Christmas Tree in Jewish Home

[Anonymous]

Your problem isn't the tree it's the "not particularly religious" (which means she is religious to some degree) and that she is supportive of your observance "although she has no interest in exploring it for herself."

You seem conflicted about how much non-Jewish religion you are willing to tolerate in a new partner you live with. Even though she is "not particularly religious," she seems too religious for you.

I say this as a person who grew up in a family without religion of any kind, but yet we still celebrate Xmas and Easter in non-religious ways. At Xmas we had family ornaments on the tree, no star topper (just a typical topper found in Eastern Bloc countries in Cold War era), but angels and candy canes, which were completely non-religious to us. FWIW, I am 1/4 Jewish, but that side of the family hasn't practiced since they emigrated.

I can see how it would bother a Jewish person to have a Christmas tree in the home because it is so symbolic of the way the Jewish faith is dominated by Christianity. At the same time, this woman is Christian to some degree, so how reasonable is it to expect her to give all that up? You shouldn't have to give it up, and she shouldn't have to give it up. That's a basic incompatibility, so unless both of you are willing to compromise, your relationship doesn't seem very promising. She seems willing to compromise; you do not, or at least not in a way that is compatible with her offer of compromise.

Personally, it strikes me that if she is willing to let you have and light a menorah in the home (and celebrate other holidays like Sukkoth) then that is some kind of parity with having an Xmas tree...

[Anonymous]

Catholic married to a Jewish guy. It's standard to decorate and celebrate both holidays. And it's nbd.

If you can't handle letting the woman and her child who you claim to love celebrate the way they want, then you are a controlling jerk. You have no business dating non-Jews if this is how you feel.

Try actually embracing diversity instead of just pretending to. I went to catholic school K-12 and was excited to go to my first Seder with my husband's family. It didn't turn me Jewish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholic married to a Jewish guy. It's standard to decorate and celebrate both holidays. And it's nbd.

If you can't handle letting the woman and her child who you claim to love celebrate the way they want, then you are a controlling jerk. You have no business dating non-Jews if this is how you feel.

Try actually embracing diversity instead of just pretending to. I went to catholic school K-12 and was excited to go to my first Seder with my husband's family. It didn't turn me Jewish.

This times 1,000. OP is being unreasonable and controlling, and disingenuous with his intentions.

-Signed,
An observant Jew who thinks OP needs to chill.

[Anonymous]

As others may have already mentioned, the Christmas tree has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. It’s a pagan tradition. I’m atheist but was raised catholic and still am comfortable with a tree bc it’s got zilch to do worthy Jesus or god.

[Anonymous]

OP, you won’t be together by next Christmas so don’t even worry about it.

[Anonymous]

If you move in with this woman and her child, who are not Jewish, you no longer live in a Jewish home. You live in a mixed religion home. And both parts of that mix, however religious or cultural the observances, should be respected.

-lapsed catholic married to a cultural Jewish man for nearly 18 years. We celebrate both sets of holidays all year long to some degree with our children and families. If you can’t be all in for this in your home, you need to not live with this woman.

[Anonymous]

If you are in a mixed relationship, you need to support her culture and yours.

[Anonymous]

We navigated it by not having a tree. I did allow for blue and white lights outside though. They can "do" Christmas when they visit their other parent.

[Anonymous]

Tree has nothing to do with christianity or Christ. You are choosing to make it about christianity. It’s not like decorating a cross.Decorating an evergreen comes from one of the least religious areas of the world and no, it wasn’t Germany like Alexa likes to tell all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We navigated it by not having a tree. I did allow for blue and white lights outside though. They can "do" Christmas when they visit their other parent.

That's sad. So gracious of you to "allow" blue and white lights.

Every interfaith couple I know (including my own) embraces both holidays. It's called tolerance. Google it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you move in with this woman and her child, who are not Jewish, you no longer live in a Jewish home. You live in a mixed religion home. And both parts of that mix, however religious or cultural the observances, should be respected.

-lapsed catholic married to a cultural Jewish man for nearly 18 years. We celebrate both sets of holidays all year long to some degree with our children and families. If you can’t be all in for this in your home, you need to not live with this woman.

I think this is the best comment/advice OP. I also think the Christmas tree issue you have comes down to having a “Jewish home” and if you move in with someone who has no interest in becoming Jewish and celebrates Christian holidays, then your joint home would be a mixed-religion home, not a “Jewish home.” If you can’t be ok with that then you are really looking for a Jewish woman or someone interested in/willing to convert.

My husband was raised in a mixed-religion home and we are raising our kids Jewish. We do not have a tree, but do celebrate Christmas every year at my in-laws. If my in-laws are ever unable to host Christmas I have no idea what we’ll do. I’m not thrilled with the idea of celebrating Christmas in our home, but I don’t know if I can really cancel Christmas for kids who have been celebrating it all their lives. I guess it depends how old they are and what DH wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am single Jewish dad with two kids at home. I have been going out with a single non-Jewish mom with one kid. We are thinking of eventually moving in together, but one issue separates us. As much as it is important for her to have a Christmas tree in the living room, it is important to me that we don't have a Christmas tree in the living room. She is not particularly religious, but the tree is a symbol of the holidays. Her compromise is to decorate the tree with both Chanukah and Christmas ornaments. I do go to synagogue -- and yes I have heard the guidance that if this were so important to me then I should have only dated Jewish women (I tried that without success but that is the subject of another post). She is very supportive of my Jewish observance, although she has no interest in exploring it for herself. As we live apart, I enjoy helping her celebrate the Christmas holiday with a tree; my issue is having the tree in my (or our) home. How have others navigated this difficult issue?

Shut your pie-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you go to synagogue and if it is extremely important to you *not* to have a Christmas tree in your home, then you need to re-think this relationship generally, and in any case not move in together. You say she is "not particularly religious" but the importance she places on a Christian symbol in the house at Christmas tells you that on some level, she is religious (even if it is only cultural).

As the Christian wife of a Jewish man, I assure you that this is the tip of the iceberg. There will be many, MANY such issues that you will need to navigate and it is not easy. Not at all.

Think long and hard about staying in this, and moving forward with it.

It is incredibly unfair to her child to ban one of her most important cultural symbols.

Nothing good can come of your selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catholic married to a Jewish guy. It's standard to decorate and celebrate both holidays. And it's nbd.

If you can't handle letting the woman and her child who you claim to love celebrate the way they want, then you are a controlling jerk. You have no business dating non-Jews if this is how you feel.

Try actually embracing diversity instead of just pretending to. I went to catholic school K-12 and was excited to go to my first Seder with my husband's family. It didn't turn me Jewish.

This times 1,000. OP is being unreasonable and controlling, and disingenuous with his intentions.

-Signed,
An observant Jew who thinks OP needs to chill.

New poster to the thread. +1 to your post and the others with similar sentiment. I don't know what to tell the OP, but if I met his partner, I would tell her to run, don't walk...

[Anonymous]

My BIL was like you, moved in with a woman anyway and was a total jerk about the Christmas tree. She compromised by doing blue and silver ornaments only but he was still upset with it being in the house. They broke up. If it's already bothering you in January you shouldn't be in this relationship. It's not right to ask her to strip a tradition away from her child (or herself.) My other BIL has a tree and celebrates all Christian and Jewish holidays, as his wife is an observant Christian. I'm not religious at all but we celebrate all holidays in a secular way. I don't believe a healthy relationship requires one person to give up their traditions for the other partner.