ANTI-CHILDREN wedding? can't even bring children to the resort even if you have your own babysitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Several of you insist not being able to leave the kiddies for one single weekend?!? In my opinion, (btw I was agreeing with another poster who said the EXACT same thing) that is not having a life outside the kids (I didn't say you don't have any life). You don't have to agree or like it.

I haven't seen anyone say they're NOT ABLE TO leave the kids for a weekend. People are saying they don't want to. There's nothing wrong with that. No need to make a value judgement about it -- it is what it is. No one's trying to make you stay home with your kids every weekend, so just live and let live, please. Different people, different priorities, different tastes. The world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you, might not be right for some. It takes different strokes to rule the world. Yes it does.

[Anonymous]

I think there may be more to this. When I was married I had a black tie wedding and a fancy rehearsal dinner and sorry didn't want kids going--It was a grown up weekend and very pricey and if every child came not only would it not be a sophisticated event that I feel I was allowed to create but the prices would be atronomical. Beyond that and I think a lot of people on this forum are in denial that a lot of parents are just downrigh obnoxious with their kids--no manner..isn't it cute when so and so does this, the screaming..etc. I don't blame the kids it's not their fault they are being stuffed into an adult situation. But I digress..even though I was clear that kids were not part of the plan..still..people pushed me and guilted me into having their kids. Surprise suprise several showed up at the rehearsal and the wedding when "susie or johnny" couldn't handle being with the sitter or "johnie" just needed mom too much or "joey" is just going to sit on my lap. The end result was that kids were running around everywhere and while the parents thought it was just adorable it really wasn't adorable. I also had several people lay the "I just can't manage a weekend without my kids." I wound up caving for those folks and now that I am older, I regret it. I should have said to those people that I totally can appreciate that they don't want to be without the kids for the weekend--it's their choice and that maybe when I get back from the honeymoon, we can make a plan to get tother and celebrate. It doesn't have to be a nasty thing. Now that hubby and I are parents, we are so sensitive to not foistering our family on people, we don't push for invites that are pretty clear do not include children and we don't get mad about it either..If we can work a sitter out, great..if not, we have to take a pass. But what I see that is sadly missing in somehow most of the parents who have posted on this topic on this board is they think it's obnoxious to not have your kids included--as parents, our needs are not more important than a couple getting married or some other social function--it's not obnoxious for a couple to want to create some kind of event,that is hopefully "once in a lifetime" in a manner they want. Again, if everyone brought their kids to this wedding sounds like it would be kiddie weekend with a wedding thrown in on the side. In this case the parents invited should decline respectfully and without anger because it seems like they don't want a weekend away and that should be the end of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"why assume those of us that do not want to leave our children for a weekend do not have a life. I would never leave my children for a weekend. They are only 3 and 6. Not only do we have a life, we have a great, fun life with our children. We had a great, fun life without them before they were born. Love having them with us. They love it too. Maybe you should include your children in more of your life and you can see how wonderful life can actually be. "

I do - I don't go to work. I know exactly how wonderful it is to have them with me all the time. Therefore, I enjoy vacations without them. Obviously, we're different. That last sentence, btw, is just as judgemental and juvenile as the other posts putting down moms who won't leave thier kids at home for a weekend.

Anyway, I would go with the kids and the sitter. The resort is not their property. And how would they even know? If you don't take them to any of the wedding activities they shouldn't even see the kids.

I do not go to work either. So please do not " assume" that I do. I guess I just do not need a break from my children for a weekend. Love being with them, all the time.

[Anonymous]

Do you realize how sillly you seem pp? Do you want an award that you never want to be away from your child?? Does this make you a better parent? You are definitely the kid of mommy that I cringe at--you are the dreaded "santimommy"--in any event, you can bring your kids to all vacations-that is your choice. But..if you and the kids are not invited to a social event, you need to stay home and not get angry about it. Just as you insist having your kids with you at all times, other people can insist to have kidfree things.

[Anonymous]

it's not obnoxious for a couple to want to create some kind of event,that is hopefully "once in a lifetime" in a manner they want. Again, if everyone brought their kids to this wedding

Most of us agree that the couple can create whatever sort of event they want. The event, however, is the wedding and reception. The bride and groom do not get to decide how their guests spend the rest of the weekend, and it is totally out of bounds for them to try.

