Co-sleeping ruined my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In other cultures it’s absolutely normal to sleep together with the children and unacceptable to leave them cry in their rooms. So I really doubt all women in these other countries (including mine) have marital problems.
I do agree with PP that women that stop caring about their marriage create issues with heir husbands, but co-sleeping is NOT the problem here

You can't say it's not the problem. You don't know that. Each couple is different. Amazing how people assume one method is right over every other method. Perhaps co-sleeping works for you and your culture, but it does not mean it works for everyone. That's a very biased view you have.

Why does it matter WHERE or with WHOM you sleep? You are sleeping right? If the only time you touch your DH is while you are asleep, then maybe it’s important to co-sleep. DH and I are together up until the moment we go to sleep and close our eyes. I really cannot believe that it’s important to be alone with your husband while you are both sleeping and dreaming... come on!

I think it's totally normal to expect cuddling at night. You sound weird.

Thanks, yes we don’t cuddle much only a bit before and after sex every other day and every night on the couch while the kids sleep and we watch a movie. I am sooo weird by DCUM standards!

So then you're probably NOT cosleeping. Most parents have to go to bed with their children. It also sounds like you have more free time in the evenings. Maybe op doesn't get a lot of 1 on 1 with her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the new age BS way of raising a kid is 100% NONSENSE. The skin on skin contact, the co-sleeping, etc. It's all BS. Go back 40-50-60 years ago. Kids were raised fine without it, and in most cases the kids turned out BETTER than the kids we have today.

There is too much pampering in today's society.

Evolve.

Evolve? Into what? The entitled spoiled kids we have today? No thanks. I'm guessing you're one of those people who think kids will naturally grow up to one good humans - not. Ever listen to anyone successful? This is for any industry from sports to acting to business. 99% of the time their parents were hard on them. They were taught right from wrong. Good from bad. How to behave. Manners. Responsibility. Today? Most kids are entitled brats. Look around. It's pathetic.

Also, when we had kids everyone told me women who breastfeed because it was better - WRONG. I went to three Peds. All three told me it's BS. We used formula and our kid was at 75% percentile until age three. Now 60% percentile and is mature/smart enough to play with kids two years older. We did not co-sleep. We did not breastfeed. We did not do skin on skin. We did not do most of the false adertising practices which IS HALF THE REASON NEW MOMS HAVE POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION!

No thanks. You keep "evolving" and thinking you're better. Whatever makes you sleep better at night.

+1 We should be giving kids guns, not participation trophies. Like in the good old days. [Insert "pathetic," "sad," "hilarious," and random all caps somewhere in this post.]

Ahahah yes! cigarettes at 8 and car at 12!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In other cultures it’s absolutely normal to sleep together with the children and unacceptable to leave them cry in their rooms. So I really doubt all women in these other countries (including mine) have marital problems.
I do agree with PP that women that stop caring about their marriage create issues with heir husbands, but co-sleeping is NOT the problem here

You can't say it's not the problem. You don't know that. Each couple is different. Amazing how people assume one method is right over every other method. Perhaps co-sleeping works for you and your culture, but it does not mean it works for everyone. That's a very biased view you have.

Why does it matter WHERE or with WHOM you sleep? You are sleeping right? If the only time you touch your DH is while you are asleep, then maybe it’s important to co-sleep. DH and I are together up until the moment we go to sleep and close our eyes. I really cannot believe that it’s important to be alone with your husband while you are both sleeping and dreaming... come on!

I think it's totally normal to expect cuddling at night. You sound weird.

Thanks, yes we don’t cuddle much only a bit before and after sex every other day and every night on the couch while the kids sleep and we watch a movie. I am sooo weird by DCUM standards!

So then you're probably NOT cosleeping. Most parents have to go to bed with their children. It also sounds like you have more free time in the evenings. Maybe op doesn't get a lot of 1 on 1 with her husband.

Oh no, we do co-sleep. I stay in bed with them until they are asleep and then get up. It takes about 20 minutes. Then I spend time with my DH and then back to bed with the kids

[Anonymous]

Hasn’t ruined my marriage (yet) but definitely put a bullet in the head of our sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hasn’t ruined my marriage (yet) but definitely put a bullet in the head of our sex life.

If it killed your sex life it killed your marriage. You are a roommate and co-parent, not a spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got one of those 3-sided sleepers so infant DD was right next to us but not IN the bed. When she got older and due to nightmares wanted to sleep with us, we built her a nest next to our bed so I could hold her hand until she fell asleep. We did that for years it seemed.

TBH she kicked and sprawled out too much to really be IN the bed with us. And when she was an infant, I was afraid I would roll on her or something. We were sort of co-sleepers.

Who has sex right after the baby is born anyway?

OP -- cuddling seems an odd hill to kill a marriage on. Just saying.

We did the same. We had the sleeper snug in the corner of the room and snug to our bed. I was too scared to roll on her while sleeping. It made nursing on demand easier and there was just so much peace of mind that she was next to us. We also held her hand and it did seem that she co-slept for years. Until one day she moved to her room without any prompting from us. Having said that, there are many places to have sex in the house and we wanted to be intimate with each other after about 7-8 months after the birth of the baby. It took me around 6 weeks to heal and since I was nursing my libido returned a bit later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In other cultures it’s absolutely normal to sleep together with the children and unacceptable to leave them cry in their rooms. So I really doubt all women in these other countries (including mine) have marital problems.
I do agree with PP that women that stop caring about their marriage create issues with heir husbands, but co-sleeping is NOT the problem here

BINGO. It's not new wave nonsense, as a PP suggested. It's "normal" in many other countries.

