It's a dire situation for men out there today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. She wasn't really funny but she has a point. Men would do better in relationships if they paid more attention to women and did more small, kind gestures. However, it's not exactly easy for men to do, it's not intuitive.

Women yearn to be treated like shit. It makes them horny.

This is true, study show women tend to sleep with jerks. They might settle down with a nice guy but that's not the guy they want to screw

Study show? Can you show the study?

NP, so I don't know what studies PP was talking about, but here is one:
The Dark Triad personality: Attractiveness to women
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/273809664_The_Dark_Triad_personality_Attractiveness_to_women

("DT" = "Dark Triad" which refers to narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy)

"To explore the attractiveness of the DT personality to the other sex, 128 women rated created (male) characters designed to capture high DT facets of personality or a control personality. Physicality was held constant. Women rated the high DT character as signi?cantly more attractive. Moreover, this greater attractiveness was not explained by correlated perceptions of Big 5 traits. [Big 5 Traits are Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, Neuroticism, Openness, and Extraversion.] These ?ndings are considered in light of mating strategies, the evolutionary ‘arms race’ and individual differences."

I've observed this at work in the real world and, so, tend to be skeptical when women talk about "what they like in a guy." What they like in a guy who is a friend or long term partner isn't necessarily what they like in a guy who they want to have sex with. When men talk about "what they like in a woman," those traits are almost always positively correlated with women with whom they'd like to have sex.

No offense man but does believing in this nonsense demonstratively get you laid anymore than it did when you were a "nice" guy? I have a friend like this that spouts this crap off all the time and you can just hear the loathing behind the words in how he talks about women. I know this type of thing works on emotionally damaged/ immature girls but do you honestly believe this is the route to landing a nice, attractive and kind partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No offense man but does believing in this nonsense demonstratively get you laid anymore than it did when you were a "nice" guy? I have a friend like this that spouts this crap off all the time and you can just hear the loathing behind the words in how he talks about women. I know this type of thing works on emotionally damaged/ immature girls but do you honestly believe this is the route to landing a nice, attractive and kind partner?

I tend to believe it, but I'm not changing my behavior. Even if being a dick gets you laid, I don't want to be that guy because, in the final analysis, getting laid isn't as important to me as a lot of other things I value. I'm a good husband and a good Dad. My wife and I have a very friendly relationship. But, no, we're not having much sex. That's obviously a sample size of one and, therefore, not of much value. But studies like the one I cited square with my observations, particularly back in the days when I was dating, of the types of guys that women seemed to be hooking up with and the types of guys that they didn't seem to be hooking up with. I also experienced the phenomenon where, the less interested I was, the more attractive I seemed to be. Maybe it's confirmation bias at work, but I tend to believe this study. The traits that lead to long-term stability aren't exciting and, therefore, don't inspire sexual interest in women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No offense man but does believing in this nonsense demonstratively get you laid anymore than it did when you were a "nice" guy? I have a friend like this that spouts this crap off all the time and you can just hear the loathing behind the words in how he talks about women. I know this type of thing works on emotionally damaged/ immature girls but do you honestly believe this is the route to landing a nice, attractive and kind partner?

I tend to believe it, but I'm not changing my behavior. Even if being a dick gets you laid, I don't want to be that guy because, in the final analysis, getting laid isn't as important to me as a lot of other things I value. I'm a good husband and a good Dad. My wife and I have a very friendly relationship. But, no, we're not having much sex. That's obviously a sample size of one and, therefore, not of much value. But studies like the one I cited square with my observations, particularly back in the days when I was dating, of the types of guys that women seemed to be hooking up with and the types of guys that they didn't seem to be hooking up with. I also experienced the phenomenon where, the less interested I was, the more attractive I seemed to be. Maybe it's confirmation bias at work, but I tend to believe this study. The traits that lead to long-term stability aren't exciting and, therefore, don't inspire sexual interest in women.

I'm willing to bet if you pour yourself into the gym, hobbies and passions and push that "drive" into other avenues the wife will probably notice. I think it's more complacency on both sides than anything. Women are generally just more reactive when it comes to drive (not always the case some super high drive women, low etc). Think about the dates you did when you started dating vs the dates you do now. Biggest thing I notice for husbands is how often they stop being playful with their wives, especially verbally. Flirting and getting away in conversation from the mundanes of day to day can be relieving for both partners. For a lot of guys it's not that she wants someone else, i.e. the DT, but a different version of you. Try wearing out a different face once a while.

