Co-sleeping ruined my marriage

[Anonymous]

Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

Says who? And why? Please elaborate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the couples I know who co-slept have ended up divorced

I know 2 couples where the mom did that attachment parenting. Divorced. Definite infidelity in one and sexless in both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BINGO. It's not new wave nonsense, as a PP suggested. It's "normal" in many other countries.

That said, Mom and Dad need to be on the same page. And if it's the only way baby/mom can sleep than dad either needs to step up and help more with the sleep training, etc. or stop being a (bleeping) baby himself. Any guy who views a baby as some sort of rival is a pansy. Period.

It might be "normal" in many countries to have sex with kids in the same room (indeed, my great-grandparents had five kids in a one-room tenement apartment, what fun) but it would weird me the hell out.

Furthermore, men do not regard the kid as a "rival". Men are just annoyed that she's using the kid as a human shield to avoid having sex.

+1. Without being honest about it. "Not now, the baby's sleeping" is a lot easier than "I don't want to have sex with you anymore, let's have a difficult conversation about what this means for the future of our marriage."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BINGO. It's not new wave nonsense, as a PP suggested. It's "normal" in many other countries.

That said, Mom and Dad need to be on the same page. And if it's the only way baby/mom can sleep than dad either needs to step up and help more with the sleep training, etc. or stop being a (bleeping) baby himself. Any guy who views a baby as some sort of rival is a pansy. Period.

It might be "normal" in many countries to have sex with kids in the same room (indeed, my great-grandparents had five kids in a one-room tenement apartment, what fun) but it would weird me the hell out.

Furthermore, men do not regard the kid as a "rival". Men are just annoyed that she's using the kid as a human shield to avoid having sex.

+1. Without being honest about it. "Not now, the baby's sleeping" is a lot easier than "I don't want to have sex with you anymore, let's have a difficult conversation about what this means for the future of our marriage."

This. If cio-sleeping is used as an excuse to avoid intimacy than yes... co-sleeping is bad for the marriage, so are headaches, nausea and every other excuse. Do we say that headaches ruin marriages? I don’t think so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BINGO. It's not new wave nonsense, as a PP suggested. It's "normal" in many other countries.

That said, Mom and Dad need to be on the same page. And if it's the only way baby/mom can sleep than dad either needs to step up and help more with the sleep training, etc. or stop being a (bleeping) baby himself. Any guy who views a baby as some sort of rival is a pansy. Period.

It might be "normal" in many countries to have sex with kids in the same room (indeed, my great-grandparents had five kids in a one-room tenement apartment, what fun) but it would weird me the hell out.

Furthermore, men do not regard the kid as a "rival". Men are just annoyed that she's using the kid as a human shield to avoid having sex.

Why can’t parents use another room? I am not comfortable having sex with the kids in the same room (happened once only I think when my first was 4 months old). It doesn’t have to be weird like that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

Says who? And why? Please elaborate.

Because the foremost priority should be the MARRIAGE. This is what’s wrong with marriages today. Look at the other examples in this thread. Women today basically marry a sperm donor and then the marriage falls by the wayside as the child(ren) because the center of her universe. The child permeates every aspect of their relationship when in reality parents need to maintain their romantic relationship and WORK to keep it a priority. The family unit starts with and should revolve around the marriage union—not around the child. Children need boundaries and to know that some things among their parents are sacred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

Says who? And why? Please elaborate.

Because the foremost priority should be the MARRIAGE. This is what’s wrong with marriages today. Look at the other examples in this thread. Women today basically marry a sperm donor and then the marriage falls by the wayside as the child(ren) because the center of her universe. The child permeates every aspect of their relationship when in reality parents need to maintain their romantic relationship and WORK to keep it a priority. The family unit starts with and should revolve around the marriage union—not around the child. Children need boundaries and to know that some things among their parents are sacred.

I completely agree with what you said up to the “sanctity” of the marital bed. That’s bs in my opinion. For us it was much better for our marriage and sanity to not have to get up from our “sacred” bed several times every night to attend to one of our crying children. We each slept in one of the kids room and were much more rested and happier. We spent time together as a couple between 9 and 10:30/11 and it was great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...you're 'off' and so is your husband...hence the dysfunction in your marriage.

FWIW...I love foreplay, intimacy, playful fun outside the bedroom, making love and raw energetic drive each other wild sex...and I will cuddle...but I have never been much of a fan for a lot of cuddling, especially at bedtime, nor can I fall asleep while entwined.

