My son is delusional. Where does this arrogance come from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's going through this phase where he thinks he's God's gift. It's obnoxious and I feel like it could get him tormented at school, likely behind his back. He posts pictures with girls from school but their body language suggests they're sort of repelled away from him.

Yesterday he made some attention seeking post on Facebook about how thankful he was for everyone that has made him "so successful up to this point in my life." Honestly, it made me cringe. That's something a kid who just got into Harvard might say or a kid that just got a football scholarship to Alabama. By every metric he's average.

Poor. poor OP!

Son isn't going to Harvard and isn't the star QB like daddy wanted.

It's hard. I'm sure if you go over to special parenting concerns they can help you and maybe even suggest a support group.

You're being hyper-literal. OP was just giving exaggerated examples of accomplished kids where such social media posts like her son's are warranted. But a shitkicking average teenager shouldn't be on social media talking about how accomplished they are. It's weird ... it's try-hard ... and will definitely get them made fun of behind their back. Modesty is a virtue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like an insecure and desperate kid who's thirsty for attention.

Like a lot of kids his age. Having a parent like OP hellbent on pointing out his every "flaw" doesn't help matters.

Fishing for attention is a feminine trait. Not a good look for a young man that's a high school upperclassmen.

True, it is really the way that teenage girls act. Boys and girls behave very differently on social media. My 16yo ds is very conscious of not appearing to be fishing for attention. The boys mock boys who post too often.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I have a son who's a junior and this doesn't really sound like stuff they (or their friends) would do. That said, you're need to tone down the harshness if you're going to talk to him about it (which you should!). Absent some sort of gravely unethical/illegal/etc. behavior, I think it's really important that kids know their parents are on their side.

(I say this as the kid whose mom never ever told her when she was doing something dumb or likely to be made fun of by other kids - and I did a lot of that stuff. I went through a several year phase of not brushing my teeth in middle and high school, aka way too old to be not brushing teeth, and I wish my mom would have just told me my breath stunk instead of having to overhear it from kids in my class. Or my phase of bothering my crushes incessantly to get them to like me. My mom was well aware I was doing this, and should have gently told me to knock it off, but no. She chalked it up to normal hormonal preteen/teen girl stuff when very few girls my age were still acting that way. By the time I realized what I creep I was being, I had alienated most of the boys in my grade, lol, and plenty of the girls too...)

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you're too hard on your son and also way too invested in this. How he presents himself on social media and otherwise interacts with his friends should be a decision that's mostly up to him. If I monitor my kids' social media accounts, it's to keep them safe and out of major trouble, not to micromanage what they post based on whether or not it makes them fit in with their friends. To me that's just odd. Either it's working for him, or he'll eventually get enough negative feedback from his social circle that he decides it's worth doing something different. Either way, not a big deal and not something I would suggest a parent get involved in... if your teen is like most, you'll eventually have bigger and more important issues on which to spend your parenting energy.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes what comes across as arrogance is actually low self-esteem. I would be much more worried about that, especially in light of the fact that you are so critical of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son doesn't have autism.
Your son isn't bipolar or any other disorder.
Your son is like the vast majority of 17/18 year old boys I have met, all of whom grew up into great men.

OP's son sounds nothing like my 17 year old son, who has always been reasonably socially astute. His friends are not like this either. Done some boneheaded things along the way, sure, but they try hard not to do anything that could invite mockery. I'm not clear on why people are getting down on the OP. I think it's a great idea to work with him on these issues before he goes off to college. I'm guessing a lot of you don't have high schoolers?

I also think everyone talking about their clueless DHs would feel some gratitude to a parent who realized their child had a self awareness problem and tried to help him wok on it.

The irony.

Clearly your son doesn't get his maturity and self-awareness from you.

Again, do you have high schoolers?

I certainly don't take credit for my son's personality or the things he's good at, but I have stepped in to help when he or his siblings have started down what seems to be a bad path. I'd hope most parents would have enough empathy for their kids, and enough recall of how fraught the teen years can be to want to do the same. I assume OP is not actually telling her son that he's arrogant, delusional, and average but instead is just seeking anonymous advice on how to help him to stop acting in a way that can come back to haunt him. What's wrong with that?

Because I don't think like you, I can't have high schoolers? Again with the irony.

I do have high schoolers as well as older children, I assure you OP's kid is not an anomaly, and those kids turn out fine, kids with parents like you and tend to have issues down the road.

