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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
No offense man but does believing in this nonsense demonstratively get you laid anymore than it did when you were a "nice" guy?  I have a friend like this that spouts this crap off all the time and you can just hear the loathing behind the words in how he talks about women.  I know this type of thing works on emotionally damaged/ immature girls but do you honestly believe this is the route to landing a nice, attractive and kind partner?  [/quote]

I tend to believe it, but I'm not changing my behavior. Even if being a dick gets you laid, I don't want to be that guy because, in the final analysis, getting laid isn't as important to me as a lot of other things I value. I'm a good husband and a good Dad. My wife and I have a very friendly relationship. But, no, we're not having much sex. That's obviously a sample size of one and, therefore, not of much value. But studies like the one I cited square with my observations, particularly back in the days when I was dating, of the types of guys that women seemed to be hooking up with and the types of guys that they didn't seem to be hooking up with.  I also experienced the phenomenon where, the less interested I was, the more attractive I seemed to be. Maybe it's confirmation bias at work, but I tend to believe this study. The traits that lead to long-term stability aren't exciting and, therefore, don't inspire sexual interest in women. [/quote]

I'm willing to bet if you pour yourself into the gym, hobbies and passions and push that "drive" into other avenues the wife will probably notice.  I think it's more complacency on both sides than anything.  Women are generally just more reactive when it comes to drive (not always the case some super high drive women, low etc).  Think about the dates you did when you started dating vs the dates you do now.  Biggest thing I notice for husbands is how often they stop being playful with their wives, especially verbally.  Flirting and getting away in conversation from the mundanes of day to day can be relieving for both partners.  For a lot of guys it's not that she wants someone else, i.e. the DT, but a different version of you.  Try wearing out a different face once a while.

Confidence and belief in yourself go a long way here and I'm willing to bet on closer inspection that's what's so attractive about narcissistic, Machiavellian dating maneuvers.  Guys who pull crap like that are naturally confident/charismatic because you have to be to run a con, which is what that crap is.  In my single days I always approached it in my mind that every woman would want to sleep with me, they might not know it yet, but once they went out, flirted had fun, etc they would.  And most did.(Note to an idiot guys who read this the wrong way.  No means No.  Never do anything without consent, if you do or push after a no you're an A#%@#)  I approach sex with my wife the same way.  I assume she's always ready to go, she might not know it yet but once I'm done cooking dinner, sharing a glass of wine, flirting, putting the kids to bed it's our time to go.  We honestly average sex every day, our only real breaks are for when nature calls or one of us travels for work.  Her drive is no where near as high mine.  But we've talked about things that are important to each other and I stressed regular frequency of intimacy.  She stressed for her she feels connected from physical intimacy in small gestures like hand holding, cuddling in bed, kiss on the cheek etc.  I'm not a super touchy person so I make an effort to show that to her.  I hold her till she falls asleep each night and only then do i separate so i can fall asleep.  I need my space in bed to sleep but I make the best effort I can to give her what she needs.

Make sure and communicate what you need in an adult way in terms of frequency.  Don't beg if it's not met or be whiny.  Talk about how physical connection reduces stress and you don't feel your needs are being met.  Truly listen to what she needs and make a best faith effort to do that.  If she show's no interest in making an effort to improve frequency find that hobby on your own that makes you joyful.  Dive into that.  Don't let your happiness be dependent upon someone else.  Show her that you are going to have a fantastic and joyful life and you can find that through other means if she's not willing to be there.  People want to be around happy joyous people who have a thirst for life.  It makes life more fun and most spouses will happily hitch a ride on that wagon.

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