Should I force the issue - overweight teen boy and swim shirt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.

Then just bring the shirt and don't say anything to him about it. If it seems like his own embarrassment is causing him to skip out on activities, offer it to him. If he's out there enjoying himself, don't shame him out of his fun (even if unintentionally) by harping on his weight. You need to approach this from a perspective of compassion for his weight struggle rather than control. You can't force him to lose weight any more than anyone else could force you until *you* were ready to make a change for your own sake. You've been where he is, you have to know this already.

This is sage advice, listen to this poster, OP.

Bring the shirt but don't force it on him, just leave it out on the dresser... he'll know what its for & if/when he's ready to use it.

Please trust me, as someone who's worked in the fashion industry for 20+ years, I can honestly tell you that the key for him to always look slimmer is to wear darker colored clothing, ALWAYS
(blacks, dark grey, navy's, hunter/forest greens, etc).
Monochromatic works even better as it elongates the body (why do you think us NY'ers always wear black?? Yes, it's chic & elegant looking, but we want to look taller, lol!).

If he wears a t-shirt to go out, do him a favor mom & make sure he only wears v-necks, as they minimize the waist & they draw the eye up & away from his belly.

Here are the best rash guards you can buy him - some sizes go all the way up to 6X & a few are specifically made to help camouflage problem areas.
The worst thing you can possibly buy him is light colored rash guards (I know, I know, that defeats the whole purpose of protecting your skin, as the sun is more attracted to dark colors. However, this isn't about you protecting his skin... it's to protect his pride).
Putting him in a light colored rash guard that will be extremely clingy to his belly once he's wet, will be like a flashing neon sign pointing right to the area he's trying to hide... please trust me on this.

A slight (not overbearing) pattern is also great for rash guards, as the eye won't be able to focus & will naturally dart around, giving him a slimming illusion.

Rash guards.
http://heavy.com/fashion/2017/04/top-best-mens-swim-shirt-uv-spf-water-swimwear/

Here are some other tips for your son from an author who's no stranger to the struggle.
http://www.complex.com/style/2013/05/how-to-dress-for-the-beach-if-youre-fat/


Good luck & have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree that overweight people are disgusting in appearance, I would drop the issue. Making a big deal about things can aggravate manageable problems in a huge way.

How did you all miss this horrific comment?

It was literally the THIRD comment after the original post!

To the disgusting person who wrote this post, I hope you never have to deal with pain from judgmental ignorant trolls like yourself.

Beauty fades but stupid (and insufferable ignorance) is forever.

Nobody missed it. Just chose to ignore it. They are either baiting people or miserably unhappy with themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm one of the PPs who criticized you. I have a younger teenage son who is a bit overweight. He wears a rash guard -- his choice. He loves the pool and the beach, and frankly I'm glad for the rash guards because it cuts way down on the time/mess/etc of sunscreen. His younger siblings wear them too. I see plenty of heavy kids who don't wear them and as long as they're having fun, who cares?

Whether you meant it or not your original post was dripping with revulsion at your own child. If we all picked up on it, so does he. A few extra pounds are easily reversible for a teenage boy; they're still growing and their metabolism is crazy. (As a middle aged woman, I wish I had those advantages!) But the psychological damage you're doing to your child -- apparently without even recognizing it -- is not so easily fixed.

I'm lucky - my kid has always been weirdly secure in his own self and somewhat immune to peer pressure. He's also a tall, good-looking kid (and super nice!), all of which makes a few extra pounds less of an issue socially. But we make very sure to avoid anything that will dent his sense of self-worth, if only because he's hardly likely to adopt healthy habits if he feels shamed and unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.

Then just bring the shirt and don't say anything to him about it. If it seems like his own embarrassment is causing him to skip out on activities, offer it to him. If he's out there enjoying himself, don't shame him out of his fun (even if unintentionally) by harping on his weight. You need to approach this from a perspective of compassion for his weight struggle rather than control. You can't force him to lose weight any more than anyone else could force you until *you* were ready to make a change for your own sake. You've been where he is, you have to know this already.

This is sage advice, listen to this poster, OP.

Bring the shirt but don't force it on him, just leave it out on the dresser... he'll know what its for & if/when he's ready to use it.

Please trust me, as someone who's worked in the fashion industry for 20+ years, I can honestly tell you that the key for him to always look slimmer is to wear darker colored clothing, ALWAYS (blacks, dark grey, navy's, hunter/forest greens, etc).

Monochromatic works even better as it elongates the body (why do you think us NY'ers always wear black?? Yes, it's chic & elegant looking, but we want to look taller, lol!).

If he wears a t-shirt to go out, do him a favor mom & make sure he only wears v-necks, as they minimize the waist & they draw the eye up & away from his belly.

Here are the best rash guards you can buy him - some sizes go all the way up to 6X & a few are specifically made to help camouflage problem areas.

