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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I'm willing to bet if you pour yourself into the gym, hobbies and passions and push that "drive" into other avenues the wife will probably notice.  I think it's more complacency on both sides than anything.  Women are generally just more reactive when it comes to drive (not always the case some super high drive women, low etc).  Think about the dates you did when you started dating vs the dates you do now.  Biggest thing I notice for husbands is how often they stop being playful with their wives, especially verbally.  Flirting and getting away in conversation from the mundanes of day to day can be relieving for both partners.  For a lot of guys it's not that she wants someone else, i.e. the DT, but a different version of you.  Try wearing out a different face once a while.

Confidence and belief in yourself go a long way here and I'm willing to bet on closer inspection that's what's so attractive about narcissistic, Machiavellian dating maneuvers.  Guys who pull crap like that are naturally confident/charismatic because you have to be to run a con, which is what that crap is. 
. . . 
 Make sure and communicate what you need in an adult way in terms of frequency.  Don't beg if it's not met or be whiny.  Talk about how physical connection reduces stress and you don't feel your needs are being met.  Truly listen to what she needs and make a best faith effort to do that.  If she show's no interest in making an effort to improve frequency find that hobby on your own that makes you joyful.  Dive into that.  Don't let your happiness be dependent upon someone else.  Show her that you are going to have a fantastic and joyful life and you can find that through other means if she's not willing to be there.  People want to be around happy joyous people who have a thirst for life.  It makes life more fun and most spouses will happily hitch a ride on that wagon.
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Self-improvement is good advice because, the worst that happens, is you improve yourself. I started moving in that direction when I came across Athol Kay's "Married Man Sex Life" work. It hasn't moved the needle on our sex life, but I'm in better shape and dress better. In terms of hobbies, last year, (among other things) I wrote what amounted to a 300 page amateur history book. (Amateur historians have to beat the ladies off with a stick, dontcha know!)

I've consistently tried to address the issues that she raises over the years, and I don't really bring up my unhappiness with our sexual frequency but once a year. I want her to know it's a problem, but I don't want to be whining about it. She doesn't really give me any actionable information at this point. She just says it's not me and that she wants to want to have sex but she doesn't. In our most recent conversation, I tried to get her to read a book I thought would be helpful, but she hasn't even done that which -- I have to say -- has me in a pretty dark spot mentally about the issue. (The book was nothing crazy, by the way - Emily Nagoski's book.)

FWIW, the study quoted above said that it controlled for things like the correlation between confidence (or at least extroversion) and "Dark Triad" characteristics, the result being that it was the DT characteristics that women were finding attractive.[/quote]

This can be duplicated:

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/why-do-women-cheat

Not here, most common complaint is no connection and "wanting to FEEL sexy again". Women base their decisions on emotion and the whole aspect of feeling a certain way leads them to cheat.  Logical or rational decision making is fine at this point.

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=124040&page=1

More than 50% or women cheat on their husbands.  Once again the reasons are emotional.

Now, this ties into the whole women sleep with jerks thing.  Who do they cheat with?  Personal trainers, guys at the gym...so on.  Guys that tend to be physically fit and tend to have asshole personalities
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201001/do-girls-really-love-assholes%

So if you're an agreeable male, with beta tendencies you're turning her off

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