17 year old DD refuses to take her little sisters to school

[Anonymous]

In the morning I have to go to work and she refuses to take her own sisters to school. Then after school she refuses to babysit them. I am appalled by this.

[Anonymous]

OP your 17 year old did not choose to have kids - you did. It's your job, not hers.

Also, this article has been making some rounds. You might find reading it helpful.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975

[Anonymous]

It’s your legal responsibility to get your kids to school and provide after school care for them.

I’ve taught girls who dropped out of HS to care for siblings because their parents didn’t.

Pay for before care and after care. There are vouchers if you really can’t afford it.

[Anonymous]

Does the 17 yr old have a car? A car that you bought her? Your answer is right there.

I don't think she should have to babysit them every day after school - she should be allowed to have her own life. But once a week? Sure. Dropping them at school on the way to hers? If she wouldn't have to leave earlier, then sure.

[Anonymous]

Is this a change from previously helpful behavior? Or is this a new expectation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your 17 year old did not choose to have kids - you did. It's your job, not hers.

Also, this article has been making some rounds. You might find reading it helpful.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975

Oh boo hiss. The mom isn't asking her to breastfeed.

Chores are chores and part of being a family.

[Anonymous]

It isn't her responsibility to parent and I don't get how she can with different times. However if you pay for a car, take it and pay a babysitter instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your 17 year old did not choose to have kids - you did. It's your job, not hers.

Also, this article has been making some rounds. You might find reading it helpful.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975

+1. I was the eldest of four and resented and loathed my siblings for years because my parents made me do this kind of shit. We still don't have a strong relationship because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your 17 year old did not choose to have kids - you did. It's your job, not hers.

Also, this article has been making some rounds. You might find reading it helpful.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975

Oh boo hiss. The mom isn't asking her to breastfeed.

Chores are chores and part of being a family.

Absolutely. Contribute to the household is one thing, but being a caretaker for others is something else - she didn't choose to have kids and should not be required to pick up after others. Pick up after herself? Absolutely. If you want her to take care of your kids, maybe you should pay her?

[Anonymous]

I agree that child should not have to take care of other kids. My parents made me their go to
Sitter and I resented this.

[Anonymous]

I’m gonna take ops side on this - if I were the 17 year old I wouldn’t have to be asked to do these things. Maybe I’m just family oriented. I think the 17 year old doesn’t have great character and is probably selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your 17 year old did not choose to have kids - you did. It's your job, not hers.

Also, this article has been making some rounds. You might find reading it helpful.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975

Oh boo hiss. The mom isn't asking her to breastfeed.

Chores are chores and part of being a family.

Absolutely. Contribute to the household is one thing, but being a caretaker for others is something else - she didn't choose to have kids and should not be required to pick up after others. Pick up after herself? Absolutely. If you want her to take care of your kids, maybe you should pay her?

Do your kids only wash their own dinner plate after dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your 17 year old did not choose to have kids - you did. It's your job, not hers.

Also, this article has been making some rounds. You might find reading it helpful.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975

Oh boo hiss. The mom isn't asking her to breastfeed.

Chores are chores and part of being a family.

Absolutely. Contribute to the household is one thing, but being a caretaker for others is something else - she didn't choose to have kids and should not be required to pick up after others. Pick up after herself? Absolutely. If you want her to take care of your kids, maybe you should pay her?

Do your kids only wash their own dinner plate after dinner?

How is this similar? I'm thinking something like - if someone cook/prep, the others clean. It's a tradeoff.

Are the younger siblings doing something that really helps the older sister, where there's a sort of even exchange of duties? If so, what? But being the oldest does not mean you have to provide free childcare. If you want her to take care of others, pay her - but she's not a free babysitter.

And I say that as the youngest child in a large family.

[Anonymous]

LOL. Take away her car! No access to car unless she can use car privleges to help her family. Take away her phone. No phone privleges unless she watches her family after school--that is a family communication tool, not her personal property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL. Take away her car! No access to car unless she can use car privleges to help her family. Take away her phone. No phone privleges unless she watches her family after school--that is a family communication tool, not her personal property.

Yeah that's a way to build closeness.