Physically heterosexual but male entitlement has ruined it for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, based on the way you write and the terms you use (wanting a feminist man, patriarchy) I assume you are in college or a recent grad.

Why would you assume that? IMO, older women are way less likely to put up with patriarchal bullshit. And there's not a het woman I know who would want to partner with a man who isn't a feminist, from 16 to 106. (Seriously? Do you have middle-aged women single friends who are all "hmm, really want a partner who thinks I shouldn't be in the workplace or voting!! That would be a treat!")

I got the same impression. OP comes across like a 19 year old college sophomore.

Time to go back to posting on Jezebel. OP.

Study up, dude. Feminism and criticism of the patriarchy has been around for a long time; it's not just a recent invention that only the recent college grad would be aware of.

See Lucy Stone and Henry Blackwell's marriage pledge, circa 1850, for some historical context.

BTW, I'm NP and 50. My Mom is almost 80, and we are both feminists critical of the patriarchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, based on the way you write and the terms you use (wanting a feminist man, patriarchy) I assume you are in college or a recent grad.

Why would you assume that? IMO, older women are way less likely to put up with patriarchal bullshit. And there's not a het woman I know who would want to partner with a man who isn't a feminist, from 16 to 106. (Seriously? Do you have middle-aged women single friends who are all "hmm, really want a partner who thinks I shouldn't be in the workplace or voting!! That would be a treat!")

I got the same impression. OP comes across like a 19 year old college sophomore.

Time to go back to posting on Jezebel. OP.

Study up, dude. Feminism and criticism of the patriarchy has been around for a long time; it's not just a recent invention that only the recent college grad would be aware of.

See Lucy Stone and Henry Blackwell's marriage pledge, circa 1850, for some historical context.

BTW, I'm NP and 50. My Mom is almost 80, and we are both feminists critical of the patriarchy.

You can be a feminist and still be capable of having healthy relationships with opposite sex. OP can't. And she blames men for that.

[Anonymous]

OP is the female equivalent of men who post on places like Reddit's Red Pill: bitter, social awkward young men who lack the ability to view themselves realistically and generalize women in the most inflammatory ways possible. OP would fit right in if she was born with a Y chromosome.

[Anonymous]

Op is just the product of the "man" hating environment we live in. Men are the root of all evil, at least that's what I have had bashed into my head by every older woman I know, family members and colleagues. There is no escaping the war on hating men is real and, of my god, try to come to a man's defense these days will get your head cut off. Feminism gone amuck. You can be a feminist and love men, support your husband and love being a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is just the product of the "man" hating environment we live in. Men are the root of all evil, at least that's what I have had bashed into my head by every older woman I know, family members and colleagues. There is no escaping the war on hating men is real and, of my god, try to come to a man's defense these days will get your head cut off. Feminism gone amuck. You can be a feminist and love men, support your husband and love being a mother.

I think you have more in common with OP than you realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is just the product of the "man" hating environment we live in. Men are the root of all evil, at least that's what I have had bashed into my head by every older woman I know, family members and colleagues. There is no escaping the war on hating men is real and, of my god, try to come to a man's defense these days will get your head cut off. Feminism gone amuck. You can be a feminist and love men, support your husband and love being a mother.

I think you have more in common with OP than you realize.

No man are evil. I can not believe women choose to raise boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is the female equivalent of men who post on places like Reddit's Red Pill: bitter, social awkward young men who lack the ability to view themselves realistically and generalize women in the most inflammatory ways possible. OP would fit right in if she was born with a Y chromosome.

I'm actually pretty concerned about this and what it means for society in the long term and short term. Men and women both make out the opposite sex to be the root of all evil, projecting personal problems onto an entire group of people. It's sad. There are sex-based issues, of course. But the rampant generalizations and hostility are no good for actually solving any of those problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is the female equivalent of men who post on places like Reddit's Red Pill: bitter, social awkward young men who lack the ability to view themselves realistically and generalize women in the most inflammatory ways possible. OP would fit right in if she was born with a Y chromosome.