You like sex outside the bedroom/don't like cuddling- that's you. That's not OP and millions of other people. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex in your bed regularly and being able to relax afterwards with your partner. That's not going to happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

Change bed! In most houses with kids you have at least two bedrooms. If the couch is too adventurous, just use the spare room. What is SO difficult and inconvenient about this... I don’t get it. How can using a different room for sex and intimacy or sleep with the kids ruin a marriage?

I prefer having sex with my husband in our bed. Afterwards, we talk, cuddle, or just relax and enjoy each other's presence. Then we sleep. That series of events will not happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

It isn't just about achieving orgasms (though it is important) in a closet or guest bedroom. It's about having time for ourselves as a couple in a kid-free zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...you're 'off' and so is your husband...hence the dysfunction in your marriage.

FWIW...I love foreplay, intimacy, playful fun outside the bedroom, making love and raw energetic drive each other wild sex...and I will cuddle...but I have never been much of a fan for a lot of cuddling, especially at bedtime, nor can I fall asleep while entwined.

You like sex outside the bedroom/don't like cuddling- that's you. That's not OP and millions of other people. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex in your bed regularly and being able to relax afterwards with your partner. That's not going to happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

Change bed! In most houses with kids you have at least two bedrooms. If the couch is too adventurous, just use the spare room. What is SO difficult and inconvenient about this... I don’t get it. How can using a different room for sex and intimacy or sleep with the kids ruin a marriage?

I prefer having sex with my husband in our bed. Afterwards, we talk, cuddle, or just relax and enjoy each other's presence. Then we sleep. That series of events will not happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

It isn't just about achieving orgasms (though it is important) in a closet or guest bedroom. It's about having time for ourselves as a couple in a kid-free zone.

“Prefer” ok, sure I get it. Marriage or sex killer no... I prefer to know that my kids feel safe and secure without “training” them to not need that and give up on my preferred bed for sleeping and intimacy. I would not however give up on my relationship with my husband or our intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...you're 'off' and so is your husband...hence the dysfunction in your marriage.

FWIW...I love foreplay, intimacy, playful fun outside the bedroom, making love and raw energetic drive each other wild sex...and I will cuddle...but I have never been much of a fan for a lot of cuddling, especially at bedtime, nor can I fall asleep while entwined.

You like sex outside the bedroom/don't like cuddling- that's you. That's not OP and millions of other people. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex in your bed regularly and being able to relax afterwards with your partner. That's not going to happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

Change bed! In most houses with kids you have at least two bedrooms. If the couch is too adventurous, just use the spare room. What is SO difficult and inconvenient about this... I don’t get it. How can using a different room for sex and intimacy or sleep with the kids ruin a marriage?

I prefer having sex with my husband in our bed. Afterwards, we talk, cuddle, or just relax and enjoy each other's presence. Then we sleep. That series of events will not happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

It isn't just about achieving orgasms (though it is important) in a closet or guest bedroom. It's about having time for ourselves as a couple in a kid-free zone.

Plenty of kid-free area in our house. Just switch rooms or admit that you use co-sleeping as an excuse (as one PP said before) to avoid your partner

[Anonymous]

I'm confused.
Is the OP saying that the couples who do the Lucy and Ricky thing (separate beds) are the marriages that last?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound immature and not ready to raise a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

Says who? And why? Please elaborate.

Because the foremost priority should be the MARRIAGE. This is what’s wrong with marriages today. Look at the other examples in this thread. Women today basically marry a sperm donor and then the marriage falls by the wayside as the child(ren) because the center of her universe. The child permeates every aspect of their relationship when in reality parents need to maintain their romantic relationship and WORK to keep it a priority. The family unit starts with and should revolve around the marriage union—not around the child. Children need boundaries and to know that some things among their parents are sacred.

You sound like a misinformed, angry little man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

Says who? And why? Please elaborate.

Because the foremost priority should be the MARRIAGE. This is what’s wrong with marriages today. Look at the other examples in this thread. Women today basically marry a sperm donor and then the marriage falls by the wayside as the child(ren) because the center of her universe. The child permeates every aspect of their relationship when in reality parents need to maintain their romantic relationship and WORK to keep it a priority. The family unit starts with and should revolve around the marriage union—not around the child. Children need boundaries and to know that some things among their parents are sacred.

You sound like a misinformed, angry little man.

DP. ??? Sounds like an angry hag to me.