You can tell what kind of parent I am from two posts on the internet? And you are telling me my children will have issues? And you are acting as if you are superior to both me and the OP?

You are bothe rude , condescending overly defensive and overly involved. That style of parenting leads to overly anxious kids and adults that can't function independently of mom and dad.

As for superiority you were ready to proclaim anyone that didn't agree with your view could not possibly have a high schooler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I have a son who's a junior and this doesn't really sound like stuff they (or their friends) would do. That said, you're need to tone down the harshness if you're going to talk to him about it (which you should!). Absent some sort of gravely unethical/illegal/etc. behavior, I think it's really important that kids know their parents are on their side.

(I say this as the kid whose mom never ever told her when she was doing something dumb or likely to be made fun of by other kids - and I did a lot of that stuff. I went through a several year phase of not brushing my teeth in middle and high school, aka way too old to be not brushing teeth, and I wish my mom would have just told me my breath stunk instead of having to overhear it from kids in my class. Or my phase of bothering my crushes incessantly to get them to like me. My mom was well aware I was doing this, and should have gently told me to knock it off, but no. She chalked it up to normal hormonal preteen/teen girl stuff when very few girls my age were still acting that way. By the time I realized what I creep I was being, I had alienated most of the boys in my grade, lol, and plenty of the girls too...)

Well you could have had my mom who made sure she pointed out every perceived flaw in comparison to my peers much like OP and some pps recommend doing. Which is a great thing to do if you want your child to lose all confidence in themselves, completely turn inward and not discover they are good enough until they are 30 something. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I have a son who's a junior and this doesn't really sound like stuff they (or their friends) would do. That said, you're need to tone down the harshness if you're going to talk to him about it (which you should!). Absent some sort of gravely unethical/illegal/etc. behavior, I think it's really important that kids know their parents are on their side.

(I say this as the kid whose mom never ever told her when she was doing something dumb or likely to be made fun of by other kids - and I did a lot of that stuff. I went through a several year phase of not brushing my teeth in middle and high school, aka way too old to be not brushing teeth, and I wish my mom would have just told me my breath stunk instead of having to overhear it from kids in my class. Or my phase of bothering my crushes incessantly to get them to like me. My mom was well aware I was doing this, and should have gently told me to knock it off, but no. She chalked it up to normal hormonal preteen/teen girl stuff when very few girls my age were still acting that way. By the time I realized what I creep I was being, I had alienated most of the boys in my grade, lol, and plenty of the girls too...)

Well you could have had my mom who made sure she pointed out every perceived flaw in comparison to my peers much like OP and some pps recommend doing. Which is a great thing to do if you want your child to lose all confidence in themselves, completely turn inward and not discover they are good enough until they are 30 something. YMMV.

All things in moderation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I have a son who's a junior and this doesn't really sound like stuff they (or their friends) would do. That said, you're need to tone down the harshness if you're going to talk to him about it (which you should!). Absent some sort of gravely unethical/illegal/etc. behavior, I think it's really important that kids know their parents are on their side.

(I say this as the kid whose mom never ever told her when she was doing something dumb or likely to be made fun of by other kids - and I did a lot of that stuff. I went through a several year phase of not brushing my teeth in middle and high school, aka way too old to be not brushing teeth, and I wish my mom would have just told me my breath stunk instead of having to overhear it from kids in my class. Or my phase of bothering my crushes incessantly to get them to like me. My mom was well aware I was doing this, and should have gently told me to knock it off, but no. She chalked it up to normal hormonal preteen/teen girl stuff when very few girls my age were still acting that way. By the time I realized what I creep I was being, I had alienated most of the boys in my grade, lol, and plenty of the girls too...)

Well you could have had my mom who made sure she pointed out every perceived flaw in comparison to my peers much like OP and some pps recommend doing. Which is a great thing to do if you want your child to lose all confidence in themselves, completely turn inward and not discover they are good enough until they are 30 something. YMMV.

You're projecting.

[Anonymous]

It's tough to be average in this area. But average kids might find their groove at George Mason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I have a son who's a junior and this doesn't really sound like stuff they (or their friends) would do. That said, you're need to tone down the harshness if you're going to talk to him about it (which you should!). Absent some sort of gravely unethical/illegal/etc. behavior, I think it's really important that kids know their parents are on their side.