I'm actually pretty concerned about this and what it means for society in the long term and short term. Men and women both make out the opposite sex to be the root of all evil, projecting personal problems onto an entire group of people. It's sad. There are sex-based issues, of course. But the rampant generalizations and hostility are no good for actually solving any of those problems.

I worry about this too, but I think (perhaps wishful thinking) most people are sensible enough not to paint everyone with such a broad brush.

The Internet has made it easier for less reasonable, perspective-impaired, people to get on the soapbox. In the past, people like this would already be well known within their community as someone whose opinions tend to be a bit extreme and should be taken with a grain of salt. On the Internet, anonymity means that the village idiot has an equal standing with a thoughtful, empathic person.

Just replace "opposite sex" with other races or religions and you basically have the human condition. Some people are always predisposed towards aggressively judging the Other, however they define it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is just the product of the "man" hating environment we live in. Men are the root of all evil, at least that's what I have had bashed into my head by every older woman I know, family members and colleagues. There is no escaping the war on hating men is real and, of my god, try to come to a man's defense these days will get your head cut off. Feminism gone amuck. You can be a feminist and love men, support your husband and love being a mother.

I think you have more in common with OP than you realize.

No man are evil. I can not believe women choose to raise boys.

And thus ends the human race....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is the female equivalent of men who post on places like Reddit's Red Pill: bitter, social awkward young men who lack the ability to view themselves realistically and generalize women in the most inflammatory ways possible. OP would fit right in if she was born with a Y chromosome.

I'm actually pretty concerned about this and what it means for society in the long term and short term. Men and women both make out the opposite sex to be the root of all evil, projecting personal problems onto an entire group of people. It's sad. There are sex-based issues, of course. But the rampant generalizations and hostility are no good for actually solving any of those problems.

I worry about this too, but I think (perhaps wishful thinking) most people are sensible enough not to paint everyone with such a broad brush.

The Internet has made it easier for less reasonable, perspective-impaired, people to get on the soapbox. In the past, people like this would already be well known within their community as someone whose opinions tend to be a bit extreme and should be taken with a grain of salt. On the Internet, anonymity means that the village idiot has an equal standing with a thoughtful, empathic person.

Just replace "opposite sex" with other races or religions and you basically have the human condition. Some people are always predisposed towards aggressively judging the Other, however they define it.

I find it interesting that some women think all white men oppress women like themselves. When in reality, it is the old boys(and girls now) club- i.e. its more about the have vs the have nots. There are plenty of men who are not given a chance, just like there are plenty of women who are not given a chance. The only difference is women feel they are entitled to the old boys and girls club even if they are not in it. While men who are not in the club are just losers.

[Anonymous]

I object to these behaviors and I've explained why here.

I don't treat men with hostility. That alone is the huge difference between someone like me who objects to patriarchy and those who participate in it and perpetuate in it.

If someone decides it's a bad use of time to try to find a needle in a haystack - a truly feminist, enlightened man, why should that be so quickly brushed aside as due to inexperience/youth/immaturity, lack of options or ugliness, or my own entitlement (what does that even mean? I am obligated to be open to men?)???

What if after years of experience in this culture -- in the supposed best, most sophisticated parts of this culture -- I've concluded that it is a bad bet to waste my time in that way?

Criticizing patriarchy does not entail "hatred" of all guys, or an assumption that they are all equally the same. It is a very critical assessment of culture and the very common behaviors it has produced. And that assessment has led me to realize it is not worth the time it would take to find that enlightened male.

[Anonymous]

You are not obligated "to be open to men." You are welcome to be alone.

[Anonymous]

But I'm not alone. I have a rich life . . . just celibate, which is the point that started the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But I'm not alone. I have a rich life . . . just celibate, which is the point that started the thread.

So, what's the problem then? If you're happy, then go on and be happy. Men will go on just fine without you.

[Anonymous]

Just in case there is someone who reads this thread later and might be interested in reading more than the articles posted above.

There are, as a previous poster mentioned, centuries of feminist critiques of patriarchy. This is also a really good book by a male scholar: The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy
by Allan G Johnson

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1439911843/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_x_KTv4ybQMGQA0W