My house guest has been incredibly rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PS also, Egyptians eat eggs. Some love eggs. She was just f-ing with you at that point.

New poster, and wife of Egyptian man. I agree, they eat eggs. Husband prefers fava beans but he would NEVER criticize someone’s food. As in many other cultures, feeding guests is a huge thing. To turn down or criticize food is unheard of. At least in my short experience living in Cairo...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Egyptian, my husband is Egyptian, and this lady OP is describing (if OP is not a troll) is not a typical Egyptian.

I give the lady a pass on the alarm/phone calls thing, because I'm assuming she assumes the alarm clock in her room is not audible or bothersome in your rooms. She probably also assumed that talking on the phone wouldn't bother you.

Supporting niqab is not normal. People who support the niqab are religious fanatics and should be steered clear from. A garment like the niqab has nothing to do with Sunni Islam as it was practiced for many generations and has no part in Egyptian culture. Half the people in Egypt would probably support a ban on the niqab, and the other half are miserable people who think female genital mutilation is ok. Sorry.

Traditionally (and this is how I was brought up) if you are a guest at someone's house and they take you out somewhere, YOU pay for everything for your host to show your gratitude for their hospitality. In fact, this lady should have asked you about your favorite place to go and offered to treat [youtube]you up front. This is very much a part of the hospitality culture as I have always understood it.

This lady probably had a bunch of red flags to indicate that she was a jerk, but you and DH missed them. Be more perceptive next time.

OP here. Thank you. This is very helpful. I have been very worried about my guest because she has not had ANYTHING to eat most days. Perhaps she does have an eating disorder. That did not occur to me. My husband only eats Mediterranean food so I am very familiar with cooking Mediterranean dishes. I've had meals with her in the past. It was always chicken, salad and rice. She has also been very forwarded and actually told me she doesn't like the taste of the food I have cooked. It's very bizarre. I swear I am not a troll.

Possibly the guest has a personality disorder. What you describe isn’t normal in any culture.

Has the guest been here for a few years OP? Sounds like she's treating you this way because she thinks it's ok in America.

Egyptian pp again. No one with common sense from any country would act this way. Just because someone grew up in a foreign country they don’t suddenly come to America and become feral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am Egyptian, my husband is Egyptian, and this lady OP is describing (if OP is not a troll) is not a typical Egyptian.

I give the lady a pass on the alarm/phone calls thing, because I'm assuming she assumes the alarm clock in her room is not audible or bothersome in your rooms. She probably also assumed that talking on the phone wouldn't bother you.

Supporting niqab is not normal. People who support the niqab are religious fanatics and should be steered clear from. A garment like the niqab has nothing to do with Sunni Islam as it was practiced for many generations and has no part in Egyptian culture. Half the people in Egypt would probably support a ban on the niqab, and the other half are miserable people who think female genital mutilation is ok. Sorry.

Traditionally (and this is how I was brought up) if you are a guest at someone's house and they take you out somewhere, YOU pay for everything for your host to show your gratitude for their hospitality. In fact, this lady should have asked you about your favorite place to go and offered to treat [youtube]you up front. This is very much a part of the hospitality culture as I have always understood it.

This lady probably had a bunch of red flags to indicate that she was a jerk, but you and DH missed them. Be more perceptive next time.

OP here. Thank you. This is very helpful. I have been very worried about my guest because she has not had ANYTHING to eat most days. Perhaps she does have an eating disorder. That did not occur to me. My husband only eats Mediterranean food so I am very familiar with cooking Mediterranean dishes. I've had meals with her in the past. It was always chicken, salad and rice. She has also been very forwarded and actually told me she doesn't like the taste of the food I have cooked. It's very bizarre. I swear I am not a troll.

Possibly the guest has a personality disorder. What you describe isn’t normal in any culture.

+1 I was thinking the same thing. I'm from an Asian culture, spouse is from a European culture.

There are those who are just not aware, and then there are those who are just plain rude.

Not aware -- my kids go to bed at 8pm. We have had family members stay with us, and they make a lot of noise at 11pm when they go up to bed because they aren't "aware" of how much noise they are making since they don't have little kids who go to bed so early. I'm hyper aware of noise after the kids go to bed.

