Co-sleeping ruined my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We used to have a great sex life. We had a sleep position where I was on my stomach, she was on her back, my left arm was around her and we held each other’s right hands over our heads. It was so comforting. But my health started to fail me. When DS was born, we hoped that my parental leave would cure me, but it didn’t. Our sex life ended. Our son is ten and still cosleeps. He slept in his own room for a while but then moved back into ours. It works great for us. One big happy family. I used to be extremely social and organize balls and galas. I used to speak at conventions. I haven’t in many years because my health isn’t what it used to be. I’ve lost much of what used to make me attractive to DW. That bothered me a lot for a while. But at this point, I’m not sure that I want to go back to the way it was. I’m used to the way it is now. It would feel weird to start acting like we did 20 years ago.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Cosleeping beyond the age of 2 or 3 simply is not developmentally appropriate. I find it hard to believe a 10yo boy even wants to sleep with mom and dad. Not to mention, he's probably 5' tall now and it's like having another adult in the bed.

https://www.professorshouse.com/when-are-kids-too-old-to-sleep-with-mom-and-dad/

You are teaching your son that an effectively sexless marriage is proper and normal. Take pity on his future wife and put him back in his own room. Then take charge of your own situation; become attractive to your DW again and restart your moribund sex life.

LOL It is a good point, but truth be told most marriages end up effectively sexless after a period of time. Like it, hate it, it is what it is.

I truly hope not or at least not for a long long time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We used to have a great sex life. We had a sleep position where I was on my stomach, she was on her back, my left arm was around her and we held each other’s right hands over our heads. It was so comforting. But my health started to fail me. When DS was born, we hoped that my parental leave would cure me, but it didn’t. Our sex life ended. Our son is ten and still cosleeps. He slept in his own room for a while but then moved back into ours. It works great for us. One big happy family. I used to be extremely social and organize balls and galas. I used to speak at conventions. I haven’t in many years because my health isn’t what it used to be. I’ve lost much of what used to make me attractive to DW. That bothered me a lot for a while. But at this point, I’m not sure that I want to go back to the way it was. I’m used to the way it is now. It would feel weird to start acting like we did 20 years ago.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Cosleeping beyond the age of 2 or 3 simply is not developmentally appropriate. I find it hard to believe a 10yo boy even wants to sleep with mom and dad. Not to mention, he's probably 5' tall now and it's like having another adult in the bed.

https://www.professorshouse.com/when-are-kids-too-old-to-sleep-with-mom-and-dad/

You are teaching your son that an effectively sexless marriage is proper and normal. Take pity on his future wife and put him back in his own room. Then take charge of your own situation; become attractive to your DW again and restart your moribund sex life.

LOL It is a good point, but truth be told most marriages end up effectively sexless after a period of time. Like it, hate it, it is what it is.

I truly hope not or at least not for a long long time

Hope springs eternal in the human breast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For as young as I can remember, I slept in my own bed and my own room. My older sister had her own room.

I wouldn't want memories of breastfeeding, wearing a diaper, or sleeping with my parents.

I never heard of co-sleeping.

Not sure what’s your point. What does this have to do with OP’s post?

I never heard of co-sleeping. It sounds like lazy parenting. You don't want to teach your kids to fall asleep by themselves without fear? That's lazy.

That is why some parents ween their children off of sleeping with a night light, or sleeping with a stuffed animal. Or sleeping with the bedroom door open.

These are milestones for children to learn how to sleep on their own without fear.

You need to get out more. Sticking your infant in another room by herself is a purely American invention that puzzles mothers around the world.

+1

[Anonymous]

Cosleeping must be an American thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cosleeping must be an American thing.

No, in many other places they just call it “sleeping” and it’s just a part of life and no one thinks about it, worries about it, or questions it.

[Anonymous]

For those who say it can’t be done, this blogger hits the nail on the head:

https://themilkmeg.com/love-sex-attachment-parenting/

https://themilkmeg.com/how-to-combine-attachment-parenting-with-a-marriage-or-partnership/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp at again. That is a good point. Most of the couples that I know who have been together as long as we have have little if any sex. My wife signed us both up for Tinder. I know that sounds weird but she wants the old me back again, when I was a man about town here and in NYC. My wife and I usually have a good relationship in raising our son, with an occasional hiccup. I’m just not that motivated to get our old sex life back. For one thing, we were very athletic while making love. I think I’d have a heart attack or break something if we tried that now.

Uh dude, you know that means she plans to bang strange men, right? And is very likely already doing so.

She signed you both up because she thinks there is no risk that you will cheat because you are too fat, lazy, and unattractive to score Tinder chicks. She's probably correct on that front from the way you talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who say it can’t be done, this blogger hits the nail on the head:

https://themilkmeg.com/love-sex-attachment-parenting/

https://themilkmeg.com/how-to-combine-attachment-parenting-with-a-marriage-or-partnership/

This woman is really annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t belong in the marital bed. The End.

A lot of people co-sleep in the kids' bed. I do.

I have to stay until she falls asleep, then I leave. But then I go in the room to sleep there. She is three years old. If I don't, and I slept in the "marital bed," she would wake up and scream and run into our room, which wakes my husband up. He would rather have interrupted sleep. I prefer that, too. If I am next to her at night, she usually does not wake up. Sometimes she does, but she doesn't start crying in fear of being alone. She just wants a hug and goes back to sleep. Staying in her room allows us all, including my other child, to get a good night's rest.

That's you own doing and you aren't doing your child favors by showing them they can do what your child is doing and get their way.

I don’t think PP is unhappy about having to stay with her daughter until she falls asleep. I do the same and I love it. They are not spoiled at all. They are very independent and I found out today “very advanced” from an OT that works at one of my DDs’ school. I love to sleep with them. They need to feel safe and secure much more than my husband does.

And that last line right there is why your marriage will go down the tubes.

You response to my post (in bold) is your opinion. My marriage is fine, thanks. Our arrangement has worked for years and divorce is not an option for either of us.

[Anonymous]

^^^that sounds so clinical. Why would you bring up divorce at all if this arrangement has worked so well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who say it can’t be done, this blogger hits the nail on the head:

https://themilkmeg.com/love-sex-attachment-parenting/

https://themilkmeg.com/how-to-combine-attachment-parenting-with-a-marriage-or-partnership/

This woman is really annoying.

Why annoying? Because she has it all? Happy and loved kids and happy and adventurous sex life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who say it can’t be done, this blogger hits the nail on the head:

https://themilkmeg.com/love-sex-attachment-parenting/

https://themilkmeg.com/how-to-combine-attachment-parenting-with-a-marriage-or-partnership/

This woman is really annoying.

Why annoying? Because she has it all? Happy and loved kids and happy and adventurous sex life?

+1

Maybe op doesn't want to have sex in the same bad as their toddler. I understand it works for some but overall it's not a good idea. There's already zero time to have sex. Sleeping with young children makes it even harder.

[Anonymous]

Cosleeping is definitely NOT going to improve your marriage if things are already bad. Sleeping together brings you closer. Every therapist would tell you this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^that sounds so clinical. Why would you bring up divorce at all if this arrangement has worked so well?

Because the person said my marriage will go down the tubes, which implies divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cosleeping is definitely NOT going to improve your marriage if things are already bad. Sleeping together brings you closer. Every therapist would tell you this.

Agreed, but the problem, again, is not co-sleeping. The problem is the marriage being already bad