Having Kids at 38?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be 60ish when the first is just leaving for college. Ouch.

I have never quite understood this argument. Who cares?? Do you live your life counting down the days until your kids leave? Is 60 ancient?? What does this argument even mean?

DP I suppose the argument is that if you have your kids earlier than you can enjoy traveling and grandchildren when you are young to do both well. My MIL was a grandmother at 51 and she had much more energy with the first grandchild than when she was in her 60s. To be sure, I don't think op should make a decision based on this reason only.

Op,
If you and your husband changed your mind try to have one baby. See how that goes. I'm assuming that your siblings have children? So at least they will have cousins if you decide to only have one.

Drop your fantasy of being a perfect parent having a perfect child. We are all flawed and your child is not a mini you or your DH. They are their own person and should get to live the life that they want ( within reason of course!) Every family also has addicts in their family tree. Good and bad people too!

Good luck!

I think another side of that argument is that you will be responsible for financially supporting your kids until you are age 60. In theory, if you saved well during the period when you did not have children this may not matter. If not, you may have to work longer and, depending on how much ageism exists in your field, have a higher risk of being forced out of the workforce while your kids are still living with you.

Unrelated to that, one concern I would have is about energy level. I was 35 when I had my first and will be 37 when I have my second. Even just the one takes up so much energy that I wish I had them younger when I had more energy. That's an individual thing but most of us have less energy as we get older but you'll have to evaluate for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You went from not wanting to have kid(s) to feeling bad about not having multiple (give your first kid a sibling)?

Try to have one first and see how you both feel, then try for a second one.

You still have time, but do it right away. 38 is not that old.

My cousin has her 3 kinds at 39, 41, and 42. They are both doctors, met late in life, and decided to have multiple kids.

My sister had her 3 kids at 39, 41, and 42 also! But she is not a doctor, so not the same person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be 60ish when the first is just leaving for college. Ouch.

What an asinine thing to say. They will be in their 60s anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be 60ish when the first is just leaving for college. Ouch.

What an asinine thing to say. They will be in their 60s anyway.

Nope, this is actually a very valid thing to think about. You're dense if you can't see that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an only child. It's not the sob story DCUM makes it out to be.

She will go to a great college, take amazing vacations, and I can fund any interest that she wants to pursue. She gets to bring friends on vacation and believe me, she is not lonely.

If you are both thinking about it, start trying. If it doesnt happen naturally, that is your answer. Odds are already against you

+1. I met my husband late in life, had a baby at 40, almost 41. No issues whatsoever with conceiving, and my daughter (now 9) is an only child and has zero issues with that. We focus solely on her. She travels, her college is already paid for, she has tons of friends whom we invite to go places with us, this kid is not hurting! I have a brother who is a bona fide a-hole, so other PP is right - don't give the magical sibling issue any more fire. They can seriously suck, and suck the life right out of you.

Yikes. That is...definitely not a good thing.

DP I think you are making it sound like she is ONLY focused on her child but, I think you are twisting her words. Would you prefer that she was one of nine and ignored?

Err, right. Because that is the only other option, great point

I'm not misquoting or taking her out of context, I literally just bolded something she volunteered. As a college professor and academic advisor who works with a lot of kids from different backgrounds, I can tell you that this ("we focus solely on her") is really, really not a healthy or good thing. It does not lead to happy or well-adjusted adults

[Anonymous]

I’m 37 now with two kids I had when I was 27 and 29. I had my kids young, and I think you should go for it. It’s not too old in my opinion. You are still in your 30’s and there is a chance to conceive naturally....but you gotta get on it now! Track your cycle and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do it!! Odds are if you can get pregnant at 39 (you will), you can get pregnant at 41 and even have an oopsie third at 43.

This is really not true for everyone. I got pregnant on the first try at 35, then started TTC #2 at 36. I'm now 41 and have never been pregnant again, did 3 IUIs and 3 IVFs and we are still going to try for a few more years. Unexplained secondary infertility--it really sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it!! Odds are if you can get pregnant at 39 (you will), you can get pregnant at 41 and even have an oopsie third at 43.

This is really not true for everyone. I got pregnant on the first try at 35, then started TTC #2 at 36. I'm now 41 and have never been pregnant again, did 3 IUIs and 3 IVFs and we are still going to try for a few more years. Unexplained secondary infertility--it really sucks.

Also, primary infertility is a real thing, and OP won't know until/if she tries. There are no guarantees to getting pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it!! Odds are if you can get pregnant at 39 (you will), you can get pregnant at 41 and even have an oopsie third at 43.

This is really not true for everyone. I got pregnant on the first try at 35, then started TTC #2 at 36. I'm now 41 and have never been pregnant again, did 3 IUIs and 3 IVFs and we are still going to try for a few more years. Unexplained secondary infertility--it really sucks.

I'm sorry to hear it, but it is adequately explained by your age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an only child, and I preferred it that way. I feel like no one ever regrets having a child. Once the kid is here, you are unlikely to look at him or her and wish you hadn't done that

This is not true. I love my kids but they were not planned and I regret both getting married and having kids. If you are not 100% sure, do not do it. Both of my grandmothers also regretted having kids. They loved them but would not do it over. I feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an only child. It's not the sob story DCUM makes it out to be.

She will go to a great college, take amazing vacations, and I can fund any interest that she wants to pursue. She gets to bring friends on vacation and believe me, she is not lonely.

If you are both thinking about it, start trying. If it doesnt happen naturally, that is your answer. Odds are already against you

+1 Only children are fabulous. So much less drama!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it!! Odds are if you can get pregnant at 39 (you will), you can get pregnant at 41 and even have an oopsie third at 43.

This is really not true for everyone. I got pregnant on the first try at 35, then started TTC #2 at 36. I'm now 41 and have never been pregnant again, did 3 IUIs and 3 IVFs and we are still going to try for a few more years. Unexplained secondary infertility--it really sucks.

I'm sorry to hear it, but it is adequately explained by your age.

Ugh. How about you go f yourself.
signed,
40 something mom of ‘natural’ twins

[Anonymous]

OP I think you should go for it, try for a baby. You could end up with multiples! Good luck if you decide to try.

I don’t think either of you would regret having a child. It’s a very special experience and I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to do it.

[Anonymous]

I was raised an only child and for me, it was a very lonely experience overall.

I wanted siblings so bad.
My family took a lot of trips, like camping & I remember just not having anyone to play with but my parents which didn’t happen very often.
I envied families where the other kids had “built-in” playmates.

I used to pretend that I had siblings though.
I would invent them in my mind & even talk to them when no one else was around.

[Anonymous]

Too old. Try again in your next life.