MIL's 70th birthday - Would it be rude of me...?

[Anonymous]

I also complain about my MIL and have a SIL who rarely steps up to take care of things. But I also have a DH who I would put in charge of the party planning for his own mother. Having everyone come to me would be much better than having to travel with 3 kids for a party.

Throw money at this problem. Hire a cleaning service, cater the actual birthday party, task BIL and SIL with hosting restaurant meals out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:70 is a milestone birthday? Since when?

Anyway take your kids to your MILs house for get bday. Have the kids help you make her a cake while you are there.

Problem solved - no one is coming to your house, no party to plan

What do you consider a milestone birthday if 70 isn't one?

70 is pretty young.

90, 05, 100 - I could see those as "milestone" birthdays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:70 is a milestone birthday? Since when?

Anyway take your kids to your MILs house for get bday. Have the kids help you make her a cake while you are there.

Problem solved - no one is coming to your house, no party to plan

What do you consider a milestone birthday if 70 isn't one?

70 is pretty young.

90, 05, 100 - I could see those as "milestone" birthdays

I agree. You're stuck with this one op but I would not host bil and sil again. My dh would have told them long ago that he didn't like the inequity of the situation. I had in laws who tried to make our house the center of all events. My sils expected me to host my ils 50th wedding anniversary within a month of having premature twins with medical issues. The pulled the same thing when labor day rolled around. My dh set them straight each time and that ended things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:70 is a milestone birthday? Since when?

Anyway take your kids to your MILs house for get bday. Have the kids help you make her a cake while you are there.

Problem solved - no one is coming to your house, no party to plan

What do you consider a milestone birthday if 70 isn't one?

70 is pretty young.

90, 05, 100 - I could see those as "milestone" birthdays

Are you like 25?? My parents aren't even 70 yet and someone they know passes away every other month. Why is it such a burden for people to celebrate the people they love?? Or in this case, that the people they love love.

Plus, these types of family events are the stuff that will make up the OP's children's main childhood memories. I think of all of the gatherings of my relatives in the last 30 years as "when we were at X's house for Grandma's 80th, when we went to Y's house for cousin's graduation, the party for so and so's big anniversary" and so forth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:70 is a milestone birthday? Since when?

Anyway take your kids to your MILs house for get bday. Have the kids help you make her a cake while you are there.

Problem solved - no one is coming to your house, no party to plan

What do you consider a milestone birthday if 70 isn't one?

70 is pretty young.

90, 05, 100 - I could see those as "milestone" birthdays

So are 18, 21, 40, and 50. People still tend to have bigger parties for those.

[Anonymous]

I don't like my MIL and she can barely be bothere with my kids (her only grandkids), but even I wouldn't do this. Pretty rotten thing to do, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think when you get married you STOP differentiating between "blood" and "non blood" relatives, especially as it relates to your spouse's parents - who gave him life and ostensibly raise him to be the man you fell in love with.

Throw. The. Party. Find a happy medium - not pizza on dollar store plates and not surf & turf either. Give her this day and go on retreat the following week.

I like this idea. OP, sounds like your standards are way too high. Of course, you'd do a better job of this party if you did it according to your standards but it also sounds like everyone else is happy with something simpler. I agree with this pp. You should find a happy medium that suits you and go with that. But that will mean that you have to let go of having everything exactly the way you think it should happen. Good luck finding your solution. Hope it works out!

[Anonymous]

No one is "forced" to host a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow. I'm really surprised by the responses, but this is very educational.

Does it make any difference if my husband and I have never been hosted by SIL and BIL in our 15 years of marriage? They have stayed at our house repeatedly wherever we lived, and they've never opened up their homes to us. We've also hosted the entire family all together a couple of times in the past before we had kids. I am feeling tired of being the default hostess.

No. This isn't about your BIL and SIL, it's about your MIL.

EXACTLY.

It would be beyond rude to be “on retreat.” Everyone would see right through your sham temper tantrum.

[Anonymous]

What?! Were you raised by wolves? Of course this is incredibly rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow. I'm really surprised by the responses, but this is very educational.

Does it make any difference if my husband and I have never been hosted by SIL and BIL in our 15 years of marriage? They have stayed at our house repeatedly wherever we lived, and they've never opened up their homes to us. We've also hosted the entire family all together a couple of times in the past before we had kids. I am feeling tired of being the default hostess.

No. This isn't about your BIL and SIL, it's about your MIL.

EXACTLY.

It would be beyond rude to be “on retreat.” Everyone would see right through your sham temper tantrum.

WTF does "on retreat" even mean? It sounds stupid and made up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:70 is a milestone birthday? Since when?

Anyway take your kids to your MILs house for get bday. Have the kids help you make her a cake while you are there.

Problem solved - no one is coming to your house, no party to plan

What do you consider a milestone birthday if 70 isn't one?

70 is pretty young.

90, 05, 100 - I could see those as "milestone" birthdays

So are 18, 21, 40, and 50. People still tend to have bigger parties for those.

My mother passed at 62. Trust me if I'm around past that, I will make every birthday a damned milestone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Another option is to frame it as each of MILs 3 children will be in charge of each day of the 3 day weekend.

They can pick the restaurant and ecide what the group does to celebrate as well as pick up the tab. Insist on at least one restaurant meal. That way you get credit for what you do and you’re not running yourself ragged on the siblings days.

You can kind of shame them into stepping up.

Op here. I like this idea. Thank you!

Hey guys, looks like OP found a solution several pages ago...

[Anonymous]

Admit it, you really don't like your husband's family, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Another option is to frame it as each of MILs 3 children will be in charge of each day of the 3 day weekend.

They can pick the restaurant and ecide what the group does to celebrate as well as pick up the tab. Insist on at least one restaurant meal. That way you get credit for what you do and you’re not running yourself ragged on the siblings days.

You can kind of shame them into stepping up.

Op here. I like this idea. Thank you!