Rude -- saying to the host "I never eat that thing.. " very rudely. Unless that person has a dietary restriction, they should at least try to eat a little bit graciously.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I confronted her last night and asked her to leave. She was sitting on my sons tiny baby/ toddler sofa. I explained she could sit on our sofa, love seats or arm chairs but she wanted to sit on his tiny hello kitty sofa!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I confronted her last night and asked her to leave. She was sitting on my sons tiny baby/ toddler sofa. I explained she could sit on our sofa, love seats or arm chairs but she wanted to sit on his tiny hello kitty sofa!

And what did she say...

And OP, you say your husband is from a Muslim country... which country was it and was he unable to catch on to this woman's nuttiness as well? He doesn't know Egyptians eat eggs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I confronted her last night and asked her to leave. She was sitting on my sons tiny baby/ toddler sofa. I explained she could sit on our sofa, love seats or arm chairs but she wanted to sit on his tiny hello kitty sofa!

In your earlier post, I thought you said she was leaving yesterday AM. Did she extend her stay somehow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I confronted her last night and asked her to leave. She was sitting on my sons tiny baby/ toddler sofa. I explained she could sit on our sofa, love seats or arm chairs but she wanted to sit on his tiny hello kitty sofa!

And what did she say...

And OP, you say your husband is from a Muslim country... which country was it and was he unable to catch on to this woman's nuttiness as well? He doesn't know Egyptians eat eggs?

Op here. My husband is South Asian. He's not involved with the guest because in her culture they do not talk to men. He gave us lots of space during her stay. She apologized when I confronted her about the rudeness. She barely looked at me this entire she stayed here because she was staring at her phone screen. It was unbelievable how rude she was. I feel like I hosted a teenager instead of a 31 year old PhD student. She acted shocked and asked lots of questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I confronted her last night and asked her to leave. She was sitting on my sons tiny baby/ toddler sofa. I explained she could sit on our sofa, love seats or arm chairs but she wanted to sit on his tiny hello kitty sofa!

And what did she say...

And OP, you say your husband is from a Muslim country... which country was it and was he unable to catch on to this woman's nuttiness as well? He doesn't know Egyptians eat eggs?

Op here. My husband is South Asian. He's not involved with the guest because in her culture they do not talk to men. He gave us lots of space during her stay. She apologized when I confronted her about the rudeness. She barely looked at me this entire she stayed here because she was staring at her phone screen. It was unbelievable how rude she was. I feel like I hosted a teenager instead of a 31 year old PhD student. She acted shocked and asked lots of questions.

Is she gone? Wasn't she supposed to leave yesterday AM anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PS also, Egyptians eat eggs. Some love eggs. She was just f-ing with you at that point.

New poster, and wife of Egyptian man. I agree, they eat eggs. Husband prefers fava beans but he would NEVER criticize someone’s food. As in many other cultures, feeding guests is a huge thing. To turn down or criticize food is unheard of. At least in my short experience living in Cairo...

In my experience, Egyptians bring their hosts a food gift, or try to take them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I confronted her last night and asked her to leave. She was sitting on my sons tiny baby/ toddler sofa. I explained she could sit on our sofa, love seats or arm chairs but she wanted to sit on his tiny hello kitty sofa!

And what did she say...

And OP, you say your husband is from a Muslim country... which country was it and was he unable to catch on to this woman's nuttiness as well? He doesn't know Egyptians eat eggs?

Op here. My husband is South Asian. He's not involved with the guest because in her culture they do not talk to men. He gave us lots of space during her stay. She apologized when I confronted her about the rudeness. She barely looked at me this entire she stayed here because she was staring at her phone screen. It was unbelievable how rude she was. I feel like I hosted a teenager instead of a 31 year old PhD student. She acted shocked and asked lots of questions.

Is she gone? Wasn't she supposed to leave yesterday AM anyway?

She finally left! She was supposed to leave this morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became friends with an Egyptian lady 2 years ago. We are NOT super close but she has always been very nice/ friendly. I know her through my husband. I invited her to stay with us for a few days. We recently moved to the south and we're very close to the beach.

