My son is delusional. Where does this arrogance come from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on Team OP.

And hey, PPs who don't have teens, you are seriously out of line. Hey PP with the younger son, you are right you are not qualified here. It's like having the sweet little tiger cub who overnight turns into a full-grown tiger--it's very different and quite a shock--it actually requires some mourning for the sweet kid you used to have.

There is a book another PP mentioned, Yes Your Teen is Crazy! that helped me tremendously (thank you DCUM).

Sockpuppeting doesn't make your point more valid.

Virtually every sigle person who has replied is a parent of teens just because they disagree with you doesn't mean they are not parents of teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son doesn't have autism.
Your son isn't bipolar or any other disorder.
Your son is like the vast majority of 17/18 year old boys I have met, all of whom grew up into great men.

OP's son sounds nothing like my 17 year old son, who has always been reasonably socially astute. His friends are not like this either. Done some boneheaded things along the way, sure, but they try hard not to do anything that could invite mockery. I'm not clear on why people are getting down on the OP. I think it's a great idea to work with him on these issues before he goes off to college. I'm guessing a lot of you don't have high schoolers?

I also think everyone talking about their clueless DHs would feel some gratitude to a parent who realized their child had a self awareness problem and tried to help him wok on it.

The irony.

Clearly your son doesn't get his maturity and self-awareness from you.

Again, do you have high schoolers?

I certainly don't take credit for my son's personality or the things he's good at, but I have stepped in to help when he or his siblings have started down what seems to be a bad path. I'd hope most parents would have enough empathy for their kids, and enough recall of how fraught the teen years can be to want to do the same. I assume OP is not actually telling her son that he's arrogant, delusional, and average but instead is just seeking anonymous advice on how to help him to stop acting in a way that can come back to haunt him. What's wrong with that?

Because I don't think like you, I can't have high schoolers? Again with the irony.

I do have high schoolers as well as older children, I assure you OP's kid is not an anomaly, and those kids turn out fine, kids with parents like you and tend to have issues down the road.

You can tell what kind of parent I am from two posts on the internet? And you are telling me my children will have issues? And you are acting as if you are superior to both me and the OP?

You are bothe rude , condescending overly defensive and overly involved. That style of parenting leads to overly anxious kids and adults that can't function independently of mom and dad.

As for superiority you were ready to proclaim anyone that didn't agree with your view could not possibly have a high schooler.

Re-read your hostile posts and stop and think for a second whether you are really in a position to be throwing words like the bolded ones around--talk about irony!

You know absolutely nothing about me other than the fact that I applaud OP for trying to address a problem that is likely going to make her son the object of mockery and make it harder for him to build or keep good friendships. That's not micro-managing, and I think it is something any caring parent should be concerned about. I think you are likely projecting your own issues onto this situation, but in any case I don't plan to engage further with you.

NP but it's okay for you to be critical of other people's parenting choices and their husbands?

Pot meet kettle.

PP was right about you and irony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I have a son who's a junior and this doesn't really sound like stuff they (or their friends) would do. That said, you're need to tone down the harshness if you're going to talk to him about it (which you should!). Absent some sort of gravely unethical/illegal/etc. behavior, I think it's really important that kids know their parents are on their side.

(I say this as the kid whose mom never ever told her when she was doing something dumb or likely to be made fun of by other kids - and I did a lot of that stuff. I went through a several year phase of not brushing my teeth in middle and high school, aka way too old to be not brushing teeth, and I wish my mom would have just told me my breath stunk instead of having to overhear it from kids in my class. Or my phase of bothering my crushes incessantly to get them to like me. My mom was well aware I was doing this, and should have gently told me to knock it off, but no. She chalked it up to normal hormonal preteen/teen girl stuff when very few girls my age were still acting that way. By the time I realized what I creep I was being, I had alienated most of the boys in my grade, lol, and plenty of the girls too...)

Well you could have had my mom who made sure she pointed out every perceived flaw in comparison to my peers much like OP and some pps recommend doing. Which is a great thing to do if you want your child to lose all confidence in themselves, completely turn inward and not discover they are good enough until they are 30 something. YMMV.

You're projecting.

New poster. She's projecting? You feel that, reaching back into your teen years, your mother could have casually schooled you on how not to be obnoxious and you would have accepted that advice and magically been popular AND SHE IS PROJECTING??????

