Co-sleeping ruined my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...you're 'off' and so is your husband...hence the dysfunction in your marriage.

FWIW...I love foreplay, intimacy, playful fun outside the bedroom, making love and raw energetic drive each other wild sex...and I will cuddle...but I have never been much of a fan for a lot of cuddling, especially at bedtime, nor can I fall asleep while entwined.

You like sex outside the bedroom/don't like cuddling- that's you. That's not OP and millions of other people. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex in your bed regularly and being able to relax afterwards with your partner. That's not going to happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

Change bed! In most houses with kids you have at least two bedrooms. If the couch is too adventurous, just use the spare room. What is SO difficult and inconvenient about this... I don’t get it. How can using a different room for sex and intimacy or sleep with the kids ruin a marriage?

I prefer having sex with my husband in our bed. Afterwards, we talk, cuddle, or just relax and enjoy each other's presence. Then we sleep. That series of events will not happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

It isn't just about achieving orgasms (though it is important) in a closet or guest bedroom. It's about having time for ourselves as a couple in a kid-free zone.

Plenty of kid-free area in our house. Just switch rooms or admit that you use co-sleeping as an excuse (as one PP said before) to avoid your partner

PP. Closet/bathrooms/laundry rooms/office are fine for the occasional quickie but not okay for sex on a regular basis. I didn't cosleep. Never have. I have regular sex in my marital bed. I actually look forward to time when the kids are asleep and I get uninterrupted time with my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...you're 'off' and so is your husband...hence the dysfunction in your marriage.

FWIW...I love foreplay, intimacy, playful fun outside the bedroom, making love and raw energetic drive each other wild sex...and I will cuddle...but I have never been much of a fan for a lot of cuddling, especially at bedtime, nor can I fall asleep while entwined.

You like sex outside the bedroom/don't like cuddling- that's you. That's not OP and millions of other people. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex in your bed regularly and being able to relax afterwards with your partner. That's not going to happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

Change bed! In most houses with kids you have at least two bedrooms. If the couch is too adventurous, just use the spare room. What is SO difficult and inconvenient about this... I don’t get it. How can using a different room for sex and intimacy or sleep with the kids ruin a marriage?

I prefer having sex with my husband in our bed. Afterwards, we talk, cuddle, or just relax and enjoy each other's presence. Then we sleep. That series of events will not happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

It isn't just about achieving orgasms (though it is important) in a closet or guest bedroom. It's about having time for ourselves as a couple in a kid-free zone.

This exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...you're 'off' and so is your husband...hence the dysfunction in your marriage.

FWIW...I love foreplay, intimacy, playful fun outside the bedroom, making love and raw energetic drive each other wild sex...and I will cuddle...but I have never been much of a fan for a lot of cuddling, especially at bedtime, nor can I fall asleep while entwined.

You like sex outside the bedroom/don't like cuddling- that's you. That's not OP and millions of other people. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex in your bed regularly and being able to relax afterwards with your partner. That's not going to happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

Change bed! In most houses with kids you have at least two bedrooms. If the couch is too adventurous, just use the spare room. What is SO difficult and inconvenient about this... I don’t get it. How can using a different room for sex and intimacy or sleep with the kids ruin a marriage?

I prefer having sex with my husband in our bed. Afterwards, we talk, cuddle, or just relax and enjoy each other's presence. Then we sleep. That series of events will not happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

It isn't just about achieving orgasms (though it is important) in a closet or guest bedroom. It's about having time for ourselves as a couple in a kid-free zone.

Plenty of kid-free area in our house. Just switch rooms or admit that you use co-sleeping as an excuse (as one PP said before) to avoid your partner

PP. Closet/bathrooms/laundry rooms/office are fine for the occasional quickie but not okay for sex on a regular basis. I didn't cosleep. Never have. I have regular sex in my marital bed. I actually look forward to time when the kids are asleep and I get uninterrupted time with my husband.

I should have said “bedrooms”, we have spare bedrooms... We don’t have sex in closets (old house no closets unfortunately). That’s great for you PP. I was responding to the posters that claimed they did not have sex anymore because of co-sleeping. I doubt in their case that they would start having sex regularly even if they slept in the same bed without the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

A lot of people co-sleep in the kids' bed. I do.

I have to stay until she falls asleep, then I leave. But then I go in the room to sleep there. She is three years old. If I don't, and I slept in the "marital bed," she would wake up and scream and run into our room, which wakes my husband up. He would rather have interrupted sleep. I prefer that, too. If I am next to her at night, she usually does not wake up. Sometimes she does, but she doesn't start crying in fear of being alone. She just wants a hug and goes back to sleep. Staying in her room allows us all, including my other child, to get a good night's rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

A lot of people co-sleep in the kids' bed. I do.

I have to stay until she falls asleep, then I leave. But then I go in the room to sleep there. She is three years old. If I don't, and I slept in the "marital bed," she would wake up and scream and run into our room, which wakes my husband up. He would rather have interrupted sleep. I prefer that, too. If I am next to her at night, she usually does not wake up. Sometimes she does, but she doesn't start crying in fear of being alone. She just wants a hug and goes back to sleep. Staying in her room allows us all, including my other child, to get a good night's rest.

We have the same arrangement except that DH sleeps in the other Dd’s Room so our marital bed is empty and we just have alex there it works great for us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

Says who? And why? Please elaborate.