The worst thing you can possibly buy him is light colored rash guards (I know, I know, that defeats the whole purpose of protecting your skin, as the sun is more attracted to dark colors. However, this isn't about you protecting his skin... it's to protect his pride).

Putting him in a light colored rash guard that will be extremely clingy to his belly once he's wet, will be like a flashing neon sign pointing right to the area he's trying to hide... please trust me on this.

A slight (not overbearing) pattern is also great for rash guards, as the eye won't be able to focus & will naturally dart around, giving him a slimming illusion.

Rash guards.
http://heavy.com/fashion/2017/04/top-best-mens-swim-shirt-uv-spf-water-swimwear/

Here are some other tips for your son from an author who's no stranger to the struggle.
http://www.complex.com/style/2013/05/how-to-dress-for-the-beach-if-youre-fat/


Good luck & have fun.

Really great pieces of advice here on the fashion front for the op, I hope she listens.

Also the poster directly above me gives great advice on the psychological front. Whether you meant it or not op, the disdain for your sons weight is oozing out of your post.
You may not think you're doing damage to him, but chances are that you don't even recognize it.

Have you ever seen yourself on tv/video when you didn't realize you're being recorded or forgot the camera was there? You may not see the way you speak to your son as damaging but the camera never lies, I'd bet you'd be mortified to see yourself played back.

[Anonymous]

this is obviously a manifestation of your own issues with his weight. should you encourage him to reach a healthy weight? absolutely. but if you're making it clear to him that you find him "unattractive and unappealing," that's undoubtedly feeding his own insecurity about his body and making it that much less likely that he will have the motivation and support necessary to make a change.

you need to have something like the following conversation with him: sweetheart, i love you no matter what, but i'm concerned that you aren't as healthy as you could be. i want to help you be as healthy as you can be because i love you. let's all decide to be healthier together as a family. how about you help us figure out ways to get outside and have fun together?

then you take his suggestions and you go do it. bring him into the decisionmaking process and encourage him throughout the entire thing.

that's how i helped my husband lose 50 lbs and keep it off. shaming people--especially your kids--is counterproductive and mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you're a troll. Because if you're not you're a horrible mother.

+1 My dad actually also told me to "keep a shirt on" when we were at the pool when I was 12. I wasn't even fat. This kind of thing contributed to years of bulimia and self-hatred.

Your poor, poor son.

yup. i still remember when my mom told me "you're just never going to be a thin person." i was 12 or 13 at the time and maybe 10 lbs overweight. i struggled with borderline anorexia for 10 years, finally got healthy, and now i'm 5'4'', 127 lbs, and work out every day and i still won't wear a bikini. these things stick with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:.

Then just bring the shirt and don't say anything to him about it. If it seems like his own embarrassment is causing him to skip out on activities, offer it to him. If he's out there enjoying himself, don't shame him out of his fun (even if unintentionally) by harping on his weight. You need to approach this from a perspective of compassion for his weight struggle rather than control. You can't force him to lose weight any more than anyone else could force you until *you* were ready to make a change for your own sake. You've been where he is, you have to know this already.

This is sage advice, listen to this poster, OP.

Bring the shirt but don't force it on him, just leave it out on the dresser... he'll know what its for & if/when he's ready to use it.

Please trust me, as someone who's worked in the fashion industry for 20+ years, I can honestly tell you that the key for him to always look slimmer is to wear darker colored clothing, ALWAYS
(blacks, dark grey, navy's, hunter/forest greens, etc).
Monochromatic works even better as it elongates the body (why do you think us NY'ers always wear black?? Yes, it's chic & elegant looking, but we want to look taller, lol!).

If he wears a t-shirt to go out, do him a favor mom & make sure he only wears v-necks, as they minimize the waist & they draw the eye up & away from his belly.

Here are the best rash guards you can buy him - some sizes go all the way up to 6X & a few are specifically made to help camouflage problem areas.
The worst thing you can possibly buy him is light colored rash guards (I know, I know, that defeats the whole purpose of protecting your skin, as the sun is more attracted to dark colors. However, this isn't about you protecting his skin... it's to protect his pride).
Putting him in a light colored rash guard that will be extremely clingy to his belly once he's wet, will be like a flashing neon sign pointing right to the area he's trying to hide... please trust me on this.

A slight (not overbearing) pattern is also great for rash guards, as the eye won't be able to focus & will naturally dart around, giving him a slimming illusion.

Rash guards.
http://heavy.com/fashion/2017/04/top-best-mens-swim-shirt-uv-spf-water-swimwear/

Here are some other tips for your son from an author who's no stranger to the struggle.
http://www.complex.com/style/2013/05/how-to-dress-for-the-beach-if-youre-fat/


Good luck & have fun.

Not everyone is as obsessed as you seem to be with hiding their body. OP's son is 16, he can and should dress himself.

Do some of you posters honestly think he (or an overweight person) has no concept of self image? Or perhaps it's just unfathomable that someone would feel comfortable in a body that doesn't live up to your standards...