Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband and I made a decision not to have kids, but both been having a change of heart recently. We look at family/friends who are happy parenting, and wonder if we will regret not being parents. We still are not fully on board, and support the reasons we chose to remain childless - better off financially, putting focus on our relationship, being solely responsible for another human life, etc. We have a solid marriage, financially secure, and great family. The biggest drawback that has us unsure is I’m turning 38 soon and he’s 40. We would need to try right away. We have had lengthy conversations about this, and feel if we don’t conceive naturally, we will take it for what it is. We don’t want any medical interventions. The other downside is this will likely be an only child, and feel bad we won’t be able to give that child a sibiling. We don’t have any reasons besides potential regret to have a child, and wonder if that is enough to warrant trying. I know ofher can’t make this decision for us, but we would love to hear positive/negative stories from people in similar situations.
This is the only part that concerns me. I had my kids at 40 and 41 with no medical intervention. I absolutely love being their mom. However, it is exhausting, trying, and overwhelming at times. If you don't REALLY want kids, you may resent losing yourself and all of the energy it takes to be a parent.
If the only reason you have a kid is so you don't regret not having a kid, I think parenting will be really hard. If you wanted a kid but were unsure about finances, or wanted a child but had concerns about your medical history, or something like that, it would be different, but it doesn't sound like you actually want to be a parent, you're just afraid you might later feel like you were missing out, and that's not the same thing. There's nothing wrong with not having kids--people lead rich, full lives without kids, and often those people are the ones with the time and energy to commit to a good cause or to take risks to make the world better.
I will say that very few people will admit to regretting having kids. Once a kid is here, you will almost certainly love that child and the idea that you wish they had never been born might feel abhorrent to you. But that's not the same as having a kid being the right choice for you guys. I would say that you need to think about what you want your lives to look like, now and 20 years down the road, and not have kids or not have kids out of fear.
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