That said, Mom and Dad need to be on the same page. And if it's the only way baby/mom can sleep than dad either needs to step up and help more with the sleep training, etc. or stop being a (bleeping) baby himself. Any guy who views a baby as some sort of rival is a pansy. Period.

[Anonymous]

OP...you're 'off' and so is your husband...hence the dysfunction in your marriage.

FWIW...I love foreplay, intimacy, playful fun outside the bedroom, making love and raw energetic drive each other wild sex...and I will cuddle...but I have never been much of a fan for a lot of cuddling, especially at bedtime, nor can I fall asleep while entwined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP...you're 'off' and so is your husband...hence the dysfunction in your marriage.

FWIW...I love foreplay, intimacy, playful fun outside the bedroom, making love and raw energetic drive each other wild sex...and I will cuddle...but I have never been much of a fan for a lot of cuddling, especially at bedtime, nor can I fall asleep while entwined.

You like sex outside the bedroom/don't like cuddling- that's you. That's not OP and millions of other people. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex in your bed regularly and being able to relax afterwards with your partner. That's not going to happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...you're 'off' and so is your husband...hence the dysfunction in your marriage.

FWIW...I love foreplay, intimacy, playful fun outside the bedroom, making love and raw energetic drive each other wild sex...and I will cuddle...but I have never been much of a fan for a lot of cuddling, especially at bedtime, nor can I fall asleep while entwined.

You like sex outside the bedroom/don't like cuddling- that's you. That's not OP and millions of other people. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex in your bed regularly and being able to relax afterwards with your partner. That's not going to happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

Change bed! In most houses with kids you have at least two bedrooms. If the couch is too adventurous, just use the spare room. What is SO difficult and inconvenient about this... I don’t get it. How can using a different room for sex and intimacy or sleep with the kids ruin a marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP...you're 'off' and so is your husband...hence the dysfunction in your marriage.

FWIW...I love foreplay, intimacy, playful fun outside the bedroom, making love and raw energetic drive each other wild sex...and I will cuddle...but I have never been much of a fan for a lot of cuddling, especially at bedtime, nor can I fall asleep while entwined.

You like sex outside the bedroom/don't like cuddling- that's you. That's not OP and millions of other people. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex in your bed regularly and being able to relax afterwards with your partner. That's not going to happen if the kids are sleeping in the same bed.

Change bed! In most houses with kids you have at least two bedrooms. If the couch is too adventurous, just use the spare room. What is SO difficult and inconvenient about this... I don’t get it. How can using a different room for sex and intimacy or sleep with the kids ruin a marriage?

Because in a lot of these marriages, the sex life is holding on by the slimmest of threads. Before she wants to have sex, mom has to have had "me" time, not have been touched too much, all the chores must be done, nobody must have said a cross word, there has to be a 'connection,' and the wind must be blowing from the south on the night of a crescent moon. Co-sleeping adds a big wrinkle that makes the chances of the random factors aligning properly that much more unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Change bed! In most houses with kids you have at least two bedrooms. If the couch is too adventurous, just use the spare room. What is SO difficult and inconvenient about this... I don’t get it. How can using a different room for sex and intimacy or sleep with the kids ruin a marriage?

Co-sleeping ruined my marriage because spouse used it as a way to avoid having sex. "Can't leave the bed or the baby will wake up!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because in a lot of these marriages, the sex life is holding on by the slimmest of threads. Before she wants to have sex, mom has to have had "me" time, not have been touched too much, all the chores must be done, nobody must have said a cross word, there has to be a 'connection,' and the wind must be blowing from the south on the night of a crescent moon. Co-sleeping adds a big wrinkle that makes the chances of the random factors aligning properly that much more unlikely.

If it wasn't the co-sleeping, it would be some other excuse. The real reason is she doesn't want to have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BINGO. It's not new wave nonsense, as a PP suggested. It's "normal" in many other countries.

That said, Mom and Dad need to be on the same page. And if it's the only way baby/mom can sleep than dad either needs to step up and help more with the sleep training, etc. or stop being a (bleeping) baby himself. Any guy who views a baby as some sort of rival is a pansy. Period.

It might be "normal" in many countries to have sex with kids in the same room (indeed, my great-grandparents had five kids in a one-room tenement apartment, what fun) but it would weird me the hell out.

Furthermore, men do not regard the kid as a "rival". Men are just annoyed that she's using the kid as a human shield to avoid having sex.

[Anonymous]

So the issue is NOT co-sleeping like many PPs and I have argued, it’s the fact that women need to make sex (and partners) a priority. This also mean that husbands need to help with kids and house to allow her to make sex a priority.

My DH shares the load pretty well and we have an housekeeper so I don’t do much cleaning at all. Also, for me our relationship is the most important thing in my life so I want and need to spend time alone with him everyday. He travels a lot (one week per month) and I hate it, but when he is home we spend a lot of time together.