17 year old DD refuses to take her little sisters to school

[Anonymous]

Most of the families onour street have oldest children who are boys.

All of these boys watch their younger siblings and the ones who drive help drive their siblings.

They do household chores just like the girls. They babysit neighborhood kids just like the girls.

You posters who act like boys don't do anything to help the family unit are outdated, sexist and wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking the 17 year old to drop off her younger siblings if it's on her way and does not interfere with getting to school on time is reasonable. I would consider this to be an age appropriate contribution to the household.

Asking the 17 year old to provide daily after school care is unreasonable. Once or twice a week is okay but not everyday. Doesn't she have after school activities/job/sports? Besides, you chose to have more children, she didn't. Older kids are not free built in baby sitters.

If OP has sons, hopefully she expects the same of them.[/quote]

Probably not. But I'm sure she whines about about carrying the emotional load and majority of the housework while contributing to the "why do woman have to do everything!" mantra.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just read the article and I think OP is a bully. You're only picking on your daughter because she's female but you probably wouldn't place these crazy expectations on her if she was a son. Check your gender bias!

Don't be ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This. Maybe she’s mulling this idea and wants to field test it anonymously to see how other parents react. A generation ago, this might have been a foregoneconclusion. Today, there’s more to consider.

A parent I know recently left her 11 year old in charge of her toddler for a couple hours so she could Christmas shop. She bragged on SM and was stunned by the backlash. Sure, in 1988, this was ok. But this isn’t 1988.

I think it's ok.

If she did it for hours and hours, every day, then it wouldn't be ok -- but it wouldn't have been ok in 1988 either, or in 1978.

I agree, I think that is fine to do from time to time. My 12 year old would have been fine watching a toddler sibling for a few hours when he was 11.

Except it’s illegal in some jurisdictions.

[Anonymous]

An important point that hasn't been mentioned: if the sisters are much younger, are you getting them ready to go and all she has to do is transport them or is she having to get them up/dressed/fed breakfast/backpacks packed etc? There are posts here all the time about how hard it is to get kids out the door in the morning, and being an older sibling who's also trying to get herself ready is an added complication. If you've raised your kids to be good at getting out the door in the morning and your DD doesn't have to do a lot of managing/cajoleing, talk to her about what the difficulty is.

[Anonymous]

Does she have to wake up earlier to take her siblings to school or is it on the way to her school? If the second, then yes, this should be a chore. If the first, well, that sounds unfair to me. Taking care of them after school. What does that mean? Picking them up from school? Feeding them? Pay her as a babysitter or give her car privileges in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. Take away her car! No access to car unless she can use car privleges to help her family. Take away her phone. No phone privleges unless she watches her family after school--that is a family communication tool, not her personal property.

This.

I took care of my twin siblings after school every single day. I made them a snack and was required to help them with their homework.

Unlike some of you spolied rotten selfish Americans, I harbor no resentment or ill will. My parents were working their ass off for me and paid for 4 years at Stanford for me. It was the least I could do. We are a tight family and always always help each other out. It's the values we were raised with.

My mother raised three children with minimal help from her mother. That meant that we got up by ourselves, my sister and I were old enough to cook breakfast, so my brother did the dishes. We all helped each other with homework; my brother was perfectly capable of checking my notes to be sure I remembered it correctly, even though I was 4 grades above him. We had a neighbor girl poke her head in every afternoon until I was 12, then I was technically babysitting if anyone asked questions, but we all knew that we were each responsible for our own chores, homework and babysitting.

Oh, and there was zero chance of driving as a teen for any of us. If we wanted a car, we had to be willing to foot the entire process by ourselves, and without a job first, we couldn't afford it, but we couldn't get jobs without transportation. My sister got hers after boot camp, I waited until I was 21, just moved where there was plenty of public transportation.

I don't see what the big deal is. Part of being a family is helping each other.

For what it's worth, yes it was expected in other generations as well, at least in my family. My great-grandmother had three children in 2.5 years, so her niece moved in for a year to help get the third through the infant stage while my great-grandmother was going to County Normal to get her teaching license. She had another daughter 12 years later, and my grandmother and uncles got up with her during the night once she was 1.5, did pick up and drop off to the aunt who watched her while they and my great-grandmother were at school, and they had to take her along every time they went anywhere, unless it was close to her bedtime. She was a teen when they started having kids, so she babysat them. Their kids were teens when she had hers, so they babysat. Her kids were already adults with jobs by the time we came along, so they did minimal babysitting with us, but I've taken care of their kids. We take care of our own, children and elderly, and nobody says it's not their responsibility.

Oh, and because we're family? Nobody gets paid. Especially not a teen who is getting practice for taking care of their own kids later. We all pitch in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. Take away her car! No access to car unless she can use car privleges to help her family. Take away her phone. No phone privleges unless she watches her family after school--that is a family communication tool, not her personal property.

This.

I took care of my twin siblings after school every single day. I made them a snack and was required to help them with their homework.

Unlike some of you spolied rotten selfish Americans, I harbor no resentment or ill will. My parents were working their ass off for me and paid for 4 years at Stanford for me. It was the least I could do. We are a tight family and always always help each other out. It's the values we were raised with.

