Jesus.

That "J is for Jesus" thing isn't true.

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/raising-cane/

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/we-dont-know-the-origins-of-the-candy-cane-but-they-almost-certainly-were-not-christian-157380385/

I think they were joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judiasm is a maternal bloodline religion so you don’t have the issue that male OP has. oy.

Presumably the mother of OPs kids is Jewish since this is the first time he's had to deal with an interfaith relationship. So the kids are Jewish.

Or are you saying that because OP is a male the appearance of a Christmas tree would void his Jewishness, whereas women have immunity?

No, I’m saying the pressure on us males from our parents and the community is alive and well. Less so for Jewish women.
Just like it has been for 100s of years: Marry a Nice Jewish Woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would think religious minorities would be more tolerant of diversity.

Why would you think that? Ghandi was racist ffs. Religion never equates to tolerance. Some religions might be more diverse and inclusive - but religion itself doesn't mean people can't be asshats with no tolerance for others.

When a religion calls itself a race, a tribe, an ethnicity, a bloodline and is not elective, something else is going on.

Didn’t any of you take Liberal Arts classes: The Three Great Religions is a Core class freshman year!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a jewish man. I am not religious. But, I have lived all my life as a minority and have been ostracized as a child for my religious (lived in the Deep South for a while).

I will not have a Christmas Tree in my house; my house is my oasis from living in a christian society.

With that said, it is completely unfair to require her to not have the symbols in her house.

My solution to that was to only date like minded jews.

It seems to me that if this is a deal breaker, then the relationship needs to end.

You mean, or not have begun in the first place? To me it sounds like OP wants it both ways. Christmas cake on the side and "his Jewish house." A bit narcissistic.

If you're going to get involved with someone and certain things are dealbreakers, then vet accordingly. You can't get very serious with someone and then expect them to disown their family, heritage, and the way they are currently bringing up their child. That's unfair and ridiculous. Imagine if it was the other way around, Christian man and the woman was Jewish and expected to not bring a menorah in his Christian house. I mean . . . I don't think anyone here would say go for it. Does the minority status make this case so different? Certainly he can't be accused of anti-Christian-ism, but on the other hand it's not logical to grasp on to your chosen people status with one hand and assimilate with the other. Doesn't work like that.

She is going to dump his bigoted wishy washy tush by Easter time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am not religious.

If I married an Indian man, or an Asian man, or a Native American, or etc. etc., although I am not any of those things, I would not object to my mate having items of cultural significance to him in our home. You need to let this secular symbol be no big deal to you. Maybe work with her to agree "it doesn't go up until December 15 and comes down immediately on the 26th" so you don't have to tolerate it for too long. Maybe discuss no baby Jesus ornaments, but stars and angels are OK. Whatever you need to get to a place where you can be OK with it. You need to compromise. Having an evergreen tree in your house for two weeks a year should not be a deal breaker if you love someone.

If she were adamant about you not having a menorah in the house I'd tell her the same thing.

It’s not going to work. I’m married to Jewish man and he would never tell me how long I can have Christmas decorations up or which ones would be acceptable. Likewise, I don’t tell him how to celebrate Jewish holidays, either. We help each other. Sorry you don’t get along with Jewish women, OP. The ones I know are wonderful wives and mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would think religious minorities would be more tolerant of diversity.

Why would you think that? Ghandi was racist ffs. Religion never equates to tolerance. Some religions might be more diverse and inclusive - but religion itself doesn't mean people can't be asshats with no tolerance for others.

STFU. You are wrong and offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would think religious minorities would be more tolerant of diversity.

Why would you think that? Ghandi was racist ffs. Religion never equates to tolerance. Some religions might be more diverse and inclusive - but religion itself doesn't mean people can't be asshats with no tolerance for others.

STFU. You are wrong and offensive.

I'm neither - get over it:

"he was in South Africa, when he was an activist, where he based his fight for the rights of Indians based on discrimination of black people. He alluded to the fact that Indians are racially superior to black people,” said Kambewa.

Gandhi’s racial slights were documented in letters the Indian leader wrote as a young man while living in South Africa in the late 1800s.

In the letters, Gandhi referred to African “savages” and “kaffirs,” an insulting term for black Africans, when comparing them with the Indian population."

https://www.voanews.com/a/malawians-protest-statue-of-racist-gandhi/4617366.html
source (one of many I might add)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judiasm is a maternal bloodline religion so you don’t have the issue that male OP has. oy.

Presumably the mother of OPs kids is Jewish since this is the first time he's had to deal with an interfaith relationship. So the kids are Jewish.

Or are you saying that because OP is a male the appearance of a Christmas tree would void his Jewishness, whereas women have immunity?

No, I’m saying the pressure on us males from our parents and the community is alive and well. Less so for Jewish women.
Just like it has been for 100s of years: Marry a Nice Jewish Woman.

Grow. Some. Balls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a jewish man. I am not religious. But, I have lived all my life as a minority and have been ostracized as a child for my religious (lived in the Deep South for a while).

I will not have a Christmas Tree in my house; my house is my oasis from living in a christian society.

With that said, it is completely unfair to require her to not have the symbols in her house.

My solution to that was to only date like minded jews.

It seems to me that if this is a deal breaker, then the relationship needs to end.

You mean, or not have begun in the first place? To me it sounds like OP wants it both ways. Christmas cake on the side and "his Jewish house." A bit narcissistic.

If you're going to get involved with someone and certain things are dealbreakers, then vet accordingly. You can't get very serious with someone and then expect them to disown their family, heritage, and the way they are currently bringing up their child. That's unfair and ridiculous. Imagine if it was the other way around, Christian man and the woman was Jewish and expected to not bring a menorah in his Christian house. I mean . . . I don't think anyone here would say go for it. Does the minority status make this case so different? Certainly he can't be accused of anti-Christian-ism, but on the other hand it's not logical to grasp on to your chosen people status with one hand and assimilate with the other. Doesn't work like that.

PP here. The reason it needs to end is because he is placing unreasonable demands on her. I would have done the same. But, to avoid that, I only dated people who are jewish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a jewish man. I am not religious. But, I have lived all my life as a minority and have been ostracized as a child for my religious (lived in the Deep South for a while).

I will not have a Christmas Tree in my house; my house is my oasis from living in a christian society.

With that said, it is completely unfair to require her to not have the symbols in her house.

My solution to that was to only date like minded jews.

It seems to me that if this is a deal breaker, then the relationship needs to end.

You mean, or not have begun in the first place? To me it sounds like OP wants it both ways. Christmas cake on the side and "his Jewish house." A bit narcissistic.

If you're going to get involved with someone and certain things are dealbreakers, then vet accordingly. You can't get very serious with someone and then expect them to disown their family, heritage, and the way they are currently bringing up their child. That's unfair and ridiculous. Imagine if it was the other way around, Christian man and the woman was Jewish and expected to not bring a menorah in his Christian house. I mean . . . I don't think anyone here would say go for it. Does the minority status make this case so different? Certainly he can't be accused of anti-Christian-ism, but on the other hand it's not logical to grasp on to your chosen people status with one hand and assimilate with the other. Doesn't work like that.

She is going to dump his bigoted wishy washy tush by Easter time.

Unless he wakes up. I've noticed extreme people don't do very well in life. Seriously a Xmas tree, now I've heard it all.