(I say this as the kid whose mom never ever told her when she was doing something dumb or likely to be made fun of by other kids - and I did a lot of that stuff. I went through a several year phase of not brushing my teeth in middle and high school, aka way too old to be not brushing teeth, and I wish my mom would have just told me my breath stunk instead of having to overhear it from kids in my class. Or my phase of bothering my crushes incessantly to get them to like me. My mom was well aware I was doing this, and should have gently told me to knock it off, but no. She chalked it up to normal hormonal preteen/teen girl stuff when very few girls my age were still acting that way. By the time I realized what I creep I was being, I had alienated most of the boys in my grade, lol, and plenty of the girls too...)

Well you could have had my mom who made sure she pointed out every perceived flaw in comparison to my peers much like OP and some pps recommend doing. Which is a great thing to do if you want your child to lose all confidence in themselves, completely turn inward and not discover they are good enough until they are 30 something. YMMV.

You're projecting.

New poster. She's projecting? You feel that, reaching back into your teen years, your mother could have casually schooled you on how not to be obnoxious and you would have accepted that advice and magically been popular AND SHE IS PROJECTING??????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son doesn't have autism.
Your son isn't bipolar or any other disorder.
Your son is like the vast majority of 17/18 year old boys I have met, all of whom grew up into great men.

OP's son sounds nothing like my 17 year old son, who has always been reasonably socially astute. His friends are not like this either. Done some boneheaded things along the way, sure, but they try hard not to do anything that could invite mockery. I'm not clear on why people are getting down on the OP. I think it's a great idea to work with him on these issues before he goes off to college. I'm guessing a lot of you don't have high schoolers?

I also think everyone talking about their clueless DHs would feel some gratitude to a parent who realized their child had a self awareness problem and tried to help him wok on it.

The irony.

Clearly your son doesn't get his maturity and self-awareness from you.

Again, do you have high schoolers?

I certainly don't take credit for my son's personality or the things he's good at, but I have stepped in to help when he or his siblings have started down what seems to be a bad path. I'd hope most parents would have enough empathy for their kids, and enough recall of how fraught the teen years can be to want to do the same. I assume OP is not actually telling her son that he's arrogant, delusional, and average but instead is just seeking anonymous advice on how to help him to stop acting in a way that can come back to haunt him. What's wrong with that?

Because I don't think like you, I can't have high schoolers? Again with the irony.

I do have high schoolers as well as older children, I assure you OP's kid is not an anomaly, and those kids turn out fine, kids with parents like you and tend to have issues down the road.

You can tell what kind of parent I am from two posts on the internet? And you are telling me my children will have issues? And you are acting as if you are superior to both me and the OP?

You are bothe rude , condescending overly defensive and overly involved. That style of parenting leads to overly anxious kids and adults that can't function independently of mom and dad.

As for superiority you were ready to proclaim anyone that didn't agree with your view could not possibly have a high schooler.

Re-read your hostile posts and stop and think for a second whether you are really in a position to be throwing words like the bolded ones around--talk about irony!

You know absolutely nothing about me other than the fact that I applaud OP for trying to address a problem that is likely going to make her son the object of mockery and make it harder for him to build or keep good friendships. That's not micro-managing, and I think it is something any caring parent should be concerned about. I think you are likely projecting your own issues onto this situation, but in any case I don't plan to engage further with you.

[Anonymous]

I'm on Team OP.

And hey, PPs who don't have teens, you are seriously out of line. Hey PP with the younger son, you are right you are not qualified here. It's like having the sweet little tiger cub who overnight turns into a full-grown tiger--it's very different and quite a shock--it actually requires some mourning for the sweet kid you used to have.

There is a book another PP mentioned, Yes Your Teen is Crazy! that helped me tremendously (thank you DCUM).

[Anonymous]

You kid is insecure. Doesn't take five pages to make that point.

Pointing out his failings won't help with that.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP thanks for posting this - I feel the same way with DS who just turned 15. It is crazy and I have a hard time accepting it too. I do hope it passes.

I feel like it is partly self-esteem, partially caused by others commenting on DS and how smart and handsome he is since a very young age, which drives me crazy-it is so damaging for kids to be told this if they are already outgoing, gregarious and socially astute, social media in general, girls who are way more bold these days.

And last but not least, we now have Trump who has ushered in and sadly legitimized all sorts of degrading public behavior which will permeate our society for a long time. DS is definitely exposed online to all of Trump's garbage and as a white teen male can't help but see it as somewhat empowering. UGH!