My mother raised three children with minimal help from her mother. That meant that we got up by ourselves, my sister and I were old enough to cook breakfast, so my brother did the dishes. We all helped each other with homework; my brother was perfectly capable of checking my notes to be sure I remembered it correctly, even though I was 4 grades above him. We had a neighbor girl poke her head in every afternoon until I was 12, then I was technically babysitting if anyone asked questions, but we all knew that we were each responsible for our own chores, homework and babysitting.

Oh, and there was zero chance of driving as a teen for any of us. If we wanted a car, we had to be willing to foot the entire process by ourselves, and without a job first, we couldn't afford it, but we couldn't get jobs without transportation. My sister got hers after boot camp, I waited until I was 21, just moved where there was plenty of public transportation.

I don't see what the big deal is. Part of being a family is helping each other.

For what it's worth, yes it was expected in other generations as well, at least in my family. My great-grandmother had three children in 2.5 years, so her niece moved in for a year to help get the third through the infant stage while my great-grandmother was going to County Normal to get her teaching license. She had another daughter 12 years later, and my grandmother and uncles got up with her during the night once she was 1.5, did pick up and drop off to the aunt who watched her while they and my great-grandmother were at school, and they had to take her along every time they went anywhere, unless it was close to her bedtime. She was a teen when they started having kids, so she babysat them. Their kids were teens when she had hers, so they babysat. Her kids were already adults with jobs by the time we came along, so they did minimal babysitting with us, but I've taken care of their kids. We take care of our own, children and elderly, and nobody says it's not their responsibility.

Oh, and because we're family? Nobody gets paid. Especially not a teen who is getting practice for taking care of their own kids later. We all pitch in.

This isn't "helping each other" but raising her siblings. And, that was not a choice she made. The parents shoudl pay for their child care. The occasional babysitting or dropping off on the way, or running them around occasionally is fine in my view and "helping out." But the sister is not a parent and should not be expected to act like one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. Take away her car! No access to car unless she can use car privleges to help her family. Take away her phone. No phone privleges unless she watches her family after school--that is a family communication tool, not her personal property.

This.

I took care of my twin siblings after school every single day. I made them a snack and was required to help them with their homework.

Unlike some of you spolied rotten selfish Americans, I harbor no resentment or ill will. My parents were working their ass off for me and paid for 4 years at Stanford for me. It was the least I could do. We are a tight family and always always help each other out. It's the values we were raised with.

My mother raised three children with minimal help from her mother. That meant that we got up by ourselves, my sister and I were old enough to cook breakfast, so my brother did the dishes. We all helped each other with homework; my brother was perfectly capable of checking my notes to be sure I remembered it correctly, even though I was 4 grades above him. We had a neighbor girl poke her head in every afternoon until I was 12, then I was technically babysitting if anyone asked questions, but we all knew that we were each responsible for our own chores, homework and babysitting.

Oh, and there was zero chance of driving as a teen for any of us. If we wanted a car, we had to be willing to foot the entire process by ourselves, and without a job first, we couldn't afford it, but we couldn't get jobs without transportation. My sister got hers after boot camp, I waited until I was 21, just moved where there was plenty of public transportation.

I don't see what the big deal is. Part of being a family is helping each other.

For what it's worth, yes it was expected in other generations as well, at least in my family. My great-grandmother had three children in 2.5 years, so her niece moved in for a year to help get the third through the infant stage while my great-grandmother was going to County Normal to get her teaching license. She had another daughter 12 years later, and my grandmother and uncles got up with her during the night once she was 1.5, did pick up and drop off to the aunt who watched her while they and my great-grandmother were at school, and they had to take her along every time they went anywhere, unless it was close to her bedtime. She was a teen when they started having kids, so she babysat them. Their kids were teens when she had hers, so they babysat. Her kids were already adults with jobs by the time we came along, so they did minimal babysitting with us, but I've taken care of their kids. We take care of our own, children and elderly, and nobody says it's not their responsibility.

Oh, and because we're family? Nobody gets paid. Especially not a teen who is getting practice for taking care of their own kids later. We all pitch in.

This isn't "helping each other" but raising her siblings. And, that was not a choice she made. The parents shoudl pay for their child care. The occasional babysitting or dropping off on the way, or running them around occasionally is fine in my view and "helping out." But the sister is not a parent and should not be expected to act like one.

The teen is no more "raising" her siblings as is a babysitter "raising" her charges. I'm the poster who watched my twin siblings, I did not raise them. My parents raised us all and I'm thankful that they raised us with such a strong work ethic. Maybe that is why I have so many American employees and so many colleagues of Asian descent who are also employers of Americans. You people have too much time to fantasize about how to best psychoanalyze yourselves and should spend more time working a bit harder. If you are not smoking meth or popping opioids like tic-tacs, your poor lazy crybaby attitudes are shrinking your middle class and making you a nation of whiners.

[Anonymous]

Michelle Duggar would never stand for that, OP! Send your DD to live with that lady and watch how fast she learns her place in a family. Of course, she won’t have to worry about driving herself or the little sisters to school because they’ll be home where nature intended them to be.