17 year old DD refuses to take her little sisters to school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely had to drive my siblings in the car my parents paid for. It definitely sucked, but that was something I had to do for the privilege of having a car. It's a different scenario here but it does change the bottom line: In a family, everyone pitches in. You people saying a 17-year-old shouldn't have to help with her siblings are nuts. Of course she should. There are lots of benefits of being the oldest, and lots of responsibilities, even if you didn't choose to be born first. That's life.

Not if it causes the 17 year old to be late to school. Sometimes schools can have the same or close enough start times where it simply isn't practical. Or the younger siblings' school doesn't allow early drop off or early enough drop off that it also allows the 17 year old to get to school on time.

Not enough details from the OP.

[Anonymous]

Just read the article and I think OP is a bully. You're only picking on your daughter because she's female but you probably wouldn't place these crazy expectations on her if she was a son. Check your gender bias!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your 17 year old did not choose to have kids - you did. It's your job, not hers.

Also, this article has been making some rounds. You might find reading it helpful.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975

Oh boo hiss. The mom isn't asking her to breastfeed.

Chores are chores and part of being a family.

Absolutely. Contribute to the household is one thing, but being a caretaker for others is something else - she didn't choose to have kids and should not be required to pick up after others. Pick up after herself? Absolutely. If you want her to take care of your kids, maybe you should pay her?

Do your kids only wash their own dinner plate after dinner?

How is this similar? I'm thinking something like - if someone cook/prep, the others clean. It's a tradeoff.

Are the younger siblings doing something that really helps the older sister, where there's a sort of even exchange of duties? If so, what? But being the oldest does not mean you have to provide free childcare. If you want her to take care of others, pay her - but she's not a free babysitter.

And I say that as the youngest child in a large family.

It's hard to find a babysitter for the mornings. Op, pay your DC to babysit, but make corresponding reductions in payments you make on her behalf for luxuries (monthly cellphone bill, car payment, car insurance....) I don't think older kids should take care of siblings, so you should have your younger child completely ready before you leave, but I also think everyone should contribute what they can to the family's wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Agree that I need l need more details. What time does everyone's school start? What does she want to be doing instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just read the article and I think OP is a bully. You're only picking on your daughter because she's female but you probably wouldn't place these crazy expectations on her if she was a son. Check your gender bias!

DP. You should check your gender bias. I expect my son to help with his younger sisters. If I have to take one somewhere, then he might have to babysit the other. He doesn't have a car yet, but he sure enough will have to help to drive them places when he gets one. I wouldn't ever expect any of my kids to do daily babysitting, but occasional babysitting, absolutely. I don't support gender bias in any way. I have the same expectations for math and science for all my kids, and the same with babysitting/chores. You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder about gender roles. I don't do the girls (ladies) first stuff and my daughters will not do house chores that my son doesn't have to do. All my chores are assigned based on age, not gender. Your assumption is feminism run amok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that I need l need more details. What time does everyone's school start? What does she want to be doing instead?

+1

Why doesn't OP answer these questions? These details would make a big difference in how posters respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree that I need l need more details. What time does everyone's school start? What does she want to be doing instead?

+1

Why doesn't OP answer these questions? These details would make a big difference in how posters respond.

She probably made up the scenario out of curiosity, or is taking a poll.

[Anonymous]

There is no way my teen could get my youngest even to before-care -- his bus is at 7 am, which is the earliest before-care opens. I don't believe OP is anything but a troll looking to stir the pot about "entitled kids these days! When I was young, my parents made me chop wood and milk the cows before I walked to school and back, up hill both ways!"

[Anonymous]

Are you really comparing OP to this opening paragraph (disclaimer: I haven't read the whole article)

Laura Kiesel was only 6 years old when she became a parent to her infant brother. At home, his crib was placed directly next to her bed, so that when he cried at night, she was the one to pick him up and sing him back to sleep. She says she was also in charge of changing his diapers and making sure he was fed every day. For the majority of her early childhood, she remembers, she tended to his needs while her own mother was in the depths of heroin addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your 17 year old did not choose to have kids - you did. It's your job, not hers.

Also, this article has been making some rounds. You might find reading it helpful.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975

Oh boo hiss. The mom isn't asking her to breastfeed.

Chores are chores and part of being a family.

Absolutely. Contribute to the household is one thing, but being a caretaker for others is something else - she didn't choose to have kids and should not be required to pick up after others. Pick up after herself? Absolutely. If you want her to take care of your kids, maybe you should pay her?

X1 million.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree that I need l need more details. What time does everyone's school start? What does she want to be doing instead?

+1

Why doesn't OP answer these questions? These details would make a big difference in how posters respond.

She probably made up the scenario out of curiosity, or is taking a poll.

This. Maybe she’s mulling this idea and wants to field test it anonymously to see how other parents react. A generation ago, this might have been a foregoneconclusion. Today, there’s more to consider.

A parent I know recently left her 11 year old in charge of her toddler for a couple hours so she could Christmas shop. She bragged on SM and was stunned by the backlash. Sure, in 1988, this was ok. But this isn’t 1988.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This. Maybe she’s mulling this idea and wants to field test it anonymously to see how other parents react. A generation ago, this might have been a foregoneconclusion. Today, there’s more to consider.

A parent I know recently left her 11 year old in charge of her toddler for a couple hours so she could Christmas shop. She bragged on SM and was stunned by the backlash. Sure, in 1988, this was ok. But this isn’t 1988.

I think it's ok.

If she did it for hours and hours, every day, then it wouldn't be ok -- but it wouldn't have been ok in 1988 either, or in 1978.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This. Maybe she’s mulling this idea and wants to field test it anonymously to see how other parents react. A generation ago, this might have been a foregoneconclusion. Today, there’s more to consider.

A parent I know recently left her 11 year old in charge of her toddler for a couple hours so she could Christmas shop. She bragged on SM and was stunned by the backlash. Sure, in 1988, this was ok. But this isn’t 1988.

I think it's ok.

If she did it for hours and hours, every day, then it wouldn't be ok -- but it wouldn't have been ok in 1988 either, or in 1978.

I agree, I think that is fine to do from time to time. My 12 year old would have been fine watching a toddler sibling for a few hours when he was 11.

[Anonymous]

If you pay for the vehicle and the insurance then she should do as she is told or lose the car. Babysitting is another matter. You should pay her. They are not her children. I do not ask my older children to watch my youngest unless I pay. They are adults, and it's not their responsibility, but if they'd like to make some extra cash, then that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL. Take away her car! No access to car unless she can use car privleges to help her family. Take away her phone. No phone privleges unless she watches her family after school--that is a family communication tool, not her personal property.

This.

I took care of my twin siblings after school every single day. I made them a snack and was required to help them with their homework.

Unlike some of you spolied rotten selfish Americans, I harbor no resentment or ill will. My parents were working their ass off for me and paid for 4 years at Stanford for me. It was the least I could do. We are a tight family and always always help each other out. It's the values we were raised with.