Lost points for not wearing suit jacket and tie at girlfriend's Thanksgiving dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who makes these stupid rules? I dress the way I want, not how some Dilbert thinks I should

People dress up out of respect and courtesy to others and to be civilized.

Obviously the priority of how dressy one should be varies from social sets to social sets and family and family. While I would be perfectly fine if if you came to my dinner in business casual without tie or jacket, if you came in worn jeans and sweatshirts, I would take it as a sign that you do not respect me or that I am going to the trouble to host a large and complicated dinner and provide a pretty setting for my guests.

That's the way it goes in my family and among our friends. To us, people who dress down and wear sloppy clothes are the "Dilberts".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) she should have told you the dress code.

2) the most concerning thing is that she is still in a huff about it. In a healthy relationship, she would have said “whoops, forgot to tell you about the dress code. Totally my fault”. And to her family, she would have said “whoops, totally forgot to mention the dress code. My fault, not his.” The fact that this is a thing shows a lot about her and how conflicts will be handled in the future. DO NOT MARRY HER!!

This. All this. And this again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family and every family I've ever had thanksgiving with, except for DH's Midwest family, has dressed up. Men in ties and sport coats, women in dresses and skirts. It's a holiday people! Oh, and we don't eat on paper plates!

But OP, it does suck that she didn't tell you.

It's thanksgiving! It's about eating until you burst and watching football. It is not about cranberry stains on your tie and penny loafers. If uncle frank isn't prone on the couch, pants undone and snoring after dinner, it's not thanksgiving

It's as if you're straight out of Central Casting for a spot on Roseanne.

I didn't say uncle frank was scratching his balls in his sleep.

No, Married with Children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never ever heard of anyone dressing up for Thanksgiving.

If it was important to her, she should have let you know beforehand.

+1

Never heard of dressing up for Thanksgiving. Is this a thing where you live?

No, where I'm from in small-town midwest it's casual. This was in a DC suburb.

This is so closed minded and exactly the type of statement that makes people hate flyover country. Where you are FROM is not how things ARE in the entire WORLD. Can't you see that? Isn't it reasonable to you that people would dress up for special occasions, even if your little podunk family doesn't do it?

Your reading comprehension sucks. PP was responding to the direct question, “Is this a thing where you live?”

[Anonymous]

She should have told you to wear a jacket and tie. We are jeans as wel.

[Anonymous]

NP. She should have told you, and it’s concerning that she’s not taking responsibility for not telling you.

That said, you people don’t know how to have fun, especially the poster crabbing about Dilbert. It’s a holiday! We bring out the silver and china. Women might wear a silk shirt or other nice top and wool pants. Men generally do a button down shirt and nice pants, tie optional. Sherry is served while we wait for the turkey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) she should have told you the dress code.

2) the most concerning thing is that she is still in a huff about it. In a healthy relationship, she would have said “whoops, forgot to tell you about the dress code. Totally my fault”. And to her family, she would have said “whoops, totally forgot to mention the dress code. My fault, not his.” The fact that this is a thing shows a lot about her and how conflicts will be handled in the future. DO NOT MARRY HER!!

This. All this. And this again.

It's on her, not you.

PS. We don't dress up for TG, Christmas or Easter meals. We wear nice jeans and a nicer shirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) she should have told you the dress code.

2) the most concerning thing is that she is still in a huff about it. In a healthy relationship, she would have said “whoops, forgot to tell you about the dress code. Totally my fault”. And to her family, she would have said “whoops, totally forgot to mention the dress code. My fault, not his.” The fact that this is a thing shows a lot about her and how conflicts will be handled in the future. DO NOT MARRY HER!!

This. All this. And this again.

Agree. I also agree with another PP who said you would be within your rights to be upset that she didn't tell you and hung you out to dry/created embarrassment for you.

[Anonymous]

dress is irrelevant. Her being in a huff about it weeks after is a big red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP cast the mistaken impression he was a gentleman.

First, he attends her family function like a slob. Second, he takes to anonymous chat to seek supporters for his misdeeds.

She can do far, far better.

I've lived nearly my whole adult life in upper-crust east coast enclaves and have never been to a Thanksgiving where people wore suits and ties. I've never been to ANY social function at someone's home where you'd be out of place wearing business casual (even if some people wore suits and ties). If everyone wears suits and ties and it's expected, it's incumbent on her to tell him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP cast the mistaken impression he was a gentleman.

First, he attends her family function like a slob. Second, he takes to anonymous chat to seek supporters for his misdeeds.

She can do far, far better.

I've lived nearly my whole adult life in east coast yuppie enclaves and have never been to a Thanksgiving where people wore suits and ties. I've never been to ANY social function at someone's home where you'd be out of place wearing business casual (even if some people wore suits and ties). If everyone wears suits and ties and it's expected, it's incumbent on her to tell him.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for double post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. She should have told you, and it’s concerning that she’s not taking responsibility for not telling you.

That said, you people don’t know how to have fun, especially the poster crabbing about Dilbert. It’s a holiday! We bring out the silver and china. Women might wear a silk shirt or other nice top and wool pants. Men generally do a button down shirt and nice pants, tie optional. Sherry is served while we wait for the turkey.

You're like the third PP to chime in and explain that you "dress up" in a way identical to what the OP was actually wearing, not what OP's girlfriend's family was wearing. Stop explaining to him that he should have "dressed up" in what he actually wore to be safe/cover his bases/ "err on the side of dressier" (that PP was a genuine idiot)/ "have fun."

OP the problem isn't that you didn't realize her family is exiled royalty, it's that she's shifting blame and holding a grudge about it. Cuffing season isn't real; get out before Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family and every family I've ever had thanksgiving with, except for DH's Midwest family, has dressed up. Men in ties and sport coats, women in dresses and skirts. It's a holiday people! Oh, and we don't eat on paper plates!

But OP, it does suck that she didn't tell you.

WHere in the world do you come from? Some soap opera village?

No, New England WASP. We also don't sit around watching football on Thanksgiving. If it is on at all, it's in a far-removed room. We actually talk to each other

Some people are better at multi-tasking than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Always wear a nice jacket (blue blazer as a basic) when invited to someone’s house for dinner, especially the GF’s parents’. Good grief. And I pray you brought a hostess gift ...

If he showed up at our place in a jacket (and tie) we’d laugh at him.