My 5 year old is getting stressed out about homework

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My K kid isn't going to do any worksheets at home.

Suck it tigersanctimommies!

And, we see what kind of parent you are when we are the ones volunteering in the classroom to catch up your child to grade level as you don't work with them at home. Its pretty sad but its easier to delegate parenting to others than do it yourself.

Different poster here. My child doesn't need you nosing around his reading level and telling him what books are right for him. I do my job at home and the teacher should keep you away from my child.

I could not careless about reading levels as they are not very accurate. I help where the teacher says to help. I'd probably prefer not to help your kid but I do what is asked of me as that is where I am needed.

It was very rude of you to imply that PP was a bad parent and not working with his/her kids at home, and that you were a good one who were helping said underachieving kids. You also brought the reading level nonsense into the picture by saying you would help "catch up" the child, so it's rather hypocritical to then state that you couldn't care less about them. As a teacher, I'd prefer not to have parents in my classroom who thought they were better than other parents because they happened to have work schedules and financial situations that allowed them to enter my classroom. I'd be especially loathe to have any who believed parents who didn't believe in homework were bad parents and weren't helping their children.

As a teacher, if you gave the kids more support in the classroom and did stronger academics and teaching, technically it would not be an issue. If you cannot take 20 minutes and help with your child's homework, then you need to make some adjustments or consider should you have had kids if you don't have the time for them. There is a big difference from a low income parent who is working multiple jobs and surviving or does not have great English skills to ones who don't believe in homework or refuse to help their kids. Volunteering is different than homework help. You clearly cannot separate the two. But, then again, you are probably like our children's teachers who just put the kids on the computers to play games so you don't have to be bothered teaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My K kid isn't going to do any worksheets at home.

Suck it tigersanctimommies!

And, we see what kind of parent you are when we are the ones volunteering in the classroom to catch up your child to grade level as you don't work with them at home. Its pretty sad but its easier to delegate parenting to others than do it yourself.

Different poster here. My child doesn't need you nosing around his reading level and telling him what books are right for him. I do my job at home and the teacher should keep you away from my child.

I could not careless about reading levels as they are not very accurate. I help where the teacher says to help. I'd probably prefer not to help your kid but I do what is asked of me as that is where I am needed.

It was very rude of you to imply that PP was a bad parent and not working with his/her kids at home, and that you were a good one who were helping said underachieving kids. You also brought the reading level nonsense into the picture by saying you would help "catch up" the child, so it's rather hypocritical to then state that you couldn't care less about them. As a teacher, I'd prefer not to have parents in my classroom who thought they were better than other parents because they happened to have work schedules and financial situations that allowed them to enter my classroom. I'd be especially loathe to have any who believed parents who didn't believe in homework were bad parents and weren't helping their children.

As a teacher, if you gave the kids more support in the classroom and did stronger academics and teaching, technically it would not be an issue. If you cannot take 20 minutes and help with your child's homework, then you need to make some adjustments or consider should you have had kids if you don't have the time for them. There is a big difference from a low income parent who is working multiple jobs and surviving or does not have great English skills to ones who don't believe in homework or refuse to help their kids. Volunteering is different than homework help. You clearly cannot separate the two. But, then again, you are probably like our children's teachers who just put the kids on the computers to play games so you don't have to be bothered teaching.

LOL. Not only are you rude to other parents, you've also managed to show an equal level of disrespect toward other teachers as well as toward the teachers of your kids, whom you claim to help as needed. That's a new level of trashy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD was the same way in K. Self-motivated and driven to the point of stressing herself out. Everything had to be perfect, or she'd melt down. It was a problem, and we knew it. Definitely worked a lot at home to help her manage her anxiety.

The problem was she was paired with a kindergarten teacher who gave a lot of homework and was obsessive about details -- everything had to be perfect -- including art projects. If the snowman's eyes were in the wrong place, she'd pull the eyes off and make the kid redo it. Voluntering in the classroom required a xanax.

Anyway, we used the nightly homework as an opportunity to help DD be more flexible. Trying to find the balance between "doing your best" and "being perfect". There were lots of tears and frustration on all sides. But DD grew through it as the months went on.

I did talk with the teacher after a few months to let her know DD was stressed out and trying to be perfect (often wanting to do extra . . . ) with every assignment. I said we're helping her manage, but in the meantime, may skip some assignments to give her some space to calm down.

The teacher was absolutely fine with it. No push back, no drama.

Fast forward a year, and DD was fantastic with homework in first grade. It helped that it was actually quite a bit less than in kindergrarten (appropriately so!), and also that the teacher was kind and sweet. But mostly, DD grew out of her performance anxiety.

Now in third grade, she does her homework completely independently. We don't need to remind her or sit with her. She just does it every night. Usually takes 15 minutes, max.

Looking back, five/six is a tough age for many kids. They take the rules and expectations sooooo seriously. But they may not yet be able to follow or do everything that's expected. Or they may just WORRY that they can't. It can be hard.