[Anonymous]

I just realized that not one of my friends had a huge expensive elaborate wedding that banned children - they're all down to Earth and giving warm people. I honestly wouldn't want to be friends with a person who could spend $50,000 + on a wedding and expect all guests to bow to their demands. I can't get over the fact that ADULTS can be so childish and snobby while planning a wedding. Every excuse sounds worse than the last "But it's MY day" "It's my day to be a princess" - what are you FOUR??? It sounds like my daughter forbidding boys from her club.
GROW UP already. If you feel the need to validate yourself with a "princess day" then go to Disneyworld. Otherwise, you're wasting everyone's time and money on a very silly day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you realize how sillly you seem pp? Do you want an award that you never want to be away from your child?? Does this make you a better parent? You are definitely the kid of mommy that I cringe at--you are the dreaded "santimommy"--in any event, you can bring your kids to all vacations-that is your choice. But..if you and the kids are not invited to a social event, you need to stay home and not get angry about it. Just as you insist having your kids with you at all times, other people can insist to have kidfree things.

SanCtimommy. Give her a break, she was responding to the snippy woman who said those who don't leave their children for weekends away have no life. You really never know what the deal is with people, so why waste the anger? I also fall into the boat of not leaving my kids. They make my life so happy and I honestly don't want to miss a minute. I have no family besides them, and you never know what will happen in the future. So, what of it? I have no idea why that would bother someone else so much.

[Anonymous]

What a sec-why do you get to decide where someone spends their money? You wouldn't be friends with someone because they wanted to spend 50K on a wedding?? That sounds like if someone deesn't want to invest the amount that you deem is acceptable then they are bad people. I have to say that if someone was trying to make me feel bad about spending money on something that I really found important than I probably wouldn't want to be friends with them either. I find it interesting that you have decided a wedding is a silly day--not all people feel that way. In my family, a wedding is a very important and serious right of passage that has a lot of ritual to it--my parents put aside money for my weddding and wouldn't even allow me to pay for it when I said I was happy to pay. It was costly yes but a wonderful memory that I will always cherish. It helps maybe that my parents are happily married as are most of my family so we don't have the feeling that a wedding is something that happens every five years.

But..back to the earlier point. The couple can in fact say at a destination wedding that it isn't a kids wedding because they want an adults weekend. When everyone is staying together at a resort,it can definitely become a weekend rife with kids everywhere. Why is that so hard to understand. A friend also brought up something interesting that the wedding people may want to avoid. That is people coming to the wedding and staying for an hour at the reception because they want to get back to their kids. Or leaving other expensive events that are part of the wedding weekend because they want to get back to their kids. I defintely notice a change in some of my friends when their kids are involved. What is really perplexing is that some people think this is so awful. I am still amazed that someone would be so overwhelmed and angry at the thought of not including their kids for a weekend-kind of scary actually. Don't you want a night or two away from your kids and with your husband in a great locale minus kids???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think "lunatic" was harsh, too, by the way. People on these boards seem to have a lmited vocabulary to describe those disagree with... If that lady is a lunatic, what do you call, I dunno, actual crazy people?

I think it's crazy (not really -- sheesh!) not to want kids at your wedding. What's more memorable than the maximum number of kids possible yelling during the vows, running around during the toasts, whatever? That's what makes it fun and not stuffy, as far as my husband and I are concerned. My nephews had such a great time at my wedding four years ago they still talk about it.

But to each his or her own...

You criticize the vocabulary of DCUM posters and then write a post that clearly demonstrates you have no reading comprehension. Interesting. OP seems to have no problem with the no kids at the wedding part (or at any of the wedding-related functions). She was commenting on and asking about the couple's request that children not even be brought to the resort at which they are holding their wedding. The latter being, in my opinion, beyond ridiculous.

I understand what the OP was asking about and it seems to me that her choices are pretty clear and that people have given her some pretty good advice, so I didn't really feel the need to repeat what others had said. But dude, it's a conversation. I was just chiming in with my own views on children at weddings. My apologies to the OP for making a comment that was beside the point. But again "...clearly demonstrates that you have no reading comprehension"? C'mon! Even if I had written my post because I didn't understand the OP rather than because I thought we were all just chatting about the subject in general at this point, isn't that a bit mean? Yes, I criticize the vocabulary choices of the people on DCUM because people who don't agree with you are "lunatics" and now, apparently, people who don't directly answer the subject of the thread at all times have "no reading comprehension." These are just two examples of many. So, again, chastise me for making an oblique comment if you want, and I do apologize to the OP for straying to this extent from the original point, but there's no need to be mean about it.

[Anonymous]

I haven't posted yet in this thread, but I just wanted to agree with whoever said they probably wouldn't be friends with someone who spent $50K on a wedding. That's just not me - on so many levels - that I honestly don't think I would have much in common who made that kind of choice. I also don't think I'd have anything in common with someone who tried to ban kids from the resort where the wedding was being held. In fact, I really don't think I'd have much in common with someone who wanted to ban kids from the wedding or reception. It just really goes against my idea of life and family and weddings.