Confidence and belief in yourself go a long way here and I'm willing to bet on closer inspection that's what's so attractive about narcissistic, Machiavellian dating maneuvers. Guys who pull crap like that are naturally confident/charismatic because you have to be to run a con, which is what that crap is. In my single days I always approached it in my mind that every woman would want to sleep with me, they might not know it yet, but once they went out, flirted had fun, etc they would. And most did.(Note to an idiot guys who read this the wrong way. No means No. Never do anything without consent, if you do or push after a no you're an A#%@#) I approach sex with my wife the same way. I assume she's always ready to go, she might not know it yet but once I'm done cooking dinner, sharing a glass of wine, flirting, putting the kids to bed it's our time to go. We honestly average sex every day, our only real breaks are for when nature calls or one of us travels for work. Her drive is no where near as high mine. But we've talked about things that are important to each other and I stressed regular frequency of intimacy. She stressed for her she feels connected from physical intimacy in small gestures like hand holding, cuddling in bed, kiss on the cheek etc. I'm not a super touchy person so I make an effort to show that to her. I hold her till she falls asleep each night and only then do i separate so i can fall asleep. I need my space in bed to sleep but I make the best effort I can to give her what she needs.

Make sure and communicate what you need in an adult way in terms of frequency. Don't beg if it's not met or be whiny. Talk about how physical connection reduces stress and you don't feel your needs are being met. Truly listen to what she needs and make a best faith effort to do that. If she show's no interest in making an effort to improve frequency find that hobby on your own that makes you joyful. Dive into that. Don't let your happiness be dependent upon someone else. Show her that you are going to have a fantastic and joyful life and you can find that through other means if she's not willing to be there. People want to be around happy joyous people who have a thirst for life. It makes life more fun and most spouses will happily hitch a ride on that wagon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read this thread yesterday and then I went to work last night. I'm female. I teach a graduate class at UMD. It's mostly adults.

At 10pm last night class ended and the students started to leave. I was shutting down the classroom. The last student--a man, walked out the door. About 2 sec later, he walked back in and asked me if I was okay walking to my car myself or if I would like him to stay and walk me to my car.

I'm faculty and am able to park directly outside the building so I told him I was fine. The building is on the quad and even though it was 10pm, I knew it would still be alive with college kids.

On my drive home, I couldn't help but smile. A man extended a nice gesture to me and showed concern that I might not feel safe walking to my car. It's basic human kindness and I haven't seen that in so long that it made me smile.

Fake news! UMD doesn't have a Quad, it has a Mall, and the Mall isn't well-populated after 10pm. There is almost no parking anymore adjacent to buildings on the Mall.

There has been one murder on campus a few months ago, and at least two faculty members have been raped on campus in the past 20 years, despite over 200 security cameras monitoring campus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read this thread yesterday and then I went to work last night. I'm female. I teach a graduate class at UMD. It's mostly adults.

At 10pm last night class ended and the students started to leave. I was shutting down the classroom. The last student--a man, walked out the door. About 2 sec later, he walked back in and asked me if I was okay walking to my car myself or if I would like him to stay and walk me to my car.

I'm faculty and am able to park directly outside the building so I told him I was fine. The building is on the quad and even though it was 10pm, I knew it would still be alive with college kids.

On my drive home, I couldn't help but smile. A man extended a nice gesture to me and showed concern that I might not feel safe walking to my car. It's basic human kindness and I haven't seen that in so long that it made me smile.

Fake news! UMD doesn't have a Quad, it has a Mall, and the Mall isn't well-populated after 10pm. There is almost no parking anymore adjacent to buildings on the Mall.

There has been one murder on campus a few months ago, and at least two faculty members have been raped on campus in the past 20 years, despite over 200 security cameras monitoring campus.

There are other schools in the UMD system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. She wasn't really funny but she has a point. Men would do better in relationships if they paid more attention to women and did more small, kind gestures. However, it's not exactly easy for men to do, it's not intuitive.

Women yearn to be treated like shit. It makes them horny.

This is true, study show women tend to sleep with jerks. They might settle down with a nice guy but that's not the guy they want to screw

Study show? Can you show the study?

LOL Read DCUM. All those unambitious boring husbands... all that reminiscence... no, luminescence... no, I forget the word for rich fantasy life LOL

[Anonymous]

Men are always the butt of jokes. Now if this woman reversed the genders in her jokes all hell would break out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are always the butt of jokes. Now if this woman reversed the genders in her jokes all hell would break out.

