ANTI-CHILDREN wedding? can't even bring children to the resort even if you have your own babysitter?

[Anonymous]

okay...we are invited to a wedding and they just sent out an email to the entire wedding list saying that they would like guests to not bring children to the weekend at all. they asked that we leave the children at home with a babysitter b/c they don't want children coming to the wedding resort at all. i totally get it if they want an adult wedding and if all of the events are to be childless, but we were planning on bringing our children with us with a sitter. we have never left our children for a weekend and we don't feel comfortable doing so and have no plans to leave them home for this weekend away. we planned on seeing our children in the morning before the afternoon reception etc.... what shall we do?

[Anonymous]

That's WEIRD. It's like they think kids are little kryptonite that will spoil their fun. We didn't allow children at our wedding, but this is a whole new ballgame. I would go if you have a caretaker and think you'll regret missing it, otherwise decline. It's their loss!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go. It's rude.

[Anonymous]

Friends of mine did this: they got married at a Sandals resort, which is a couples only resort where children aren't allowed. They had a very small destination wedding anyway, but I thought it was tough because the groom's nieces and nephews could not share in the wedding weekend.

I think you really have 2 choices: go away for the weekend and treat it like a vacation and have someone watch your kids at home, or not go to the wedding. I agree that it's not what I would do, but to each his own.

It's not clear from the email, but is the resort childfree? How large is it? If it's not a Sandals-type situation where kids are prohibited, I think their email is kind of rude, but maybe they are trying to make it clear that children are not invited to the wedding because some people overstep their bounds on that one too and bring kids anyway. If it is a large resort, your babysitter plan makes sense.

Sorry you have to deal with it! Another situation where weddings are a bunch of hoopla that don't make sense sometimes!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go either! Screw them! I totally understand wanting the wedding/reception to be kid-free, but not the entire weekend.

[Anonymous]

Don't go. When/if they have kids, they will understand why you didn't go. It's completely unreasonable to expect parents to dump their kids for the entire weekend. Just politely decline and say there is a scheduling or work conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't go. When/if they have kids, they will understand why you didn't go. It's completely unreasonable to expect parents to dump their kids for the entire weekend. Just politely decline and say there is a scheduling or work conflict.

op here...thank you for your posts. this unfortunately is a good friend of my husbands but neither the groom or bride to be are very nice. everything is always about them. i don't want to leave the children for the weekend. it is not an option for us at this time as we feel our children are too young at this point. the resort is awesome and is not childfree. i'm not sure what to do. if we go and bring our kids they will make us feel uncomfortable. we were planning on going and bringing the kids then seeing some other family that lives near there as well. my husband will be bummed if we miss it. should we go and stay somewhere else? the email was so rude.

[Anonymous]

Don't go!

[zumbamama]

no ringbearer? no flower girls?

[Anonymous]

If you reallly want to go and can stay elsewhere, with family, I would do that (with kids). As rude as they are, I don't think you should take your kids to the resort. Otherwise, I simply wouldn't go. It's ridiculous to not allow children at the entire resort, but it is their wedding.

[Anonymous]

zumbamama wrote:no ringbearer? no flower girls?

that is a good question....i don't know. i don't think either of them have nieces or nephews so maybe not.

[Anonymous]

What about your husband going on his own, and you stay with the kids? Not ideal, but since he is a friend of your husband's that might work.

[Anonymous]

Just decline. You don't owe them an explanation.

I don't understand why so many people think kid-free weddings are a good idea. I've been to a dozen weddings in the last few years, and the very best ones, bar none, were the ones with kids in attendence. The little dresses and suits are so adorable, and there ain't nothing cuter than the groom dancing with a flower girl.

As for the kid-free weddings: giant snooze-fests. Seriously dull, with nothing charming or unexpected happening.

I'm not suggesting that every place I go is appropriate for my child. Far from it. But weddings are (should be) family affairs, kids and all. And any invitation that specifically dis-invites some members of the family will be automatically declined.

[Anonymous]

Hi,
My brother just got married in wine country, ca, and had a no kids policy at the wedding. Since DH and my two toddlers don't get away a lot, I thought (stupidly), let's go and make it a vacation. I thought I would just get a babysitter for the wedding itself and it would all be easy.

We went for a week and had a nice time doing non-wedding things, but when I brought my kids to a very casual pre-wedding bbq and then to the rehearsal dinner, I really felt awkward and unwelcome. (Just fyi, I am very close to my brother, and he is my son's godfather and his wife is my daughter's godmother.)

I also had to line up a babysitter. My brother promised to help, but I ended up having to find her myself. It was nearly impossible to find someone across the country that I trusted to watch my kids for this EIGHT hour wedding.

I ended up angry at my parents, my brother, and his wife. They were all annoyed at me and treated me like I was crazy to worry about leaving my children with a stranger for eight hours. The only thing that I can say to rationalize their behavior is that they waited a long time to get married (they're both in their mid-thirties) and that this was their day, and that they had a very specific vision of what it would be like. And unfortunately, their vision did not include my cute lovable children being part of their ceremony.

So all I can do is commiserate. If you can learn anything from my mistakes, it's that even if you stay at another resort, your children will still probably not be very welcome at any wedding events.

I'm curious to see what you end up doing. Please let us know when you decide. Sorry it's such a bad situation. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

op here again. i totally understand that they are not welcome at any events ie: rehearsal dinner, wedding, reception, etc... and we were fine with that...but the wedding isn't until the afternoon and there are no events on sunday so i don't understand why they care so much that our children are at the resort at all? i mean it is a huge resort and i am sure other families (non wedding guests) will be there with their children. we are their only friends with kids and almost feel like they are pinpointing us in a way, as they don't have any family members with kids themselves.