This was the worst idea ever. She has caused me to lose sleep, turned her nose up at almost all my meals. She has spent HOURS on the phone talking in Arabic. Last night we got into a pretty intense conversation about the face covering veil. She was upset because Americans do not accept this. She argued that it means America is not really a free country. I usually stay out of politics but this conversation really upset me. I am very against the face covering. She also mentioned how women should not be allowed to smoke but it's ok for men.

I suggested that we go to the beach the first day she arrived, but she let on that she doesn't like the beach because in Egypt the beaches are way nicer. I cooked a typical eggs, toast, potatoes breakfast and she says in Egypt they don't like eggs. We took her out to dinner and she didn't thank us. She had her alarm on very loud the first day and it woke up my toddler at 6 am Saturday morning. I actually had to go into her room and turn it off because it would not stop. I can not wait for this lady to leave my house. I finally snapped at her this afternoon because her phone conversation is so loud that it's preventing my toddler from napping. My husband understands a little Arabic and he could hear she bad mouthing me to her family. She did not know he was close by.

I am only venting here. I can not wait until she leaves tomorrow morning.

I am a foreigner and I can tell that she is from that layer of society that is hard to describe - this people have money and don't have manners. America and Western Europe is a lot more polished, even lower class, but once you get outside of the US and WU, this is what you get - very opinionated, pretty rude, a lot a gossip people. Interesting thing is that a lot of them are very genuine, take troubles of others close to heart and jump in to help - really help, not just with advice - when you are in trouble.
They are just psychologically and socially different))
Congratulations, you just experienced a real world outside of American bubble)))

As an immigrant (who grew up here) from a non Western culture, this is not true. There are plenty of unpolished low class folks who are loud and brash in US and some WU countries. (my spouse is from WU, and I've been there many times).

How can you be an immigrant if you grew up here? You sound really stupid.

***Face palm****

Where in my post do I say that I grew up here? You sound really stupid.

***Face palm***

See the bolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP your complaints are a bit petty and I'm willing to bet your issue is she isn't as feminist as you though she was. You don't like that she's pro veil and thinks women shouldn't smoke so everything she does or says is colored with that and a little more annoying to you.

Seriously? Some of this guest’s behaviors are objectively rude. Keeping the toddler awake? Rude. Texting during dinner? Rude. Picking fights over the veil—because OP said her guest, not her, brought it up first? Rude.

You seem annoyed that OP didn’t fall over herself to praise the full face veil. Apparently you think that if a guest brings it up, a good hostess would lie and gush about how great thenfullnface veil is.

Seems like this is coloring your own willingness to ignore this guest’s blatant rudeness.

If she's being too loud for the toddler she could address the noise volume.
OP should have changed the veil subject
I don't text during dinner but other adults are not my children so I don't tell them what they can and can not do.
When I treat someone to dier it's because it's something I want to do and enjoy not to get a thank you.
I'm not certain about the food and beach complaints OP seems to be taking them personally but they could have just been off handed comments that don't really mean much and weren't meant to offend.
Don't have guests if you don't have people skills to manage minor annoyances or over looking them.
Son't have guests if you want to control and manage their behvior as if they were your children.

As for the bold you you prove my point about why OP is upset and why you and others are taking up for her. I've seen people her complain about guests having sex and waking up the kids, leaving trash about etc. and the general concensus is let it go, this lady is the worst person in the world because she's the ungrateful foreigner.[/quote]

Nope. Your sympathy for this woman is mystifying and it’s clouding your memory. Whether ithe guest is SIL or BIL or MIL or FIL or the friends who stay at your beach house, the concensus is almost always that guests should definitely be respectful and best is if they’re helpful. The heated debates here are about whether the guests should help clean up after dinner—not whether they can text during dinner after they’ve turned their noses up at it.

Nope. You're a racist. I don't care if you voted for Hilary.

Nope. What’s racist is to hold other racial groups to a lower standard because you think their abhorrent behavior is “normal” for their race or culture. Talk to blacks about the problem of low expectations in schools. A Egyptian posted above that OP’s guest’s behavior is definitely not normal in her culture. So you want our takeaway to be that all Arabs behave like this? You’re the racist.