Comedians over the years have been known to joke about how a two-man relationship would have lots of sex, no arguments about messes, and never having to talk about feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm willing to bet if you pour yourself into the gym, hobbies and passions and push that "drive" into other avenues the wife will probably notice. I think it's more complacency on both sides than anything. Women are generally just more reactive when it comes to drive (not always the case some super high drive women, low etc). Think about the dates you did when you started dating vs the dates you do now. Biggest thing I notice for husbands is how often they stop being playful with their wives, especially verbally. Flirting and getting away in conversation from the mundanes of day to day can be relieving for both partners. For a lot of guys it's not that she wants someone else, i.e. the DT, but a different version of you. Try wearing out a different face once a while.

Confidence and belief in yourself go a long way here and I'm willing to bet on closer inspection that's what's so attractive about narcissistic, Machiavellian dating maneuvers. Guys who pull crap like that are naturally confident/charismatic because you have to be to run a con, which is what that crap is.
. . .
Make sure and communicate what you need in an adult way in terms of frequency. Don't beg if it's not met or be whiny. Talk about how physical connection reduces stress and you don't feel your needs are being met. Truly listen to what she needs and make a best faith effort to do that. If she show's no interest in making an effort to improve frequency find that hobby on your own that makes you joyful. Dive into that. Don't let your happiness be dependent upon someone else. Show her that you are going to have a fantastic and joyful life and you can find that through other means if she's not willing to be there. People want to be around happy joyous people who have a thirst for life. It makes life more fun and most spouses will happily hitch a ride on that wagon.

Self-improvement is good advice because, the worst that happens, is you improve yourself. I started moving in that direction when I came across Athol Kay's "Married Man Sex Life" work. It hasn't moved the needle on our sex life, but I'm in better shape and dress better. In terms of hobbies, last year, (among other things) I wrote what amounted to a 300 page amateur history book. (Amateur historians have to beat the ladies off with a stick, dontcha know!)

I've consistently tried to address the issues that she raises over the years, and I don't really bring up my unhappiness with our sexual frequency but once a year. I want her to know it's a problem, but I don't want to be whining about it. She doesn't really give me any actionable information at this point. She just says it's not me and that she wants to want to have sex but she doesn't. In our most recent conversation, I tried to get her to read a book I thought would be helpful, but she hasn't even done that which -- I have to say -- has me in a pretty dark spot mentally about the issue. (The book was nothing crazy, by the way - Emily Nagoski's book.)

FWIW, the study quoted above said that it controlled for things like the correlation between confidence (or at least extroversion) and "Dark Triad" characteristics, the result being that it was the DT characteristics that women were finding attractive.

[Anonymous]

What a wierdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. She wasn't really funny but she has a point. Men would do better in relationships if they paid more attention to women and did more small, kind gestures. However, it's not exactly easy for men to do, it's not intuitive.

Women yearn to be treated like shit. It makes them horny.

This is true, study show women tend to sleep with jerks. They might settle down with a nice guy but that's not the guy they want to screw

Study show? Can you show the study?

NP, so I don't know what studies PP was talking about, but here is one:
The Dark Triad personality: Attractiveness to women
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/273809664_The_Dark_Triad_personality_Attractiveness_to_women

("DT" = "Dark Triad" which refers to narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy)

"To explore the attractiveness of the DT personality to the other sex, 128 women rated created (male) characters designed to capture high DT facets of personality or a control personality. Physicality was held constant. Women rated the high DT character as signi?cantly more attractive. Moreover, this greater attractiveness was not explained by correlated perceptions of Big 5 traits. [Big 5 Traits are Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, Neuroticism, Openness, and Extraversion.] These ?ndings are considered in light of mating strategies, the evolutionary ‘arms race’ and individual differences."

I've observed this at work in the real world and, so, tend to be skeptical when women talk about "what they like in a guy." What they like in a guy who is a friend or long term partner isn't necessarily what they like in a guy who they want to have sex with. When men talk about "what they like in a woman," those traits are almost always positively correlated with women with whom they'd like to have sex.

