Lost points for not wearing suit jacket and tie at girlfriend's Thanksgiving dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family and every family I've ever had thanksgiving with, except for DH's Midwest family, has dressed up. Men in ties and sport coats, women in dresses and skirts. It's a holiday people! Oh, and we don't eat on paper plates!

But OP, it does suck that she didn't tell you.

WHere in the world do you come from? Some soap opera village?

No, New England WASP. We also don't sit around watching football on Thanksgiving. If it is on at all, it's in a far-removed room. We actually talk to each other

Well, I'm married to a New England WASP, and no one in his family wears ties on Thanksgiving. People wear non-denim pants and sweaters. Non one in my West Coast family dresses up, either--people wear jeans and nice sweaters. There is just no one, proper way to dress for Thanksgiving, and if I invited someone to join my family for a holiday, I would tell them what people wear. Being upset that someone didn't divine the dress code, and then holding it against them for a month, is just out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP cast the mistaken impression he was a gentleman.

First, he attends her family function like a slob. Second, he takes to anonymous chat to seek supporters for his misdeeds.

She can do far, far better.

I've lived nearly my whole adult life in upper-crust east coast enclaves and have never been to a Thanksgiving where people wore suits and ties. I've never been to ANY social function at someone's home where you'd be out of place wearing business casual (even if some people wore suits and ties). If everyone wears suits and ties and it's expected, it's incumbent on her to tell him.

I was once invited by a friend to join her for Thanksgiving at her aunt's house. It was easily the fanciest Thanksgiving I've ever been to--beautiful, traditional home in Greenwich; obviously old money; the family china and crystal--the works. No one wore a suit or a dress. (There were a lot of long tartan skirts and some tweed jackets, though.) Also, my friend was really clear about what she was going to wear and what would be appropriate, both as a courtesy to me and to her aunt.

[Anonymous]

BTW OP, if you are wondering, Yes this is enough justification for breaking up with your girlfriend. The fact that she has been pissed for several weeks now is just a No. Even if you had done something horrible (which you didn’t), you don’t hold onto anger like this. You talk and work through it.

The fact that she is pissed at you for something that 1) is her fault and 2) not that big a deal is a GIANT RED FLAG saying “get out now”!

When she asks why you are breaking up with her “you didn’t have my back. You didn’t tell me the dress code and you are mad at me for not reading your mind. I cannot be in a relationship with someone who holds a grudge for weeks”

[Anonymous]

Yep time to break up with her.

[Anonymous]

But tap dat one more time before you do ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But tap dat one more time before you do ...

Valid point.

This story is completely absurd. Also, no need to buy her a diamond when she/her family are that tightly wound; just insert the lump of coal and wait a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP cast the mistaken impression he was a gentleman.

First, he attends her family function like a slob. Second, he takes to anonymous chat to seek supporters for his misdeeds.

She can do far, far better.

I didn’t know Miss Manners was on DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. She should have told you, and it’s concerning that she’s not taking responsibility for not telling you.

That said, you people don’t know how to have fun, especially the poster crabbing about Dilbert. It’s a holiday! We bring out the silver and china. Women might wear a silk shirt or other nice top and wool pants. Men generally do a button down shirt and nice pants, tie optional. Sherry is served while we wait for the turkey.

You're like the third PP to chime in and explain that you "dress up" in a way identical to what the OP was actually wearing, not what OP's girlfriend's family was wearing. Stop explaining to him that he should have "dressed up" in what he actually wore to be safe/cover his bases/ "err on the side of dressier" (that PP was a genuine idiot)/ "have fun."

OP the problem isn't that you didn't realize her family is exiled royalty, it's that she's shifting blame and holding a grudge about it. Cuffing season isn't real; get out before Christmas.