If you feel like it's too much, just talk with the teacher. My guess is she'll be more flexible than you think. GL.

Pulled of the eyes off a snowman? If not in perfect position?
Art had to be perfect?! I would have said; what does that even mean?

What a SHITTY teacher!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD was the same way in K. Self-motivated and driven to the point of stressing herself out. Everything had to be perfect, or she'd melt down. It was a problem, and we knew it. Definitely worked a lot at home to help her manage her anxiety.

The problem was she was paired with a kindergarten teacher who gave a lot of homework and was obsessive about details -- everything had to be perfect -- including art projects. If the snowman's eyes were in the wrong place, she'd pull the eyes off and make the kid redo it. Voluntering in the classroom required a xanax.

Anyway, we used the nightly homework as an opportunity to help DD be more flexible. Trying to find the balance between "doing your best" and "being perfect". There were lots of tears and frustration on all sides. But DD grew through it as the months went on.

I did talk with the teacher after a few months to let her know DD was stressed out and trying to be perfect (often wanting to do extra . . . ) with every assignment. I said we're helping her manage, but in the meantime, may skip some assignments to give her some space to calm down.

The teacher was absolutely fine with it. No push back, no drama.

Fast forward a year, and DD was fantastic with homework in first grade. It helped that it was actually quite a bit less than in kindergrarten (appropriately so!), and also that the teacher was kind and sweet. But mostly, DD grew out of her performance anxiety.

Now in third grade, she does her homework completely independently. We don't need to remind her or sit with her. She just does it every night. Usually takes 15 minutes, max.

Looking back, five/six is a tough age for many kids. They take the rules and expectations sooooo seriously. But they may not yet be able to follow or do everything that's expected. Or they may just WORRY that they can't. It can be hard.

If you feel like it's too much, just talk with the teacher. My guess is she'll be more flexible than you think. GL.

OP here. This was incredibly helpful. When we first sat down to do homework, DD would erase and rewrite and over and over if she felt her letters weren't perfect. We got over that but that meant it did in fact take 20 minutes to do one worksheet, with many tears.
That made me not want to make this an every night thing, partly because it was so stressful, partly because she is doing well without homework. But given that there are consequences, I will make the effort again with a firm time limit.

As for the winter break packet fiasco, that happened when she told me as we were walking out the door on Thursday morning that it was the last day to do it. I had planned to leave it alone, since I thought it was for enrichment, not required.

Anyway I didn't particularly mind someone suggesting an IEP. Anxiety does run in the family and I think there is a fair amount going on for her. The timer has really calmed things down. I also don't mind taking the blame for letting it pile up. That was to keep her (and me) from getting stressed. However, if there weren't any consequences, we wouldn't do it, with explanation to the teacher.

I really appreciate all the comments. I'm still new at this mom thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm the PP you're responding to. I'm not sure what you mean.

My brother's DD was very stressed about schoolwork at 5, a perfectionist who had trouble meeting her own expectations. At 6, she was better able to do the work, and also less stressed about the work because of her increased level of maturity. Time helped her.

That's not making excuses. I don't think kindergartners should have HW. I think it's inappropriate. And if a kindergartner is struggling with HW, that child is not doomed to always struggle with HW.

OP again. Thanks for giving me some hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DD was the same way in K. Self-motivated and driven to the point of stressing herself out. Everything had to be perfect, or she'd melt down. It was a problem, and we knew it. Definitely worked a lot at home to help her manage her anxiety.

The problem was she was paired with a kindergarten teacher who gave a lot of homework and was obsessive about details -- everything had to be perfect -- including art projects. If the snowman's eyes were in the wrong place, she'd pull the eyes off and make the kid redo it. Voluntering in the classroom required a xanax.

Anyway, we used the nightly homework as an opportunity to help DD be more flexible. Trying to find the balance between "doing your best" and "being perfect". There were lots of tears and frustration on all sides. But DD grew through it as the months went on.

I did talk with the teacher after a few months to let her know DD was stressed out and trying to be perfect (often wanting to do extra . . . ) with every assignment. I said we're helping her manage, but in the meantime, may skip some assignments to give her some space to calm down.

The teacher was absolutely fine with it. No push back, no drama.

Fast forward a year, and DD was fantastic with homework in first grade. It helped that it was actually quite a bit less than in kindergrarten (appropriately so!), and also that the teacher was kind and sweet. But mostly, DD grew out of her performance anxiety.

Now in third grade, she does her homework completely independently. We don't need to remind her or sit with her. She just does it every night. Usually takes 15 minutes, max.

Looking back, five/six is a tough age for many kids. They take the rules and expectations sooooo seriously. But they may not yet be able to follow or do everything that's expected. Or they may just WORRY that they can't. It can be hard.

If you feel like it's too much, just talk with the teacher. My guess is she'll be more flexible than you think. GL.

Pulled of the eyes off a snowman? If not in perfect position?
Art had to be perfect?! I would have said; what does that even mean?

What a SHITTY teacher!

Yep.

