Mom not happy in assisted living

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she live with you? I am crying reading this.

OP said she needs medical supervision because she will not take her medicine. It's not something a child can do for a parent. I know what I'm talking about, because I tried it and it was exhausting and unsuccessful. Eventually my mom came to like the facility and a year later everything is going much better. Sometimes you can't have your parents with you, even if you really would like them there.

If she doesn't want to take her medicine she should not be forced to. Adults can make their own decisions.

A person with dementia is not capable of making informed or reasoned decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she live with you? I am crying reading this.

OP said she needs medical supervision because she will not take her medicine. It's not something a child can do for a parent. I know what I'm talking about, because I tried it and it was exhausting and unsuccessful. Eventually my mom came to like the facility and a year later everything is going much better. Sometimes you can't have your parents with you, even if you really would like them there.

If she doesn't want to take her medicine she should not be forced to. Adults can make their own decisions.

A person with dementia is not capable of making informed or reasoned decisions.

That's why the wishes of older adults should be recorded before dementia sets in, then honored. The eldercare industry is keeping many people alive long past the time when they would wish to be sustained.

[Anonymous]

Our mom sounds much like yours - called my sister 25 times in 24 hours. She woke up at 1am would get dressed and go for lunch, but the dining room was closed...so called my sister who explained it's night. She would forget and wonder where everyone was so called my sister at 2am who would explain its night. Would listen at her door and not hear anyone- convinced she's alone in the Assisted living center and panicked - called my sister at 3am. We had to move her to the memory care unit at that point. Unless you live thru this hell you will never understand. Dear OP please ask the nurses for anti- depressants for your mom and anti-anxiety meds.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my grandma. She would have been unhappy and complaining anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved my mom kicking and screaming. I did not like the place my brother chose but I was overruled. Now I get seriously 50 calls a day of complaining. Going home is a no go. She need medical supervision as she doesn't like medicine and it is necessary. What to do? I feel so guilty but I know she cannot live on her own. My brothers just block her calls and go on with life. I am exhausted and drive up and back once a week to see her (three hours each way). She is not trying to make friends. Just complains. Other people in this situation and what to do? Living with me not an option for my own sanity as is moving her here.

You need to do what your brothers do: block her calls when you need a break. Visit her when you feel you can tolerate her complaining.

This is awful! Send mom to assisted living and then block her calls?!? Who are you people? I don't have much advice, but are there geriatric specialists in counseling that could help?

"Who are you people?"

I know who you are. Someone who doesn't have a parent in assisted living or living with them. Your patience with dear old mom would erode to zero over the course of a single day.

If you are not in this boat, STFU, you have nothing to say, you are as bad as people with no kids giving parenting advice.

+1 there are a lot of elderly people who want to do things their way or the highway. I've seen elderly relatives who wanted their children to jump through hoops to keep them in their homes. Being in a house without real help wasn't working but the elderly relative would never consider assisted living with a bus to the mall every day. It was better if their adult children went out of their way to take them out. The elderly parent did little to nothing to make it easier on their adult children. It was the adult children who had to sit in traffic every weekend, make all of the phone calls, help out with food, hire people, etc. all to keep the elderly parent happy. Some elderly people just won't budge. They love it when their kids are toiling for their benefit.

[Anonymous]

OP- please look to this resource regarding dementia specific issues, a life saver for many, they have tons of education and training programs and support aside from their day service:

http://www.insightmcc.org/