College and Meeting Your Future Spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is nuts. Really.
We didn't meet in college.

He's not nuts at all. Lots of people meet their spouses in college or later on through friends that they made in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You DH is living in the 70s or before. You may "meet" them at college but not get together for years later. Please let him now that the people who do meet in college, often live together for up to a decade while doing masters/PhDs and building a career, and buy a house. Marriage is for kids or when the couple decides they are stable in their career or finances. I feel a little bad for your daughter. There are way more important things like her major, career, and traveling, and getting to know herself as a person.

Yes, but the point is they met their spouse in college. I personally know a lot of people who married their college sweetheart although often not until a number of years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH seems to believe that a factor to be considered in weighing colleges is the meeting-your-future spouse factor. Thus he is dissuading our DC from looking at single sex schools, is focused on male-female ratios at the coed schools, is pushing schools with a heavy Greek life, checks that our religion is well represented on prospective campuses, is even showing us polls of most attractive student bodies!

Yes, it so happens that we met in college, but he was a grad ad student so not sure that even "counts."

I am curious how many of you out there met your now spouse in college.

I guess I am also curious whether there are any other parents out there who tell their kids that odds are they'll meet their future spouse in college so weigh that factor accordingly. Or is my DH the only nut out there.

Heavy Greek life and "attractiveness" are criteria in college selection?! This is bat shit cray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a DS going to college next year, and yes, I'm slightly biased towards 50/50 environments. (I'd also like him to attend a school that is diverse and reflects the population of the US.) While I didn't meet my spouse in college the people that I did meet influenced my life for years, even to this day.

As for DS (who has declared himself cis-gendered) he likes schools that have more females than males, which is most of them. While he is a great kid, at least so far, I'd much rather him not be in an environment where he is sought after as a straight male. And while people may skewer that comment, I definitely think it could happen at some of the school that we've seen in the past year.

So, while I'd never put it in the terms that OP's DH did, I do think that you lose something when colleges cease to reflect the make-up of the general population.

Your son "declared' himself as Cis-gendered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overall, I don't think that most people meet their spouse during college, but I think it's a little more common at big state schools. Less common at elite schools where many people are looking at grad school, etc. after graduation. People tend to disperse more after elite schools rather than stay within the same region.

I went to a state college and do think it's common for people to ultimately marry someone they dated/knew in college. As pp pointed out people who attended state schools are less dispersed, so they tend to maintain stronger social ties long after graduation.

[Anonymous]

Tell your DH (does that stand for 'dumb husband'?) that I went to Wellesley and many of my classmates met guys at Harvard Law School, Med School and Business School that they ended up marrying. If you want to find a rich guy and live in a big house, it's as likely to happen at a women's college as it is at a coed school, provided you're one of those strategic women who maneuvers these things to make this happen. There was even some woman from a woman's college who ended up married to the president of the United States . . .

[Anonymous]

If he REALLY wants to get her married off, then he should have her attend a place like VMI, and then join the Military. LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is nuts. Really.
We didn't meet in college.

He's not nuts at all. Lots of people meet their spouses in college or later on through friends that they made in college.

But even more people do not meet their spouses at college. I wouldn't choose a college to go spouse hunting. Most 18-22 year old students aren't anywhere near getting married.

[Anonymous]

I was recently at a college reunion, most of us 20+ years out of college. A handful of the group had married their college boy/girlfriend but the great majority did not.

In my circle of friends I know a lot more people who met their spouse in grad school than in undergrad. I did not meet DH in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is nuts. Really.
We didn't meet in college.

He's not nuts at all. Lots of people meet their spouses in college or later on through friends that they made in college.

But even more people do not meet their spouses at college. I wouldn't choose a college to go spouse hunting. Most 18-22 year old students aren't anywhere near getting married.

I read somewhere that most people ultimately end up marrying someone who they met through a high school/college contact. This does not necessarily mean that they started dating their spouse in college and married, shortly thereafter, but could be at 28 married started dating someone who is a friend of a college friend. Most everyone I know ended up marrying someone who they made from a connection to someone they knew in their late teens/early twenties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is nuts. Really.
We didn't meet in college.

He's not nuts at all. Lots of people meet their spouses in college or later on through friends that they made in college.

But even more people do not meet their spouses at college. I wouldn't choose a college to go spouse hunting. Most 18-22 year old students aren't anywhere near getting married.

I read somewhere that most people ultimately end up marrying someone who they met through a high school/college contact. This does not necessarily mean that they started dating their spouse in college and married, shortly thereafter, but could be at 28 married started dating someone who is a friend of a college friend. Most everyone I know ended up marrying someone who they made from a connection to someone they knew in their late teens/early twenties.

"Met" through a connection.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I met in the first class of our first day of our freshman year of college, 36 years ago. I wasn't looking for an Mrs. degree - far from it. It just worked out that way, and it's worked pretty well.

Sending our kids to college is about preparing them for life, not just a career. The social atmosphere of a school can be just as important as the academic programs, and different kids thrive in different environments. I had gone to a private all-girls' high school, and a large, co-ed state university with an active Greek life was just what I needed at the time. One of our kids went to the same university, and the other went to a smaller, private college.

BTW, in the class where we met, I got an A and my husband got a C. Too busy being a frat boy (LOL!) but he's done very well in life.

[Anonymous]

DH and I met during orientation week. Didn't marry until we had a kid (20 years later) but fell in love junior year and pretty much stayed that way (one or two bad years) ever since. Long distance relationship during grad school.

4 kids in my family -- three of us married college classmates. All went to very different schools: HYP, small private in Midwest, flagship public on west coast.

Didn't think about marriage when I went off to school myself, but did when DC looked at schools. College is a time/environment when you can really get a 360 degree view of the person you're dating. And where you're surrounded by lots of people of a similar age, almost all unmarried, often drawn together by similar similar preferences and interests. Everybody's old enough to have sex, but people aren't desperate to find a spouse. Seems like an optimal dating environment to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is nuts. Really.
We didn't meet in college.

He's not nuts at all. Lots of people meet their spouses in college or later on through friends that they made in college.

But even more people do not meet their spouses at college. I wouldn't choose a college to go spouse hunting. Most 18-22 year old students aren't anywhere near getting married.

I read somewhere that most people ultimately end up marrying someone who they met through a high school/college contact. This does not necessarily mean that they started dating their spouse in college and married, shortly thereafter, but could be at 28 married started dating someone who is a friend of a college friend. Most everyone I know ended up marrying someone who they made from a connection to someone they knew in their late teens/early twenties.

I met my future husband while I was still in my early 20's although we met after HS and college. We didn't get married until we were mid 30's.

I've also known couples to meet at work, at church and even at bars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is nuts. Really.
We didn't meet in college.

He's not nuts at all. Lots of people meet their spouses in college or later on through friends that they made in college.

Totally agree. I'm not saying it should be the main factor, and certainly not determinative. But is there something unhealthy with thinking it to be a real possibility?