That said, I really don't mind leaving my kids for the weekend, and they are still fairly young. Every two or three months I go off to visit a friend for a weekend, and leave them home with DH, which we are all quite comfortable with. I'm a SAHM so I'm with my kids all the time. He works long hours, so it's nice for him to have a weekend with just him and the kids. However, it would different if DH and I wanted to go someplace together for a weekend. I don't think this has been addressed very much yet -- who on earth do you get to watch your kids? And how much does it cost?! The reality is that it's hard for parents to go away for two or three days, because your regular teenage/college sitter probably wouldn't be reliable enough, plus it would cost way too much (for me, anyway!). Maybe if my parents lived nearby, I'd leave the kids with them for the weekend. But not to go to some bridezilla weekend -- DH and I would probably go backpacking or to our own B&B or something.

[Anonymous]

On topic: The idea of trying to ban the very existence of children for the entire weekend strikes me as remarkably rude, selfish and impractical. The suggestion that DH go solo might work (although I personally would allow my husband to make that call and hope that he elected to stay home).

Not quite on OP topic: To me, weddings are significant, cherished events that are about blending families. It is to be celebrated with family and dear friends. It is about both the couple and the guests. Kids at weddings are great. The wedding can cost $500 or $500,000 (although purposely going way outside your means does strike me as showy and tasteless). If the bride is hell-bent on elegant, sophisticated, or other code words for a party that reflects a particular way on her and her awesome taste then she can go for it -- but that's a party to me and not a wedding. Just elope if you don't want whole families there, and throw a big adult reception later. I would not base entire friendship decisions on how one chooses to design his or her wedding (many a sane person has been known to go temporarily insane re weddings), but it does reveal a little bit to me about a person's values, priorities and general warmth. Generous hosts who like to make others feel welcome and to share their enthusiasm, joy and fun are my kind of people.

[Anonymous]

The OP indicated that she felt that if they didn't go to the wedding this would cause strife in the relationship. I just want to point out that disregarding the couples request (whether or not you think it is reasonable) is likely to cause greater strife. Thus, the best option is to stay home. You're decision can't be second guessed by anyone. They said your kids weren't welcome and you couldn't attend. End of story.

[Anonymous]

12:49 said: "I just want to point out that disregarding the couples request (whether or not you think it is reasonable) is likely to cause greater strife."

My thoughts exactly! If you plan to go against their stated wishes (which may or may not be reasonable), I wouldn't make those plans without running them by the couple. Something like, "We'd love to come and make these accommodations for the kids (x, y, zy). Otherwise, we'll have to send our regrets and celebrate with you another time."

Given what their e-mail said, they might respond, "so sorry that you won't be there!"

[Anonymous]

I love the poster who said that weddings are for families and friends--they are but sorry little kids does not have to be part of the event and overall theme and to suggest that you should elope if you don't have kids as part is the kind of self absorbed muck that many of the posters here are suggesting the bride and groom are full of. I am sorry it's simple-they are having a wedding-their right and their right to have a certain kind of wedding-it's a destination wedding--totally different than having a wedding at a venue in a local city-destination weddings often have all kinds of events throughout the weekend and so they deemed adults only most likely to avoid confusion once everyone is there and all the kids start showing up at the various event since again it is most likely more than a rehearsal dinner and wedding they are organizing--that's the long and short of it-if it doesn't fit your idea of how to spend a weekend..don't go but this nonense of calling this bride a "bridezilla" because she is planning an adults only wedding is just dumb. Because we have kids doesn't mean we get to bring them everywhere--some people set some boundaries and of course lots of kids with parents don't like boundaries but tough--good for the bride that she is planning a weekend that she likes instead of me..who wound up having a ton of kids at my wedding and it really was expensive and just wasn't the kind of wedding that I wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you realize how sillly you seem pp? Do you want an award that you never want to be away from your child?? Does this make you a better parent? You are definitely the kid of mommy that I cringe at--you are the dreaded "santimommy"--in any event, you can bring your kids to all vacations-that is your choice. But..if you and the kids are not invited to a social event, you need to stay home and not get angry about it. Just as you insist having your kids with you at all times, other people can insist to have kidfree things.

SanCtimommy. Give her a break, she was responding to the snippy woman who said those who don't leave their children for weekends away have no life. You really never know what the deal is with people, so why waste the anger? I also fall into the boat of not leaving my kids. They make my life so happy and I honestly don't want to miss a minute. I have no family besides them, and you never know what will happen in the future. So, what of it? I have no idea why that would bother someone else so much.

Hey, I think the first poster here is the same person who is insulting people ALL OVER THIS SITE. As exhibited by how she spells that word. It's her favorite insult. So, I think we should all just ignore her! (But thanks for trying to help her spelling - unfortunately, she keeps making the same spelling and grammar errors every time she posts.)