Afraid to be a "mom"

[Anonymous]

So don't have kids.

You sound pretty shallow. You're going to have to deal with aging at some point.

[Anonymous]

If you think you would resent your kids, don't have them. Please.

[Anonymous]

Why are you so obsessed with how others perceive you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not mean to offend anyone. I was simply expressing my hesitance to become part of a social group that generally isn't perceived in the most flattering light when it comes to being a woman. Moms work so hard and yet seem to be so undervalued. Everything they do is "uncool" or "embarrassing." I think there's something about being a youngish, in-the-know childless woman where people treat you better. That's what I am afraid of losing.

Op, so much insecurity you’re projecting on us moms. Deep breaths

This thread is so hilarious. OP, we don't want you as part of our social group. Why did you feel the need to express your hesitance here on this forum for parents? No one invited you to this party, there was no need to RSVP.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Long before I became a "mom" (or entered my thirties...) I, blessedly, shed a LOT of the insecurity, immaturity and superficiality you're clearly still wrestling with. I don't envy you. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not mean to offend anyone. I was simply expressing my hesitance to become part of a social group that generally isn't perceived in the most flattering light when it comes to being a woman. Moms work so hard and yet seem to be so undervalued. Everything they do is "uncool" or "embarrassing." I think there's something about being a youngish, in-the-know childless woman where people treat you better. That's what I am afraid of losing.

Hahahahaha. I...what? For real, how old are you?

Haha yes. +1, this reads like a 17 year old wrote it.

Sidenote, re: your second to last sentence: do you have some secret plan to remain "youngish" and in-the-know? Because I'm pretty sure you're rapidly approaching the end of those years, child or not. So go ahead and confront that loss you're so afraid of - it's happening regardless!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not mean to offend anyone. I was simply expressing my hesitance to become part of a social group that generally isn't perceived in the most flattering light when it comes to being a woman. Moms work so hard and yet seem to be so undervalued. Everything they do is "uncool" or "embarrassing." I think there's something about being a youngish, in-the-know childless woman where people treat you better. That's what I am afraid of losing.

Hahahahaha. I...what? For real, how old are you?

Haha yes. +1, this reads like a 17 year old wrote it.

Sidenote, re: your second to last sentence: do you have some secret plan to remain "youngish" and in-the-know? Because I'm pretty sure you're rapidly approaching the end of those years, child or not. So go ahead and confront that loss you're so afraid of - it's happening regardless!

Also, in your early thirty, you are not “youngish” for a lot of things. I am guessing you are not married yet, so don’t worry about kids, you have most likely already missed your window. If you are 33 and single, you probably won’t be ready to have kids until 37-38... by then you have feritility issues tht will put you to 40-42. So relax... it’s your concern anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not mean to offend anyone. I was simply expressing my hesitance to become part of a social group that generally isn't perceived in the most flattering light when it comes to being a woman. Moms work so hard and yet seem to be so undervalued. Everything they do is "uncool" or "embarrassing." I think there's something about being a youngish, in-the-know childless woman where people treat you better. That's what I am afraid of losing.

Society views moms as sexless frumpy and lame. I do a hobby where I hang out with millennials a lot and it is shocking how they perceive older women and especially moms. Even very feminist young women fall prey to thinking about moms in this stereotypical way. As if women are stripped of any value or creativity or interest once they have kids. It’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not mean to offend anyone. I was simply expressing my hesitance to become part of a social group that generally isn't perceived in the most flattering light when it comes to being a woman. Moms work so hard and yet seem to be so undervalued. Everything they do is "uncool" or "embarrassing." I think there's something about being a youngish, in-the-know childless woman where people treat you better. That's what I am afraid of losing.

Society views moms as sexless frumpy and lame. I do a hobby where I hang out with millennials a lot and it is shocking how they perceive older women and especially moms. Even very feminist young women fall prey to thinking about moms in this stereotypical way. As if women are stripped of any value or creativity or interest once they have kids. It’s ridiculous.

Err, what? Millennial checking in, who definitely does not think this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did not mean to offend anyone. I was simply expressing my hesitance to become part of a social group that generally isn't perceived in the most flattering light when it comes to being a woman. Moms work so hard and yet seem to be so undervalued. Everything they do is "uncool" or "embarrassing." I think there's something about being a youngish, in-the-know childless woman where people treat you better. That's what I am afraid of losing.

Society views moms as sexless frumpy and lame. I do a hobby where I hang out with millennials a lot and it is shocking how they perceive older women and especially moms. Even very feminist young women fall prey to thinking about moms in this stereotypical way. As if women are stripped of any value or creativity or interest once they have kids. It’s ridiculous.

Err, what? Millennial checking in, who definitely does not think this.

