Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I also know someone this happened to. Thier daughter got pregnant in her Sophmore year and gave birth in her Senior year. She finished school and is working now while raising the kid with the baby's father. Like others, the parents did get together and got married after the baby was born. They are very young parents but they are making it work. Both finished school and have good jobs. They did live with parents until they got a bit more settled but now they have their own house in the burbs.

How was the gestation period so long?

That's how the parents discovered their daughter was dating an elephant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father lives 1200 miles away? Yikes. She's awfully young to be dealing with split custody and such. Or is she planning not to tell him?

I know you respect her choice, and you're doing it better than I would. I would probably ask her why she's set against abortion in this case, and point out how complicated this is likely to be. She now knows she's fertile. She can get pregnant at literally any future moment.

This kind of thing makes me sad about how effective the pro-life propaganda has been on women under 30. Even pro-choice women think of a 5-week-old pregnancy as a child.

But she's not too young to be having sex? Got it.

Huh? Clearly this particular woman is, because she isn't prepared to make a mature decision (which to me would be not having this baby -- I take it to you it would be to keep the baby).

To me, it would be to give the baby up for adoption and give it a decent chance at an intact family.

[Anonymous]

As the mother of two adopted children who met both the birthmothers (one adopted domestically at 3 months, one internationally at 3 years), this is something that shouldn't be pushed. The mother has to be able to find peace with the decision. Regardless of the birth mother's belief that she is giving her child a chance at whatever she thinks is a better life, it is still a loss. That needs to be respected, and as her mother, you don't want to be resented for it.

My sister got pregnant at 19. She married the father and they now have 3 kids. They had the full support of both families, and it was still hard. It is also worth noting that 19 today, isn't what it was 10, 20, 30 years ago, kids stay kids much longer now. Thirty years ago if you got pregnant at 19, not long after your cohort was marrying, having kids, etc., that isn't the case anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Tell your daughter you will help her figure it out along the way, to the best of your ability.

+1

[Anonymous]

My sorority sister had a baby her junior year. She was pre-med and it was great for her. She married her HS boyfriend later that summer. He wasn’t in college and was a manager of a Costco or something like that. He stayed home with the baby for a bit, she graduated and went to med school. She had a 2nd kid during residency and now she’s on OB-Gyn with 4 kids and a SAHD. Kids range from 16 to 2yrs old. They seem really happy.

[Anonymous]

Does she want to get an abortion? If so, not a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I also know someone this happened to. Thier daughter got pregnant in her Sophmore year and gave birth in her Senior year. She finished school and is working now while raising the kid with the baby's father. Like others, the parents did get together and got married after the baby was born. They are very young parents but they are making it work. Both finished school and have good jobs. They did live with parents until they got a bit more settled but now they have their own house in the burbs.

That was a long pregnancy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she want to get an abortion? If so, not a huge deal.

No. OP said she doesn't want to have an abortion. Keep up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm truly sorry to sound so harsh but all these stories have little relevance to today's environment. It's 2018 and very few excuses for accidently getting pregnant any more. Much better birth control and education than in our youth. OP's daughter doesn't sound mature enough to make the right decisions regarding raising a child responsibly. This is more than financial support. Are you prepared emotionally to raise another young child now as that is what this will ultimately mean until your daughter grows up. Yes I appreciate that you feel you have to appreciate her decision but make it clear that as the decision impacts you, you also have the right to weigh in with a no interest. Frankly you've already said you would vote for abortion so IMO you really don't want this. And your daughter depending on friends is very unreliable support. Unfortunately, she'll be living with the impacts of this for life no matter what she does. I had an abortion, I know. I also know that the quality life I could have supplied a child at that time would have been very emotionally substandard as a mom. Your daughter own brain is still in formation. There's nothing you can do if she insists but I personally would strongly encourage not going through this. Sorry, I know all of you have these lovely stories about great kids now however, it takes a village in those circumstances and villages are becoming increasingly rare.