This further shows women don't know what they want - or at least they're not honest with themselves aboitnit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm willing to bet if you pour yourself into the gym, hobbies and passions and push that "drive" into other avenues the wife will probably notice. I think it's more complacency on both sides than anything. Women are generally just more reactive when it comes to drive (not always the case some super high drive women, low etc). Think about the dates you did when you started dating vs the dates you do now. Biggest thing I notice for husbands is how often they stop being playful with their wives, especially verbally. Flirting and getting away in conversation from the mundanes of day to day can be relieving for both partners. For a lot of guys it's not that she wants someone else, i.e. the DT, but a different version of you. Try wearing out a different face once a while.

Confidence and belief in yourself go a long way here and I'm willing to bet on closer inspection that's what's so attractive about narcissistic, Machiavellian dating maneuvers. Guys who pull crap like that are naturally confident/charismatic because you have to be to run a con, which is what that crap is.
. . .
Make sure and communicate what you need in an adult way in terms of frequency. Don't beg if it's not met or be whiny. Talk about how physical connection reduces stress and you don't feel your needs are being met. Truly listen to what she needs and make a best faith effort to do that. If she show's no interest in making an effort to improve frequency find that hobby on your own that makes you joyful. Dive into that. Don't let your happiness be dependent upon someone else. Show her that you are going to have a fantastic and joyful life and you can find that through other means if she's not willing to be there. People want to be around happy joyous people who have a thirst for life. It makes life more fun and most spouses will happily hitch a ride on that wagon.

Self-improvement is good advice because, the worst that happens, is you improve yourself. I started moving in that direction when I came across Athol Kay's "Married Man Sex Life" work. It hasn't moved the needle on our sex life, but I'm in better shape and dress better. In terms of hobbies, last year, (among other things) I wrote what amounted to a 300 page amateur history book. (Amateur historians have to beat the ladies off with a stick, dontcha know!)

I've consistently tried to address the issues that she raises over the years, and I don't really bring up my unhappiness with our sexual frequency but once a year. I want her to know it's a problem, but I don't want to be whining about it. She doesn't really give me any actionable information at this point. She just says it's not me and that she wants to want to have sex but she doesn't. In our most recent conversation, I tried to get her to read a book I thought would be helpful, but she hasn't even done that which -- I have to say -- has me in a pretty dark spot mentally about the issue. (The book was nothing crazy, by the way - Emily Nagoski's book.)

FWIW, the study quoted above said that it controlled for things like the correlation between confidence (or at least extroversion) and "Dark Triad" characteristics, the result being that it was the DT characteristics that women were finding attractive.

This can be duplicated:

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/why-do-women-cheat

Not here, most common complaint is no connection and "wanting to FEEL sexy again". Women base their decisions on emotion and the whole aspect of feeling a certain way leads them to cheat. Logical or rational decision making is fine at this point.

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=124040&page=1

More than 50% or women cheat on their husbands. Once again the reasons are emotional.

Now, this ties into the whole women sleep with jerks thing. Who do they cheat with? Personal trainers, guys at the gym...so on. Guys that tend to be physically fit and tend to have asshole personalities
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201001/do-girls-really-love-assholes%

So if you're an agreeable male, with beta tendencies you're turning her off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are always the butt of jokes. Now if this woman reversed the genders in her jokes all hell would break out.

Comedians over the years have been known to joke about how a two-man relationship would have lots of sex, no arguments about messes, and never having to talk about feelings.

Also clean houses and more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read this thread yesterday and then I went to work last night. I'm female. I teach a graduate class at UMD. It's mostly adults.

At 10pm last night class ended and the students started to leave. I was shutting down the classroom. The last student--a man, walked out the door. About 2 sec later, he walked back in and asked me if I was okay walking to my car myself or if I would like him to stay and walk me to my car.

I'm faculty and am able to park directly outside the building so I told him I was fine. The building is on the quad and even though it was 10pm, I knew it would still be alive with college kids.

On my drive home, I couldn't help but smile. A man extended a nice gesture to me and showed concern that I might not feel safe walking to my car. It's basic human kindness and I haven't seen that in so long that it made me smile.

Fake news! UMD doesn't have a Quad, it has a Mall, and the Mall isn't well-populated after 10pm. There is almost no parking anymore adjacent to buildings on the Mall.

There has been one murder on campus a few months ago, and at least two faculty members have been raped on campus in the past 20 years, despite over 200 security cameras monitoring campus.

There are other schools in the UMD system.

But there is only one Flagship Campus. I don't recall UMBC or UMES having a quad, either.

[Anonymous]

A man's relationships with women could be improved and will not be harmed by watching this video.

-- A guy.

P.S. I think she's kinda hot.