She saw classroom art projects as an exercise in teaching the kindergarteners how to follow detailed instructions. Art wasn't about artistic expression or creativity. It was about doing it exactly like the model. If they traced something and cut it out, the side with the pencil marks ("the yucky side," as she called it) always had to be glued face down. No pencil marks showing. I'm not kidding. She was crazy. Almost 30 years of teaching experience, too. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DD was the same way in K. Self-motivated and driven to the point of stressing herself out. Everything had to be perfect, or she'd melt down. It was a problem, and we knew it. Definitely worked a lot at home to help her manage her anxiety.

The problem was she was paired with a kindergarten teacher who gave a lot of homework and was obsessive about details -- everything had to be perfect -- including art projects. If the snowman's eyes were in the wrong place, she'd pull the eyes off and make the kid redo it. Voluntering in the classroom required a xanax.

Anyway, we used the nightly homework as an opportunity to help DD be more flexible. Trying to find the balance between "doing your best" and "being perfect". There were lots of tears and frustration on all sides. But DD grew through it as the months went on.

I did talk with the teacher after a few months to let her know DD was stressed out and trying to be perfect (often wanting to do extra . . . ) with every assignment. I said we're helping her manage, but in the meantime, may skip some assignments to give her some space to calm down.

The teacher was absolutely fine with it. No push back, no drama.

Fast forward a year, and DD was fantastic with homework in first grade. It helped that it was actually quite a bit less than in kindergrarten (appropriately so!), and also that the teacher was kind and sweet. But mostly, DD grew out of her performance anxiety.

Now in third grade, she does her homework completely independently. We don't need to remind her or sit with her. She just does it every night. Usually takes 15 minutes, max.

Looking back, five/six is a tough age for many kids. They take the rules and expectations sooooo seriously. But they may not yet be able to follow or do everything that's expected. Or they may just WORRY that they can't. It can be hard.

If you feel like it's too much, just talk with the teacher. My guess is she'll be more flexible than you think. GL.

Pulled of the eyes off a snowman? If not in perfect position?
Art had to be perfect?! I would have said; what does that even mean?

What a SHITTY teacher!

Yep.

She saw classroom art projects as an exercise in teaching the kindergarteners how to follow detailed instructions. Art wasn't about artistic expression or creativity. It was about doing it exactly like the model. If they traced something and cut it out, the side with the pencil marks ("the yucky side," as she called it) always had to be glued face down. No pencil marks showing. I'm not kidding. She was crazy. Almost 30 years of teaching experience, too. Ugh.

Ok. I'm the PP who just wrote this and I realized I'm not being completely fair to the teacher.

Yes, she did those things and very much approached her teaching as I described. That's all true. But it's also true that she was enthusiastic and often motivating and encouraging to the kids in a positive way, too. She wasn't a total beast.

I think this is a question of expectations. And I really think DD's teacher believed she was helping the kids by setting such high expectations, even if they were totally unrealistic for most. She seemed to feel it helped the kids to keep shooting for perfection. In our DD's case, that just wasn't true. The stress outweighed the extra learning for her that year. Wasn't worth it.

Looking back, here's what I know: kids' ability levels and maturity levels vary so widely at that age. What's super easy for one child (sitting and doing a homework sheet in 5 minutes) can be incredibly challenging for another (an hour of tears over something simple). It's not necessarily because they can't handle the material. It's often because some other piece hasn't yet clicked into place fully. Emotional skills. Executive function skills. Self-management skills etc. There's a huge range of "normal".

But we noticed that by first grade and certainly by second grade, most of the rough edges became smooth and DD and her friends all tended to mature to the appropriate place with homework. It's just that small differences in maturity seem to have a much larger impact at age 5-6.

[Anonymous]

Wow - is this a public or private school? All of the privates we toured said no homework for K except reading but this is freaking me out!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, All kids are not the same. Maybe the homework is too much for your 5 year old? Get an IEP for her.

An IEP, really, you idiot? IEPs are for children with disabilities. Not for children to cope with unrealistic expectations.

But it's not an unrealistic expectation if all the other kids in class accomplish the task. You have to ask yourself why your child can't.

I doubt all the other kids are doing it without issue. Unless we define normal childhood as a disability, being overly stressed by developmentally inappropriate expectations is not a disability.

But the majority must, or parents would complain, and it would get to an administrative level, and the work would stop. But they still have homework, so many must not complain, so we have to assume they are doing the work without issue.

No, we don't. My co-worker's kid had homework in kindergarten, and it was way more than a five-minute worksheet. A lot of parents want homework because they think it equates to academic rigor, and they don't know it's developmentally inappropriate and maybe even harmful. And a lot of parents just suck it up and do it and don't complain, or they find a workaround with the teacher, or they do complain but it does not, in fact, stop. A lot of parents I know complain about homework, and how the expectations for little kids are unrealistic and stressful. Everyone says that K is like first grade used to be.

Also, "working with your kid at home" is not the same as "making your kid do stupid homework." There are much better ways to do enrichment--the most basic is to read to your kid and have them read to you every day.