She was on birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this advice for the OP to sit down and firmly plan out how she will and won't support are totally missing the emotional connection she will have with the child as their grandparent. It's nearly impossible to set and stick to these limits once the baby is here and you all fall in love. It seems daunting and complicated now, and I'm sure it will be very complicated along the way, but somehow the baby makes it all worth it. My sister got pregnant in college. My parents were pissed. They probably threatened to not support her and she did get her own apartment, but once that baby was here, all bets were off.

Tell your daughter you will help her figure it out along the way, to the best of your ability.

I'm one of the PP's who said OP needs to sit down with her husband and decide what they're willing to do. It's not missing the emotional connection -- I'm assuming she'll be willing to do a lot. Most grandmothers are. But if she goes back to her daughter and says "Larla, your dad and I will let you live in the basement with the baby, and we'll keep you on our insurance, and dad will put off retirement 5 more years to make this work so you can finish your education" then maybe Larla will have her eyes opened a bit to what she's actually asking of her parents, instead of assuming that love and an absent father and permissive parents will keep the world spinning around her as it always has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is adoption not being considered as an option? If she is unwilling to have an abortion (which I totally understand), she still does not have to keep the baby. She will be condemning the both of them into lower socioeconomic conditions that it will be very hard for either the daughter or he baby to escape, unless the grandparents have a lot of money to pay for all the things the mother can’t.

This MC/UMC white woman is not likely to slide down into poverty with this kid. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother got his girlfriend pregnant between junior and senior year. They lived in an apartment and finished out their college together.

They eventually married and my niece is the best person on the face of the earth... speaks 4 languages, is unbelievable and I love her with all my heart.

This happened to a friend of ours in college. I think they had not been dating long.

They did the same thing. Had an amazing little girl. Last I heard they are still happily married, some 25 years and a couple of kids later.

+1

A couple on my junior year abroad program became parents the following year. They are still together 32 years later, and have four grown kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Title IX protects her housing through her pregnancy.

The Housing office can help with housing after that.

She will qualify for WIC and SNAP.

I assume you were planning on paying room and board while she is in college. Off campus housing could be cheaper and she can apply for WIC/SNAP, all of that money can go towards her child's food and diapers.

As a single mother she can supplement WIC/SNAP with local food banks. (https://www.foodpantries.org/)

The school can help her find cheap/subsidized daycare or she can check this website for subsidized daycare (https://www.acf.hhs.gov/occ/resource/ccdf-grantee-state-and-territory-contacts#M)

Yes, although I was on SNAP when my son was very young, and we were in a liberal state with VERY generous benefits. We had plenty to eat just using SNAP, no WIC. As a mom with a child she will qualify for SNAP for a family of 2, even when baby doesn't eat much. My state at the time was VERY generous and we ate very well (I mean, no lobster and I had to budget, but we had enough and could buy fresh fruits - although not organic - and veggies).

Great. So we’re subsidizing irresponsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is adoption not being considered as an option? If she is unwilling to have an abortion (which I totally understand), she still does not have to keep the baby. She will be condemning the both of them into lower socioeconomic conditions that it will be very hard for either the daughter or he baby to escape, unless the grandparents have a lot of money to pay for all the things the mother can’t.

Prolifera don’t like to acknowledge how traumatizing adoption can be for birth moms. I would absolutely have an abortion in this case. But if my DD chose to have the baby I would do my beat to support financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother got his girlfriend pregnant between junior and senior year. They lived in an apartment and finished out their college together.

They eventually married and my niece is the best person on the face of the earth... speaks 4 languages, is unbelievable and I love her with all my heart.

This happened to a friend of ours in college. I think they had not been dating long.

They did the same thing. Had an amazing little girl. Last I heard they are still happily married, some 25 years and a couple of kids later.

+1

A couple on my junior year abroad program became parents the following year. They are still together 32 years later, and have four grown kids.

32 years ago, women were still asked if they were going to college to find a husband, and 25 was old to be a first-time mom. This girl is going to be an outlier in so many ways.

Not to mention there's no boyfriend to marry ...