College and Meeting Your Future Spouse

[Anonymous]

As a father of a daughter going through the college search process I think the OPs DH is certifiably insane. That sort of thinking is horribly out of date and frankly a little creepy. Does he not have confidence in his child's ability to navigate the adult world? A big shout out to the Wellesley women in this thread......that's where I met my wife many years ago.

[Anonymous]

I did and lots of our friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did and lots of our friends.

+1 Same

Also, I disagree with a PP who quoted the NYT weddings section. I've been reading that section for decades - most people met in college or grad/law/medical school. I agree that a lot of the long form stories w/pics often cite people who met via online dating, but the vast majority of the regular announcements have couples who met in school in some way. This has been discussed a lot in the NYT over the past few years, especially after the Princeton article cited previously. It is well known that income inequality is growing exponentially in this country and many studies have cited the propensity of elite parents sending their kids to elite schools and finding mates there as one of the reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH seems to believe that a factor to be considered in weighing colleges is the meeting-your-future spouse factor. Thus he is dissuading our DC from looking at single sex schools, is focused on male-female ratios at the coed schools, is pushing schools with a heavy Greek life, checks that our religion is well represented on prospective campuses, is even showing us polls of most attractive student bodies!

Yes, it so happens that we met in college, but he was a grad ad student so not sure that even "counts."

I am curious how many of you out there met your now spouse in college.

I guess I am also curious whether there are any other parents out there who tell their kids that odds are they'll meet their future spouse in college so weigh that factor accordingly. Or is my DH the only nut out there.

I met my husband on college. It's a good idea but it can't be forced. Major is more important than college IMHO.

[Anonymous]

I married my college sweetheart. We were divorced less than two years later.

Now that my DDs are going through the college admission application process, meeting a future spouse is not even a remote consideration. I am strongly encouraging them to apply to schools that align with their interests and have a culture that is a good fit. And as for Greek life, I would strongly prefer they avoid schools that have it...I don't like the message it sends.

I personally think your DH's view is a bit unhealthy. He should be more concerned about DC's happiness and finding a school that is a good fit. And to consider school with a Greek life? That's odd...boys in fraternities are very disrespectful of girls...certainly not spouse material.

[Anonymous]

Most of my friends met their future spouses in college. I met mine through a college friend a couple of years out of college. I have considered before that all things being equal I might not want my child to go to a school far from here where almost everyone else is in-state (say, the University of Iowa) because I selfishly don't want them to met and marry someone from there and settle down far away. Yeah I know that's controlling and I wouldn't forbid it obviously. All things being equal I'd love for them to end up at least on my coast.

[Anonymous]

I did not meet my spouse in college. But, if I had gone somewhere else I would not have met him. We met after college but through mutual college friends.

[Anonymous]

If you go to an Ivy and meet your spouse there, won't the kid get a double-legacy bump when they apply? Seems a good, 'accretive' reason to 'merge' with another alum of your Ivy school.

[Anonymous]

I'd guess 90% of the married couples we know met in high school (hometown), college or through college friends. Anyone denying this fact is just bitter their kid is going to a low-status college full of underachieving middle class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my DH in college and have many friends who did as well. I think your DH is a little nuts, though I don't love the idea of same sex schools. Part of college is learning to navigate romantic and social relationships. As long as your DC goes somewhere normal and not, like, an uber-evangelical school or something like that, the pool of potential significant others will be fine. The odds are that your DC won't meet his/her spouse in college anyway.

I think there are only two or three all male schools left so that's not much of a consideration these days.

Assuming we are talking about a DD here, I went to a women's college and they are colleges, not convents--people have boyfriends. There was always at least one man brushing his teeth in the bathroom on my hall most mornings...

[Anonymous]

Your DH is insane. What kind of message is that??!!

You know what I tell my children? The exact opposite of what I was told all my life: that they don't need a relationship to "complete them:" that they are perfect and whole just the way they are.

I was so afraid of being alone that I married my college sweetheart at 22, who turned out to be physically and emotionally abusive and who cheated on me.

[Anonymous]

Let's see, of my group of eight closest girlfriends' marriages:

One met hers during a college summer job (unaffiliated with the college)
Two met theirs in college
Two met theirs at work ("real" jobs)
One was through OkCupid
One was set up by a grad school friend
One was set up by a work friend

[Anonymous]

About 2/3 of my friends met their spouse in either college or grad school.

I wouldn't choose a college based on meeting a partner though. It's more a function of age and life stage - most people pair up sometime in their 20's which is usually when they're in school.

[Anonymous]

I met my husband when I was a college freshman. He was two years ahead of me. When he graduated i quit so we could get married becuase he was moving to go to law school. We have three kids. I was able to finish my BA and Masters. I am reading this board becase I am now helping my grandkids apply to college! We have been married 47 years. I am amused by people who are so sure their kids should be practically middle age before they marry.

[Anonymous]

Husbands behavior is just another example of awful helicopter parents trying to manage their child's lives rather than trusting their child to make their own decisions and grow up to be their own person. The issue isn't whether or not people meet their spouse in college it is using that thinking as criteria in the college selection process. There are plenty of reasons why Wellesley might not be a good fit for aa child but lack of potential spouses should not be one of them.