NP here.
It's DCUM where projecting means the poster doesn't agree with their viewpoint.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think this is a question of degrees. You're angry and embarrassed right now and you need to put that aside and think rationally. Is this a little puffery, a little boasting that's inapt, a little strutting? Or is this a real break with reality, where he appears to fully believe he is something he is not?

Years ago, we had a relative do the same thing where it turned into the latter. It turns out that was the beginnings of very serious mental illness. It was not at all typical teen boy puffery. It started like that, but it eventually went far beyond normal.

Either way you need to lose the anger and embarrassment. If it's just the first, his peers will take care of it soon enough and he would only hear what you have to say as criticism. If it's the second, it might be the beginnings of a serious mental illness and he needs your compassion and love, not criticism. Those of you who are convinced this is just normal teen boy behavior seem a little naive to me, to be honest. OP is right to be worried, but she needs to approach this with compassion not anger.

[Anonymous]

Aren't most men delusional? It's why unattractive men hit on attractive women and why men apply for jobs they are completely unqualified for. It's why they start wars and engage in violence. Their gender has a problem. This teen's behavior doesn't surprise me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I have a son who's a junior and this doesn't really sound like stuff they (or their friends) would do. That said, you're need to tone down the harshness if you're going to talk to him about it (which you should!). Absent some sort of gravely unethical/illegal/etc. behavior, I think it's really important that kids know their parents are on their side.

(I say this as the kid whose mom never ever told her when she was doing something dumb or likely to be made fun of by other kids - and I did a lot of that stuff. I went through a several year phase of not brushing my teeth in middle and high school, aka way too old to be not brushing teeth, and I wish my mom would have just told me my breath stunk instead of having to overhear it from kids in my class. Or my phase of bothering my crushes incessantly to get them to like me. My mom was well aware I was doing this, and should have gently told me to knock it off, but no. She chalked it up to normal hormonal preteen/teen girl stuff when very few girls my age were still acting that way. By the time I realized what I creep I was being, I had alienated most of the boys in my grade, lol, and plenty of the girls too...)

Well you could have had my mom who made sure she pointed out every perceived flaw in comparison to my peers much like OP and some pps recommend doing. Which is a great thing to do if you want your child to lose all confidence in themselves, completely turn inward and not discover they are good enough until they are 30 something. YMMV.

You should look up the phrase false dichotomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think this is a question of degrees. You're angry and embarrassed right now and you need to put that aside and think rationally. Is this a little puffery, a little boasting that's inapt, a little strutting? Or is this a real break with reality, where he appears to fully believe he is something he is not?

Years ago, we had a relative do the same thing where it turned into the latter. It turns out that was the beginnings of very serious mental illness. It was not at all typical teen boy puffery. It started like that, but it eventually went far beyond normal.

Either way you need to lose the anger and embarrassment. If it's just the first, his peers will take care of it soon enough and he would only hear what you have to say as criticism. If it's the second, it might be the beginnings of a serious mental illness and he needs your compassion and love, not criticism. Those of you who are convinced this is just normal teen boy behavior seem a little naive to me, to be honest. OP is right to be worried, but she needs to approach this with compassion not anger.

How will he know peers are making fun of him behind his back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think this is a question of degrees. You're angry and embarrassed right now and you need to put that aside and think rationally. Is this a little puffery, a little boasting that's inapt, a little strutting? Or is this a real break with reality, where he appears to fully believe he is something he is not?

Years ago, we had a relative do the same thing where it turned into the latter. It turns out that was the beginnings of very serious mental illness. It was not at all typical teen boy puffery. It started like that, but it eventually went far beyond normal.

Either way you need to lose the anger and embarrassment. If it's just the first, his peers will take care of it soon enough and he would only hear what you have to say as criticism. If it's the second, it might be the beginnings of a serious mental illness and he needs your compassion and love, not criticism. Those of you who are convinced this is just normal teen boy behavior seem a little naive to me, to be honest. OP is right to be worried, but she needs to approach this with compassion not anger.

How will he know peers are making fun of him behind his back?

It won't just be behind his back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a 12 year old boy at my kid's bus stop and while he is obviously several years younger than OP's son, he does tend to arrive there daily bragging about something that isn't worth bragging about. It's frequently a score on a video game that nobody has ever heard of and he just walks up and goes on and on about it even though it's clear the other kids could not care less. He also brags about how much his clothes impress the "ladies" at school which I think it mighty weird for a kid in any grade. Anyway, OP's description reminds me of this kid. I don't know if there's anything wrong with him but everyone sees him as a "little off". I think some kids are just like that.