Ok, sorry, I got sidetracked by all the “we wear jeans” posts and thought that was OP. I’m yet another New England WASP with generations of dressing for dinner (we did that visiting my grandparents until they died), but the “dressing for dinner” thing is now tieless, in my family and apparently several other WASP families here. OP’s girlfriend’s family is not exiled royalty or even that upper-crusty, they seem like they’re trying too hard. Just a sociological note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. She should have told you, and it’s concerning that she’s not taking responsibility for not telling you.

That said, you people don’t know how to have fun, especially the poster crabbing about Dilbert. It’s a holiday! We bring out the silver and china. Women might wear a silk shirt or other nice top and wool pants. Men generally do a button down shirt and nice pants, tie optional. Sherry is served while we wait for the turkey.

You're like the third PP to chime in and explain that you "dress up" in a way identical to what the OP was actually wearing, not what OP's girlfriend's family was wearing. Stop explaining to him that he should have "dressed up" in what he actually wore to be safe/cover his bases/ "err on the side of dressier" (that PP was a genuine idiot)/ "have fun."

OP the problem isn't that you didn't realize her family is exiled royalty, it's that she's shifting blame and holding a grudge about it. Cuffing season isn't real; get out before Christmas.

Ok, sorry, I got sidetracked by all the “we wear jeans” posts and thought that was OP. I’m yet another New England WASP with generations of dressing for dinner (we did that visiting my grandparents until they died), but the “dressing for dinner” thing is now tieless, in my family and apparently several other WASP families here. OP’s girlfriend’s family is not exiled royalty or even that upper-crusty, they seem like they’re trying too hard. Just a sociological note.

But you do understand that dressing up is not universal, don’t you? And would you be pissed if someone shows up in business casual?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. She should have told you, and it’s concerning that she’s not taking responsibility for not telling you.

That said, you people don’t know how to have fun, especially the poster crabbing about Dilbert. It’s a holiday! We bring out the silver and china. Women might wear a silk shirt or other nice top and wool pants. Men generally do a button down shirt and nice pants, tie optional. Sherry is served while we wait for the turkey.

You're like the third PP to chime in and explain that you "dress up" in a way identical to what the OP was actually wearing, not what OP's girlfriend's family was wearing. Stop explaining to him that he should have "dressed up" in what he actually wore to be safe/cover his bases/ "err on the side of dressier" (that PP was a genuine idiot)/ "have fun."

OP the problem isn't that you didn't realize her family is exiled royalty, it's that she's shifting blame and holding a grudge about it. Cuffing season isn't real; get out before Christmas.

Ok, sorry, I got sidetracked by all the “we wear jeans” posts and thought that was OP. I’m yet another New England WASP with generations of dressing for dinner (we did that visiting my grandparents until they died), but the “dressing for dinner” thing is now tieless, in my family and apparently several other WASP families here. OP’s girlfriend’s family is not exiled royalty or even that upper-crusty, they seem like they’re trying too hard. Just a sociological note.

But you do understand that dressing up is not universal, don’t you? And would you be pissed if someone shows up in business casual?

Yes and No to your questions, respectively. In response to all the jeans posters, though, that wouldn’t be ok, but unlike OP’s hosts, we’d tell you what we’re wearing.

[Anonymous]

We wear matching PJs all weekend. Your Girlfriend was in the wrong for no telling you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP cast the mistaken impression he was a gentleman.

First, he attends her family function like a slob. Second, he takes to anonymous chat to seek supporters for his misdeeds.

She can do far, far better.

Your post smells of mothballs and cat pee.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's not what you were wearing, her parent must have heard you're from a relatively speaking poor family, with interior credentials, and/or weak career outlook.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of 'The Deuce' when Abby deliberately didn't inform her beau of the dress code to her parents' party and she turned up in a hooker's dress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP cast the mistaken impression he was a gentleman.

First, he attends her family function like a slob. Second, he takes to anonymous chat to seek supporters for his misdeeds.

She can do far, far better.

Your post smells of mothballs and cat pee.

Yep.