Ok #notallmilennials

[Anonymous]

Do you live in a southern or Midwest city? I ask because the women there seem to turn into suburban moms who are 100 percent focused on their kids. If you want to avoid losing your identity then move to a real city

[Anonymous]

So: I definitely don't think everyone should have kids (ie people who don't want to be parents should not have children), and I think there are plenty of perfectly valid reasons to decide against it. It's certainly not a decision to take lightly and yes, especially in the short term there are definitely sacrifices and lifestyle changes involved. I also think it's safe to say that, for the grand majority of parents, it's more than worth it. Hands down, tenfold. That said, I also agree with most PPs that YOU probably should not have kids (which is perfectly fine! Really.) and that if you do, you have a heck of a lot of mental growing up and emotional maturing to do first.

But: for the sake of argument, let's take YOUR reasoning. Your whole premise is based on how people perceive you. You don't like the idea of being looked at negatively or lesser than in public because you're a mom (...I'm sorry, a "mom") - which, sidenote, I can tell you I truly do not really encounter (...or if I do, I don't notice / care - it's much more freeing than spending all your time worried about what others think, trust me!) But you're placing this big importance on being perceived as youngish and with it, which in your mind is seen as cooler than "she's a mom." Wellllllll...as others have pointed out, your days of qualifying as even youngISH are numbered. And you know who society looks down on more than muffin-topped women with exposed roots wearing LL Bean and driving minivans (...or whatever it is you're so afraid of automatically becoming)? Aging spinsters, alone and trying desperately to cling to their long gone youths.

(For real though: even though I'm in The Club myself, I can't tell on appearance which women I encounter in public are moms or not (unless they have their children with them, obviously). A lack of children does not a gorgeous enviable stylish icon make, and there are plenty of hot, interesting, kickass women who also happen to be moms.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So: I definitely don't think everyone should have kids (ie people who don't want to be parents should not have children), and I think there are plenty of perfectly valid reasons to decide against it. It's certainly not a decision to take lightly and yes, especially in the short term there are definitely sacrifices and lifestyle changes involved. I also think it's safe to say that, for the grand majority of parents, it's more than worth it. Hands down, tenfold. That said, I also agree with most PPs that YOU probably should not have kids (which is perfectly fine! Really.) and that if you do, you have a heck of a lot of mental growing up and emotional maturing to do first.

But: for the sake of argument, let's take YOUR reasoning. Your whole premise is based on how people perceive you. You don't like the idea of being looked at negatively or lesser than in public because you're a mom (...I'm sorry, a "mom") - which, sidenote, I can tell you I truly do not really encounter (...or if I do, I don't notice / care - it's much more freeing than spending all your time worried about what others think, trust me!) But you're placing this big importance on being perceived as youngish and with it, which in your mind is seen as cooler than "she's a mom." Wellllllll...as others have pointed out, your days of qualifying as even youngISH are numbered. And you know who society looks down on more than muffin-topped women with exposed roots wearing LL Bean and driving minivans (...or whatever it is you're so afraid of automatically becoming)? Aging spinsters, alone and trying desperately to cling to their long gone youths.

(For real though: even though I'm in The Club myself, I can't tell on appearance which women I encounter in public are moms or not (unless they have their children with them, obviously). A lack of children does not a gorgeous enviable stylish icon make, and there are plenty of hot, interesting, kickass women who also happen to be moms.)

yup
young people who are childless because they are young are cool, hip, in the know whatever. in contrast, childless old people are perceived as freaks or losers. the fact is that most people (80% or so) will have children. of those who don't, a vast majority failed to (seriously, there is research on this) despite wanting to. childless by choice is a fringe group... since you care so much how you are going to be perceived as you age, the fact is that, righty or wrongly, you will be perceived as a loser or a freak by a vast majority of people. you need to be insanely accomplished to compensate for that. i am very ambitious but i wouldn't want to bear that burden myself.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why everyone is trying to cajole OP into having kids. The world is super over populated. We should make this mom club a little more exclusive.

OP, definitely don’t have kids. You’ll pee a little each time you sneeze, someone will throw up on your shoulder (more than once), someone will likely smear poop on your carpet or furniture at some point (and maybe throw up there too!), you will get irritating emails from teachers acting as if it’s your fault that they have failed to turn in their homework, and there will likely be years where the no-longer-adorable child periodically yells at you that you don’t know anything and they hate you. Parenting is not for the faint of heart or those that are only “sort of” into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why everyone is trying to cajole OP into having kids. The world is super over populated. We should make this mom club a little more exclusive.

OP, definitely don’t have kids. You’ll pee a little each time you sneeze, someone will throw up on your shoulder (more than once), someone will likely smear poop on your carpet or furniture at some point (and maybe throw up there too!), you will get irritating emails from teachers acting as if it’s your fault that they have failed to turn in their homework, and there will likely be years where the no-longer-adorable child periodically yells at you that you don’t know anything and they hate you. Parenting is not for the faint of heart or those that are only “sort of” into it.

No one is trying to cajole her into having kids. Also, not all moms pee when they sneeze.