You seem overly invested in this. Just sayin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like an insecure and desperate kid who's thirsty for attention.

Like a lot of kids his age. Having a parent like OP hellbent on pointing out his every "flaw" doesn't help matters.

Fishing for attention is a feminine trait. Not a good look for a young man that's a high school upperclassmen.

Male upperclassm fish for attention all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like an insecure and desperate kid who's thirsty for attention.

Like a lot of kids his age. Having a parent like OP hellbent on pointing out his every "flaw" doesn't help matters.

Fishing for attention is a feminine trait. Not a good look for a young man that's a high school upperclassmen.

Male upperclassm fish for attention all the time.

You may not see the (important) nuances. If my ds didn't have a friend exactly like the OP describes, I wouldn't either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son doesn't have autism.
Your son isn't bipolar or any other disorder.
Your son is like the vast majority of 17/18 year old boys I have met, all of whom grew up into great men.

OP's son sounds nothing like my 17 year old son, who has always been reasonably socially astute. His friends are not like this either. Done some boneheaded things along the way, sure, but they try hard not to do anything that could invite mockery. I'm not clear on why people are getting down on the OP. I think it's a great idea to work with him on these issues before he goes off to college. I'm guessing a lot of you don't have high schoolers?

I also think everyone talking about their clueless DHs would feel some gratitude to a parent who realized their child had a self awareness problem and tried to help him wok on it.

The irony.

Clearly your son doesn't get his maturity and self-awareness from you.

Again, do you have high schoolers?

I certainly don't take credit for my son's personality or the things he's good at, but I have stepped in to help when he or his siblings have started down what seems to be a bad path. I'd hope most parents would have enough empathy for their kids, and enough recall of how fraught the teen years can be to want to do the same. I assume OP is not actually telling her son that he's arrogant, delusional, and average but instead is just seeking anonymous advice on how to help him to stop acting in a way that can come back to haunt him. What's wrong with that?

Because I don't think like you, I can't have high schoolers? Again with the irony.

I do have high schoolers as well as older children, I assure you OP's kid is not an anomaly, and those kids turn out fine, kids with parents like you and tend to have issues down the road.

You can tell what kind of parent I am from two posts on the internet? And you are telling me my children will have issues? And you are acting as if you are superior to both me and the OP?

You are bothe rude , condescending overly defensive and overly involved. That style of parenting leads to overly anxious kids and adults that can't function independently of mom and dad.

As for superiority you were ready to proclaim anyone that didn't agree with your view could not possibly have a high schooler.

OP is none of those things. She came here concerned about her son, tried to set the stage for readers by describing his behaviors, and the usual nasty nellies jumped in to tell her she's an awful parent.

OP this does not sound like every teen boy out there as others have claimed. It's odd. Maybe talk to his school, see if they have any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren't most men delusional? It's why unattractive men hit on attractive women and why men apply for jobs they are completely unqualified for. It's why they start wars and engage in violence. Their gender has a problem. This teen's behavior doesn't surprise me at all.

That's right.

They aren't ready for this but they better get ready because Big Mama is not coming to play games.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have time to read all the replies, but I knew a teen who acted similar. His Dad was a diplomat and this boy was seriously delusional even at a later age, think even at 18. He actually wrote his own constitution for when he will rule the country, had rules and regulations for his country, and was becoming more and more creepy and slimy, but most of us had good humor about it, and just rolled our eyes at him. He was overly romantic as well, overly opening the doors and "gentlemanly." There were times where he would stare at the girl of his affection for hours at a party. So, yeah, creepy, but also ridiculous since we all knew he wasn't dangerous and didn't take him seriously. He married, has two kids and actually turned into an OK husband, as far as I could tell. I moved before he married. So, maybe there is nothing to worry about, maybe your DS is just trying to find his way among peers and is still too immature, hence imitating what he thinks is cool and unfortunately can't see how he is perceived. I think he will grow out of it. Maybe ask yourself, is there a person who acts like he does, that he could be trying to imitate? Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I also wanted to add that my teen DD got a text from her friend wishing her a happy Thanksgiving, and it was so over the top, think "I am so grateful to have you in my life, you are the star who makes days easier for me...." You would have thought my DD donated a kidney to save her! So some of it is just that this whole teen generation is completely out of touch and as Clint Eastwood said, well I won't use the word he used, but similar to sissy generation.