17 year old DD refuses to take her little sisters to school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking her to drive them to school, if it's close or on the way and you're paying for her car / gas, is fair. Expecting her to be your after school care provider is NOT. Absolutely not.

+1

Once my older sister started driving, my mom went back to work and use of the car came with responsibilities to help with giving rides to us younger kids. When I started driving a year later I also chipped in with driving my brother places (although he took a bus to/from school).

Every day babysitting is an unreasonable expectation. The 17 yr old should be able to be involved in other activities, get a paying job, etc.

+2

When my stepson was 17, he had full use of a car I provided for him, along with me paying for gas and car insurance. In return he took DS to before-care in the morning, which was on the way to his HS.

I would not have asked him to babysit every day after school though.

[Anonymous]

I was the oldest of 4. I barely drove anywhere as a teen, since using (the only) car came with the requirement of picking up/dropping off younger siblings. I took the bus to school and got rides with friends for other activities.

I did have to watch younger siblings sometimes, but never more than once/week after school, and never if it interfered with my own afterschool activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your 17 year old did not choose to have kids - you did. It's your job, not hers.

Also, this article has been making some rounds. You might find reading it helpful.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975

Did you read the article? It talks about an abused and neglected 6 year old taking care of her 1 year old brother because her mom was drug addicted. This is not what OP is talking about. If DD is driving in a car and living in a house that mom has paid for, she needs to acquiesce to mom's requests to take the littler kids to school. This is not an unreasonable request. As other PPs have mentioned, chores are part of being a family. Everyone contributes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are not enough details about school start times, ages of the sisters, activities of the older girl to know if school drop offs are reasonable enough.

+1. If the younger siblings are also at the same high school, there's not reason why she shouldn't be able to drive them.

If they're at another school with a different start time/location, I might understand. My high school age DC has to get to high school early frequently to study or talk to teachers. That's your kid's time to take care of their own personal school stuff.

In what way is she refusing to babysit them after school? And what do you expect of her when babysitting? Again, how old are they? It's a completely different scenario if the younger sibs are of age to handle themselves and your oldest can just do her own HW/activities in the same home. That seems reasonable. If she has stuff she needs to do outside of the home or the siblings require near constant supervision, that's another story.

[Anonymous]

More details needed, but on the face of it expecting her to drop of in the morning a sibling is not a big deal, but if the sibling is 4 years old and a real pain in the ass to get out the door then asking a 17 year old to deal with that is unfair to both parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More details needed, but on the face of it expecting her to drop of in the morning a sibling is not a big deal, but if the sibling is 4 years old and a real pain in the ass to get out the door then asking a 17 year old to deal with that is unfair to both parties.

If the girls are little then the 17 year old is also likely getting them up, making them breakfast, helping them get ready and packed up to go to school. Then she has to wrangle them out the door to a school that may be in a different direction from her own school. She'll have to wait in the kiss and ride line, drop them off and then battle the traffic getting out of their school and going into her school.

Kiss and ride drop off with the little ones can take a good 20/30 minutes to get all the way through. That's probably why your daughter is balking at doing it.

Is there a neighbor or neighbors with similar aged kids that would be willing to carpool with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she supposed to get herself to school on time and take her little sisters to school?

Leave earlier than you normally would.

I hope the older sis asks the younger sisters for a favor in the future and they tell her to pound sand.

My son could not do drop-off at our elementary. You are not allowed to drop kids off early. He is not allowed to be late to school. Times are only apart by 10 minutes and schools are 15 minutes apart.

[Anonymous]

If the car is yours then she either drives her sisters to school or she doesn't drive at all.

Babysitting after school is not a chore, it's a job. You can offer to pay her, just as you would a babysitter or after-care, but she needs to hold-up her end of the bargain (maybe helping with HW or anything else you would realistically pay and expect a babysitter to do). I'm assuming she doesn't work or have other after-school activities, so this would be how she gets gas money or money for fun stuff.

[Anonymous]

Where is OP? Did you pay for the car or no?

And yes- babysitting after school should NOT be her responsibility.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She does not have a car and walks to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She does not have a car and walks to school.

What grades are the younger kids in? Do they attend the same school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She does not have a car and walks to school.

Why are you being so vague? I'm inclined to believe you are not serious and posting ducktales.

If not how old are your other kids?

How far is it between schools?

As for afterschool what does that entail? Is babysitting coming at the expense of your daughter getting to be a teen ? She shouldn't have to give up extracurriculars or occasional time with friends to watch her sisters every day.

Asking a teen to watch younger siblings rarely requiring them to give up all their free time to be the default sitter is not okay.

[Anonymous]

I definitely had to drive my siblings in the car my parents paid for. It definitely sucked, but that was something I had to do for the privilege of having a car. It's a different scenario here but it does change the bottom line: In a family, everyone pitches in. You people saying a 17-year-old shouldn't have to help with her siblings are nuts. Of course she should. There are lots of benefits of being the oldest, and lots of responsibilities, even if you didn't choose to be born first. That's life.

[Anonymous]

*it DOESN'T change the bottom line!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely had to drive my siblings in the car my parents paid for. It definitely sucked, but that was something I had to do for the privilege of having a car. It's a different scenario here but it does change the bottom line: In a family, everyone pitches in. You people saying a 17-year-old shouldn't have to help with her siblings are nuts. Of course she should. There are lots of benefits of being the oldest, and lots of responsibilities, even if you didn't choose to be born first. That's life.

1. No one is saying she shouldn't help out people are saying she shouldn't be the default because the kids aren't here. Puting a child int a parental role isn't healthy.

2. OP's daughter doesn't have a car.

3. The bold is very dated and dangerous thinking. If that's how you want to raise your family that's you, but it is not a universal fact.