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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our DD was the same way in K.  Self-motivated and driven to the point of stressing herself out.  Everything had to be perfect, or she'd melt down.  It was a problem, and we knew it.  Definitely worked a lot at home to help her manage her anxiety.

The problem was she was paired with a kindergarten teacher who gave a lot of homework and was obsessive about details -- everything had to be perfect -- including art projects.  If the snowman's eyes were in the wrong place, she'd pull the eyes off and make the kid redo it.  Voluntering in the classroom required a xanax.  :-)

Anyway, we used the nightly homework as an opportunity to help DD be more flexible.  Trying to find the balance between "doing your best" and "being perfect".  There were lots of tears and frustration on all sides.  But DD grew through it as the months went on.

I did talk with the teacher after a few months to let her know DD was stressed out and trying to be perfect (often wanting to do extra . . . ) with every assignment.  I said we're helping her manage, but in the meantime, may skip some assignments to give her some space to calm down.

The teacher was absolutely fine with it.  No push back, no drama.

Fast forward a year, and DD was fantastic with homework in first grade.  It helped that it was actually quite a bit less than in kindergrarten (appropriately so!), and also that the teacher was kind and sweet.  But mostly, DD grew out of her performance anxiety.

Now in third grade, she does her homework completely independently.  We don't need to remind her or sit with her.  She just does it every night.  Usually takes 15 minutes, max.

Looking back, five/six is a tough age for many kids.  They take the rules and expectations sooooo seriously.  But they may not yet be able to follow or do everything that's expected.  Or they may just WORRY that they can't.  It can be hard.

If you feel like it's too much, just talk with the teacher.  My guess is she'll be more flexible than you think.  GL.

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OP here. This was incredibly helpful. When we first sat down to do homework, DD would erase and rewrite and over and over if she felt her letters weren't perfect. We got over that but that meant it did in fact take 20 minutes to do one worksheet, with many tears. 
That made me not want to make this an every night thing, partly because it was so stressful, partly because she is doing well without homework. But given that there are consequences, I will make the effort again with a firm time limit.

As for the winter break packet fiasco, that happened when she told me as we were walking out the door on Thursday morning that it was the last day to do it. I had planned to leave it alone, since I thought it was for enrichment, not required.

Anyway I didn't particularly mind someone suggesting an IEP. Anxiety does run in the family and I think there is a fair amount going on for her. The timer has really calmed things down. I also don't mind taking the blame for letting it pile up. That was to keep her (and me) from getting stressed. However, if there weren't any consequences, we wouldn't do it, with explanation to the teacher.

I really appreciate all the comments. I'm still new at this mom thing. :)

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