Having Kids at 38?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I made a decision not to have kids, but both been having a change of heart recently. We look at family/friends who are happy parenting, and wonder if we will regret not being parents. We still are not fully on board, and support the reasons we chose to remain childless - better off financially, putting focus on our relationship, being solely responsible for another human life, etc. We have a solid marriage, financially secure, and great family. The biggest drawback that has us unsure is I’m turning 38 soon and he’s 40. We would need to try right away. We have had lengthy conversations about this, and feel if we don’t conceive naturally, we will take it for what it is. We don’t want any medical interventions. The other downside is this will likely be an only child, and feel bad we won’t be able to give that child a sibiling. We don’t have any reasons besides potential regret to have a child, and wonder if that is enough to warrant trying. I know ofher can’t make this decision for us, but we would love to hear positive/negative stories from people in similar situations.

[Anonymous]

We just got married - DW is 38 and I am 36. We started baby making as soon as the wedding was over, haha. No success yet, but we are hoping it happens soon.

If we can do it, you can do it. We are also focused on conceiving naturally. If it doesn't happen, c'est la vie. We already have a great life.

Also, don't worry about the "only child" thing. There is ZERO guarantee in life that your kids will even like each other. My dad sees his brother and sister once every 5 years. The lack of a sibling should play zero role in your decision to try for a baby. Frankly, I think it's a bogus excuse that people use when they are wishy-washy about having kids at all. The only childs I know as an adult are all pretty awesome and mature for their age, YMMV.

[Anonymous]

I'm an only child, and I preferred it that way. I feel like no one ever regrets having a child. Once the kid is here, you are unlikely to look at him or her and wish you hadn't done that

[Anonymous]

Do it!! Odds are if you can get pregnant at 39 (you will), you can get pregnant at 41 and even have an oopsie third at 43.

[Anonymous]

Go for it and let nature take its course, whatever that may be.

[Anonymous]

I have an only child. It's not the sob story DCUM makes it out to be.

She will go to a great college, take amazing vacations, and I can fund any interest that she wants to pursue. She gets to bring friends on vacation and believe me, she is not lonely.

If you are both thinking about it, start trying. If it doesnt happen naturally, that is your answer. Odds are already against you

[Anonymous]

I think you need a dog.

[Anonymous]

go for it. Kids are a blast. There are downsides to an only child but there are also downsides to siblings. There is no guarantee siblings will actually get along, and having an only child means you will have more resources in terms of $$$ and time to devote to your child. Really, one of the biggest benefits of siblings is for the parents in their old age, and that is about you not them.

Kids are obviously a pain in the ass in a bunch of ways, but they are also incredibly fun and rewarding in ways you won't appreciate until you have them. Throw away the birth control and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

You went from not wanting to have kid(s) to feeling bad about not having multiple (give your first kid a sibling)?

Try to have one first and see how you both feel, then try for a second one.

You still have time, but do it right away. 38 is not that old.

My cousin has her 3 kids at 39, 41, and 42. They are both doctors, met late in life, and decided to have multiple kids.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 38, and had kids at 41 and 44, both conceived on our own. It's not too late for you guys.

[Anonymous]

You both sound so insufferable and self-centered, I think you should stick with your initial plans.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 37, had a baby less than a year later and two more within three years. It can happen. I went off the pill a few months before we got married and voila! You never know!

[Anonymous]

Your story sounds a lot like my best friend's. She had a son right before she turned 40. She and her husband had been together and happily childless by choice for over 15 years. Her DH always kind of wanted kids, but she was pretty confident she did not want them until 39 and then became pregnant quickly when they decided to try.

I think she would have been very happy and continued to live a good fulfilling life without kids, and I was always very supportive of that choice. However, her son is now 3 and she is over the moon glad she had him. She sent me a random text recently, thanking me for encouraging her to have him (which was kind of odd, since I never advocated that for her, though she spent a lot of time with me when my own kids were young and we talked frankly about the joy they brought me). He'll also be an only, which she's occasionally regrets for the reasons you mention as well as because she really enjoys motherhood, but having an only also allows them to have a life closer to their pre-child ideal (lots of travel, etc) than two would.

Obviously that's just one story, but that's been her experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an only child. It's not the sob story DCUM makes it out to be.

She will go to a great college, take amazing vacations, and I can fund any interest that she wants to pursue. She gets to bring friends on vacation and believe me, she is not lonely.

If you are both thinking about it, start trying. If it doesnt happen naturally, that is your answer. Odds are already against you

+1. I met my husband late in life, had a baby at 40, almost 41. No issues whatsoever with conceiving, and my daughter (now 9) is an only child and has zero issues with that. We focus solely on her. She travels, her college is already paid for, she has tons of friends whom we invite to go places with us, this kid is not hurting! I have a brother who is a bona fide a-hole, so other PP is right - don't give the magical sibling issue any more fire. They can seriously suck, and suck the life right out of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You both sound so insufferable and self-centered, I think you should stick with your initial plans.

Lol, I can't quite figure out what prompted this reaction, but in any case, this is a skewed "parenting" board so of course everyone is going to talk about how wonderful it is to have kids and why you should do it.

There are downsides of course: not enough time for your relationship, less disposable income, possibly having to leave a neighborhood and house you love for schools, career taking a backburner, and worst of all, having a SN kid.