Because the foremost priority should be the MARRIAGE. This is what’s wrong with marriages today. Look at the other examples in this thread. Women today basically marry a sperm donor and then the marriage falls by the wayside as the child(ren) because the center of her universe. The child permeates every aspect of their relationship when in reality parents need to maintain their romantic relationship and WORK to keep it a priority. The family unit starts with and should revolve around the marriage union—not around the child. Children need boundaries and to know that some things among their parents are sacred.

You sound like a misinformed, angry little man.

DP. ??? Sounds like an angry hag to me.

No, I am a happy, romantic, married hag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...you're 'off' and so is your husband...hence the dysfunction in your marriage.

FWIW...I love foreplay, intimacy, playful fun outside the bedroom, making love and raw energetic drive each other wild sex...and I will cuddle...but I have never been much of a fan for a lot of cuddling, especially at bedtime, nor can I fall asleep while entwined.

You like sex outside the bedroom/don't like cuddling- that's you. That's not OP and millions of other people. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex in your bed regularly and being able to relax afterwards with your partner. That's not going to happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

"playful fun outside the bedroom"

While the occasional sex outside of the bedroom is fun that wasn't what I was referring to. I mentioned the activities I enjoy and went on to share my feelings about cuddling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

A lot of people co-sleep in the kids' bed. I do.

I have to stay until she falls asleep, then I leave. But then I go in the room to sleep there. She is three years old. If I don't, and I slept in the "marital bed," she would wake up and scream and run into our room, which wakes my husband up. He would rather have interrupted sleep. I prefer that, too. If I am next to her at night, she usually does not wake up. Sometimes she does, but she doesn't start crying in fear of being alone. She just wants a hug and goes back to sleep. Staying in her room allows us all, including my other child, to get a good night's rest.

That's you own doing and you aren't doing your child favors by showing them they can do what your child is doing and get their way.

[Anonymous]

Appears that a lot of children are running the show in their homes.

[Anonymous]

Appears a lot of men their D over their own child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

A lot of people co-sleep in the kids' bed. I do.

I have to stay until she falls asleep, then I leave. But then I go in the room to sleep there. She is three years old. If I don't, and I slept in the "marital bed," she would wake up and scream and run into our room, which wakes my husband up. He would rather have interrupted sleep. I prefer that, too. If I am next to her at night, she usually does not wake up. Sometimes she does, but she doesn't start crying in fear of being alone. She just wants a hug and goes back to sleep. Staying in her room allows us all, including my other child, to get a good night's rest.

We have the same arrangement except that DH sleeps in the other Dd’s Room so our marital bed is empty and we just have alex there it works great for us

When I hear of a grown man sleeping in bed with a little girl, my first thought is sexual abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

A lot of people co-sleep in the kids' bed. I do.

I have to stay until she falls asleep, then I leave. But then I go in the room to sleep there. She is three years old. If I don't, and I slept in the "marital bed," she would wake up and scream and run into our room, which wakes my husband up. He would rather have interrupted sleep. I prefer that, too. If I am next to her at night, she usually does not wake up. Sometimes she does, but she doesn't start crying in fear of being alone. She just wants a hug and goes back to sleep. Staying in her room allows us all, including my other child, to get a good night's rest.

That's you own doing and you aren't doing your child favors by showing them they can do what your child is doing and get their way.

I don’t think PP is unhappy about having to stay with her daughter until she falls asleep. I do the same and I love it. They are not spoiled at all. They are very independent and I found out today “very advanced” from an OT that works at one of my DDs’ school. I love to sleep with them. They need to feel safe and secure much more than my husband does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

A lot of people co-sleep in the kids' bed. I do.

I have to stay until she falls asleep, then I leave. But then I go in the room to sleep there. She is three years old. If I don't, and I slept in the "marital bed," she would wake up and scream and run into our room, which wakes my husband up. He would rather have interrupted sleep. I prefer that, too. If I am next to her at night, she usually does not wake up. Sometimes she does, but she doesn't start crying in fear of being alone. She just wants a hug and goes back to sleep. Staying in her room allows us all, including my other child, to get a good night's rest.

We have the same arrangement except that DH sleeps in the other Dd’s Room so our marital bed is empty and we just have alex there it works great for us

When I hear of a grown man sleeping in bed with a little girl, my first thought is sexual abuse.

You are disgusting... obviously you have had some bad experiences in your life to say these three bags about my husband and daughter. You should see a therapist about your own issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Change bed! In most houses with kids you have at least two bedrooms. If the couch is too adventurous, just use the spare room. What is SO difficult and inconvenient about this... I don’t get it. How can using a different room for sex and intimacy or sleep with the kids ruin a marriage?

Co-sleeping ruined my marriage because spouse used it as a way to avoid having sex. "Can't leave the bed or the baby will wake up!"

She was never crazy about having sex with you, or sex in general. She was hoping with the child being there you would at least get the hint. Probably tired of the pressure years before, and you not understanding sex should be mutual. Sounds like one demanding or pressuring the other many nights out of the week.
Instead of co-sleeping it sounds like you could be the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You clearly had marital problems before Co sleeping became an issue.

We actually did not. We were very affectionate before cosleeping. It's funny how a handful of men have agreed with me on this.

In your original post you said "we have lots of other problems too".

So, pretty much co sleeping is just the tip of the iceburg.

You hit the nail on the head. It's never about co-sleeping when they're young. They had other problems.