Do parents of popular kids ever have to suffer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you even know if you're kid is in the popular crowd or not? If they get invites to lots of parties? Yes, I'm clueless.

Your kids know and clue you in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re probably extroverts with extroverted kids and love being social. You only need a couple friends, does he have any? Is he unhappy?

X10000

This. Why are you blaming other people OP? You see yourself as a victim, and you are teaching your own children to play the very same dramatic part, like a broken record. You have no faith in yourself, so you have no faith in your DC. Your spouse is not your father. Learn when to say when. You are causing a LOT of damage to your family.

Why is it so important to you to try to hurt other people (because you feel hurt)? You are teaching your DC the wrong way. Back off.

[Anonymous]

Your obsession with “popular” is troubling, at best, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, your perceptions are weird. “Inner circle”? Sycophants? I’m sure there are popular kids in my kid’s class, but I would never notice that level of dynamics, or think to describe it that way.

You seem unnaturally triggered.

I'm not the poster to whom you're responding but the "triggered" comment is just silly. The response above is mine too: OP seems to be seeing dynamics here worthy of a soap opera. Asking in all seriousness and not snarkily, OP: Do you know specifically of parents who themselves are sucked up to by other parents so that kids get to be associated with the popular teens? Where does the intense focus on inner circles and sycophants come from? I can see that there can be preferential treatment in sports (which should be a big so what if your child isn't in sports) but otherwise -- do you mean that the same parents of the supposedly popular kids tend to lead things at the school? That may be, as another PP said, a factor of outgoing adults who also have outgoing kids.

Does your "quirky" kid engage in quirky-kid things with others? Our high school has stuff ranging from a creative writing club to a cheese club to robotics to...anything you can name. There's plenty for the quirky kids to do to find their people. If your child's HS doesn't have that and has a strong "typical popular teen" vibe instead, your teen could use strong encouragement to find activities outside school that match his or her real interests. If you're mostly sad that your child isn't doing the popular-kid sports or clubs or social stuff outside school -- help your child do the things that DO interest his or her "dorky" self. There are other dorks out there proud to fly the dork flag and they invite other kids to their social stuff too!

X1000

Time to move on, and teach your kid the same!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re probably extroverts with extroverted kids and love being social. You only need a couple friends, does he have any? Is he unhappy?

X10000

This. Why are you blaming other people OP? You see yourself as a victim, and you are teaching your own children to play the very same dramatic part, like a broken record. You have no faith in yourself, so you have no faith in your DC. Your spouse is not your father. Learn when to say when. You are causing a LOT of damage to your family.

Why is it so important to you to try to hurt other people (because you feel hurt)? You are teaching your DC the wrong way. Back off.

You are VERY judgemental. You should see a therapist about that. You’re hurting your children by being so judgements. Please don’t hurt your kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m a shy, dorky introvert with two attractive, extroverted, popular children (who take after my husband!) I can’t say I suffer per se, but it’s certainly not easy nor enjoyable for me to constantly have to socialize on their behalf. I force myself to do it for their sake but man... it isn’t fun.

[Anonymous]

Well OP, my observation is that more parents of "popular" kids get to deal with their kids addictions to drugs or alcohol later in life. And, potentially with sexually transmitted diseases or unwanted pregnancies at higher rates than "unpopular" kids. So there is that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dc is quirky and a little dorky and never gets invited or included by kids at school despite hosting endless playdates and parties. I’ve always wondered though, do the parents of the popular kids ever have to suffer? They seem to reap benefit after benefit. Endless invitations, sycophants kissing up to get in their inner circles, preferential treatment at the school and sports, the list goes on. Honest question- what are their grievances?

I don't think those parents tend to be as overly involved in their kids' lives as you are. It's one of the reasons their kids are popular -- they're more independent, more free range, and have less supervision.

[Anonymous]

As a parent, I don’t think I “suffer.” I do sometimes struggle to teach my DS how to balance popularity with integrity and how to be comfortable being himself while worrying less about how something looks.

As a popular teenager (a million years ago), I suffered a little. I was really smart, and I made sure to conceal it. I would have loved to dive into a nerdy debate about the First Amendment, but none of my”friends” were academically inclined. I also skipped awards assemblies so no one would know I had the highest grades in the class.

[Anonymous]

I see some "popular" kids at my kids school and I thank god they are not my kids. In the same way all the "popular" kids in my HS were frankly, assholes. They weren't just assholes to everyone else either - but also to each other. And they all peaked in HS never to be heard from again.

Thankfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see some "popular" kids at my kids school and I thank god they are not my kids. In the same way all the "popular" kids in my HS were frankly, assholes. They weren't just assholes to everyone else either - but also to each other. And they all peaked in HS never to be heard from again.

Thankfully.

I think this is a fable.

[Anonymous]

I mean, sometimes you get sick of having a house full of kids. But on the flip side, I always know where my kids are and what they're doing. Some days when I come in to a pile of stinky teen boy shoes littering my foyer I grumble, but then I hear them playing video games or whatever and it's reassuring knowing that I can keep an eye on mine under my roof. I remember how much trouble I got up to as a teen when I was at my friend's homes.

[Anonymous]

I didn't take the time to read this thread but my 4th grader is pretty "cool."

He has had two health issues that have been baffling, scary, awful, but in the end not serious. That caused great suffering.

He has been made fun of and "light" bullied and also hit hard, which was agonizing. He has cried many times.

He has behaved badly a handful of times and caused me lots of pain trying to figure out how to help him fix it and wonder if he is headed in the wrong direction. He's not, but these things are hard.

Yes. We suffer too. Probably not in the same way, but we're all human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re probably extroverts with extroverted kids and love being social. You only need a couple friends, does he have any? Is he unhappy?

X10000

This. Why are you blaming other people OP? You see yourself as a victim, and you are teaching your own children to play the very same dramatic part, like a broken record. You have no faith in yourself, so you have no faith in your DC. Your spouse is not your father. Learn when to say when. You are causing a LOT of damage to your family.

Why is it so important to you to try to hurt other people (because you feel hurt)? You are teaching your DC the wrong way. Back off.

You are VERY judgemental. You should see a therapist about that. You’re hurting your children by being so judgements. Please don’t hurt your kids.

Nice try. D+ at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well OP, my observation is that more parents of "popular" kids get to deal with their kids addictions to drugs or alcohol later in life. And, potentially with sexually transmitted diseases or unwanted pregnancies at higher rates than "unpopular" kids. So there is that.

Let me get this straight: in your world “popular” = “drugs”. Got it.